A Very Odd Couple VII
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Downstairs in the E.R. Dave was one of the topics of conversation.
"So if Dave was already upstairs in the O.R." said Haleh. "Then who was Dr Weaver working on?"
"According to Al, it may have been the guy who beat up and robbed Dave," said Lydia. "I mean he did have his wallet and when they checked out the bike, or what was left of it, it was the same one Malucci rides."
"But how could Weaver have mistaken him for Malucci?" asked Chuny. "I mean, I know his face was a mess, but I helped clean him up afterwards, and there's no way anyone could think that scrawny body belonged to Dave."
"And you would know that how, exactly?" asked Haleh with a wicked grin.
"I'd say Weaver was just so freaked out when she found Malucci's I.D. that she just wasn't thinking straight," said Lydia. "I mean we all know she has a soft-spot for him."
"Catch her ever admitting it," said Chuny.
"Have all the patients in this hospital suddenly gotten better and gone home?" asked Kerry with a frown as she came up to the reception desk and saw the nurses hanging around.
"Not that I know of," said Haleh.
"Then why are you all standing around gossiping?"
"We're going," said Lydia as they dispersed.
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Luka looked over at Dave, surprised by the lack of reaction to his last comment. He smiled as he realized that Dave had fallen asleep. He knew that this would probably be the pattern for the next few days. With all the drugs that had been pumped into Dave's body in the past twenty-four hours it was surprising that he had managed to stay awake and alert as long as he had. Luka settled himself more comfortably in the chair. Dave was not the only one feeling tired. Knowing that yet another person that he cared about was lying in a hospital bed had made it impossible for him to get much rest back at the house.
He jumped in alarm as he felt a hand touching him on his shoulder. Chris took a hasty step back.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to startle you." She was taken aback by the wary look in his eyes.
"It is all right," said Luka, shaking his head to clear it. "I was just not expecting your return so quickly."
Chris checked her watch. "I've been gone over an hour. I took a quick tour of the hospital" She took a closer look at Luka. "You look exhausted. Did you get any sleep back at the house?"
"Not really," admitted Luka trying to stifle a yawn. He also looked at his watch. "I must go. It is nearly time for my shift in the ER."
"Well it didn't look too busy when I was there. Maybe you can catch a few hours sleep."
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When he was gone, Chris settled herself on the chair. Pulling a book from her bag she started to read, keeping an eye on Dave to see if he had woken.
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Dave balanced precariously on his bike, and punched his pin number into the ATM.
"Let's see," he thought to himself. "Fifty bucks should be enough for beer, pizza, and videos." Retrieving his money and card, he replaced his wallet and turned to go. Blocking his path were two youths, one carrying a baseball bat.
"Give us your watch and wallet," ordered the bigger of the two.
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Chris glanced up as Dave's heart monitor started beeping more rapidly. Dave's eyelids were flickering, his right hand was clenched in a fist, and his respiration was becoming more ragged. Concerned, she stood up for a closer look.
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"Give us your watch and wallet," ordered the bigger of the two.
"Hell no," said Dave as he suddenly rode straight towards them. The baseball bat connected with his arm with a sickening thud. Dave found himself on the ground unable to move as the pair closed in.
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Chris was getting worried by now. Dave was shuddering violently, and his whole body was coated in sweat. She grabbed his right arm and put her other hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. "Dave wake up," she said.
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Dave could feel someone holding him down as he was kicked in the back. He lashed out frantically trying to free himself.
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Chris stumbled back as Dave caught her a glancing blow in the cheek with his casted arm. Recovering quickly she grabbed Dave's arms and forced them down to the mattress. "Dave, it's all right," she said reassuringly. "You're safe now."
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Dave could hear the words, but all he could see was a figure with a bat, bringing it crashing down on his body again and again. "No," he screamed trying to curl into a ball to protect himself.
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"What's going on?" asked Iris, the nurse in charge of the ICU.
"He's having some kind of nightmare, but I can't wake him." Chris thought quickly.
"Get me .5 of Haldol," she instructed the nurse as she struggled with Dave. In spite of his injuries, he still had sufficient strength and determination to resist her effort to calm him.
"You don't have the authority to give him that."
"Then page someone who does," snapped back Chris impatiently. In spite of her efforts, Dave had already ripped out his IV and was in real danger of dislodging the chest tube. Finally after what seemed like hours, but was really only a couple of minutes, Elizabeth arrived in the ICU. Quickly assessing the situation, she administered the Haldol and assisted Chris in restraining Dave until it took effect.
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Dave tried to continue struggling but it was no use. With a final moan, he gave in to the blackness that engulfed him.
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Once she was sure that Dave was safely sedated, Chris stepped back from the bed, shaking.
"Iris, get a portable x-ray up here," ordered Elizabeth. "I need to see if the chest tube has been displaced."
Wordlessly Chris stepped back to the bed and attempted to reinsert Dave's IV.
"The nurse will do that," said Elizabeth, noticing her actions.
"I can manage," replied Chris quietly as she deftly found a vein.
Once the chest film was taken Elizabeth turned to Iris, "get some soft restraints, please."
"You can't tie him up like an animal," objected Chris. "Hasn't he been through enough already?"
"I don't see that there is any alternative," replied Elizabeth quietly. "This time he was fortunate not to cause himself any major damage. The next time he may not be so lucky."
"There may not be a next time."
Elizabeth sighed, "Doctor Malucci," she said, emphasizing the word 'doctor'. "We have a patient here, who is recovering from major surgery, and needs to be kept relatively immobile, to prevent aggravating his injuries. He's just had a psychotic incident, which required the two of us to restrain him, and he's assaulted you during the course of that incident."
"It was an accident. He didn't know who I was."
"Precisely. If this was a patient in your care, what would you do?"
Chris sighed. "I'd order restraints," she said dejectedly.
Elizabeth put her hand on Chris's shoulder. "I would rather not have to order this, but it is for his own good."
Chris knew that medically speaking Elizabeth was correct, but the thought of Dave being tied up... "Can't you wait a while, at least until the sedation wears off? Maybe he'll be less agitated when he comes round."
Elizabeth considered the possibility. All Malucci's tests had shown no organic reason for an incident of this nature. As Chris had suggested, a nightmare, was a possible cause. Finally she said, "all right. I won't have him restrained. But if he has another episode, if he shows the slightest trace of panic, I want him in restraints immediately. Do you understand?"
"I understand. And thank you Dr Corday."
Elizabeth left and Chris was left alone to watch and wait, praying that Dave would wake up his normal self, and not the panic-stricken, disoriented person he had been earlier. The touch of a hand on her shoulder startled her out of her reverie. "Luka," she said in surprise.
"Dr Corday told me what happened. Why didn't you page me?" he asked almost accusingly. "I should have been here."
"I didn't think, it all happened so fast, I'm sorry," said Chris.
Luka pulled up a chair and sat down next to Chris. "How is he?"
"Still under from the drugs. With all the stuff in his system, there's no way of knowing when he'll come to. All we can do is wait and see what happens." Standing abruptly, she began to pace back and forth. "I just can't stand it," she said.
"It is never easy to just watch and wait over someone you care about."
Something in his voice made Chris stop her pacing. "You've been here before," she said with a sudden flash of insight. "I mean not here, but you've sat in vigil in an ICU before."
Luka nodded sadly as Chris sat down beside him. "Who was it," she asked.
Luka sighed, "It was my wife."
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"No, no. It was during the war. I had left my wife and children in our apartment while I went out to get food. I heard the shells, and by the time I returned the building was a pile of rubble. Maria had tried to shield Marko and Jasna from the blast. They were barely scratched, but she..." Luka's voice trailed off as he remembered the scene that had greeted him on his arrival.
Chris gently squeezed his hand, "I am so sorry," she said.
Luka pulled himself together and continued as if she hadn't spoken, "She was taken to the hospital. I sat with her for hours, but there was nothing the doctors could do. She...she died without ever regaining consciousness. When I took Marko and Jasna in to say goodbye, she looked so beautiful. As if she was sleeping."
This confused Chris. Dave had told her that Luka had lost his family in the war, but she had assumed that they were all killed in the one incident. But Luka hadn't finished with the horror. "Afterwards, my children, the doctors said it would be best if they were taken to the children's home on the edge of the town. They said they would be safer there. I had no home to take them to, so I agreed. It was only supposed to be for a few days, a week at most until I found somewhere for us to live. Then.... a few days later, the children's home was attacked. My children, my beautiful children were killed."
"Oh my God," said Chris; shocked that anyone could have been put through such an ordeal. It made her own troubles seem miniscule by comparison.
"I should never have let them be taken," said Luka
"You had no way of knowing. You did what you could to ensure your safety, what any father would have done."
"It does not make it any easier when I lie awake at night."
There were no words that Chris could say to ease his torment. She settled for taking his hands in hers and holding them gently.
They sat like that for a while until a low moan alerted them to the fact that Dave was regaining consciousness.
Dave moaned softly. His head was aching, and his chest felt like someone was sitting on it. His eyes flickered open and he saw Chris and Luka standing over him looking concerned. "What's happening," he slurred. He tried again. "What's-going-on," he articulated slowly. His eyes widened as he saw the bruise starting to form on Chris's face. "You're hurt?" he managed to say.
"You should see the other guy," said Chris automatically, smiling at Dave. He frowned in confusion. "It's all right. How do you feel?"
"Ugh, terrible," groaned Dave.
"Dave, what's the last thing you remember?" asked Luka.
"Talking to you, and then I was at the ATM...." Dave stopped in shock as he realized what he had said. He tried to concentrate, but his mind was all fuzzy. "There were two guys...." His voice trailed off as he remembered their faces, cold and hard staring at him. He shuddered. "I'm sorry, it's all blurred."
"It doesn't matter," said Chris taking his hand in hers. "What matters is that you're safe now, and I'm going to take good care of you."
Luka put his hand on top of Chris's, "We're going to take good care of you."
Dave wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but he knew that with Chris and Luka watching over him, that things were going to be all right.
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It was a few days later. Dave had been moved out of the ICU. Chris had decided reluctantly, that it was time she returned to Milwaukee.
She sat on the side of Dave's bed idly fiddling with her backpack. "I hate having to leave you like this."
"I'll be fine," assured Dave. "I mean the chest tube is out, there's no sign of any complications, I'm going to be all right."
"I know," sighed Chris. "I know that medically speaking, my being here is having no effect, but still."
Dave reached out and took her hand. "Hey, you being here has made a difference. Without you and Luka, I'd have gone crazy being stuck in the ICU."
"You mean crazier than usual?" asked Chris with a smile. "Yeah, Luka's been a good friend to you, to both of us, these past few days."
"Anyway," she continued, looking at her watch. "It's time I was going, if I'm going to catch my train." Leaning forward, she gave Dave a warm hug. "You take care of yourself, and I'll be back in a few days."
"I'll be here."
With a smile Chris was gone. Once she was out of the room, Dave lay back against the pillows, the smile fading from his face. In spite of his assurances to Chris, and to Luka, he was not feeling all right. Physically, he still tired easily. Dr Corday had assured him that this was perfectly normal, and that given time he would recover his strength. But sometimes, especially when he was alone at night, he wondered if she was telling him the whole truth. And as for emotionally, well, he hadn't had any more incidents like the one in the ICU, but his sleep was still being disturbed by unsettling dreams. He supposed that he should talk to the shrink like the chief had suggested, but there was something about trying to explain his feelings to someone, that he just didn't like. He sighed heavily. And now Chris was going back to Milwaukee. He knew that she had a job to go to, but even though it was selfish of him, he wished that she'd been able to stay longer. Still, at least she'd be back in a couple of days, and Corday had said that he could be released by next week. Once he was back in his own home, things would be better. They had to be.
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Chris stood at the train station, Luka by her side.
"You have everything?" he asked her. "Ticket, handbag?"
"Keys, cell phone, your phone numbers, your pager number. You have mine?"
"Of course. And I will let you know if anything happens."
"Thank-you Luka. I really appreciate all you've done for Dave."
"I am just glad that he appears to be recovering so well." Luka paused for a minute. "I would have wished that the circumstances be otherwise, but I am glad to have met you."
"And I you." Chris listened for a moment as an almost unintelligible announcement was made over the speakers. "That's me. I'd better go." Impulsively she reached up and put her arms around Luka. Giving him a warm hug, she whispered in his ear, "Goodbye, and thank you for everything."
Taken aback by her sudden gesture, Luka was unsure how to respond. Returning her hug, he said, "I will take care of Dave for you until you return."
"I know you will."
Chris grabbed her bag and headed for the platform without a backwards glance. Luka watched her until she had vanished into the crowd. Suddenly he felt a lot better than he had for a while.
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A very odd couple part VIII
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John Carter stood looking at the doors to the ER for several minutes. On his earlier visits to County, he had avoided the ER completely, but today he was going to face his colleagues. He finally summoned up the nerve to go in.
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Kerry was reviewing charts in the lounge when John walked in. It had taken him half an hour to travel the short distance, because everyone he met wanted to ask how he was, and when he was coming back to work.
Kerry looked up when she heard the door. A smile lit up her face and she said, "John! What are you doing here? I thought you weren't starting for another few days?"
"I decided to come in early, so that I could get all the hello's out of the way before I started work."
"I'm glad you did. I wanted to have a talk to you in private."
"So what's the story around here? I mean how many people know about my 'problem'?"
John spoke lightly, but he was concerned about what people were thinking. So far no one had mentioned anything to him, but he was worried about what was being said behind his back. He wasn't going to lie anymore, but the less people that knew about his struggle with addiction, the better.
"Only a few people know that you've been in Rehab. Everyone who was at your 'intervention' was told, as well as the ER attendings. And Romano of course."
"Yeah, I've already spoken to him," said John unenthusiastically.
"How are you planning to handle it, if or should I say when word gets out?"
"Well I'm not going to lie about it. I've done enough of that already. I'm only surprised that the nurses don't know already."
"The nurses may suspect, but as far as I know, nobody has the real story. There have been rumors of course."
"Of course. I bet Malucci alone has started a dozen of them."
John noticed Kerry's frown at the mention of Dave.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Dave was attacked and beaten up last week. He's only just out of intensive care."
"Oh my god, that's terrible. How is he?"
At this point Luka walked in.
"Here's the person to answer that," said Kerry.
Luka was surprised to see Carter in the lounge.
"Dr Carter," he said. "Welcome back."
"Thanks," replied John. "Dr Weaver was just telling me about Dave. How is he?"
"He is doing very well. Dr Corday has moved him out of the ICU, and she says I will be able to bring him home soon."
John raised his eyebrows at this comment.
"Dave moved in with Luka a few months ago," explained Kerry.
"I must go and visit him, see how's he doing," said John.
"I think he would appreciate that. He was just complaining, that since he was moved out of the ICU, he doesn't have as many nurses around to pay attention to him."
"Sounds like our Malucci," said Kerry with a smile.
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John had gone upstairs to see Dave leaving Kerry and Luka alone in the lounge. Luka limped wearily over to the couch. Sitting down he leaned back and closed his eyes.
"Do you think Carter will be able to help Dave?" asked Kerry.
"He has to," said Luka grimly. "I do not think I can stand to see Dave in pain for much longer. Oh I know his physical pain is easing. His cuts and bruises are healing. But to see him lying there, pretending that everything is fine." He sighed heavily. "I do not want him to become another John Carter."
Kerry left her charts and moved over to the couch. Sitting down beside Luka she put her hand on his shoulder. "Hey," she said. "Dave has both of us looking out for him, and now Carter. We'll get him the help he needs, even if we have to lock him in a room with half the psych department."
Luka had to smile at the image that presented. The smile faded as he remembered how Dave had looked when he had left him.
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Dave stood in the bathroom attached to his room and let his gown slip off his shoulders. He winced at the sight of the bruises that were only now starting to fade. He didn't need to turn around to know that the pattern was repeated on his back. The bruising seemed to be more concentrated in and around his ribs, broken only by the white patch of the bandage on his side, which covered the incision made for the chest-tube. Dave could see clearly in his minds eye exactly how the wound had looked the last time the dressings had been changed. A wave of nausea swept over him as he visualized the neat row of stitches that were holding his insides together. Bending over, he clutched at the basin for support. In, out, in out, he told himself, willing himself not to throw up.
Finally the nausea subsided. The sound of someone calling his name startled Dave. He quickly pulled his gown around him. Holding onto the I.V. stand for support, he painfully limped back to his room. His face lit up when he saw Carter standing there.
"Carter, my man. Long time no see," he said as he limped over to the bed.
"It's been a while all right," replied John, trying to hide his shock at Dave's appearance. He had expected the cast and the bandages. What he hadn't expected was the look in Dave's eyes. It was a look that was all too familiar to John for he had seen it reflected in his mirrors many times since Valentines Day.
Dave carefully climbed back into the bed. "So how the hell are you?"
"Better than you by the looks of things," replied John as he sat down beside Dave's bed. It wasn't an exaggeration. John was shocked at how thin and pale Dave was looking.
Dave touched the stitches on his forehead self-consciously. "Yeah well, at least I'll have some cool scars when these come out."
"Hah, call those scars. You want to see the ones in my back."
"Oh yeah, well feast your eyes on these." Dave pulled up his gown to reveal the bandages on his side. "I had a chest tube in there for a week."
"That's nothing. I had a colostomy for a month."
"I have to wear this cast on my arm for six weeks." Dave waved his arm in John's direction.
John burst out laughing. "Dave, you do know that you've got red polish on your nails."
"That was my sister's doing. I was asleep one day when she turned up to visit. She said she had to do something to keep herself entertained. I'm just lucky that polish was all she was carrying."
"So how are you doing? Seriously, I mean."
"I'm fine," replied Dave quickly. A little too quickly for John's liking. He took a long hard look at Dave. Dave had dark shadows under his eyes, and his smile wasn't as full as it had been a few months ago. But it was the haunted look in his eyes that worried John the most. He chose his next words carefully. He was well aware that if he asked Dave straight out, what was bothering him, that Dave would deny that there was any problem. Just like John himself had pretended that everything was fine until the day of the intervention. In the last few months in Rehab, John had learned more about the Psychological side effects of a serious injury that he had in his entire Psych rotation. He hoped that he could put it to some use in helping Dave. Maybe, just maybe he could steer Dave off the path of self-destruction that he himself had narrowly escaped from.
"You don't look as if you've been getting much rest," commented John. "Have the nurses been making too many demands on your body at night?"
Dave smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "I wish," he said. "No, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. I mean it's not easy to get comfortable when you're wired up to a whole bunch of machines. Still at least I've only got this I.V. left now. Man, when I was in ICU their beeping was driving me crazy."
"The time to worry is when they stop beeping. Some nights I used to lie awake hoping that their rhythm wouldn't change." John paused before continuing. "Of course other nights I'd lie awake because I was afraid to close my eyes."
Dave looked at John curiously. "How come?" he asked finally.
"Because every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Sobriki's face as he stabbed me over and over again."
"You had nightmares too? Why didn't you say anything?" Dave was surprised that Carter had never mentioned it on any of the occasions Dave had visited him. But then Dave had usually been more interested in trying to score with the nurses than getting into deep meaningful conversations.
John noticed Dave's use of the word 'too'. He wasn't really surprised. "I suppose I felt that it would be wrong of me to complain, when I should have been grateful just to be alive. I thought they'd probably just fade away in time. I didn't want people thinking that I couldn't handle something as simple as a few nightmares."
Dave was silent while he contemplated what Carter had said.
John watched his reaction. "So what do you see in your nightmares?" he asked softly.
"I see two men, the guys who attacked me. I see the baseball bat crashing down again and again...." Dave's voice trailed off and he looked away.
"And?" prompted John.
"I can hear myself screaming at them, begging them to stop." Dave looked back at John, who was shocked to see his eyes fill with tears. "I.... I tried to fight back...to grab the bat...but they.... they broke my arm.... I tried to fight.... I did try to fight.... but they were too strong.... I did try..." Dave's voice cracked as he tried to continue. "All I could do was beg them to stop, but they wouldn't. They wouldn't stop. They just wouldn't stop." The tears were rolling freely down Dave's face now.
"It's okay Dave," said John helplessly. He had wanted Dave to open up a little, enough that he could persuade him to seek help. He hadn't expected this.
"I was so scared. I thought they were going to kill me. And every time I close my eyes I see them."
John was at a loss for words. Instinctively he sat on the bed beside Dave and put his arms around him. Wordlessly he held him close until Dave's sobs died away.
"It's all right," he said reassuringly. "It's all right."
"It's not all right. It'll never be all right again."
"Yes it will Dave," said John firmly. "You're tough, you're strong. You can get through this."
Dave sighed. "I don't know am I strong enough to do this," he said in a small voice.
"You don't have to do it alone" replied John. "I'll help you and so will Kerry and Luka. You're not alone."
Dave shook his head. "I can't tell them about this. I can't tell anyone. Carter, you won't tell anyone about this. I can't let them know."
"It's okay Dave, I won't tell anyone what's happened here."
Dave relaxed a bit at John's words. The thought of Luka or the chief knowing what a pathetic wreck of a man he had become, was more than he could bear.
John continued, "But I think you should. Not Kerry or Luka if you don't want to. But you should definitely talk to someone in psych about it." Letting go of Dave, John returned to his chair.
Dave sighed. "I dunno. I mean the chief suggested it, but it's hard trying to explain to other people how I'm feeling when half the time I don't know myself. I don't think I could do it."
John shook his head. "Dave, you have to talk to someone about this. If you don't tell someone, if you bottle it all up inside you, it'll start eating away at you inside. The nightmares and the pain will get worse and worse until it all erupts and then it'll be too late. I've been there. I know what it's like. If I'd spoken to someone sooner, then maybe things would have been a lot different."
"You mean you might not have taken the fentanyl?"
The words hung in the air.
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to be continued
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Downstairs in the E.R. Dave was one of the topics of conversation.
"So if Dave was already upstairs in the O.R." said Haleh. "Then who was Dr Weaver working on?"
"According to Al, it may have been the guy who beat up and robbed Dave," said Lydia. "I mean he did have his wallet and when they checked out the bike, or what was left of it, it was the same one Malucci rides."
"But how could Weaver have mistaken him for Malucci?" asked Chuny. "I mean, I know his face was a mess, but I helped clean him up afterwards, and there's no way anyone could think that scrawny body belonged to Dave."
"And you would know that how, exactly?" asked Haleh with a wicked grin.
"I'd say Weaver was just so freaked out when she found Malucci's I.D. that she just wasn't thinking straight," said Lydia. "I mean we all know she has a soft-spot for him."
"Catch her ever admitting it," said Chuny.
"Have all the patients in this hospital suddenly gotten better and gone home?" asked Kerry with a frown as she came up to the reception desk and saw the nurses hanging around.
"Not that I know of," said Haleh.
"Then why are you all standing around gossiping?"
"We're going," said Lydia as they dispersed.
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Luka looked over at Dave, surprised by the lack of reaction to his last comment. He smiled as he realized that Dave had fallen asleep. He knew that this would probably be the pattern for the next few days. With all the drugs that had been pumped into Dave's body in the past twenty-four hours it was surprising that he had managed to stay awake and alert as long as he had. Luka settled himself more comfortably in the chair. Dave was not the only one feeling tired. Knowing that yet another person that he cared about was lying in a hospital bed had made it impossible for him to get much rest back at the house.
He jumped in alarm as he felt a hand touching him on his shoulder. Chris took a hasty step back.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to startle you." She was taken aback by the wary look in his eyes.
"It is all right," said Luka, shaking his head to clear it. "I was just not expecting your return so quickly."
Chris checked her watch. "I've been gone over an hour. I took a quick tour of the hospital" She took a closer look at Luka. "You look exhausted. Did you get any sleep back at the house?"
"Not really," admitted Luka trying to stifle a yawn. He also looked at his watch. "I must go. It is nearly time for my shift in the ER."
"Well it didn't look too busy when I was there. Maybe you can catch a few hours sleep."
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When he was gone, Chris settled herself on the chair. Pulling a book from her bag she started to read, keeping an eye on Dave to see if he had woken.
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Dave balanced precariously on his bike, and punched his pin number into the ATM.
"Let's see," he thought to himself. "Fifty bucks should be enough for beer, pizza, and videos." Retrieving his money and card, he replaced his wallet and turned to go. Blocking his path were two youths, one carrying a baseball bat.
"Give us your watch and wallet," ordered the bigger of the two.
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Chris glanced up as Dave's heart monitor started beeping more rapidly. Dave's eyelids were flickering, his right hand was clenched in a fist, and his respiration was becoming more ragged. Concerned, she stood up for a closer look.
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"Give us your watch and wallet," ordered the bigger of the two.
"Hell no," said Dave as he suddenly rode straight towards them. The baseball bat connected with his arm with a sickening thud. Dave found himself on the ground unable to move as the pair closed in.
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Chris was getting worried by now. Dave was shuddering violently, and his whole body was coated in sweat. She grabbed his right arm and put her other hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. "Dave wake up," she said.
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Dave could feel someone holding him down as he was kicked in the back. He lashed out frantically trying to free himself.
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Chris stumbled back as Dave caught her a glancing blow in the cheek with his casted arm. Recovering quickly she grabbed Dave's arms and forced them down to the mattress. "Dave, it's all right," she said reassuringly. "You're safe now."
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Dave could hear the words, but all he could see was a figure with a bat, bringing it crashing down on his body again and again. "No," he screamed trying to curl into a ball to protect himself.
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"What's going on?" asked Iris, the nurse in charge of the ICU.
"He's having some kind of nightmare, but I can't wake him." Chris thought quickly.
"Get me .5 of Haldol," she instructed the nurse as she struggled with Dave. In spite of his injuries, he still had sufficient strength and determination to resist her effort to calm him.
"You don't have the authority to give him that."
"Then page someone who does," snapped back Chris impatiently. In spite of her efforts, Dave had already ripped out his IV and was in real danger of dislodging the chest tube. Finally after what seemed like hours, but was really only a couple of minutes, Elizabeth arrived in the ICU. Quickly assessing the situation, she administered the Haldol and assisted Chris in restraining Dave until it took effect.
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Dave tried to continue struggling but it was no use. With a final moan, he gave in to the blackness that engulfed him.
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Once she was sure that Dave was safely sedated, Chris stepped back from the bed, shaking.
"Iris, get a portable x-ray up here," ordered Elizabeth. "I need to see if the chest tube has been displaced."
Wordlessly Chris stepped back to the bed and attempted to reinsert Dave's IV.
"The nurse will do that," said Elizabeth, noticing her actions.
"I can manage," replied Chris quietly as she deftly found a vein.
Once the chest film was taken Elizabeth turned to Iris, "get some soft restraints, please."
"You can't tie him up like an animal," objected Chris. "Hasn't he been through enough already?"
"I don't see that there is any alternative," replied Elizabeth quietly. "This time he was fortunate not to cause himself any major damage. The next time he may not be so lucky."
"There may not be a next time."
Elizabeth sighed, "Doctor Malucci," she said, emphasizing the word 'doctor'. "We have a patient here, who is recovering from major surgery, and needs to be kept relatively immobile, to prevent aggravating his injuries. He's just had a psychotic incident, which required the two of us to restrain him, and he's assaulted you during the course of that incident."
"It was an accident. He didn't know who I was."
"Precisely. If this was a patient in your care, what would you do?"
Chris sighed. "I'd order restraints," she said dejectedly.
Elizabeth put her hand on Chris's shoulder. "I would rather not have to order this, but it is for his own good."
Chris knew that medically speaking Elizabeth was correct, but the thought of Dave being tied up... "Can't you wait a while, at least until the sedation wears off? Maybe he'll be less agitated when he comes round."
Elizabeth considered the possibility. All Malucci's tests had shown no organic reason for an incident of this nature. As Chris had suggested, a nightmare, was a possible cause. Finally she said, "all right. I won't have him restrained. But if he has another episode, if he shows the slightest trace of panic, I want him in restraints immediately. Do you understand?"
"I understand. And thank you Dr Corday."
Elizabeth left and Chris was left alone to watch and wait, praying that Dave would wake up his normal self, and not the panic-stricken, disoriented person he had been earlier. The touch of a hand on her shoulder startled her out of her reverie. "Luka," she said in surprise.
"Dr Corday told me what happened. Why didn't you page me?" he asked almost accusingly. "I should have been here."
"I didn't think, it all happened so fast, I'm sorry," said Chris.
Luka pulled up a chair and sat down next to Chris. "How is he?"
"Still under from the drugs. With all the stuff in his system, there's no way of knowing when he'll come to. All we can do is wait and see what happens." Standing abruptly, she began to pace back and forth. "I just can't stand it," she said.
"It is never easy to just watch and wait over someone you care about."
Something in his voice made Chris stop her pacing. "You've been here before," she said with a sudden flash of insight. "I mean not here, but you've sat in vigil in an ICU before."
Luka nodded sadly as Chris sat down beside him. "Who was it," she asked.
Luka sighed, "It was my wife."
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"No, no. It was during the war. I had left my wife and children in our apartment while I went out to get food. I heard the shells, and by the time I returned the building was a pile of rubble. Maria had tried to shield Marko and Jasna from the blast. They were barely scratched, but she..." Luka's voice trailed off as he remembered the scene that had greeted him on his arrival.
Chris gently squeezed his hand, "I am so sorry," she said.
Luka pulled himself together and continued as if she hadn't spoken, "She was taken to the hospital. I sat with her for hours, but there was nothing the doctors could do. She...she died without ever regaining consciousness. When I took Marko and Jasna in to say goodbye, she looked so beautiful. As if she was sleeping."
This confused Chris. Dave had told her that Luka had lost his family in the war, but she had assumed that they were all killed in the one incident. But Luka hadn't finished with the horror. "Afterwards, my children, the doctors said it would be best if they were taken to the children's home on the edge of the town. They said they would be safer there. I had no home to take them to, so I agreed. It was only supposed to be for a few days, a week at most until I found somewhere for us to live. Then.... a few days later, the children's home was attacked. My children, my beautiful children were killed."
"Oh my God," said Chris; shocked that anyone could have been put through such an ordeal. It made her own troubles seem miniscule by comparison.
"I should never have let them be taken," said Luka
"You had no way of knowing. You did what you could to ensure your safety, what any father would have done."
"It does not make it any easier when I lie awake at night."
There were no words that Chris could say to ease his torment. She settled for taking his hands in hers and holding them gently.
They sat like that for a while until a low moan alerted them to the fact that Dave was regaining consciousness.
Dave moaned softly. His head was aching, and his chest felt like someone was sitting on it. His eyes flickered open and he saw Chris and Luka standing over him looking concerned. "What's happening," he slurred. He tried again. "What's-going-on," he articulated slowly. His eyes widened as he saw the bruise starting to form on Chris's face. "You're hurt?" he managed to say.
"You should see the other guy," said Chris automatically, smiling at Dave. He frowned in confusion. "It's all right. How do you feel?"
"Ugh, terrible," groaned Dave.
"Dave, what's the last thing you remember?" asked Luka.
"Talking to you, and then I was at the ATM...." Dave stopped in shock as he realized what he had said. He tried to concentrate, but his mind was all fuzzy. "There were two guys...." His voice trailed off as he remembered their faces, cold and hard staring at him. He shuddered. "I'm sorry, it's all blurred."
"It doesn't matter," said Chris taking his hand in hers. "What matters is that you're safe now, and I'm going to take good care of you."
Luka put his hand on top of Chris's, "We're going to take good care of you."
Dave wasn't sure exactly what had happened, but he knew that with Chris and Luka watching over him, that things were going to be all right.
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It was a few days later. Dave had been moved out of the ICU. Chris had decided reluctantly, that it was time she returned to Milwaukee.
She sat on the side of Dave's bed idly fiddling with her backpack. "I hate having to leave you like this."
"I'll be fine," assured Dave. "I mean the chest tube is out, there's no sign of any complications, I'm going to be all right."
"I know," sighed Chris. "I know that medically speaking, my being here is having no effect, but still."
Dave reached out and took her hand. "Hey, you being here has made a difference. Without you and Luka, I'd have gone crazy being stuck in the ICU."
"You mean crazier than usual?" asked Chris with a smile. "Yeah, Luka's been a good friend to you, to both of us, these past few days."
"Anyway," she continued, looking at her watch. "It's time I was going, if I'm going to catch my train." Leaning forward, she gave Dave a warm hug. "You take care of yourself, and I'll be back in a few days."
"I'll be here."
With a smile Chris was gone. Once she was out of the room, Dave lay back against the pillows, the smile fading from his face. In spite of his assurances to Chris, and to Luka, he was not feeling all right. Physically, he still tired easily. Dr Corday had assured him that this was perfectly normal, and that given time he would recover his strength. But sometimes, especially when he was alone at night, he wondered if she was telling him the whole truth. And as for emotionally, well, he hadn't had any more incidents like the one in the ICU, but his sleep was still being disturbed by unsettling dreams. He supposed that he should talk to the shrink like the chief had suggested, but there was something about trying to explain his feelings to someone, that he just didn't like. He sighed heavily. And now Chris was going back to Milwaukee. He knew that she had a job to go to, but even though it was selfish of him, he wished that she'd been able to stay longer. Still, at least she'd be back in a couple of days, and Corday had said that he could be released by next week. Once he was back in his own home, things would be better. They had to be.
----------------------
Chris stood at the train station, Luka by her side.
"You have everything?" he asked her. "Ticket, handbag?"
"Keys, cell phone, your phone numbers, your pager number. You have mine?"
"Of course. And I will let you know if anything happens."
"Thank-you Luka. I really appreciate all you've done for Dave."
"I am just glad that he appears to be recovering so well." Luka paused for a minute. "I would have wished that the circumstances be otherwise, but I am glad to have met you."
"And I you." Chris listened for a moment as an almost unintelligible announcement was made over the speakers. "That's me. I'd better go." Impulsively she reached up and put her arms around Luka. Giving him a warm hug, she whispered in his ear, "Goodbye, and thank you for everything."
Taken aback by her sudden gesture, Luka was unsure how to respond. Returning her hug, he said, "I will take care of Dave for you until you return."
"I know you will."
Chris grabbed her bag and headed for the platform without a backwards glance. Luka watched her until she had vanished into the crowd. Suddenly he felt a lot better than he had for a while.
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A very odd couple part VIII
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John Carter stood looking at the doors to the ER for several minutes. On his earlier visits to County, he had avoided the ER completely, but today he was going to face his colleagues. He finally summoned up the nerve to go in.
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Kerry was reviewing charts in the lounge when John walked in. It had taken him half an hour to travel the short distance, because everyone he met wanted to ask how he was, and when he was coming back to work.
Kerry looked up when she heard the door. A smile lit up her face and she said, "John! What are you doing here? I thought you weren't starting for another few days?"
"I decided to come in early, so that I could get all the hello's out of the way before I started work."
"I'm glad you did. I wanted to have a talk to you in private."
"So what's the story around here? I mean how many people know about my 'problem'?"
John spoke lightly, but he was concerned about what people were thinking. So far no one had mentioned anything to him, but he was worried about what was being said behind his back. He wasn't going to lie anymore, but the less people that knew about his struggle with addiction, the better.
"Only a few people know that you've been in Rehab. Everyone who was at your 'intervention' was told, as well as the ER attendings. And Romano of course."
"Yeah, I've already spoken to him," said John unenthusiastically.
"How are you planning to handle it, if or should I say when word gets out?"
"Well I'm not going to lie about it. I've done enough of that already. I'm only surprised that the nurses don't know already."
"The nurses may suspect, but as far as I know, nobody has the real story. There have been rumors of course."
"Of course. I bet Malucci alone has started a dozen of them."
John noticed Kerry's frown at the mention of Dave.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Dave was attacked and beaten up last week. He's only just out of intensive care."
"Oh my god, that's terrible. How is he?"
At this point Luka walked in.
"Here's the person to answer that," said Kerry.
Luka was surprised to see Carter in the lounge.
"Dr Carter," he said. "Welcome back."
"Thanks," replied John. "Dr Weaver was just telling me about Dave. How is he?"
"He is doing very well. Dr Corday has moved him out of the ICU, and she says I will be able to bring him home soon."
John raised his eyebrows at this comment.
"Dave moved in with Luka a few months ago," explained Kerry.
"I must go and visit him, see how's he doing," said John.
"I think he would appreciate that. He was just complaining, that since he was moved out of the ICU, he doesn't have as many nurses around to pay attention to him."
"Sounds like our Malucci," said Kerry with a smile.
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John had gone upstairs to see Dave leaving Kerry and Luka alone in the lounge. Luka limped wearily over to the couch. Sitting down he leaned back and closed his eyes.
"Do you think Carter will be able to help Dave?" asked Kerry.
"He has to," said Luka grimly. "I do not think I can stand to see Dave in pain for much longer. Oh I know his physical pain is easing. His cuts and bruises are healing. But to see him lying there, pretending that everything is fine." He sighed heavily. "I do not want him to become another John Carter."
Kerry left her charts and moved over to the couch. Sitting down beside Luka she put her hand on his shoulder. "Hey," she said. "Dave has both of us looking out for him, and now Carter. We'll get him the help he needs, even if we have to lock him in a room with half the psych department."
Luka had to smile at the image that presented. The smile faded as he remembered how Dave had looked when he had left him.
----------------------
Dave stood in the bathroom attached to his room and let his gown slip off his shoulders. He winced at the sight of the bruises that were only now starting to fade. He didn't need to turn around to know that the pattern was repeated on his back. The bruising seemed to be more concentrated in and around his ribs, broken only by the white patch of the bandage on his side, which covered the incision made for the chest-tube. Dave could see clearly in his minds eye exactly how the wound had looked the last time the dressings had been changed. A wave of nausea swept over him as he visualized the neat row of stitches that were holding his insides together. Bending over, he clutched at the basin for support. In, out, in out, he told himself, willing himself not to throw up.
Finally the nausea subsided. The sound of someone calling his name startled Dave. He quickly pulled his gown around him. Holding onto the I.V. stand for support, he painfully limped back to his room. His face lit up when he saw Carter standing there.
"Carter, my man. Long time no see," he said as he limped over to the bed.
"It's been a while all right," replied John, trying to hide his shock at Dave's appearance. He had expected the cast and the bandages. What he hadn't expected was the look in Dave's eyes. It was a look that was all too familiar to John for he had seen it reflected in his mirrors many times since Valentines Day.
Dave carefully climbed back into the bed. "So how the hell are you?"
"Better than you by the looks of things," replied John as he sat down beside Dave's bed. It wasn't an exaggeration. John was shocked at how thin and pale Dave was looking.
Dave touched the stitches on his forehead self-consciously. "Yeah well, at least I'll have some cool scars when these come out."
"Hah, call those scars. You want to see the ones in my back."
"Oh yeah, well feast your eyes on these." Dave pulled up his gown to reveal the bandages on his side. "I had a chest tube in there for a week."
"That's nothing. I had a colostomy for a month."
"I have to wear this cast on my arm for six weeks." Dave waved his arm in John's direction.
John burst out laughing. "Dave, you do know that you've got red polish on your nails."
"That was my sister's doing. I was asleep one day when she turned up to visit. She said she had to do something to keep herself entertained. I'm just lucky that polish was all she was carrying."
"So how are you doing? Seriously, I mean."
"I'm fine," replied Dave quickly. A little too quickly for John's liking. He took a long hard look at Dave. Dave had dark shadows under his eyes, and his smile wasn't as full as it had been a few months ago. But it was the haunted look in his eyes that worried John the most. He chose his next words carefully. He was well aware that if he asked Dave straight out, what was bothering him, that Dave would deny that there was any problem. Just like John himself had pretended that everything was fine until the day of the intervention. In the last few months in Rehab, John had learned more about the Psychological side effects of a serious injury that he had in his entire Psych rotation. He hoped that he could put it to some use in helping Dave. Maybe, just maybe he could steer Dave off the path of self-destruction that he himself had narrowly escaped from.
"You don't look as if you've been getting much rest," commented John. "Have the nurses been making too many demands on your body at night?"
Dave smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "I wish," he said. "No, I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately. I mean it's not easy to get comfortable when you're wired up to a whole bunch of machines. Still at least I've only got this I.V. left now. Man, when I was in ICU their beeping was driving me crazy."
"The time to worry is when they stop beeping. Some nights I used to lie awake hoping that their rhythm wouldn't change." John paused before continuing. "Of course other nights I'd lie awake because I was afraid to close my eyes."
Dave looked at John curiously. "How come?" he asked finally.
"Because every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Sobriki's face as he stabbed me over and over again."
"You had nightmares too? Why didn't you say anything?" Dave was surprised that Carter had never mentioned it on any of the occasions Dave had visited him. But then Dave had usually been more interested in trying to score with the nurses than getting into deep meaningful conversations.
John noticed Dave's use of the word 'too'. He wasn't really surprised. "I suppose I felt that it would be wrong of me to complain, when I should have been grateful just to be alive. I thought they'd probably just fade away in time. I didn't want people thinking that I couldn't handle something as simple as a few nightmares."
Dave was silent while he contemplated what Carter had said.
John watched his reaction. "So what do you see in your nightmares?" he asked softly.
"I see two men, the guys who attacked me. I see the baseball bat crashing down again and again...." Dave's voice trailed off and he looked away.
"And?" prompted John.
"I can hear myself screaming at them, begging them to stop." Dave looked back at John, who was shocked to see his eyes fill with tears. "I.... I tried to fight back...to grab the bat...but they.... they broke my arm.... I tried to fight.... I did try to fight.... but they were too strong.... I did try..." Dave's voice cracked as he tried to continue. "All I could do was beg them to stop, but they wouldn't. They wouldn't stop. They just wouldn't stop." The tears were rolling freely down Dave's face now.
"It's okay Dave," said John helplessly. He had wanted Dave to open up a little, enough that he could persuade him to seek help. He hadn't expected this.
"I was so scared. I thought they were going to kill me. And every time I close my eyes I see them."
John was at a loss for words. Instinctively he sat on the bed beside Dave and put his arms around him. Wordlessly he held him close until Dave's sobs died away.
"It's all right," he said reassuringly. "It's all right."
"It's not all right. It'll never be all right again."
"Yes it will Dave," said John firmly. "You're tough, you're strong. You can get through this."
Dave sighed. "I don't know am I strong enough to do this," he said in a small voice.
"You don't have to do it alone" replied John. "I'll help you and so will Kerry and Luka. You're not alone."
Dave shook his head. "I can't tell them about this. I can't tell anyone. Carter, you won't tell anyone about this. I can't let them know."
"It's okay Dave, I won't tell anyone what's happened here."
Dave relaxed a bit at John's words. The thought of Luka or the chief knowing what a pathetic wreck of a man he had become, was more than he could bear.
John continued, "But I think you should. Not Kerry or Luka if you don't want to. But you should definitely talk to someone in psych about it." Letting go of Dave, John returned to his chair.
Dave sighed. "I dunno. I mean the chief suggested it, but it's hard trying to explain to other people how I'm feeling when half the time I don't know myself. I don't think I could do it."
John shook his head. "Dave, you have to talk to someone about this. If you don't tell someone, if you bottle it all up inside you, it'll start eating away at you inside. The nightmares and the pain will get worse and worse until it all erupts and then it'll be too late. I've been there. I know what it's like. If I'd spoken to someone sooner, then maybe things would have been a lot different."
"You mean you might not have taken the fentanyl?"
The words hung in the air.
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to be continued
