There in front of Irvine, lay his casket. It was still unburied, with only a clump of dirt across the front. It was cold outside, but the chills that he was getting were not from the weather.
"Unreal..."
Squall squeezed his hand. "I know." It was the same reaction he had to it. Now though, he felt that it must have been his intuition telling him that Irvine wasn't dead. It had all just seemed so wrong. And it was. "You should see the room the service was in."
"Why?" His eyes refused to move from the creepy tombstone. Here rests Irvine Kinneas Sharpshooting Master, Shot straight to Heaven. It was corny. It was sweet. But mostly, it was eerie.
He was alive though, despite what the headstone read. So alive that he could feel the comforting touch of his love. His Squall. How many years he had longed to know Squall as more than a friend? They knew everything about each other. It wasn't like they were getting into anything without a clear view of what things would be like. They would be good.
"They have so many flowers, it's like a garden. White flowers. I don't know why, I guess it's a Seed thing." This had been his first Seed funeral. He hadn't been able to attend any of the Balamb Garden funerals when they had been attacked by the Sorceress and Galbadia. But, he hadn't really been acquainted with them. He would have gone as his duty, but he wouldn't have spared one thought for the color of the decorations.
"White flowers?" asked Irvine his gaze finally turned towards Squall.
"Yeah. And punch. I saw Seifer mixing some alcohol in with it. It was more like a party." It was something that made Squall kind of mad now. Though he hadn't really been thinking about any of it at the time. He expected Irvine to get annoyed too, but instead, the cowboy had that huge lit up grin. What could possibly be going through his head?
"I've got an idea."
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"So, the man kidnapped Irvine?" Zell couldn't believe his ears. How did anyone kidnap a man of that height?
"No..." The child, Cecil, sounded annoyed. "You can't kidnap an adult, he was taken hostage."
'Smart ass kid' thought Seifer. He hated kids. He barely knew how to handle other adults, let alone a precocious child. He needed some more punch, besides, that would give him an excuse to leave the immediate vicinity of the little people. They were in the same room that Irvine's service had taken place in. Kind of weird now.
"The guy was a real wacko, he had all this shit for escaping from the police. He pulled us into this tunnel that he had. It was dark and scary." His voice became quieter and more solemn. "So, he has the gun on Adia and he blows the place up right after he gets Irvine to come down the tunnel with us."
The girl, Adia, wasn't speaking. After she had eaten, she just sat and looked ready to cry. It was amazing that the boy was holding up so well. Who knew what kind of things that man had put them through.
"We got out of the tunnel and it led to some back alley out of the city. He knew the countryside would be safer because Irvine couldn't flag down people to help us."
"So how did he get out of that?" asked Quistis. They had decided that only the three of them should badger the kids for info. They didn't want to frighten the poor things. It was pointless to be trying to pry anything from Irvine's busy lips.
The kid became supremely animated. "Okay, so he took this rock right, like on the first day. It was a big rock. Then the guy says 'I have to take a piss, you fucks stay there!'"
The grownups winced. Cecil was going to need some major parenting after this. He jumped on top of the table, knocking off a tray of snacks. Then, he imitated what the man must have looked like. One arm was holding an imaginary gun, the other hand... "So, he is pissing right? And he keeps the gun on us and he says 'Don't fucking move!'"
Finally Cecil stops imaginary peeing. "And he tries to zip up his pants one handed. It's so complicated that Irvine, who has had his hand back the whole time, lets the rock rip. The man sees the it but 'Bam!', he's too late." With a loud cry, he throws himself off the table. "The man falls over and blood spurts from his forehead. The dead center of his forehead! Not an inch off."
The small crowd doesn't speak. Irvine killed him with a rock? Seifer had gotten back with his punch, though he didn't miss anything. The boy was far too loud to miss.
His story done, he sat back down on the table. "And we walked and walked and walked and it was fucking cold."
"My god. The kid is Zell number two." That story had definitely had a Dincht-style. Though, Seifer was pretty sure that Zell had never sworn like that.
Zell didn't know if he should be annoyed by that or not. Cecil did have a lot of spunk. There wasn't anything wrong with that. Not everyone could be a stick in everyone's butt like Seifer. He laughed to himself. He should have said that to Seifer. Considering the container of unknown alchohol that Seifer had been pulling out of his coat to add to his punch, Zell thought better of it.
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"The dead man has an announcement!" Irvine shouted to his comrades. Squall was attached to him and a crowd had gathered behind him. Headmaster Cid was on Irvine's other side. All three were smiling. "Squall Leonhart has consented to become Squall Kinneas!...Ow. I'm just kidding, it looks like I'm going to be Irvine Leonhart."
Dead silence. What? Wasn't this a little soon? They lived on different continents. They were both men. They did look cute together though. It was like they had a giant heart around them. Feelings were put best by Cecil. "If Irvine wants to marry a man, he can. And if any of you want to stop him, he can kill you with a rock!"
Irvine chuckled. "I don't think I'll need to do that. But don't think I wouldn't. So, whoever came for my funeral and wants to stay and watch my wedding, you're invited. It seems that we have here someone that can perform the ceremony."
All eyes were on headmaster Cid who blushed slightly. "So, let's get this underway."
The crowds came in and took seats. Though, there were a few men who didn't join in, they actually left. Irvine had no use for them anyway. The only one left standing in the doorway, was Laguna Loire.
"If anyone is going to marry my son, it's me!" hollered Laguna. The crowd gawked. "I mean, um, you know, marry Irvine and my son..."
Hard to be proud of a father like that. "Dad, you don't have a license." He pulled Irvine's hand so they could walk towards Laguna.
Laguna smiled really big. "Oh yes I do! Being mayor of...Esthar!" The way he said it made it sound like he had just remembered it.
Squall looked at the man that he would be marrying. In the quietest voice he could manage, he whispered, "I don't think Laguna should marry us."
Irvine grinned at him. "Afraid you might end up married to a potted plant? How could he mess it up?"
"Don't ask." Squall had never been very superstitious, but mentioning the things that could go wrong seemed like it would jinx them. He wished he had a lucky rabbit's foot or something. "Okay Laguna, you can marry us, but if I end up married to anyone else here besides Irvine, I'll..."
"Well, what are we waiting for then? Come on you two! I need the best man and the maid of honor!"
Quistis and Selphie, lacking any dignity, rushed forward with nudging elbows. "Me!" they both yelled. Squall shrugged. They could both be the maid of honor for all he cared. He just wanted to have Irvine. Sharing a room with all these people, originally so full of sadness, and now happy and confused, made what they were doing seem even more odd than it would have been normally. Here is my husband, we got married right after his funeral.
Seifer, who always knew everyone's insecurities, stepped in front of the two maid of honors. "Hey Necrophiliac, I'll be your best man so that you don't have to have Zell."
Zell growled. "You had two maids of honor..." he pointed out to Squall.
"And you want to be the third?" Seifer was feeling the effects of the alcohol and couldn't realize now wasn't an appropriate time to rib Zell. Of course, he never knew that anyway.
Irvine ended the dispute before there was violence at his funeral/wedding. "Okay, two best men and two maids of honor. Laguna will be the minister or whatever. And Squall and I will get married."
Their hands were entwined nicely, but Squall moved it slightly so that one finger brushed the inside of Irvine's palm. Hmmm, that was nice. On to the honeymoon! 'Marriage first' he reminded himself. But that little touch had reminded him of some of the thoughts he had had about Squall over the years. He felt loved and horny as they walked to the front of the room where his casket had been. This just got stranger.
Seifer stood beside Zell. He wasn't going to fight Zell for the spot closest to the couple. Who wanted to see two men getting married anyway? Especially Irvine and Squall. He had seen them nearly every day of his life, why would he need to see them making out now? Oh, he was a little tipsy, he had to admit. And he was hot.
"Dearly beloved..." began Laguna. Squall gulped. "We are gathered here today to witness the union of Irvine Kinneas and Squall Leonhart."
Squall exhaled. Okay, he hadn't said potted plant. They were pretty good to go. He still listened intently, waiting for a mistake.
Irvine was beginning to regret letting Laguna play priest. Squall was so focused on the words, he wasn't even noticing his soon to be husband. He squeezed Squall's hands tightly and smiled at him. There was a slight flicker of attention and love, but soon Squall's eyes became vacant again. Irvine smiled. No problem. He leaned down a bit and pecked Squall's lips. He gave Laguna credit for not pausing in his recitations.
Irvine... He hadn't been thinking about Irvine. Here he was, alive and beautiful. And his.
"Do you, Squall Leonhart, take Irvine Kinneas to be your lawfully wedded husband, til death do you part?"
The important part. Deep brown eyes tattooed with affection stared back at him. "I...do."
"And do you, Irvine Kinneas, take my son, Squall Leonhart, to be your lawfully wedded husband, til death do you part?"
"I do for a lot longer than that," said Irvine happily. Afterall, they were still in his funeral spot.
"Well, since you've already kissed the groom, I now pronounce you husband and husband."
A cheer went up throughout the room. A happy crowd that had seen too much sadness flooded with emotions and noise.
And now it was time to get Irvine some food and rest. He had been walking for two days afterall. But, the party didn't die down after the two left for some temporary quarters in the Garden. It would rage all night for the couple that very almost had never been.
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"And I was thinking, damn, he looks good with his shirt off."
The stench and the degradation of it all. To be hit on by his drunken rival was too much. "You are drunk Seifer, and an idiot on top of that." His fists were balled. They were out in the hallway leading back to the dorms. It was quiet enough, that if he wanted to take out Seifer and leave him there as a drunken beat up lump, he could do so.
"I know I'm drunk, but how do you account for all those times I think about you when I'm not drunk?" he demanded, voice raised.
"Horny jerk nature." Zell turned to leave the miserable bastard by himself. Imagine the nerve of him. Pissing Zell off daily, just to have Seifer tell him that he had fantasies! Well, there was no way that Zell was going to share a drunked one night stand with that jerk. No matter how nice of a body he had, or how good he had looked today in his all black outfit. He had his pride afterall.
Seifer surprised both of them by grabbing Zell's arm. "No, I know I'm being a jerk doing this now. But, Squall almost didn't get to tell Irvine."
Zell's eyes were wide open now. What? Seifer was so drunk that he thought... "Oh hell no Seifer. You don't love me! You hate me! It's why you go out of your way to insult me everyday!"
It was very understood that whatever Seifer said next would result in getting punched. It didn't matter what he would say. Zell was very pissed off. Seifer was very drunk, and saying things he was already wishing he hadn't. But, he figured, if he was going to get punched anyway... "I love you Zell!"
And there was a punch. Right to the stomach. Seifer slid down to the ground, using the wall to cushion him. It hurt.
"I've been thinking about what it'd be like to kiss you for years."
Zell was horrified. He knew that it wasn't true. It would be too good if it were true. Too nice to have the kind of love that Squall and Irvine had. He would always settle for being the Best Man and he had gotten used to that fact. He wanted Seifer to stop hurting him, so he hurt Seifer. He slapped the top of his head. "Shutup!"
"I know that we need some time to date and stuff. Couldn't get married right away. But, I saw them be gay and if they can, we can too right?"
He wouldn't hit Seifer anymore. It wasn't right. Sure he was a drunken bastard who was making Zell's emotions flit around like moths on acid, but he didn't deserve to be hit. On the other hand, he didn't deserve to be held. And that was what Zell was now doing to him. "You're hurting my feelings Seifer, please stop." He cradled the taller man and pressed his lips against his head.
The clouded, silly eyes of Seifer pleaded with him. "Wanna be my boyfriend?"
Zell laughed a little, with a tear biting his eyelid. "Ask me in the morning."
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Sober now: "Wanna be my boyfriend?"
"Yeah, I do."
And that is how all the girls of Balamb garden got screwed over. All the hottest guys taken by all the other hottest guys.
But Squall and Irvine were happy. It was good that Galbadia garden now had a gunblade specialist. They had needed one. Of course, once Adia was old enough, she might become one as well. Cecil had to take after his more (in his eyes) heroic dad. It was the gun or nothing for him. Though both fathers had been reluctant to let that boy anywhere near guns. They were hoping if he spent more time around Uncle Zell, he would want to learn martial arts instead. At least then he wouldn't be able to kill a man long-distance.
Zell did visit too much though, according to Seifer, Balamb's new headmaster. He was always so busy, he never had time to join his fiancee. That was okay by him anyway, since he hated kids so much. Especially kids that acted like Zell. One overactive violent loudmouth was enough. When Zell did go away, he fretted and worried until he was safe in his arms again. It made him want to forbid Zell from leaving Garden.
Another family picnic. The day was warm and friendly as they tended to be during the non-winter months in Galbadia.
"Hey Irvine, I love you."
"Love you too Squall." said Irvine contendedly. Then in a loud, irritated voice, "Kids stop walking on my headstone!"
