Title: Angel Watching Over Me
Author: Ashley
Pairing: V/H, of course
Rating: PG, mostly for implied angst
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or any of its characters, but you knew that. I hope. But I do own this story and all the twists the plot takes.
Dedication: To anyone who took the time to review this, and especially to those who review again and again with helpful (and nice) comments.
Okay, this is a warning now that I am not the greatest at writing mushy stuff. I'll try my best, and I hope it's good enough. Also, see the bottom if you want to know about my next fic, coming soon.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
~*~*~*~*~*~
Van blinked rapidly as he came back to the present. Hitomi was still on his lap, looking at him with a strange expression on her face. Shaking off the last vestiges of the vision, and he had no doubt that that was what it was, he focused on his plan of attack. Now that he knew her secrets, nothing would stop him from trying to help her.
Hitomi found herself staring into the eyes that haunted her dreams and nightmares for years. The warm brown depths seemed vaguely unfocused, but as she watched, they appeared to clear and focus in on her. Feeling uncomfortable with his gaze, she dredged up her anger like a security blanket. Shoving both hands hard against his chest, she struggled to free herself from his grasp. She must have caught him by surprise because he didn't stop her.
However, when she moved to get up, a burning pain streaked through her lower back. Hitomi couldn't stifle the moan that jumped to her lips as tears filmed her eyes. She fought to control her breathing, knowing that harsh gasps would only make it worse.
As she focused on breathing in and out, she felt warm arms close around her. She was lifted into the air to be cradled against a broad chest. Van said nothing as he carried her to the bed, placed her in it, and arranged to the multitude of pillows to make her as comfortable as possible. Hitomi almost expected him to leave when he finished his self-appointed task. Instead, he pulled over the chair from earlier and settled into it. She should have guessed that he wouldn't give up so easily.
For a long moment, Van just looked at her face, noting all the changes time had caused. Her eyes no longer seemed to crowd her other features. Instead, they all seemed to mesh beautifully, creating the mature face of a breathtaking young woman.
Van knew he had to remind himself that she was no longer the impressionable youth he remembered. She was a woman now, a woman who had been hurt too many times by the people around her. Rushing into this was not a good idea. But where was he supposed to start?
Hitomi was staring at her clenched fists as they lay on the light colored quilt. Van decided to begin now, hoping it would be easier if he didn't have to look her in the eye and see the pain she felt the pain he had helped cause.
"Hitomi, I know that you're angry with me, and I know why." He continued on as her head snapped up. "I also know that you're right to be mad. I should have been there for you, regardless of what was happening with me. You needed me, and I wasn't there. That's something that I'm never going to forget, and the way it makes me feel . . . knowing how alone you must have felt . . . it tears me up inside.
"But I can't change what happened. I can't go back and make it better. What I can do is promise that it'll never happen again. If you need someone, I'll be there. Here or on the Mystic Moon, it doesn't matter. What matters to me is that you never feel alone again."
He heard a sniff and saw her reach up to wipe away a tear. It was a long moment before she raised her head to look him in the eye.
"Why? Seven years is a long time, Van. Even just a goodbye would have done. But for you to just suddenly stop being there was hard to deal with. It was worse than hard. So tell me why? What did I do that made you leave me?"
Van looked at her in surprise. "Nothing! There was never anything wrong with you! You were the smartest, bravest, nicest person I've ever met. You knew about things I can only dream of. You've seen two worlds, Hitomi. You saved one of them, and the millions of people on it. How many people can say that?"
"So you're telling me you stopped talking to me because I was a good person? Because I was nice? That's a little hard to swallow." Her voice was harsh as she glared at him angrily. Van felt his own temper rise to match.
"Don't you get it? I wanted to ask you to come here. To live here . . . with me. And I knew if we spoke, the question was going to come out whether I was ready for it or not. I took a good look at what I had to offer compared to the life you would have to leave behind, and I knew I couldn't ask you to make that sacrifice.
"When you left, I was pretty sure you felt the same way about me that I felt about you. I knew you would come back. But I didn't think I was worthy of that kind of commitment. All I had to offer was a burned down country and a future of uncertainty."
"So you made the decision for me? You just decided that I wouldn't think it was good enough, that I would change my mind, is that it?" Hitomi interrupted. She knew he knew about the accident; his words seemed to scream it. Having seen things stranger than this by far, she didn't question how he had gained that knowledge. But she wasn't going to let him off the hook just because he felt guilty over it. He was doing the same thing that had made her so mad seven years ago, trying to make her choices for her. Her life was her own to live, and she wasn't going to let anyone change that.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to organize her thoughts. There were things that needed to be said before this could be put behind them. Now wasn't the time to hold on to foolish secrets and decisions. She had to be calm, and rational. Letting go of her anger, she knew she had to start from the beginning
Looking right into his eyes, she began, determined to say her piece. "When I left here, I was running away. I was being a coward." She saw the disbelief and confusion etched on his face, but trudged on. "I wanted to see my family again, to let them know everything was okay, but I knew it didn't have to be a permanent thing. I knew, or thought I knew, that there was something between us before I left. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything because I was afraid. I cared about you, and about everyone else I'd met here. But I wasn't willing to face a life where I didn't know what to expect from one day to the next.
"So I chose to go back to a life I didn't really want because it felt safer. I thought I knew what to expect from it." Hitomi laughed, a hollow, joyless sound. "Obviously I was wrong. One thing went wrong, then another. I knew I had made the wrong choice, but by then you were gone, so I didn't think I would get a second chance. I felt so alone, like I didn't deserve to have anyone. Like Fate had decreed my punishment was to stay alone forever."
"I cared about you, Van. I really did. And I think that I got to know you really well in the time we spent together. And because of that, I know that you had to have your reasons for what happened, just as I had mine. I tried to be angry with you, but I can't. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being sad.
"The past can't be changed," she said softly, repeating his earlier words, "but the future is ours to decide. I like it here, Van. I want to stay on Gaea. And I want to be your friend, if you'll have me. If you can forget about the shrieking banshee who told you she never wanted to see you again, and listen to an old friend?" She looked at him hopefully, her hands twisting the blanket.
Van looked at her worried face. She was giving him a second chance at being a part of her life. But he didn't want to be just a friend. He wanted her by his side until the end of time. Knowing what her admissions must have cost her, he decided it was time to make a few of his own.
"I cared about you when you left Gaea seven years ago, and I care about you now. But I don't want to be your friend." He watched as her face fell, and hurried to continue. "I love you." He paused again, amazed at how easily the words came to him, and the sense of relief that finally telling her brought. "I love you more than I thought it was possible to love someone. We may have only known each other for two months years ago, but my soul has been yours since before the stars began to shine. I want to marry you, and raise children with you.
"I know," he kept on, "that we're not the same people we were when we last met, but I think that's probably a good thing. We're better for the time we spent apart, even if it was painful. I want to start fresh, and I refuse to keep secrets from you. If you don't feel the same way, I want you to tell me. But if you love me too, be warned I'm going to do everything in my power to make you choose to marry me as soon as possible, because I don't want to lose you again."
Swallowing hard, he waited for her to say something, anything. But she didn't say a word. Looking up, he saw that she didn't have to. Her answer was written all over her face.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: I know, I'm evil. You'll have to read the very last part to see what happens. This was a little rushed, since I was working on it and my next fic at the same time, so I hope nothing is too confusing.
If anyone is interested, it's called "Promised Made and Secrets Kept", and I'll start posting a couple of days after I finish posting chapter fifteen of "Angel Watching Over Me". It's not a continuation of this one, but I think its good. I hope you'll check it out.
Well, I'm off to finish chapter fifteen!! R/R, because I'm only 22 away from my goal of 100!!
Author: Ashley
Pairing: V/H, of course
Rating: PG, mostly for implied angst
Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne or any of its characters, but you knew that. I hope. But I do own this story and all the twists the plot takes.
Dedication: To anyone who took the time to review this, and especially to those who review again and again with helpful (and nice) comments.
Okay, this is a warning now that I am not the greatest at writing mushy stuff. I'll try my best, and I hope it's good enough. Also, see the bottom if you want to know about my next fic, coming soon.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
~*~*~*~*~*~
Van blinked rapidly as he came back to the present. Hitomi was still on his lap, looking at him with a strange expression on her face. Shaking off the last vestiges of the vision, and he had no doubt that that was what it was, he focused on his plan of attack. Now that he knew her secrets, nothing would stop him from trying to help her.
Hitomi found herself staring into the eyes that haunted her dreams and nightmares for years. The warm brown depths seemed vaguely unfocused, but as she watched, they appeared to clear and focus in on her. Feeling uncomfortable with his gaze, she dredged up her anger like a security blanket. Shoving both hands hard against his chest, she struggled to free herself from his grasp. She must have caught him by surprise because he didn't stop her.
However, when she moved to get up, a burning pain streaked through her lower back. Hitomi couldn't stifle the moan that jumped to her lips as tears filmed her eyes. She fought to control her breathing, knowing that harsh gasps would only make it worse.
As she focused on breathing in and out, she felt warm arms close around her. She was lifted into the air to be cradled against a broad chest. Van said nothing as he carried her to the bed, placed her in it, and arranged to the multitude of pillows to make her as comfortable as possible. Hitomi almost expected him to leave when he finished his self-appointed task. Instead, he pulled over the chair from earlier and settled into it. She should have guessed that he wouldn't give up so easily.
For a long moment, Van just looked at her face, noting all the changes time had caused. Her eyes no longer seemed to crowd her other features. Instead, they all seemed to mesh beautifully, creating the mature face of a breathtaking young woman.
Van knew he had to remind himself that she was no longer the impressionable youth he remembered. She was a woman now, a woman who had been hurt too many times by the people around her. Rushing into this was not a good idea. But where was he supposed to start?
Hitomi was staring at her clenched fists as they lay on the light colored quilt. Van decided to begin now, hoping it would be easier if he didn't have to look her in the eye and see the pain she felt the pain he had helped cause.
"Hitomi, I know that you're angry with me, and I know why." He continued on as her head snapped up. "I also know that you're right to be mad. I should have been there for you, regardless of what was happening with me. You needed me, and I wasn't there. That's something that I'm never going to forget, and the way it makes me feel . . . knowing how alone you must have felt . . . it tears me up inside.
"But I can't change what happened. I can't go back and make it better. What I can do is promise that it'll never happen again. If you need someone, I'll be there. Here or on the Mystic Moon, it doesn't matter. What matters to me is that you never feel alone again."
He heard a sniff and saw her reach up to wipe away a tear. It was a long moment before she raised her head to look him in the eye.
"Why? Seven years is a long time, Van. Even just a goodbye would have done. But for you to just suddenly stop being there was hard to deal with. It was worse than hard. So tell me why? What did I do that made you leave me?"
Van looked at her in surprise. "Nothing! There was never anything wrong with you! You were the smartest, bravest, nicest person I've ever met. You knew about things I can only dream of. You've seen two worlds, Hitomi. You saved one of them, and the millions of people on it. How many people can say that?"
"So you're telling me you stopped talking to me because I was a good person? Because I was nice? That's a little hard to swallow." Her voice was harsh as she glared at him angrily. Van felt his own temper rise to match.
"Don't you get it? I wanted to ask you to come here. To live here . . . with me. And I knew if we spoke, the question was going to come out whether I was ready for it or not. I took a good look at what I had to offer compared to the life you would have to leave behind, and I knew I couldn't ask you to make that sacrifice.
"When you left, I was pretty sure you felt the same way about me that I felt about you. I knew you would come back. But I didn't think I was worthy of that kind of commitment. All I had to offer was a burned down country and a future of uncertainty."
"So you made the decision for me? You just decided that I wouldn't think it was good enough, that I would change my mind, is that it?" Hitomi interrupted. She knew he knew about the accident; his words seemed to scream it. Having seen things stranger than this by far, she didn't question how he had gained that knowledge. But she wasn't going to let him off the hook just because he felt guilty over it. He was doing the same thing that had made her so mad seven years ago, trying to make her choices for her. Her life was her own to live, and she wasn't going to let anyone change that.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to organize her thoughts. There were things that needed to be said before this could be put behind them. Now wasn't the time to hold on to foolish secrets and decisions. She had to be calm, and rational. Letting go of her anger, she knew she had to start from the beginning
Looking right into his eyes, she began, determined to say her piece. "When I left here, I was running away. I was being a coward." She saw the disbelief and confusion etched on his face, but trudged on. "I wanted to see my family again, to let them know everything was okay, but I knew it didn't have to be a permanent thing. I knew, or thought I knew, that there was something between us before I left. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything because I was afraid. I cared about you, and about everyone else I'd met here. But I wasn't willing to face a life where I didn't know what to expect from one day to the next.
"So I chose to go back to a life I didn't really want because it felt safer. I thought I knew what to expect from it." Hitomi laughed, a hollow, joyless sound. "Obviously I was wrong. One thing went wrong, then another. I knew I had made the wrong choice, but by then you were gone, so I didn't think I would get a second chance. I felt so alone, like I didn't deserve to have anyone. Like Fate had decreed my punishment was to stay alone forever."
"I cared about you, Van. I really did. And I think that I got to know you really well in the time we spent together. And because of that, I know that you had to have your reasons for what happened, just as I had mine. I tried to be angry with you, but I can't. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being sad.
"The past can't be changed," she said softly, repeating his earlier words, "but the future is ours to decide. I like it here, Van. I want to stay on Gaea. And I want to be your friend, if you'll have me. If you can forget about the shrieking banshee who told you she never wanted to see you again, and listen to an old friend?" She looked at him hopefully, her hands twisting the blanket.
Van looked at her worried face. She was giving him a second chance at being a part of her life. But he didn't want to be just a friend. He wanted her by his side until the end of time. Knowing what her admissions must have cost her, he decided it was time to make a few of his own.
"I cared about you when you left Gaea seven years ago, and I care about you now. But I don't want to be your friend." He watched as her face fell, and hurried to continue. "I love you." He paused again, amazed at how easily the words came to him, and the sense of relief that finally telling her brought. "I love you more than I thought it was possible to love someone. We may have only known each other for two months years ago, but my soul has been yours since before the stars began to shine. I want to marry you, and raise children with you.
"I know," he kept on, "that we're not the same people we were when we last met, but I think that's probably a good thing. We're better for the time we spent apart, even if it was painful. I want to start fresh, and I refuse to keep secrets from you. If you don't feel the same way, I want you to tell me. But if you love me too, be warned I'm going to do everything in my power to make you choose to marry me as soon as possible, because I don't want to lose you again."
Swallowing hard, he waited for her to say something, anything. But she didn't say a word. Looking up, he saw that she didn't have to. Her answer was written all over her face.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: I know, I'm evil. You'll have to read the very last part to see what happens. This was a little rushed, since I was working on it and my next fic at the same time, so I hope nothing is too confusing.
If anyone is interested, it's called "Promised Made and Secrets Kept", and I'll start posting a couple of days after I finish posting chapter fifteen of "Angel Watching Over Me". It's not a continuation of this one, but I think its good. I hope you'll check it out.
Well, I'm off to finish chapter fifteen!! R/R, because I'm only 22 away from my goal of 100!!
