It was just one of those days, where I needed some time alone. No one really understands why I need some alone time. I feel
so…constrained. I need room to breathe, and grow. I can't do that when everyone's watching. I'm not scared to take a risk, and I'm definitely
not scared of what people think of me. I just really want to be by myself. Think some things through. And I know exactly where I want to go, to my
parents.
Hi Mom, Hi Dad. Mom I wanted to let you know that I heard your graduation speech, and I really want to tell you that I hope I can live up to your hopes mom. You felt what I'm feeling now and look how you turned out. You have dad with you, this person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. I'm not sure if I've found that. I thought I had, with Whitney, but suddenly things have been changing. I'm seeing a little more clearly now. I'm seeing. I thought I had all the answers about my life, but I never realized I could be so wrong. I wanted to live up to your dreams Mom, but it turns out they weren't your dreams at all. And what really scares me is, I've been wanting to live up to your dreams for so long, I don't even know what mine are. And I think I need to find them, but it's hard. I don't even know where to begin. I wish you were here, so you could tell me where to look. My heart? My head? Where am I going to find my hopes and dreams? Oh mom, I wish you were here. You could help me. You could guide me. You could hold me.
And I fell on their grave in sad, heartfelt tears. When I got up, it was already afternoon. I had many more things to do, but I wasn't sure what they were. But I had this feeling so I did what I thought was appropriate, I felt. I never really understood what people meant by that, lead with your heart. I always thought it was some sort of saying, but I tried it. And the next thing I knew, I was at the fortress of solitude.
What could I be doing here? I barely even know Clark. We've lived a mile apart and I've never felt any need to come here. Why now? What makes now any different? I guess that's what I was here to find out.
"Lana? What are you doing here?"
"You know Clark I'm not really sure."
"Well I can't say I'm not glad. So…"
The conversation dwindled; I really wasn't sure what to do. Was I supposed to just be here and not do anything? I couldn't figure it out. My heart apparently wanted to be here, but why? Clark and I were just friends. That's all we ever were and all we'll ever be, but I didn't know what to do. At all. So we just sort of stood there, both not sure of what to do.
"I don't know why you're here Lana. Would it be okay if I asked why?"
"You know, today was supposed to be a day for me, by myself in peace and quiet. I went to talk to my parents again and I realized I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Some kids have it all planned out and some don't even care. They just live by the moment. I wish I could live like that, but I can't and I hate it. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do, do you ever feel like that Clark?"
"Yeah, I do. A lot. It's as if we were put here for a reason, but we have to find that reason out for ourselves, and if we don't take risks and ask questions, we'll never get answers. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yeah, Clark. I do. And what you've said has really helped. Thanks."
"Sure."
Then something very strange happened. I had this impulse. And like Clark said, if we don't take risks we'd never get answers. And this impulse was really starting to get to me. My heart started to race. My breathing became labored. I didn't know what was happening.
"Lana? Lana? Are you okay?" He sounded worried.
"Yeah, I just…it's nothing."
"Are you sure?" Still, he sounded worried. How sweet.
"Actually Clark, I really need to do something. And I think this is the best way to…
I didn't know what else to say. I just blanked.
"Well whatever it is Lana, you should do it because it seems like you're going to explode if you don't. Whatever it is, just do it beca-"
And I did it. I kissed him. I don't even know where it came from, it just happened. And what surprised me the most was he was responding and what was more astonishing was that I was responding. It was such an electric kiss. I was tingling all over and I couldn't get enough. I just kept kissing him and kissing him and kissing him. I had never felt so alive in my life, I felt like I could kiss him forever. And I did until we pulled apart, breathless.
"Lana that was…"
"Amazing."
I finished his sentence because that's how I felt. And for some reason, I knew that's how he felt. He just nodded. He was as captivated in the kiss as I was until,
"Lana, what about Whitney?"
Oh no. Whitney. I'm in love with him, but our kisses were always tender and sweet, but they were never filled with so much passion. I didn't know what to do. Worry was etched across my face, and he noticed.
"It's okay Lana. I'm sure you didn't mean to do that, but I think you should tell Whitney. So your relationship is still…"
"Honest."
"Yeah, so I guess you'd better go then." He looked crestfallen.
"Yeah, I think I should. I'll see you around Clark."
I turned to walk away, and just as I reached the small steps of his fortress, I turned around and I ran to him. I pulled him to face me. I searched his eyes for some sort of confirmation, and all I could see was hope. That was enough for me, and I kissed him again. I had to make sure, that what I was feeling was real, that Clark and I weren't just friends. It didn't matter to me that Whitney made me feel safe; when I was with Clark…I could be me. And deep down, I knew Clark could keep me safe. He would keep me warm on those cold winter nights. He would be my knight in shining armor.
We pulled apart, breathless once again. And I knew.
"I'll definitely be seeing you around Clark, definitely."
THE END
*Reviews? Good, bad, eh? Well I hope you liked it! Please REVIEW!*
Hi Mom, Hi Dad. Mom I wanted to let you know that I heard your graduation speech, and I really want to tell you that I hope I can live up to your hopes mom. You felt what I'm feeling now and look how you turned out. You have dad with you, this person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. I'm not sure if I've found that. I thought I had, with Whitney, but suddenly things have been changing. I'm seeing a little more clearly now. I'm seeing. I thought I had all the answers about my life, but I never realized I could be so wrong. I wanted to live up to your dreams Mom, but it turns out they weren't your dreams at all. And what really scares me is, I've been wanting to live up to your dreams for so long, I don't even know what mine are. And I think I need to find them, but it's hard. I don't even know where to begin. I wish you were here, so you could tell me where to look. My heart? My head? Where am I going to find my hopes and dreams? Oh mom, I wish you were here. You could help me. You could guide me. You could hold me.
And I fell on their grave in sad, heartfelt tears. When I got up, it was already afternoon. I had many more things to do, but I wasn't sure what they were. But I had this feeling so I did what I thought was appropriate, I felt. I never really understood what people meant by that, lead with your heart. I always thought it was some sort of saying, but I tried it. And the next thing I knew, I was at the fortress of solitude.
What could I be doing here? I barely even know Clark. We've lived a mile apart and I've never felt any need to come here. Why now? What makes now any different? I guess that's what I was here to find out.
"Lana? What are you doing here?"
"You know Clark I'm not really sure."
"Well I can't say I'm not glad. So…"
The conversation dwindled; I really wasn't sure what to do. Was I supposed to just be here and not do anything? I couldn't figure it out. My heart apparently wanted to be here, but why? Clark and I were just friends. That's all we ever were and all we'll ever be, but I didn't know what to do. At all. So we just sort of stood there, both not sure of what to do.
"I don't know why you're here Lana. Would it be okay if I asked why?"
"You know, today was supposed to be a day for me, by myself in peace and quiet. I went to talk to my parents again and I realized I don't even know what I want to do with my life. Some kids have it all planned out and some don't even care. They just live by the moment. I wish I could live like that, but I can't and I hate it. I wish I knew what I was supposed to do, do you ever feel like that Clark?"
"Yeah, I do. A lot. It's as if we were put here for a reason, but we have to find that reason out for ourselves, and if we don't take risks and ask questions, we'll never get answers. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yeah, Clark. I do. And what you've said has really helped. Thanks."
"Sure."
Then something very strange happened. I had this impulse. And like Clark said, if we don't take risks we'd never get answers. And this impulse was really starting to get to me. My heart started to race. My breathing became labored. I didn't know what was happening.
"Lana? Lana? Are you okay?" He sounded worried.
"Yeah, I just…it's nothing."
"Are you sure?" Still, he sounded worried. How sweet.
"Actually Clark, I really need to do something. And I think this is the best way to…
I didn't know what else to say. I just blanked.
"Well whatever it is Lana, you should do it because it seems like you're going to explode if you don't. Whatever it is, just do it beca-"
And I did it. I kissed him. I don't even know where it came from, it just happened. And what surprised me the most was he was responding and what was more astonishing was that I was responding. It was such an electric kiss. I was tingling all over and I couldn't get enough. I just kept kissing him and kissing him and kissing him. I had never felt so alive in my life, I felt like I could kiss him forever. And I did until we pulled apart, breathless.
"Lana that was…"
"Amazing."
I finished his sentence because that's how I felt. And for some reason, I knew that's how he felt. He just nodded. He was as captivated in the kiss as I was until,
"Lana, what about Whitney?"
Oh no. Whitney. I'm in love with him, but our kisses were always tender and sweet, but they were never filled with so much passion. I didn't know what to do. Worry was etched across my face, and he noticed.
"It's okay Lana. I'm sure you didn't mean to do that, but I think you should tell Whitney. So your relationship is still…"
"Honest."
"Yeah, so I guess you'd better go then." He looked crestfallen.
"Yeah, I think I should. I'll see you around Clark."
I turned to walk away, and just as I reached the small steps of his fortress, I turned around and I ran to him. I pulled him to face me. I searched his eyes for some sort of confirmation, and all I could see was hope. That was enough for me, and I kissed him again. I had to make sure, that what I was feeling was real, that Clark and I weren't just friends. It didn't matter to me that Whitney made me feel safe; when I was with Clark…I could be me. And deep down, I knew Clark could keep me safe. He would keep me warm on those cold winter nights. He would be my knight in shining armor.
We pulled apart, breathless once again. And I knew.
"I'll definitely be seeing you around Clark, definitely."
THE END
*Reviews? Good, bad, eh? Well I hope you liked it! Please REVIEW!*
