DISCLAIMER: None of these characters belong to me, except for Hostiledude. They all belong to their owners (duh). I own all of the situations that they are put into in this fic and if anyone decides to steal it and post it as their work, they will sonn feel my Dark Scimitar stabbing through their back and out their heart. This work is pretty fucked up, so I can't be blamed for any permanent brain damage resulting from this. Anyone messing with this text will die a painful, painful death... remember that!!! WARNING: This fic contains adult language, graphic violence, sexual content, and a few other minor things. If you love the characters in FF7 and would hate to see anything bad happen to them, I suggest you leave right now. If you hate Yuffie for some reason or another, I suggest you leave now. NOTE: I am the great Supreme Imperial Kaiser Knight Templar Warrior Mage Exalted Overlord Hostiledude and all shall bow down before me or they will die... The MHC *will* rule the world and anyone who opposes is merely prolonging the inevitable... NOTE2: Please send any comments, complaints, or hate mail to hostiledude666@hotmail.com (Yes, hate mail is appreciated!) That will be all... Now to the story... ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The FF7+ Trilogy: The Mind Warping Journey Part II

[All the FF7 characters and a few other people were in the living room, discussing the events which took place earlier that week.]

Tifa: That was horrible! I ended up getting slaughtered by Hostiledude! Aeris: At least he brought us back. Vincent: I don't know... I had a great time! Cid: Damn straight! Barret: I pity da' foo' who didn't enjoy dat!!! Sephiroth: Enjoy what? Yuffie: Yeah, we're the ones who had a good time! Cait: I didn't need to hear that...

[Everybody turns around to see their old friend, Cait Sith.]

Cait: I was in the section of the audience that Hostiledude missed! And guess what I saw? Cloud: What? Cait: I saw Barret peeking into the janitor closet after the show! Yuffie: What!? How dare you, you *&^%ing hentai!!! [equips her conformer] Barret: [equips his Missing Score] Hey, lighten up a little! Sephiroth: [equips his Masamune] You're going to pay!

[Yuffie throws her Conformer, slaying Barret, and splashing blood against the walls.]

Aeris: Dammit! Now I have to repaint the walls! Cloud: Don't worry! We'll handle it. Yuffie: He deserved it... [puts away her Conformer] Sephiroth: Damn straight!

[Later that day, the characters had all the equipment they needed to repaint the walls. The ones doing the repainting were Cid, Vincent, Cloud, Sephiroth, Yuffie, and Tifa.]

Cid: Watch this, Vince! [Sneaks up behind Cloud and splatters him with paint, then jumps to the side so that Cloud thought Tifa did it.] Cloud: Watch where you're painting, Tifa! Tifa: What did I do wrong? Cloud: You splattered me with paint! Tifa: I did not! Cloud: Quit with your lies, wench! Tifa: Shut the *&$& up! [punches the ladder he's on so he goes crashing to the ground] Cloud: What the hell is wrong with you!?

[Sephiroth was on the western wall, painting five times as fast as anyone else with his superhuman strength. Yuffie and Vincent were on the southern wall. Vincent was currently in his Hellmasker form so he could paint faster. Cid was on the northern wall, mostly making stupid comments and messing everyone else up. Cloud and Tifa were on the eastern wall, pissed off at each other because of Cid's little stunt.]

Yuffie: [sneaks away from her wall] Hey, Sephy. You want to sneak off and do something a little more... fun? Sephiroth: When I'm done doing this wall, I'll come with you for sure, but I've got to finish this before I do anything else.

[In a few more seconds, Sephiroth finished with his wall and snuck off to Yuffie's bedroom with her.]

Cid: Wish I was Sephiroth... Hostiledude: You want to become Sephiroth, eh? Cid: No, I just want a girl really... Hostiledude: Your wish is my lunch... erm.. command!

[Suddenly somebody who looks exactly like Yuffie, except with brown hair and an alternate costume appeared and started kissing Cid.]

Cid: Damn straight! Hostiledude: My finest creation! I call her PseudoYuffie! Cid: Sweet!

[Everyone turns around to see that Cid is with Yuffie (or someone who looks incredibly like her).]

Cloud: Sephiroth is going to kill you... Cid: I'm not scared of him! PseudoYuffie: Don't worry, I'm not Yuffie! I'm PseudoYuffie, a creation of Hostiledude. I was created to be Cid's girlfriend. Tifa: Cid, you loser! You can't get your own girlfriend!

[Chrono walked in with Marle.]

Chrono: You loser! [points at Cid] Haha! (Nelson laugh) Marle: You're a loser! Cid: [kills them both with Ultima] Weakling children!

[Magus walks in.]

Magus: What the hell were you thinking? Now how will I make a living?! Cid: FFVII sold more copies than Chrono Trigger anyway! Magus: Feel the wrath of my Dark Matter! Hostiledude: Magus, just leave... I can't have you killing off all my characters... Magus: I suppose that's your job, eh? Hostiledude: Damn straight!

[Magus walks out of the room.]

PseudoYuffie: [kisses Cid passionately] chaos... Cid: Wha'? Tifa: Time to see what Yuffie thinks about your new girlfriend, Cid.

[Yuffie and Sephiroth both walk into the room, looking like they dressed hastily.]

Yuffie: What the hell is THAT???!!! [points at PseudoYuffie] PseudoYuffie: I am PseudoYuffie, Cid's girlfriend. Sephiroth: [wielding his Masamune] You are one *#^%ed up old man! Cid: Oh yeah!? I will destroy you!

[Cid lunges forward at Sephiroth but is cleaved in two by the Masamune. Yuffie quickly hurls her Conformer at PseudoYuffie, causing Hostiledude's creation to explode.] [Aeris, while cooking dinner, hears a massive explosion from the other room.]

Aeris: How did they manage to cause an explosion while they were repainting a room?

[Aeris walks into the living room to see that the walls were all blackened by the explosion, and everyone except for Yuffie and Sephiroth were either dead or unconscious.]

Aeris: Now what did you two do? Sephiroth: We don't have time for your lecture... Yuffie: Yeah, we need to go to my room to get some se... sleep! Aeris: Oh, just get out of here! Now I'll have to paint the entire room myself...

[Suddenly Sephiroth cleaves off Aeris' head.]

Sephiroth: Haha! I've killed her in both parts of the trilogy so far! Now I only have to go for the third one!

[Him and Yuffie go to Yuffie's room.]

Cloud: [getting up] No! That bastard killed Aeris again! Cait: [walks into the room] Where's Sephiroth? Cloud: He's most likely having sex with Yuffie. Cait: Well, I probably don't want to go in there then... Hostiledude: I'm rich because of the first time this happened! Cloud: Yeah, last time he caught them on tape and sold it on E-Bay...

[Magus walks in once again. Tifa gets up off the floor.]

Magus: Now that that damned Cid killed Chrono there's nothing for me to do? Cait: But can't you just take over the world whenever you want now? Magus: But what's the fun of it if nobody presents a reasonable challenge? Tifa: I'll never understand you villains... Cloud: Yeah, why would anyone want to have sex with Yuffie?

[Suddenly Pope McBibley runs in.]

Pope: Everybody wants to have sex with Yuffie except for you, you gay-assed mother%$#@er! Cloud: I'm not gay... Pope: Shut up! [recites an incantation and lightning falls from the sky and hits Cloud 777 times, slaying him effortlessly.] Hostiledude: Go, Pope! [revives Cid]

[Cid looks around for a minute.]

Cid: Where's PseudoYuffie? Tifa: Yuffie killed her right after Sephiroth killed you. Cid: No! How can I go on!? Pope: Perhaps you could steal the real Yuffie from Sephiroth... Then you could have all the hot sex you want! Cid: I could give it a try...

[Suddenly Pope's robes turned black, his pope hat disappeared, he grew evil-looking black horns from his head, and Demonic wings sprouted from his back, radiating infernal energy.]

Pope: I must leave now... You should give that idea a try. Tifa: You *%$)ing hentai! You need to start thinking about something other than sex! Pope: Shut up... [raises his arms and flaming corpses fall from the sky, smiting Tifa in one hit]

[Pope flies away on his Demonic wings.]

Cid: There goes one screwed up man... Barret: [somehow revived] Hey, Yuffie's stripping again! It's your turn to get the popcorn, Vince! Vincent: Alright!!!

=============================================================== And that's how the FFVII characters did at repainting the house!!! Yes, they *did* end by watching Yuffie strip once again... and yes, I did revive them all once again... and yes, I *did* tape it this time as well and used it to blackmail Sephiroth. And yes, the names were kept the same so as not to protect anyone. Yes, after the fic ended I *did* take over Sephiroth's body and do "Mr. Nasty Time" with Yuffie (not really) ===============================================================