Jean Valjean is the main character of Les Miserables

How We Got Here- Part Four

Disclaimer: Cassy, Karen, Danny, Lynn, "Sloan" and James all belong to me. Anything thing else belongs to Jonathan Larson. And I have absolutely *no* problems with the bassoon. Honestly, I don't, James!

Author's Notes: This is basically just a filler until I get out of my writer's block. (Which has lasted for months.) It's kind of insane, as I wrote it while hyper, so don't be too scared.

When did I get so melodramatic? You have to wonder. Really you do. I mean, I really didn't see everyone, especially Angel, as much as I should have but I did see them. I spent a lot of time at the theatre, like I said, but people were always coming to visit me there. I actually think the theatre-owner-people began to get a little annoyed, but frankly, I didn't care. It was great, this incredibly friendly atmosphere. I guess it was kind of like the family the others claimed they had, only on a slightly larger scale. You know… I have to wish I had been part of that family. I don't know if I really would have fit in anymore, but I should have at least tried. Oh well, you can't change the past. Well… unless you can, but I don't know about that part.

I spent tons of time with Mark though. I don't know why, we just did. It's kind of sad, I used to be best friends with Roger and I barely saw him that year. He was always busy with Mimi and I was always busy with… well… I don't know what I was busy with. I just seemed to be busy. I did make time for certain things though, although they were always strange things….

*~*~*~*

"Stupid Mark," I muttered standing outside his apartment. "Can't even open the door. " It was time to get his attention. I turned the door handle and it opened easily. God, would these boys never learn to lock their door? Someday they were going to get robbed, not that they had much to steal but still. Oh well, the task at hand was to get Mark, not to mentally degrade him.

"Do you know the camera man? The camera man. The camera man. Do you know the camera man? Who really likes to film!" I stood over Mark, who was trying to do… something… with his camera, grinning.

"Umm… Cassy? Isn't that just a rip-off of that song you and Karen made-up about your vocal teacher in grade nine?" Mark looked up at me, adjusting his glasses.

"How do you know about that? Anyway, yeah, but that's just a rip-off of the 'Muffin Man' song. Anyway, there is a reason I'm in your apartment." I grinned down at him. "They gave me a video camera today!"

"Oh dear." Mark stood up and set his camera on the table. "I take it you want to show me what you made with this camera? And who is they?"

"They are the theater-owner-type-people. Anyway, yes, I do, which means you have to come down to my apartment because I have a VCR and all you have is that stupid projector-thing. Now come along Mark." I grabbed his arm and started to pull him down the stairs. "It's a grand video I have made. And important nonetheless. Whoa- there's people in my apartment!"

I stopped walking and stared. For some reason Angel and Collins were sitting in my apartment, eating cereal. Maybe I should have locked the door when I went up to get Mark. "Um… is there a reason you guys are sitting in my apartment eating cereal?"

"Yes." Angel smiled at me. "We don't have any cereal left."

"Uh huh… why didn't you just buy more cereal? Or tell me you were coming?" Angel just shrugged and resumed his cereal eating. "Alright then… it seems the crazy people have finally found their way into my apartment, so I guess it's time to watch the video I made."

"How does that follow? I swear, you have the strangest logic in the world," Mark commented, sitting down on the couch.

"Ah, not the strangest. For example, my friend Yulanda's theory is that Karen is talented because Roger is hot. Don't ask me how that follows." I grinned and rolled my eyes, pressing play. "Anyway, here's my video. You guys can watch too," I added, calling back to Angel and Collins.

"Ooh! Is this the one we helped make?" Angel asked, climbing over the back of the couch. I nodded and he motioned for Collins to join us. Just then, the video actually turned on and all of our attention was averted to that.

Video Me: Hi Markarooni! Or Roger-o! Or Random-Girl-Whose-Name-I-Do-Know-I-Just-Call-Her-This-To-Annoy-Her! Actually, it should probably be Mark whose watching this, because… um… I have my reasons. Anyway, as you can probably tell, they gave me a video camera today! I think I have to give it back though.

"Why did they give you a video camera anyway?" Mark asked.

"You know… I'm not quite sure. I'm sure they probably told me, I just wasn't paying attention. I tend not to do that when I don't think things are important." I shrugged.

"Brilliant Cassy, absolutely brilliant."

"Quiet you."

Video Me: Okay, anyway, this is our theatre- even though you know that since you've been here lots of times. They're rehearsing onstage- probably something I'm supposed to be in but that's okay. "They" being the ensemble that is.

"Who's filming this, Cassy?"

"Shh. It'll get to that. And stop asking so many questions!"

"You always ask questions during my films."

"Shh."

Video Me: And over here we have everyone's favorite couple, Angel and Collins. Why they are in my theatre I'm not quite sure. Why are you guys in the theatre?

Video Angel: Because you invited us.

Video Me: Right…

Video Angel: Hey, Mark, remind Cassy that she owes me a purse.

Video Me: Why do I owe you a purse?

"Angel, why does Cassy owe you a purse?"

"Yeah, why do I owe you a purse, Angel?"

"I explain that."

Video Angel: Because of the scene in the show.

Video Me: Right! I owe Angel a purse because one of the scenes-, which we wrote as a tribute to you-, says, "You have a purse." "Purses are for girls." "Or crossdressers." "Like Angel." "Angel Angel nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah."

Video Angel: But I don't have a purse. So I want one.

Video Me: Look, I'll buy you a purse later, okay? Now, to the important part of this video. Karen… you can turn the camera off now. Okay? Turn the camera off. Karen!

"Voice of God" (Karen behind the camera): Mwahahahahahahaha! I have the camera now.

Video Me: Oh god.

The screen faded to black and Mark looked at me. "That is the video you wanted to show me?"

"No!" I protested. "There is an important part, it just hasn't gotten to the important part yet, Captain Markarooni."

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry Markarooni. Sometimes I call people 'Captain'."

"Don't call me that."

"Okay Markarooni!"

Mark rolled his eyes and smiled. "Isn't that from a scene in the show?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "It's stuck in my brain. We spent 3 hours working on it today because Karen and Dean- he plays Jeffers- kept flirting. I told her that dating someone in the show wouldn't work!"

"But you're dating someone from the show."

I rolled my eyes and sighed again. "Mark, for the last time, I'm not dating Danny. I am single. Cassy= single. Me single yes. Okay?"

Video Me: Hi Mark! Okay, to demonstrate my point, I've put together a little skit. And… um… as crazy as it may get, just remember that there is a point to it.

Mark raised his eyebrow at me. "A skit, huh?"

I laughed. "Just watch."

The screen cleared to show me, Collins as himself, Angel as herself, Karen dressed in Roger's clothes and Lynn (the girl who plays Leigh) dressed in Mark's clothes.

Video Me: The scene? A typical day up in your loft. The people? Me, you, Angel, Collins and Roger.

"Why are your friends dressed as us?" Mark asked, glaring at the TV.

"They aren't dressed as you. They're just wearing your clothes." I shrugged.

"Why are they wearing our clothes? And where did you get them from?"

"I don't know. They were in my apartment." I shrugged again.

"Why were our clothes in your apartment?"

"I don't know. Why were your clothes in my apartment? Maybe you should start locking your door."

"Cassy!" Mark exclaimed. "Have you been breaking into our apartment?"

I attempted a Mona Lisa smile. "Just watch the video, Mark."

Video Me: (approaching Collins) Hey, Collins, have you seen Mark? I need to-

Video Collins: Can't talk now. Angel. (lifts Angel up and kisses her and the two skip off camera)

Video Me: Alright then… Roger- I need to ask-

Video "Roger" (Karen): Can't talk now. Mimi. (walks over to "Mimi" (Angel wearing a wig) and they walk off camera)

Video Me: Argh! I can't trust anyone. Damn people not existing. Ooh- Angel's back! Angel, have you-

Video Angel: (grabbing a jacket) Can't talk now. Collins.

"Okay, is this video just the same thing over and over and over?" Mark asked, looking at the screen with a "scared" look in his eyes.

"You know what? Nevermind." I clicked off the video. "At this rate we'll never get to the important part. Excuse my attempt at being creative."

"Hey, Cassy." Mark grabbed my arm. "I'm sorry for insulting your video, okay?"

I smiled. "It's fine. It was a pretty bad video, huh?" Laughter all around. I didn't think it was that bad! Oh well, just go with it, honey. When did I start talking to myself?

"Anyway, Mark, why don't I explain what the point of that video was? Okay- my old high school does these music camps every winter and they usually have tutors for the different instruments. And vocal tutors too. And they want me to be a vocal tutor- right?" Mark nodded. "But I wasn't sure if I could get the time off work, although they just thought that I didn't really want to come so they offered to let me bring friends, provided that they wouldn't get in the way too much. And so I got the time off work, so I was wondering if you want to come?"

Mark blinked, looking surprised. "Me? Why wouldn't you bring someone like Karen? Or Roger?"

I laughed. "Hey, you saw the video. Roger has more important things in his life- i.e. his girlfriend- then running off to Canada with me. Besides, both Karen and Danny are already coming to be vocal tutors- their Huron alumni too. Marky- you have to come."

He smiled. "I'll come if you don't call me Marky."

"Deal. We leave on Monday at noon. Tell Roger before we leave though- God forbid he has to worry."

"Do I detect a note of bitterness in the Queen of Happiness' façade?" Mark grinned.

"Shut up and start packing." I laughed. I was getting good at hiding my true emotions. I didn't want anyone to realize exactly how excluded I was beginning to feel. I had just missed too much. "We don't need any more procrastination then we already have in the form of me."

"Hey, that reminds me." Mark turned to face Collins. God, I had almost forgotten the couple was still there. "Roger was cleaning out his closet the other day, he found some of your old papers and stuff. Do you still want them?"

"Dunno." Collins shrugged. "I guess I'll have to check them out and see."

"Let's go look then," Mark stood up and brushed his pants off.

"Okay." Collins leaned over and kissed Angel's forehead. "I'll be back in a bit, darling."

I sighed and watched them leave. "You guys are the perfect couple. I am so jealous."

"Yeah," Angel said quickly. "Hey, it didn't upset you that much when we were laughing at your film, did it?"

Hmm, maybe not as good at hiding true feelings as I thought. "Hmmm, I guess it's okay. I didn't really make the video to be serious or anything. I just don't think I'm used to people laughing at me."

"You were laughing too," Angel pointed out.

"Yeah, good point. But don't worry about me, I'll probably be over it in a few minutes." I turned the TV and video back on then pressed rewind, watching myself going through various motions backwards. "God, I'm not that hyper in real life, am I?"

"Sometimes."

"Oh. Hmm. I've gotta get myself some Ritalin."

Angel laughed. "Hey, have you been letting any other street musicians into your theatre to warm up lately?"

"No." I shook my head. "Haven't been able to find any special enough."

"Aw, don't I feel loved."

"Angel, you are loved. Don't forget it. No matter what, don't forget that someone will always love you, even when you don't feel like you are. Never forget. And always share yourself- you'll never ever regret it. You have to remember that old cliché- it's better to regret something you have done then to regret something you didn't do."

"Wow." Angel gazed at me. "I thought Mark and Collins were the philosophical ones among us."

I smiled and shook my head again. "Just remembering something I was told in high school. I felt it was time to pass my wisdom on." I looked over at the drag queen, who was picking at his nails. "What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking that I'm going to be really alone this week. Collins is doing some university course teaching thing and you and Mark are going to be up in Canada and-"

"Do you want to come too, Angel?"

"Well, I couldn't, I mean, I don't want to-"

"You're not going to be imposing or anything. And if you're worried about going for nothing I can tell Sloan that you'll help with percussion. They always need more people who play interesting instruments to help teach percussion clinics and you're good at making music out of stuff you wouldn't usually make music with and… I'm babbling now."

I paused and took a breath. "Anyway, do you want to come? I can call Sloan and tell him I'm bringing another person- he won't mind."

"I've got to talk it over with Tom-" Angel started.

"Ohmigod, you just called him Tom. That's is the most adorable thing I've ever heard," I interrupted. "Sorry. Of course you have to talk to Collins about it. Come see me when you've decided and I'll call Sloan. Unless you have access to a phone, in which case you know my number."

I pulled Angel to his feet. "You'd better go talk to your boyfriend. He's probably still upstairs with Mark trying to decide if a random piece of paper with scribblings in my writing saying 'It not a waste, there's just more competition,' is worth saving to figure out." Angel laughed. "If he actually does find that paper, tell him I'm talking about hot guys who happen to be bi. See you later."

*~*~*~*

Needless to say, Collins let Angel come to Canada with us, although he did say he would miss him. (They were the most adorable couple in the world…) Anyway, 4 days later, Mark, Angel, Karen, Danny and I headed off to Canada. Nothing like advanced warning, but we managed to get seats near each other on the airplane anyway, not quite sure how.

Once we arrived at the camp where music camp always is, I was horribly shocked to discover that Sloan had a problem with Angel. How can someone have a problem with Angel? He was one of the sweetest, most accepting and most fun people I've ever known. Technically though, it wasn't Angel he had trouble with; it was the way Angel was dressed. Yes, I told Angel that he had permission to be in drag. Why wouldn't he? Apparently because it "corrupted the children". Sadly enough, these "children" were age 14-20, so I doubt they didn't know what a drag queen was. Finally we manage to win Sloan over with A) a hell of a lot of pleading from me and B) an absolutely amazing drum performance from Angel. In a compromise, Angel was allowed to dress in drag, as long as it wasn't during his percussion "workshops". So Angel did the workshops, Karen, Danny and I tutored the vocal students with some random bass and Mark walked around with his video camera, narrating our lives.

Amazingly enough, that didn't really put much of a damper on the 3 days we were there for. I mean, Angel was upset for a little while, but he bounced back pretty quickly. The 5 of us shared a cabin thing, although it was pretty far away from the main area. The crazy trombone guy would give us a ride into the main area though, so it didn't matter. Anyway, on the night in question, we were all in me, Karen and Angel's room, playing Truth or Dare for some reason. (I think we were incredibly bored and hyper.)

*~*~*~*

"Okay, Cass, truth or dare?" Mark asked, leaning back against the ladder on one of the beds. Yes, they gave us bunk beds. Made me feel like such a little kid and the game didn't exactly help.

"Well, as you're asking me and I don't trust you to give me a good dare, truth." I roll my eyes at him.

"Okay…" Mark paused for a minute and grinned as he thought of a question. "Who all have you slept with?"

Okay, maybe the game didn't make me feel like a little kid. Bad bad question for Mark to ask. "Well… Will- you remember Will, Karen? -, this guy named Brian, another guy nobody but Karen would know- James, Benny and… ummm… Roger." I bit my lip, looking up at Mark's reaction.

"Roger!?!" Mark exclaimed, in disgust almost.

"Well, I was sad! And he was… there…" It sounded horrible when I actually said it, but in my mind it seemed to make sense. To an extent.

"You had sex with Roger…" Mark said slowly, this strange look crossing his face. It was almost a mixture of disappointment, disgust, anger and… hurt. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why he was giving me that look.

"Look, me and Benny had just broken up, I went back to the loft and was really upset and Roger was the only one there. And he was being really nice and sweet and comforting and… I don't know, it just happened, you know?"

"Okay, let me get this straight. You slept with Roger because you were sad?"

"Yes!" The first time. I knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to explain to Mark that there had been more then one time though. "Maaaaaaarky… are you mad at me?"

"What? Why would I be mad at you? Your way of dealing with being sad is your own business," Mark mumbled, suddenly very interested in a piece of tape on his camera.

"I don't know, you just seem… pissy…" I bit my lip at the expression on his face, maybe calling him 'pissy' wasn't the smartest idea. I knew I should have just dropped the subject but letting things go at the right time has never been one of my high points.

"I'm not pissy!" Mark squeaked out, his face turning bright red. It would have been cute, if I didn't know that he was angry with me. I couldn't figure out why he was angry, but he was. It was time to change the subject.

"Karen, truth or dare?" And the game returned in its former "glory"- kind of- except, I knew Mark was giving me strange looks the entire time. Okay, maybe Rog and I should have told him, but I never really thought of it as a big deal. Just something that happened between us a couple of times and wasn't going to happen between us anymore, since he had a Mimi now. It didn't matter.

The game progressed a little bit more quickly then I wanted it to though. Karen mooned out the window and Danny revealed that his first role in a real show was to prance around in tights singing a random song about coffee. Even my first show wasn't that bad. But it was Angel's turn to ask Mark and Mark chose dare. I guess he didn't want to deal with anymore stupid confrontations or anything. "Mark, I dare you- and Cassy- to kiss and make up." Angel Dumott Schunard, the original peacemaker.

Mark sputtered.

Angel stole the camera and focused it on him.

I jumped on Mark and kissed him with all I had.

Karen laughed.

"Marky…. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Roger and me. I should have. Do you forgive me?"

Mark blinked. I think he was still trying to figure out what happened, so as he processed it all, I climbed off him and sat back against the wall. "I… ummm… yes?"

"Yay."

*~*~*~*

Mark didn't really forgive me though, I think he just said it because he wanted to make Angel happy and because he had just been kissed. And I am good, if I say so myself. And I do. Anyway, Mark spent the entire rest of the weekend wandering around with his camera sulking. I spent the rest of the weekend alternating between explaining to altos that, no matter how much they squeeze their throats, they will not be able to hit the High C and sound pretty, and trying to figure out what was wrong with Mark.

Looking back, the only explanation I can come up with for why I didn't figure it out is that I'm not the brightest crayon in the box. I should have seen it, Angel saw it. That's why he made the dare he did. But I didn't see it for a long long time. Certainly not that weekend, I was too busy seeing other things.

*~*~*~*

"Where's your other half?"

That was the ever brilliant first thing James said to me all weekend. Karen and Mark were packing our stuff up in the car and Danny and Angel were off somewhere. I went into the dining hall to sit on a table and try to work on a new show but he came and sat right next to me. So much for being along and working. "Other half?"

"Yeah, other half. You know, Karen and Cassy? The two blondes in the front row?"

"Shut up, Bassoon Boy. I can function on my own, you know. She's out packing the car with Mark." Not that I was just a little bitter from our break up. That would never happen. Okay, yes it would. I was still mad. The boy went off to university and to be famous and forgot about me. And yes, I did get with Benny, but I was pretty miserable for that year before I did!

"I know you can. And I'm glad she's not here. You know, Cassy, I always did like you best." James leaned toward me with sparkling eyes and I melted. I never could stay mad at anyone I saw. Only if I didn't see them could I stay mad.

"I know you liked me better, that's why you dated me, isn't it? And why you forgot about me? You said you'd call…" Maybe I was still a little mad, no matter how much I was melting.

"Cassy… I tried to call. I called in the March after we started university, but nobody knew where you were. And I called before then, but you were never home… didn't you get my messages?"

That made me feel bad. I never called him either… granted, I didn't have a number to call, but if I tried hard enough I'm sure I could have found one. "Oh… I'm… uh… I'm sorry, James. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I never got any messages, I just assumed you forgot about me."

"Cassy…" He leaned in and softly kissed me and I suddenly remembered why I fell for him in the first place. Not that I ever totally forgot, I just needed a little reminding. "I would never forget you."

"I never did…" That what happens with the first guy you ever fell in love with. "We need to catch up." I put down my notebook and slid a little closer to him. "I dropped out of university freshman year, that's why they couldn't find me when you called in March."

"I figured…" James smiled and shook his head, setting his hand on the other side of me so he almost had his arm around me. "I never could see you in university. I graduated though. Performed professionally a couple times. Guess where I'm playing now?"

From the way he said it, I could tell where immediately. I looked over at him and smiled. "New York. You're playing where I am. Does that mean we'll…?"

He smiled back at me. "It definitely means we'll…" He trailed off as well, but it wasn't because he didn't know what to say, it was because he leaned over and kissed me. And I slid into his lap and kissed him back.

And through this all, I still managed to hear Mark's slightly nasal voice go, "Awwww shit."

*~*~*~*

Needless to say, James and I got back together after that. I don't know if we would have if he didn't live in New York, though, I'm not a very good long distance person. I guess we learned that with the whole university-James thing. Things work that way, they twist around oddly and finally all make sense at the end of it all. Still, we got back together and it was nice and it was good.

Well… most of it was good. James and I lived together for awhile and I think I only saw Mark 4 or 5 times in those whole 2 months. I could not understand what was happening between us, everything had gotten weird since we came back from Canada. I never did figure out what was wrong until much, much later, after James and I had broken up. Afterwards, I found out how alone Mark felt through that entire time and I just wish he could have told me. I wish I hadn't been so caught up in myself just like… *blink*… Maureen…