In Memory Of… Chapter 3
By: Skywalker's
Dream
See first part for summery and disclaimer.
The last we visited, Luke had been found on Tatooine shot in the side. Luke's family had found that Luke had been hiding the fact that he had been married when he was young, and when confronted about it, he had showed them a holovid that he had be given concerning his life with his now deceased wife and child.
On with the story
Chapter 3
Luke's apartment
Luke made his way to the kitchen. He was too emotional to stay in the room to see his friends' reaction to his speech. No matter how much he had tried to convince his friends and family that he had dealt with the loss of his wife and child, he had still felt his emotional control slipping. It would do no good to break down and cry in front off all of them. Stepping quickly to the sink, he helped himself to a large glass of water. He gulped it down, trying desperately to wet his dry mouth. Two glasses later he felt he had downed enough and set the glass back down. He turned his back to the sink and rested against the counter. Luke took several deep breaths before he felt the emotions slamming around inside him began to settle. He felt torn apart, empty, and amazed that something as innocent looking as a holodisk could affect him that much. He wanted to scream, and cry, but most of all he wanted all those people out of his home. He wanted to feel that he could still handle this alone. That nothing had changed, and he could continue to deal with this pain in his own way.
*You no longer have to, * he heard in his mind, knowing right away that it was Mara. *You have been trying to deal with this for how many years? Let someone help you. Why are you still trying to do everything alone?*
*Mara, you don't
understand…Forget it. I don't want to
talk about it. *
*What, you going to
hide in there until everyone gets the hint and goes home? *
*Sound like a bad plan to you?* He rested his hands behind him and sighed when he felt Mara's frustrated approach. He braced himself for the tongue-lashing he just knew he was about to receive.
"What's your problem?" Mara asked after she had entered the kitchen.
"What do you mean? You know what my problem is."
"So why are you hiding in here? You have a roomful of people out there that want to help you."
"I don't want their help," Luke said, defiantly.
"You're withdrawing into yourself just like you always do when consumed with pain."
"Lay off Mara. I am not in the mood for this."
"Ok, enough," Mara stated, the heat dying from her words. "I'm sorry. I don't want to fight right now. You are in no shape to argue and I don't want to leave you here more upset then you already are."
"Leave, where are you going?" A sudden feeling of dread flooding his body.
Mara took a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh. "I'm going on a supply run. There are some things that Karrde needs picked up but I'll be back in a week."
"Where are you going," Luke asked again, unable to keep the dread from showing on his face.
"I'll be going out to the outer rim, to Barab."
"Never heard of it. Do you have to go?"
"What kind of question is that? This is my job. I'll only be gone a week." Luke didn't say anything. There didn't seem to be anything he could say. This was Mara, she had a job to do, and she could take care of herself. He couldn't figure out what about that was bothering him. Something with the Force for sure, but what exactly he couldn't track down.
"Oh, come on Luke, don't go getting all emotional on me." Suddenly she smiled. "Save all that for Leia. She would love it."
Luke scratched his head, and smiled. "Yeah, she would. It would let her feel like she has to take care of me."
"You going to be OK?"
"Sure. I think I'm going to be fine. Just keep a look out, OK Jade?"
"I always do. I live by the rule to be prepared because what ever can go wrong will go wrong," Mara said with a smirk.
"No, whatever can go wrong, has already gone wrong, you just don't know it yet," Luke concluded, flicking her lightly on the nose.
"Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence, that makes me feel so much better."
"Just be careful, Jade. I have a bad feeling about this."
"Thanks for worrying about me, Skywalker, but I'm a big girl. Unlike some people, I don't need someone looking out for me."
"I wish I could have your confidence, but unlike you, I like to have someone there to watch my back."
"You normally need it," Mara quipped.
"Na…I just do that to get your attention."
"Oh, is that was it is?" Mara laughed.
---
Han Solo had sat back and watched Luke excuse himself and
then vanish into the kitchen. He
couldn't blame the kid for wanting to disappear. Everyone in the room looked as if they had just watched the
Emperor himself state his intent to return. To say that everyone was shocked was grossly underestimating the
situation. To think Luke had kept something
like this a secret for all this time… it had to have been tormenting him all
these years. His friends had every
right to be upset with only finding out about this now. Then again, the people that were included in
the impressive list of Luke's friends alone were enough to send the toughest
man into hiding.
He had been watching his wife digest the information, knowing from personal experience that anger normally followed shock for his wife. Therefore, he was surprised when he saw Mara suddenly leap to her feet and stalk into the kitchen. He figured Leia would be the first to recover form the shock and browbeat him into an explanation. He had to give it to the kid; he sure knew how to keep this group on its toes.
"Hey those two have been in there ten minutes and I still don't hear any yelling. I think they've set a new record," Wedge said from his spot on the couch.
The snickering that followed his comment helped to alleviate the tension that filled the room.
"It feels so unreal," Leia said, speaking for the first time since Luke's exit. "I can't believe he didn't even tell me," she said more to herself, then to anyone else.
"You'd think he'd at least tell his friends," Wedge said.
"I thought he already explained why he didn't," Gavin said defensively, from his seat beside Wedge.
"Gavin, don't you get it?" Leia said, glaring at the younger man. "Luke tells me everything. At least that's what I believed. I would think that this was something I should have known about."
"Do you mean to tell me that he knows everything there is to know about you, Madame Chief of State?" Gavin boldly asked.
"Gavin," Wedge interrupted. "Let's not get this started again. Informal setting aside, you need to watch the way you speak to people."
"Calm down, Wedge," Leia said, dismissing his discomfort. "I'm interested in what he has to say. Gavin, I understand that you are just trying to help Luke. You have been a good friend to him, but I think this, here today, proves that he wanted to tell us. He wouldn't have done this today if he didn't want us to know."
"It proves nothing of the kind," Gavin stated, sitting forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "What happened here today only proves exactly what he was saying. This room is full of people that are too used to getting what they want. He told you only because he felt you wouldn't leave him alone until you found out."
"No," Leia whispered, and then looked up. "Luke, is that really why you told us?"
Luke and Mara had reentered the room while Gavin was talking. Luke looked over at Gavin and offered a slight smile.
"Yes, Leia that's exactly why I told you."
"Why?" Leia asked, her voice laced with incredulity.
Luke took a breath and let it out, looking towards the window for a few seconds.
"When I woke up in the med center," he started, his voice held under strict control. "I knew it would be hard to explain what happened without telling you everything. Then I found out that you had brought Gavin into this. It was clear that I wasn't going to be able to keep this quiet for too much longer. I just wanted to get it over with. I knew you would find out what you wanted to know eventually. I just gave it to you sooner."
"Well," Han said, clapping his hands together and standing up. "That clears everything up for the time being. I think we have all had enough excitement today. Let's say we call it a night." He quickly threw in, before the topic could develop. Han had lost his own fiancée years before, and sympathized with Luke's emotions. He could clearly see the exhaustion, both mental and physical in his brother-in-law's eyes. He knew Luke was truly stretched to the limit and needed to be alone, and a fight with his twin would do nothing to help his morale.
"Excellent idea," Karrde said, standing to indicate his intention to leave. "I think we have infringed on Luke's life enough for one day."
Luke smiled at the comment, and followed his guests as they made their way to the door.
"Your timing with this run is wonderful, Karrde," Luke said, glancing at Mara talking off to the side with Corran. "Don't work her too much."
"I never do," Karrde said, wondering what the Jedi had meant by that comment. Luke walked away and he turned to his second in command who had approached beside him. "Did you tell him that I am asking you to go on this run?"
"No, I didn't," Mara stated.
"Ok, because I thought you wanted to go on it. It's not too late to find someone else to do it."
"No. I need to go. Skywalker is just over reacting."
Why are you running this time, Mara? Karrde thought to himself. Could it be that Luke being married has affected you that much? He wisely kept that thought to himself, and simply told her goodbye as she left the apartment.
"Meet us for dinner, Kid?" Karrde heard Han ask Luke.
"Am I still welcome?" Luke asked, looking over at Leia, who was making her way to the door.
"She'll be fine."
"I've seen her mad at you plenty of times, Skywalker," Karrde said, slapping him lightly on the back. "But I've never seen her stay mad at you for long."
"True," Luke agreed.
"You seem to have that effect on people," Han said laughing. "Well, I'll be seeing you at dinner, right Luke?"
"I'll be there." Luke took the time to say a few words to each of his friends as they made their way out the door, stopping to say a special thanks to Gavin. After they were all gone he picked up a few things off the table and sat them on the counter. Walking over to the Holo player, he ejected the disk. Taking the disk in his hand, he sat on the couch, and studied the object in front of him. Placing his head in his hands, he let go of the tight rein he had on his emotion and wept silently.
---
"Glad you could make it," Han said in greeting when he opened the door for his brother in law. He took the time to look him over. Han noted the way he stood at the door, like he was ready to flee any moment. He also noted the kid's red-rimmed eyes and realized that he had probably been crying. I was refreshing to see that Luke could still show that much emotion, even if it was only while he was alone.
"What am I in store for?" Luke asked into the silence that Han's inspection caused.
"She's really bent out of shape about this," Han explained to him, inviting him in and closing the door. "She feels hurt."
"What about you?" Luke asked, turning to face him.
"I understand why you felt you couldn't talk about it," Han admitted. "You know Leia will too, as soon as she takes the time to look at it that way. What you need to do now is get her to calm down. Let her know that you still care."
"How do you do it?"
"Do what?" Han asked.
"Live with that? How do you deal with the stubbornness everyday?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way," Han said, thinking that Luke was one to talk. "It's just part of being married, I guess."
"Not for me it wasn't. Arielle was easy to get along with. Nice try by the way," Luke added, "getting information out of me. Some of Leia's tricks are starting to rub off on you."
"Don't remind me."
"Where is she?"
"In the living room. I'll leave you two to talk and go check on the food."
Leia felt Luke enter the room, but continued looking out the window, willing herself to stay calm. She turned around when she realized he was not going to say anything. He was standing by the door with his hands at his side, looking at her. He looked so tired, and the familiar sadness filled his eyes. She reached out to him and felt a hint at the depth of his pain. He was still trying to hide it from her. Walking over to him she felt her anger melt, now that she knew what was going on with her brother she just wanted to help him.
Looking into his eyes she was once again assaulted by the pain she saw there. Reaching out to him again, she felt him lower his guard a bit. His emotions flowed over her and she sensed the sorrow he still felt over Arielle's death, and the pain he held at the sight of watching that tape. She also felt his hesitation about talking about it, and his determination to convince her to understand.
"Leia, I'm sorry."
"Luke, I thought I knew everything about you. It's hard to believe you could keep this from me."
Luke opened his mouth to respond, but Leia stopped him. "I do understand why you didn't. You were never one to talk about your feelings. I just wish you would have told me sooner, I would have liked to have been there for you. You should not have had to go through that all alone."
"I wasn't alone. Arielle's family has always been great to me. They were always there, and they already understood."
"Are they still on Tatooine?" Leia asked, remembering that he had been on the planet when this had all started.
"Yes. They still live in Anchorhead. I go back ever now and then, to see them."
"Well, I'm glad you had someone to love. But Luke, don't shut me out anymore, please." Leia pleaded.
"Leia, all I can say is that I will do my best."
"I guess that is the best I could hope for." Leia hugged her brother close and shakily reached out to him with her intense feelings of love for him. "Just remember that I love you and will help you in anyway I can."
Luke drew back to kiss her on the cheek. "I know that and thank you."
They held each other tight for a few more minutes until they could hear Han yelling in the background about dinner being ready. Luke was laughing as he let go of Leia and extended his elbow to her. "Shall we eat now, sister?"
Leia smiled up at her brother and let him lead her out to
where Han waited.
