Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda, Pokemon, or any wannabe Jamaican phone psychics.

Disclaimer 2: wannabe Jamaican phone psychics were harmed in the making of this fanfic.



Zelda Deathmatch
Part 3

By Shadow Gamer


As usual Shadow Gamer is sitting in his class box above the arena. The audience is below him.

Announcer Guy (from now on is called Mr. Announcer): Hey, don't call me Mr. Announcer, there isn't even proof I'm a man since I'm just a voice. Anyway, Live From Hyrule its Zelda Deathmatch with your host Shadow Gamer.

Shadow: Thank you Mrs. Announcer

Announcer Guy: Hey, I didn't say I was a woman either

Shadow: Oookayyy

Random Audience Member: Get on with it!

Shadow: Guards give that man the worst punishment possible, that's right a root canal.

Random Audience Member: Hey you can't do this to me just for *dentist appears* get him away!

Shadow: Anyway, I am very upset that I only got one vote on the outcome of today's match and I bribed that person to do so.

Bribed Person who will be seen by there name next chapter: Hey! I didn't receive any money!

Shadow: so what, really what I'm trying to say is… VOTE! EVERYONE WHO READS THIS FIC SHOULD VOTE! Well the time has come for interviews about last match.

Shadow Gamer walks up to a small yellow rat. You guessed it, Pikachu.

Shadow: What do you think about the Daurinia vrs. Zelda match.

Pikachu: Pi Pika Chu

Shadow: Well said

Shadow walks up to one of those women who pretend to be Jamaican and are fake phone psychics; you know what I'm talking about. There's one in every town or city.

Shadow: What do you think.

Fake phone psychic: *in fake Jamaican accent* I don't see how my cards were wrong, they said Daurinia would win.

Shadow: Lady, I can see how your cards were wrong by the fact that you're a fake. Not only that but I'm ignoring the disclaimer at the top, you do get harmed in this chapter.

Shadow walks up to Zelda in a Keaton Mask.

Shadow: Not this again

Zelda in Keaton Mask: Who? What? Oh who cares about Daurinia, I still think that first match was unfair.

Shadow: We all know its you Zelda

Fake phone psychic: I didn't

Shadow: shut up, *fires a huge blast of black magic at the Fake phone psychic, when the smoke clears she is a real Jamaican*

Fake phone psychic: hey thanks

Shadow: oops wrong spell *fires a blast at the air above her and the Zora King falls on her* that's better

Announcer person: bout time you gave me a name that doesn't have to do with gender, though I don't like the person part cause it sounds lame. Just call me announcer, oh and we'll be back after a word from our sponsor.

Windmill guy sits around by the windmill, suddenly a bunch of bombchu's come out of a hole and blow up stuff.

Windmill Guy: not again, I thought I sprayed for Bombchus.

Voice: Feel like you've been ripped off on pest extermination, call the Tatl and Tael Pest Extermination. They'll manually blow up all every Bombchu they see for only 60,000 rupees plus their medical bills which are estimated at 90,000 rupees.

Tatl: What does manually mean?

Tael: I don't know, what are bills?

Voice: *cough* idiots *cough*

Tatl: so call us today

Windmill Guy: Ah at last my windmill can just go around and around without being blown up.

Child Link comes in and plays the song of the storms

Windmill Guy: oh crud

The stadium appears, as always Shadow is at the top in a glass box.

Announcer: Welcome back to Zelda Deathmatch, today we have Ruto vrs. Ganonpork

Ganondorf: Its Ganondorf loser *fires evil powers at where he thinks the announcer is but instead hits a mysteriously resurrected fake phone psychic. *

Announcer: ha you missed!

Ganondorf: ****

Shadow: hey, what is ****.

Ganondorf: Oh, it's just the censor of this fic censoring out ****

Shadow: oh. Well lets get started, Ruto vrs Ganondorf.

Once in the ring, Ganondorf instantly hits Ruto's cheek.

Ruto: ow. Hold in the pain, gotta win this for Link. If I can beat his enemy He'll love me

Ganon: Ha, after I beat you I'll go on and beat Link.

Ganondorf turns into his pork…

Ganon: Pork Form? No it's just my Ganon form.

Shadow: whatever, I'm writing this and it'll be called the pork form.

Ganondorf transforms into his pork form. His piggish hand slugs Ruto into the edge of the ring.

Ganon: And after I beat Link I'll kill Shadow Gamer so he can't bring the hero of time back to life.

Shadow: What! I'll get you…

Announcer: Wait a second, there happens to be a rule against the writer killing a fighter's opponent for them. Right above the "The announcer shall never show his face and his gender will never be revealed" rule.

Shadow: Well then I'll just help Ruto *snaps fingers and suddenly Ruto is in a large robot*

Ruto: cool

To make a long story short Ganon and Ruto finish each other off…

Shadow: A tie, meaning no one goes on to the next round. Also I found in the rulebook that I'm aloud to punish people for being mean to me in any fashion I please. *Throws strange home made Pokeball at Ganon and catches him* There we go *hands it to Pikachu* give this to your trainer

Pikachu: Pika *runs up and gives it to Ash*

Ash: oh cool, a Ganonpork. I'll send it to Professor Oak

Ganon *from inside Pokeball*: no not Oak, he smells funny.

Ash: We all know about his problems, but he'll eat you very good. I mean treat you very good.

Ganon *still in the ball*: ****

Shadow: There we go with the censor again. By the way, I'm giving Ruto extra rewards for helping me get rid of Porky Pig there.

Ganon *inside ball*: hey I heard that! *Starts crying*

Shadow: First off, you get a Zora mask

Ruto: I feel ripped off

Shadow: don't yet, it has Links name on it and comes with free super glue that only sticks people named Link to masks, but it won't be given to you till after Link is out of the competition. Also you win a dinner for 2 with Link, its mandatory for him to win anything. And the board games also.

Ruto: Yay!

Shadow: Next time Saria and Skull Kid will fight, vote or else I'll send a fake phone psychic to your house.

Announcer: and he will too, he did it to me once. See you next time

The End

Epilogue

Professor Oak is getting ready to eat Ganon

Ganon *who is out of the ball but tied to a table*: grrrr *snaps rope* I'm free, but not at full power. *Turns into Ganondorf and conks Professor Oak on the head with his staff like an old man does with his cane*

Ganon then runs out of the building.

The True End