~Chapter 19, told by Fujin.

The pain was constantly surging all through my body. I wanted to pass out, so as you can imagine, when Seifer asked me what was wrong, I wanted to slap him.

"Just pain. Will pass."

"...Fujin, why don't you go lay down."

"Negative..."

"...Why not?"

"Want watch sunset."

"...Alright..." I didn't care for watching the sunset anymore... I felt funny. Depressed maybe... Pain for sure... Ugh, god, I hate this... my life. Sometimes, I wish I could have just died back there... What would Raijin do? Raijin would cry... heheh... What about Seifer, what would he do? ...I wanna know. I wish this railing that I'm leaning on would fall. Finally fall. I would go crashing down to the street, and the pain would stop... I wouldn't have to worry about Seifer anymore... and if he cared for me... I wouldn't have to... Dammit.

I sighed, wishing I was somewhere else... Then, the railing fell. I wasn't serious! Wait...! I grasped the edge of the balcony. Seifer... help! The pain in my body remained, and I didn't think I could hold on any longer. Is this what I wanted? No... Why did it fall? I stood on this railing, and it didn't fall- so then what happened? Help... Help would be nice. I swung my legs up under the balcony, and tried to get myself up. Where's Seifer, dammit?! I can't do this... So, do I just let go? ...Or do I die accidently... like a failure...? That's when Seifer grabbed me and pulled me up. Holding me, he asked me what happened.

"What the fuck just happened?"

"...I fell..." I muttered, still in shock.

"No shit. How the fuck did that happen?"

"...I don't know..."

"That railing... we stood on it, and it falls *now* when you were just leaning on it?!" ...Seifer, leave me alone... I don't know what happened...!

"I don't know, Seifer!"

"Whoa, what happened, ya know?!" Raijin asked, coming out.

"The railing collapsed..." Seifer muttered, letting go of me. No, don't let go... I held on to him still. I was scared, one could say.

"Wow, ya know?! I knew it would collapse one day...! Is she okay?" I didn't say anything, I just stay sitting on the ground, hugging Seifer for dear life, and if he stood up, I'd kill him.

"I think so. She's still in shock, that's all." Seifer sat, patting me on the back. Still in shock? Yeah, you could say that.

"Shock." I repeated, clinging to Seifer still.

"As long as she's alright, ya know?!"

"Mhm..." Seifer muttered as Raijin returned to the kitchen.

"Are you okay, Fujin?" He whispered.

"I don't know..."

"...Fuu..." What if I let go? What if you didn't grab me? ...What would have happened? Would I have died? Would you hold me ever again...?

"Maybe we should go inside..."

"Seifer..."

"Come on." He rose to his feet, taking my hand and helping me up. I walked into the bedroom and layed down, confused, lonely, depressed, and in pain.

"...Fuck..." I mumured in a low whisper, rolling over onto my side.

"Seifa! Where are ya goin'!?" I heard Raijin ask. Do they ever shut up? My head hurt...

"Downstairs to the bar."

"We don't have the gil for that, ya know?!"

"Who said I was gonna pay?"

"But, Seifa!" I heard the door shut. Seifer... I crawled out of bed and into the bathroom, where I took a cold shower, hoping it'd make me feel better. After getting dressed, and realizing that the shower didn't help, I walked out of the bedroom. Raijin was sitting watching tv.

"Seifer leave. Go where?"

"To the bar. Don't go down there, ya know?!"

"Why not?"

"I dunno, isn't safe, ya know!?"

"...Be back. Will be."

"Fujin! Get back here, ya know?!" Sure, maybe Raijin was concerned, but I didn't see him coming after me- lazy idiot. I found my way down to the bar, and there was no Seifer. Dammit, where the hell did he go? Why am I going after him? ...I found him five minutes later. He was walking back toward the bar, a block away.

"Seifer." I said, going up to him.

"Fujin, what the hell are you doing?"

"...Find you."

"Why? Aren't you sick?"

"Am fine. Where went?" I ask, falling into step with him.

"Just to see stuff."

"Stuff? What kind?"

"...I dunno, just stuff." Seifer... stop it. It's not fair.

"...Mmhm." I say, not wanting to cause trouble.

"Fujin?"

"Yes?"

"You ever feel like you are completely pointless? And have failed everything you had a chance at, and are full of regret?" Yes, I feel that way... now. I always feel that way...

"...All the time..."

"Why?"

"I don't know that's just how I feel... why?"

"I've just been feeling like a failure lately..." He stopped walking, and I turned to him. I glanced around at the empty streets, no one is around... I can do this... What am I going to do? I wanted him to feel like he's accomplished something- anything... I stood close to him, as he looked down at me, and I kissed him. I didn't mean for this to get romantic... Maybe if it would make him feel better... He kissed me back. Good, I was afraid he'd think I was insane or something... Seifer...

"Fuu..."

"You aren't a failure..." I whisper. He kisses me again, deeper this time. God, Seifer, do you have feelings for me...?

"I'm sorry." He says, pulling away from me.

"No, its alright." I say, looking at him.

"Let's go home..." He places his hand on my back, and gives me a gentle push foward. Okay... we can go home...

When we got home, Raijin walked right up to us.

"Where've ya been?!"

"At the bar." Seifer answered dully.

"...Oh. Why?"

"Alcohol. Wanted."

"...That's not good for ya, ya know?!"

"Yeah, we know." Seifer said, walking into the bedroom.

"I toldja he was acting weird, ya know?!"

"Agreed."

~~~

I got up at three-thirty, and sighing, pulled on my clothes for work. The pain was still there, but lighter...

"Where do you think you're going?" Asked Seifer from behind me.

"WORK."

"...Is the pain gone?"

"MOST."

"...You sure?"

"AFFIRMA-" A large headache pounded in my head suddenly. "-tive." I finally spat out.

"Oh really?"

"Mhm..."

"Fine, have it your way." I left, and walked to the bar. Nothing really happened that day. When I got off shift, I went to the Deling Central, and went to the library.

"Enter Search."

"...SORCERY, PASSING ON." Of course, this wasn't the case. But there was always that sliver of a chance that it was... Especially since the railing accident yesterday...

"Sorcery is passed on from a dying sorceress. Can be passed on to anyone, as long as they are female."

"SYMPTOMS?"

"...Healing of cuts. Thoughts becoming reality." Does that mean that... My hopes for Seifer caring for me could just have to do with this? They aren't real?! It was sort of sudden... No... There's no way she gave her powers to me.

"Sorceress' powers must be given away, or else, the sorceress cannot die. All sorceresses *must* die at one point- like a normal person." The computer continued. Seifer... I turned it off, and went home. But instead of going upstairs, I walked into the bar, and had something to drink. I ended up having more than I originally set out too, but I didn't get drunk. Dammit! ...I walked upstairs, frowning, not seeing how life could get much worse. Oh, but it did.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Is what I'm greeted with. Thank you, Seifer. I feel better now.

"...Downstairs."

"...Wasting more money?"

"Boss said. Did not have pay." It was the truth.

"Fujin. You're gonna get sick. You drink and smoke."

"Do not care."

"I do care!"

"Not really. May feel that way. Do not."

"Fujin, what are you *talking* about?!"

"...Raijin, where?"

"Shopping." Oh no. I'm alone with you again. Dammit... I don't think I can take this anymore. What if I am a sorceress, and you... don't really care for me? What if those are just my own selfish wishes come true... Oh, Seifer...

"...Oh..." I walked out onto the balcony, and pulled out a cigarette. Yeah, he's right, all I do is drink and smoke... Good, maybe I'll get sick... Or no! I didn't mean that... I swear...

"Fujin, you didn't answer my question."

"So?"

"...Fuck, Fujin, just answer the friggin' question!" ...Don't yell at me...

"...What was it again?" He shook his head and sighed in disgust.

"...Sorry..." I muttered, turning away. No sunset again... What is wrong with the weather, dammit?!

"I asked you why you went downstairs. And, by the way, how many drinks did you have- truthfully."

"Eight."

"Eight?! Holy shit! Why the hell aren't you all... fucked up then?"

"...Doesn't matter. Went downstairs. Was deppressed."

"Why were you depressed?"

"Why are you asking so many questions?! Dammit, its not like you fucking care."

"...Fujin..."

"...I made you care! You don't really care!" I yelled.

"What are you talking about?! You didn't make me care, I care on my own! But if you don't want me to, that's just fine! Because from now on, I don't give a flying fuck if your dead or alive! Does that make you happy, Fujin?! Does that make you smile?!" Seifer... no!! I just... I knelt on the ground as he walked away... Seifer... don't leave... I just need some time, Seifer. I have to sort my feelings out. I have to understand what happened... Oh god, Seifer, just understand me...