How We Got Here- Part Two
By: Erin
Disclaimer: Okay, Cassandra belongs to me, anyone from Rent belongs to Jonathon Larson and such, Wherever I Go, Coming of Age, When Happily Ever After Ends, Les Mis and any other play I happen to mention belong to whoever wrote them, who the rights are held by and etc. Mooing America is copyright to Erin Weir and Karen Sadler. Hmm... I think that's it, and if I missed anything, please don't sue me, I have nothing other then a whole bunch sparkling water.
I guess my decision didn't really bring us back together but it was because of the decision that the "incident" happened. I hope that sentence made sense, because there are things that make sense in my mind that don't out loud.
Anyway, it was a bit after I turned 22- at the beginning of February, I guess, I'm terrible at exact dates- and there were 4 of us left in the loft. Me, Mark, Roger and his new girlfriend April. Argh, April. I generally like most people (except for those I don't like) but April! I very much disliked that girl and she seemed to hate me.
April disliked me since the day she moved in, but I guess I can understand why. I mean, if you moved in with your boyfriend only to find this girl who had been living there for the past 4 years and she was single, wouldn't you be suspicious too? The thing that bothered me was that she could not get it through her head that I was not "hitting" on her "man" and that I had dated Benny in the past, not Roger.
Truthfully, I think what actually made me dislike April was the fact that she was a junkie. No, that's not right. I may have considered drugs to be stupid and April to be ruining her life, but that was her own decision. Drugs ran ramped in the East Village anyway, so it seemed obvious that sooner or later I'd end up hanging out with someone who was a junkie, so that wasn't even the real reason. The thing was, recently she had convinced Roger to join her in her little junkie-ness. Roger was trying to hide his addiction from Mark and I but when you know someone as long as we had, you can tell.
But, as much as I didn't like April, she had nothing to do with my decision. And you've probably guessed it by now... I was moving out.
"But why?" Mark asked and Roger nodded, making it obvious that he wanted to know why too. This question, of course, was asking why I was moving out.
"Because I can't stand to live with two guys for any longer," I replied, grinning at them. I was sitting on my couch as Mark and Roger attempted to carry it down the stairs.
"Cassy, can you get off the couch? You're making it heavy," Roger ordered. "And besides, up until just a little while ago, you lived with 4 guys and you were fine with that."
I complied with Roger's order and jumped off the couch still grinning. "Yes, but you see, Collins and Benny cleaned up after themselves."
"Hey! We clean up after ourselves too!" Mark protested. "We're not that messy."
I sighed. "I know that Mark, I was joking." I smiled at the guys and then walked into my new apartment and pointed to an area in the 'living room'. "Just put the couch down over there. And, offense, but Collins and Benny were neater then you two, anyway."
"Benny's a neat freak," Roger mumbled, setting down his end of couch. "Well, then, what's the real reason?"
"I don't know. I've never lived on my own before." I shrugged as Mark set down his end of the couch too. "I mean, in university I had a roommate in the dorms and then, when I dropped out, I moved in with you guys. I guess I need independence or something."
"You've been talking to your mom, haven't you?" Roger asked and I nodded. He grinned and shook his head, knowing that my mom had quite a bit of influence in this choice. "Okay, well, you're welcome to move back in with us if you ever need to. I'm going to get some more of those boxes, okay?" I nodded again and Roger left the room.
The second Roger went out the door, Mark threw himself at me and grabbed my ankles. "Please don't leave me alone with the 'happy couple', Cassy!"
I laughed. "Oh, come on, Mark. I'm just moving downstairs." Okay, it was kind of pathetic that I had only moved into one of the apartments on the lower floor. But I didn't want to move that far away and this made me feel somewhat independent so it made perfect sense in my mind. "Besides, you have your own girlfriend."
Mark snorted at that statement. "In case you didn't notice, Cassy, Maureen moved out."
"Yeah, I know. To be closer to her performance space, right? So…?" I noticed Mark was looking at me like he couldn't believe I thought that. "What? She did, didn't she?"
"Do you know where Maureen's performing now?" Mark asked. I shook my head. "I didn't think so. She's performing in the empty lot next door."
I was confused. "Then why'd she move out?" I asked.
Mark shook his head. "God, Cassy, you're so naïve. It's obvious; Maureen's cheating on me. Except it's hard to cheat on someone when you live with them, so she moved out."
"You really think so?" I asked, pushing him toward the couch so he'd sit down. "Why don't you break up with her then?"
Mark sighed and sat down heavily on the couch. "Have you learned nothing in the past 4 years? You don't dump Maureen, she dumps you. Besides, even if we did break up, we'd get back together within a month anyway. We don't have a relationship like you and Benny."
I sat down beside Mark. "Yeah, but me and Benny broke up. Besides, you can't let Maureen walk all over you like that."
"Why not? Everyone else does," Mark said bitterly.
I gasped. "Mark, you know that's not true. I, at least, don't take advantage of you. And I know Collins and Benny don't. Roger may sometimes, but he's an idiot. Now, just because you're upset because everyone's moving out doesn't mean you can get depressive. And besides-" I cut off suddenly, realizing that I was ranting and that wouldn't help Mark get over the feeling that everyone was leaving him.
"Look, Mark, if April and Roger's happy-couple-druggie-highness ever gets to be too much, you can come stay down here with me. I mean, I have that extra bedroom and all. Okay?" Mark nodded and I reached over to give him a hug but grabbed my right upper leg instead. "Oww…"
Mark looked over when he heard the 'ow' and noticed me holding my leg. "Cassy, is your leg still bothering you?" I nodded while trying to massage the pain out. "Maybe you should go see the doctor again."
I shook my head. "I don't think so. She said that it was just a pulled quad last time and, besides, she did say that it would take awhile to heal. I've been taking those pills."
"The painkillers? All they've done is make you lose weight. They don't make the pain go away at all. Maybe it's more then just a pulled quad."
"The only reason I'm losing weight is because I can't eat after taking the pills and that made my stomach shrink. It'll be okay once I get off the pills." I stood up and pulled Mark up with me. "Come on, let's go help Roger with my boxes."
Now, I'm not quite sure how what happened next happened. All I know is that one minute Mark and I were walking up the stairs, we had almost reached the top and I said something stupid. And then the next minute I was laying at the bottom of the stairs saying, "Maybe I should go see that doctor, Mark."
I opened my eyes and immediately realized that I was laying in a hospital bed- or at least a cot similar to one- with a tube sticking out of my right hand. I looked around and it became obvious that the bed actually was a hospital bed, although I didn't recognize the room I was in. I then looked to my beside, because Mark was there, seemingly amusing himself by spinning around in a chair. "Damnit Mark, where am I? Last I remember I was in that emergency room."
Mark stopped his spinning and smiled at me. "Hey Cassy. This is your hospital room, because they think it could be serious. They moved you here on one of those roll-y beds while you were asleep." Anticipating my question, Mark continued, "You were asleep because they gave you codeine to take away the pain and codeine knocks you out. They also have been giving you some type of antibiotics through the IV every 4 hours."
"Yay, all this because I fell down the stairs." I rolled my eyes. "Okay, how long have I been asleep then?"
"A long time. I don't know, 18 hours I guess, it's Monday afternoon now." Mark shrugged. "By the way, Roger got bored while you were asleep, so he went home and finished moving your stuff."
"I'll have to thank him," I said, more to myself then Mark. "Where is Roger and everyone else, anyway?"
"Well, Collins is probably sitting in an airplane, I'm sitting here and Roger, April, Benny and Maureen are all sitting in the cafeteria because they would only let family members in."
"You're not technically part of my family, Mark, in case you forgot," I replied, rolling my eyes.
"Yeah, I lied," Mark said simply. Then, noticing me roll my eyes again he began to elaborate. "Because we thought you'd want someone here when you woke up, you know? And so, me and Roger decided one of us should say we were related and Roger was going to say that he was your brother since he- kind of- looks like you but then Collins called and asked for 'Roger Davis' so that didn't work. Anyway, I don't look like you so… Roger told them that I was your fiancée and they had to let me in," Mark finished shrugging.
"Oh brilliant." I rolled my eyes for a third time. "Does my real family know that I'm in the hospital?"
"Oops." Mark closed his eyes and then opened one and smiled weakly. "I knew we forgot something. Oh well, I'm sure you can call them later and tell them."
"My God, my friends are idiots. Ah well. When do you think Collins will get here?"
Mark looked at his watch. "Actually, he should be hear any minute now. It's only a short flight and his plane left earlier this morning."
"Did you know what time it was before now? It's late afternoon, isn't it?" I asked. Mark smiled and shook his head then nodded it, so that I knew the answer to the first question was no and the second was yes. I smiled back and grabbed Mark's hand with my hand that didn't have an IV in it. "I'm kind of scared. I hope they let everyone come in when he gets here."
Just then the door opened and Collins walked in, followed closely by Benny with everyone else lagging behind a bit. "Hey little girl," he greeted me. "Do they know what's wrong yet?"
"Considering I just woke up about 5 minutes ago, if they do know anything they haven't told me yet." I thought for a second. "How did you guys get past the 'family members only' thing?"
"Huh?" Roger asked, blinked for a few seconds until he realized what I was talking about. "Oh, yeah, that doesn't matter anymore, because you're in a normal ward now."
"So… you're saying that Mark didn't have to lie to get in here then?" I asked, attempting to hit Mark with my non-IV hand, which didn't exactly work, considering he was still holding it. "Stupid Mark."
"Actually, at that point we did have to lie," Roger interjected. "Mark's been here for a long time."
"Oh," I said, slightly embarrassed. "Well… in that case, not stupid Mark. Nice Mark. Good Mark. I'll shut up now."
"Well, I'll change to subject to keep you from embarrassing yourself again," Collins told me. "Hey, Cass, did you ever think it'd be you laying in a hospital bed with me visiting you?"
"Collins, don't get morbid. You're fine right now. Good health and all. Besides, all I did was fall down the stairs. I'll be out soon."
"I'm sure you will be," Collins replied. "And, healthy as I may be, I've been sitting in an airport trying to get a flight and then sitting in an airplane- which I hate- for the past 6 hours so, I'm going to go get some coffee from the hospital cafeteria."
"Okay, come visit me once the doctor comes and such, Collins." He nodded and started for the door. I looked around at everyone. "You guys can go with him if you want. I mean, it can't be that interesting for you guys to stand around watching the medicine pump through my IV. And you probably want coffee, Mark, considering you've been here for awhile."
A pretty much collective nod came from the group and they all headed out the door, except for Benny. "You're not going?" I asked him.
"No, I've been in the cafeteria for awhile. I'll stay here with you." Benny walked over to the chair that Mark had previously occupied and sat in it, smiling at me. I smiled back. Sure, he was my ex and I should have been somewhat bitter but ah well. It's hard to be bitter toward someone who's so nice to you. "Hey, Cassy, I've been thinking about our relationship and everything. And… well… I've been thinking that I was stupid for letting us break up. So… um… would you consider giving us a second chance?"
I felt my mouth open in shock. "Benjamin Coffin, are you being shy?" He nodded. "Well… I don't know. I mean, I'm not bitter or anything but… I don't know. I'm going to have to think for a bit. You can watch the hospital's TV. From what I know of hospitals, there should be a remote attached to the wall somewhere."
As Benny looked around the wall for the remote, nurse entered the room and looked at my IV. "Ms. Wilson, the antibiotics seem to have made your veins swell up. We're going to have to remove the IV and put one in the other hand when it's time for your next dose."
I looked at my wrist and did notice a bump on it, but decided to try to get her to ignore that. Because I can't stand needles and having one in my hand would be even worse. "No no, that's just my wrist bone. Don't worry about it."
"Ms. Wilson, I'm the nurse here, I think I know whether it's a bone or swollen veins, and this is swollen veins." With that the nurse dis-attached the main part of the IV from the part that was attached to my hand, removed all the tape that was holding the tube to my hand and ripped the IV out of the vein. While holding on very tightly to my "swollen" wrist. Which, of course, hurt like hell.
"Damn," I said, holding onto my wrist lightly and trying (unsuccessfully) to keep my eyes from tearing up. "For someone who's doing something to stop it from hurting me, you're rather aggressive."
Benny looked down at me holding my wrist and at the nurse who was busying herself by throwing away the tape and glared at her. "You hurt my Cassy," he practically yelled. "She's practically crying and you're supposed to be helping her get better."
The nurse looked over at Benny and sighed. "I'll go get a hot pack for her to put on her wrist." With that she walked out to the nurse's station and put something in the microwave.
I smiled over at Benny. "Do you realize what you just did? You practically yelled at someone you didn't even know for hurting me. After that, how can I not let us get back together?"
"Really?" Benny asked, grabbing my left hand. I nodded and he looked down at me. "When did you get so skinny, Cassy? You're weren't so bone-skinny before."
"I know." I shrugged. "I had to take some painkillers at home and I couldn't eat after taking them and so I couldn't eat and that shrunk my stomach and… yeah," I explained and as I did the nurse came back in and tossed the hot pack to me.
She started out when Benny stopped her, "Wait, would she be allowed to leave the ward?"
The nurse turned around and shrugged. "Don't see why not. She doesn't have an IV attached and the doctor's not going to be in until at least 6. But, we don't have any wheelchairs in this ward right now and I don't think the doctor would want her walking so it's your call." She shrugged again and left.
Benny smiled and stood up. "Come on, Cassy, let's go see everyone in the cafeteria. You need to get out of this room." He pulled the blankets down and fixed the bed so I was sitting up.
I rolled my eyes. "Are you going to go find an wheelchair? By the time you do that, they'll probably be done in the cafeteria and be back in here."
Benny shook his head. "No. The cafeteria isn't that far away and I'm sure we can find a wheelchair there once we get there. And you probably only weigh about 90 lbs. now… so…" Benny scooped me up in his arms and started out the door. "Let's go tell everyone we're back together… baby."
Well, it turns out that I didn't 'just fall down the stairs'. I actually had Osteomyelitis, which is basically an infection in my right femur. It turns out that if I hadn't gone to the hospital soon the infection could have spread to my blood, which, of course, would have killed me. As it was, I had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks, and they would have kept me there for longer except my veins couldn't stand anymore IVs and kept collapsing so they put me on oral antibiotics instead.
Collins stayed around until a few days after I got out of the hospital but had to go back to Chicago because he seriously couldn't miss anymore work. Benny still lived in the dorms at Brown University but he came to see me whenever he could. April and Roger were still together and on drugs and Mark and Maureen were together too, although she still wasn't living in the loft.
So, I was out of the hospital and everything was, almost, back to normal, but during the time when I was in the hospital everything was the way it had been for the 4 years beforehand. Collins even stayed up in the loft with Roger and Mark, which made it even more 'before'ish.
As I mentioned before, the 'incident' brought us back together for 2 weeks. But, the 2 weeks was up, and for me everything wasn't back to normal. I wasn't allowed to go back to my current show (the one that I'm still in now) for a month and even when I first went back I wasn't allowed to play my real role for another 2 months, I had to play English Girl/various other ensemble roles. because they didn't think I was up for the pressure yet. (I mean, legally, they couldn't do that, since I wrote the musical, but they were right, sadly.)
But, anyway, I think the only thing that kept me from going completely stir crazy during that time when I was 'trapped' at home was the fact Mark came down to visit me during the days often, and Benny came during the evenings.
I was sitting on my couch attempting to play Nintendo. It wasn't working; I don't quite have the reflexes to do well. Anyway, I was attempting to beat one of those boss guys when Mark came into my apartment and sat next to me. "Nintendo? You have Nintendo? That's not fair, me and Roger don't even have TV."
"Yeah, but the only reason I have TV is because my mom was stupid and gave me one for Christmas and I couldn't afford cable so I had to go out and buy a VCR. And I took it with me when I moved out, which is why you guys don't have TV." I paused the game and looked at Mark. "And then reason I have Nintendo at the current moment is because my mom brought down my brother's when she came to see me. So I wouldn't go crazy when I was at home."
"You stole your brother's Nintendo?" Mark asked. "Your poor brother, isn't he going to want to play it?"
I rolled my eyes. "Mark, my brother's in college, something tells me he won't have time to play it there. Look, do you want to attempt to beat this boss guy for me? I've been trying for the past hour and it's not working."
"How did you get that far anyway?" Mark asked looking at the screen. "I know you, and you can't play Nintendo at all."
"Yeah, Lynn from the show came over earlier and we attempted to play. She beat all the levels." I shrugged. "But, you have reflexes, so do you want to help me and try to beat him?"
Mark took the controller from me and had beat the boss within minutes. "You see, Cassy, you're supposed to run and then jump on him."
"Whoa, hold up. Run and jump? That concept is just way to complicated for my mind to handle."
"And yet you can remember complicated plot twists and character developments?" Mark asked, saving my game and turned off the system.
"Hey, I'm an actress what can you say? We're not exactly known for our intelligence where I'm from." I shrugged.
"You know, you're similar to the Princess from this game," Mark said suddenly, looking at the box. "I mean, all happy life and such and then the evil creature- in this case your infection- comes and takes you away and so Mario- that would be Benny- comes and saves you by getting back together with you and you all live happily ever after."
I blinked. "That was an… interesting comparison there Mark. I hope you never try to use that in a film, I'm not sure the average person would get it." I shrugged. "And what about you, Mark? How would you fit into this fantasy Mario world?"
Mark shrugged. "I'm Luigi. Mario gets the Princess and all I end up with is the big green dinosaur named Maureen."
"The dinosaur's name is Yoshi, Mark. Not Maureen." I pointed out. Mark just shrugged and we sat quietly for a couple minutes. "Why did you drop out of university?" I asked suddenly.
"What? How do you know that I even went to university, Cassy? I never told you that, did I?"
"No." I shook my head. "I was talking to Benny though, and he told me how you two were roommates at Brown the first year there. So, why'd you drop out?"
Mark shrugged. "For the same reason you did."
"Because your scholarship fell through so your mom told you that you could quit if you could get an audition within a month?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, to be famous," Mark said simply.
"I'm not famous," I replied just as simply.
"Well, neither am I, so it's even." Mark shrugged again. "One of us could end up getting famous though and then leave the others behind."
"No, we can make each other famous." I smiled. "Like, if you get famous, then you can put me in your films and that would work."
"Yeah, but how are you supposed to make me famous? I'm a filmmaker and that has nothing to do with live theater," Mark pointed out.
"Ah, that's where you're wrong. You see, once I get "famous" out there on Broadway, you can use all of your old footage of me and make a film "The Real Cassandra Wilson", or something of that sort and then make millions off of it! Or you could follow me around with your video camera until I do something stupid, like walk off the stage, and get famous off of that. See? It works!" I grinned at Mark.
"Alright, so we'll make each other famous then?" Mark asked.
"I guess we will," I replied, and gave him a hug.
I don't know why I remember that conversation over all the others I must have had during that time. Maybe because it was an interesting conversation and the bulk of it was very important. I mean, when you promise to make another person famous along with you, that's a pretty important promise.
I just hope Mark doesn't remember that conversation, because right afterwards I made a fool of myself while playing Donkey Kong and calling myself "Kung Foo Dixie". I have a way of ruining touching moments.
Anyway, I went back to my show, got my old role back and watched as we went from a workshop performance to Off-Broadway status to looking for a producer to help get us on Broadway. Benny and I broke up again, about 4 or 5 months later, and I attended his wedding to Alison Grey 6 months after that. Nobody else of us went.
Benny bought the apartment around us and planned to open a cyber studio. Not in the apartment building, of course, but you know what I mean. Anyway, Collins was still in Chicago, Maureen and Mark had broken up and April was… gone…
April and Roger had contracted AIDS, presumably through a needle. April had discovered this first, left a note telling Roger and slit her wrists in the bathroom. This got Roger off drugs, but also sent him into a deep depression. And while everyone else's lives were going downhill my show was getting closer and closer to moving to Broadway.
And finally came a Christmas Eve that changed everyone's life… and I wasn't
there to see it.
