Paragraph 6: Page 10 of - Emperor Of The Sun

Paragraph 7: Page 148 of – A Man Named Dave

Paragraph 8:  Page 63 of - Emperor Of The Sun

Paragraph 9: Page 335 of – The Last Full Measure

I thought the flames were as loud and powerful as the sea, and that evening when we were home I went out to the front yard and climbed the elm to watch the forest burn.  How ironic a fire on the same day I am so willing to die.  I had thought on phoning mother again and presenting myself as nice and proper adult.  It won't do any good.  In her eyes and everyone else's I would be the drug addict that destroyed everything they held dear.  I made a mistake!  The worst one a person can ever make.  I am human though!  Only if they could or would be willing to see me now.  Wait a second.  Why can't they?  I'll just go to them.  I climb down my tree, drag Lee inside and start to pack.

            I was now living with someone, and I searched my heart, I didn't know if I could ever have the same strong feelings for Patsy that she seemed to have for me.  I kept on running that thought through my head during the flight.  It was no longer true.  Patsy was long gone not on a trip or with someone else, but gone as in dead.  But the last time they had seen me my status in life was wrapped inside of Patsy and me.  No wonder with my erratic behavior, my lies, and well that bitch everyone left me high and dry.  I hope to see Clu first.  If I could convince anyone that life is singing a new tune in my ear it would be him.  I am willing to admit defeat even before the fight is done when it comes to mother's reaction to me.  It's over between us.  The plane comes to safe landing.  Awwwwwww the wonderful feel and scent of Colorado surrounds me.

            In the marbled mirror I watch Jodi's reflection.  I had a niece unbelievable but great all the same.  She was beautiful knowing her bloodlines and heredity I shouldn't be surprised by this.  Clu let me in willingly; I thought he'd slam the door on my face or Lee's tail.  Good old Clu always there for his brother.  His kindness now almost allows me to forget his hard ass behavior for the last six years.  Jodi is playing with her little pony figures making them race each other across the floor.  I wish I had a kid, and then I look at myself and realize I have no right to bring a child into this world.  I don't even belong in this world.  I guess my therapy sessions aren't working like there suppose to be.  Annie brings me a cup of tea and invites me to join her and Clu on the porch.  I allow Lee to stay with Jodi after all he's helping retreating the horses after she throws them across the room.

            The house was on a gentle hill, west of the town, the land around still scattered with big oak, or orchard of apple trees, the fields not yet stripped and scarred by the feet of the armies.  It was fun to watch the neighborhood kids play their little games.  They were so into them just hearing them I felt as if I had been transported into another era.  I wonder if I were born a hundred years ago would I still screw everything up?  I don't miss the drugs.  Oh hell yes I do!  A person can't develop a habit do it day after day, stop and just like that not miss it.  If they say that their lying or have extremely strong will powers, Superman status strength.  I want to ask about Molly.  To know if she's doing better.  I am too afraid if she's not I'll die again.  Annie looks at her watch kisses Clu goodbye and leaves, to work or something I didn't bother to ask.  The neighborhood kids have captured the captain of rival team and are whooping like Indians.  At a time long ago that was me and Clu, and sometimes Jack.  Oh God Jack!  I can't help it I start to cry like a newborn fresh from the womb.