~Chapter 20. Told by Seifer.

What the fuck was she talking about? I don't get it. First, she acts like she wants me to care, but then, all of the *fucking* sudden, she says she's making me care? What is she talking about? Maybe that sorceress thing also cast confuse... heh. I walked back inside, pissed off at Fujin, pissed off at my fucked up emotions, and most of all, pissed at my frickin' self. I turned, finally, to see how Fujin had reacted. She knelt at the ground, staring at the sun, probably praying for a sunset. Fuu... Dammit! I screw just about everything up don't I? Don't fucking answer that... I'm going to bed.

While I am in bed, I realize what I said to her. "I don't give a flying fuck whether you are dead or alive!" ...Dammit. I said that to a person who attempted suicide over one of my conversations. I'm a fucking retard. I walk over to the door of the bedroom to go out and apologize, but I hear voices.

"Aww, Fujin, I just can't leave you two alone, ya know?!"

"DID NOT. DO ANYTHING. HURT... SEIFER HURTS." Ah, hell.

"I know, ya know?! I thought you guys were starting to get along, too..." Me too... But, no, I went fucked things up again.

"SAD. HURT. DEPRESSED." ...

"...Poor Fuji, ya know?!"

"MOUTH QUIET. PITY. NOT WANTED."

"Okay, okay, ya know?"

"...GOING SLEEP ON CHAIR. YOU. SLEEP ON FLOOR. OR WITH SEIFER."

"I'll sleep with Seifa. Its cold. I'll getcha a blanket, ya know?!" No fucking way he's sleeping with me... I guess I have no choice though. Its my fault...

"Oh yeah, and Fujin, ...the chair's not all too comfortable."

"DON'T CARE." Raijin came into the bedroom, just as I jumped back, as not to be caught eavesdropping. Heh.

"Hey, Seifa, ya really hurt Fujin's feelings, ya know?!"

"Didn't mean to..." I mutter, ashamed of myself totally and completely.

"Maybe you should go apologize. I'll leave ya's alone- I'm tired anyway."

"Thanks, man." I said walking out with the blanket that Raijin was gonna give to Fujin. Now, how will I word my apology this time...? ...Dammit, that's right too, I'm apologizing again... I do everything wrong. I have to apologize for everything I do... cuz its all fucking wrong...!

"...Fujin, I brought you a blanket..." I said, handing it to Fujin, who was curled up on the chair.

"RAIJIN. SUPPOSED TO."

"Raijin's sleeping..." I handed her the blanket, and she looked up, as if she was waiting for something. Maybe the apology I decided not to give...

"If your waiting for an apology, you're not getting one." That sounded harsh- my bad.

"...FINE." She rolled over.

"But..." I started. She looked back at me. "I do want you to explain what you were saying to me."

"WHY?"

"...Because I need to know, so I can say what I want to..."

"...AM SORCERESS. THINK SO."

"...What?!" I had supposed it myself- I just hadn't said anything to her...

"LOOKED UP. AFTER WORK."

"Oh... well we don't know for sure..." She stood up, and walked out to the balcony- I followed.

"PROOF. WANTED FALL."

"What?! Why the hell did you want that to happen? You seemed pretty damn scared to me!"

"SUICIDAL. WAS. WAS NOT SERIOUS. THOUGH... HAPPENED..."

"...Maybe it was a coincidence." I said, reaching out and holding her arm.

"MORE. PROOF."

"Like what? Could ya talk normal, too?"

"...Modified. Instead of instant kill, she wanted to give her powers to me..."

"But what about the distraught scan?!"

"...She did that because she originally set out to hurt me... or kill me. But instead, when she realized she was going to die because you rushed up to her- she... decided to do that..." No, Fuu...

"...But, what if all she did was hurt you!? I mean, come on, you were in pain..."

"In pain. Happens. Err, I mean, that happens- just like when Rinoa passed out... went into a coma."

"But, Fuu..."

"More proof." Friggin' hell?

"What?"

"I..." She started. "Nevermind..." She started to walk away, but I pulled her back.

"...What is it?"

"Seifer, how do you feel about me...?" What?! How... does this have to do with anything?

"...What?"

"Answer my question. Truthfully. I won't be hurt." Won't be hurt? This wouldn't hurt ya, I just don't wanna tell you.

"But, Fujin, I don't see what this has to do with anything..."

"You'll see. Just tell me..." ...Fucking emotions. Always getting in the fucking way, dammit. Its against my friggin' vocabulary to say that I love someone. Its just not something I do... Even saying I care for someone takes some time and trouble... So what do I do in a situation like this? Speak another friggin' language?!

"...Fujin... I... I..." ...God dammit. "Can't say right now... exactly." That was stupid sounding. She looked at the ground and then back up at me.

"Well, the reason I said what I did is because I wanted you to care for me, and then all of the sudden you started to. I found out that my thoughts sometimes become reality, so I fear the lo-" She had been talking faster than I've ever heard her until that point when she stopped, cheeks blushing. "I meant *caring* you feel for me is just fake." She took a breath, and then looked away. No... thats not true. I realized I loved you long before any of the fights with the sorceress... Why did you want me to care for you? ...

"Fuu... It's not like that at all... My 'caring' for you is real... I've always felt it... But it was before the battle that I realized how strong it was. It's real, Fuu, I promise you." Damn, that sounded corny. Oh well. I looked at her... and she looked back up at me. Damn... I'm so friggin' stupid...

"Even if you are a sorceress- It'll be okay... you know, it won't change anything..."

"But..."

"...It'll be okay, Fuu..."

"...Seifer, I do want you to care..."

"I can't help but care..." I whispered, pushing a lock of silver hair out of her face. Was it true though? Was I unsure of my feelings for her? ...I mean, I was pretty sure I loved her, and I was getting the feeling she cared for me too... But... Oh god, I don't even know...! Dammit, everything's just got to be so confusing... I'm Seifer. I'm not supposed to be all friggin' romantic... Well, she's Fujin, she isn't supposed to be either... So, maybe if our feelings are mutual, it'll work out...

"Seifer...? You in there?" Oh...

"Oh... sorry..."

"What were you thinking about?" Err... I was thinking about you, but, that doesn't mean I'm gonna say that...

"...Stuff."

"Seifer, why won't you tell me?!"

"Alright, alright, I was thinking about you..." I mutter, looking down at the ground.

"...Oh..."

"You should go sleep." I suggest.

"Alright... Are you going to sleep?"

"In a while, I need to think." I say, sitting down.

"...Okay..." She left, and I sighed. Damned life... The other night- I had gone out to close a deal on the house we... well I had bought in Balamb... I think we can afford it, I mean, I've been saving up for it for awhile... Its a nice house, with two bedrooms. Its located next to Dincht's house. I like it. But, no one else knows about it. I've been looking for a new job around those parts too. I think there is a cafe' Fujin can work at, and maybe Raijin could get a job at the weapon shop. I dunno about me though. I'm good at fighting- nothing else, and Balamb is a very peaceful town... Maybe I can get a position as a Balamb officer... I sighed, and stared up at the stars that were faded by the city lights.

"Fuck..." I ran my hand down my face in anguish, and sighed. "Fucking life..."