Sage of Innocence Saga -or- Two Links and a Bunch of Authors
By Galaxy Girl

CHAPTER EIGHT: GET YER GROOVE ON, BOY-EEEE! -or- BACK TO TERMINA

Disclaimer: Let me put this simply for you. Me no own Zelda. Me no own other authors. Me do own seven temples and me. Me GG, you reader... Me author, you reading author story... Uh... anyway...



Hi everyone, it's me LL! Last time on SOIS, Link, Yumi and I went to the Desert Colossus to find the Energy Temple, where we solved a bunch of puzzles, met some rabid school supplies, and awakened Chica, the Author Sage of Energy.



"Hey, move it, Goron Boy!" a grumpy man screamed from behind me.
Link grabbed me by the arm and moved me out of the way of a man driving a horse-drawn cart. "Watch out, LL!"
We had come a long way in only a half a day, thanks to Link's trusty horse Epona. All the way to West Clock Town, Termina! I had never been here before, and it was a very confusing place.
"Let's see... if the Stock Pot Inn is here, then the Trading Post must be... here," Link said to himself as he looked over our map. "It's almost dark, so we better get there quick,"
"Link, I don't understand. Why did we come all the way here to Termina when the virus is only affecting Hyrule?" I asked, tugging on his sleeve.
"Well LL, according to Destiny, the next Temple is here," he answered, pulling me away from another grumpy merchant in a cart.
"And besides," Yumi said from my shoulder, "If time gets screwed up in Hyrule, then it will affect the people in Termina, too."
"I'll be glad when we awaken all the Author Sages and turn things back to normal so all the authors will be able to go home," I said.
"Me too," Link sighed.
"And me three! I can't WAIT to get back to my cozy little fairy cabana!" Yumi laughed.
I was confused for a minute, but then I suddenly understood.
Yumi (AKA Princess of the Pixies) knew all about the author circumstances, but she thought she really WAS Yumi the fairy.
Boy, was she going to get a surprise when the virus disappeared!

Link led me up to a door and eyed the sign next to it. "I remember this shop from 10 years ago... Come on LL, let's go in and I'll buy you a weapon to use,"

We walked inside the shop and I saw a little man sitting at the counter, fooling around with some kind of a gadget.
Link stepped up to the counter. "Hey Mr. Shopkeeper Dude, remember me?"
The guy stared at him for a minute, then jumped up. "Green Hat Kid! It's you! It's been a long time! Um... ten years?"
"Yes, it has," Link laughed. I took it they knew each other.
"Hey, what brings you here?" asked the shop keeper guy.
"Oh, me and my buddy LL here are looking for... things," Link said.
The shop keeper stood up and eyed me. Then he laughed.
"Hey, sorry. We only serve humans here," he said.
I frowned. "Hey, I want some stuff!"
"Sorry, we only serve humans here!" he said again, a little angrier.
Link sighed. "Good grief, all right, I want to buy a bow."
"We're fresh out," the guy said, sneering at me. "But we just got a crossbow in last night."
"A crossbow? What's that?" I asked.
The guy pulled out a huge bow-looking thingy with a small trigger on the bottom. "This is the Bushwhacker 5000, the latest in crossbow technology. It can fire any size arrow over 70 miles per hour in less than 3 seconds, and it has the most advanced sighting technology of its kind."
I drooled. "Cool..."
"Eyes off, Rock Head!" the guy sneered. "I told you, we only serve HUMANS!"
"OK then," I said, grabbing my Innocence Medallion and stepping out the door.

~*~*~*~*POOF*~*~*~*~

I stepped back inside and reached for my wallet. "How much is it?"
The shop keeper's jaw dropped, and he stared at me. "Duh... duh... Goron... duh... duh... 100... duh, Rupees... duh..."
I counted out two purple Rupees of my allowance and handed it over to the guy. I grabbed the crossbow, and pulled the trigger a few times.
"Come on Link, let's go," I said, strapping it to the back of my tunic.
Link shrugged. "Have a nice day," he said to the shop keeper, who had since passed out.
We walked outside. It had already gotten dark. That meant we had four days left. That wasn't a lot of time.
"LL, I think you'd better stay as Doseki until we leave Clock Town at least. Some people here are kind of uptight to Gorons and Deku Scrubs and Zoras and stuff like that." Link said.
"All right," I sighed. "But hey, I got a sweet new crossbow!"
Link chuckled. "There's gotta be some people around here who know about anything strange going on around here. Destiny's clue wasn't a very good one. It didn't say where in the world the temple is,"
"We can ask around," Yumi suggested.
We made our way to the East part of town, to a small milk bar. Link showed a pass, and the three of us walked and flew in and sat down at the bar.
"One Chateau Romani," Link ordered. "And one Lon-Lon for my friend,"
The bartender, who looked mysteriously like the owner of the ranch back home, passed a weird looking glass of milk to Link and a regular one to me.
"Hey Link, why can't I have one of those that you have?" I asked.
Link took a sip of his milk, and his eyes almost popped out of his head. "Woo! Well Doseki, it's a little strong for someone your age."
I took a sip of my milk, and looked around at all the strange people. Yet most of them looked familiar to me... and there were no authors in sight.
"Hey bartender, give me a thimble of Chateau Romani," Yumi yelled. The bartender laughed and passed her a small capful of milk.
"Link, do you know anyone here?" I asked.
"No, not right now. Keep your ears open for any news," he said.
I sipped my milk and looked around. There were two weird men laughing next to me, drinking their milk and talking loudly.
"Have you been to the woods just near the border lately?" asked one of them.
"No, why?"
"There's been talk of a strange little dude around there, asking people to dance or something like that!"
"You're mad! Whoever heard of something so ridiculous?"
They laughed and laughed, and the bartender leaned over near them. "'Tain't no lie, Mister. Not only a week ago, my brother was delivering our milk here, and he said a weird little guy asked him to dance up in the woods! Quite an odd little fellow, if you ask me."
"I don't believe it," one of the two men said. "That's not real, a man asking people to dance!"
"Link!" I whispered, tugging on his sleeve. "Did you hear what they said?"
"What? Who said what?" he said quickly.
"Those two men said that there's a weird little guy asking people to dance in the woods near the Termina/Hyrule border!" I explained.
Link scratched his chin. "Hey, that's not a bad clue... we should get moving as soon as we finish our milk. This stuff is expensive, so drink all of it,"
I quickly downed my milk and waited while Yumi and Link finished theirs, then we grabbed the water-logged Yumi, stuck her in my pocket, and headed for the door.
Yumi laughed and hiccuped. "Woo, too much milk there, Yumi... Hee hee hee..."
"No more milk for you, ever," Link said sternly.
We headed for the door, when suddenly, I smacked into a large sweaty, and smelly body.
"Hey, watch it, kid!" the big huge man grunted.
He was almost bigger than my dad! The guy was really fat, and had a gruff beard all over his face. He wore a sweaty, stained shirt, and a pair of green pants. He was holding a glass of Chateau Romani.
"Excuse me!" I said, putting my arm up as I moved out of the way.
The huge, hairy, ugly, and sweaty man stared down at my arm, and suddenly he grabbed it. "Hey, what's this?"
He pulled up the sleeve of my tunic on my right arm to reveal something I hadn't noticed before.

On the top part of my arm was the same tattoo that I had on my arms as a Goron. I had never noticed that it was still there when I was Doseki...
"You got tattoos!" the man growled. He spun me around and held up my other sleeve. The other arm had the same marking, too.
"Ouch!" I grunted.
"Hey pal, leave him alone!" Link said, trying to push the guy away.
"Hey little boy... isn't this the same tattoo that the Goron Tribe uses on its members?" the guy growled.
"Ow! I don't know!" I whined.
Actually, I did know. Every Goron who was any Goron had the tattoos. And I especially had to have them. I WAS Little Brother of the Gorons of Death Mountain...
"Wrong answer kid!" the guy chuckled meanly. He slammed me onto the counter of the bar, and pulled my sleeve up some more.
"Hey Gordo! Get a look at this!" the guy laughed. I smelt another guy gazing at my right arm. "The kid thinks he's a Goron!"
This raised a chorus of laughter out of everyone in the bar. A group of smelly men crowded around me.
"Don't you know about Gorons, kid?" one of them chuckled. "Those smelly beasts! They actually eat ROCKS!"
Everyone laughed. I could feel my cheeks burning.
"I heard once that they have half the brain of a Termanian or a Hylian, for that matter!" another man said.
I held my tongue. I knew when NOT to speak.
"HA HA HA! They say that Gorons are so primitive, they can't even talk to other races without stuttering!"
"That's not true!" I hissed.
"What? What did you say?" the big man who was holding me said.
"I said That's Not TRUE!" I screamed.
Everyone was laughing again.
"Hey Ernest, maybe he IS about as smart as a Goron!" another man said to the guy who was holding me.
"At least Gorons bother to keep themselves clean!" I hissed.
Ernest (the big dude holding me) growled with anger and pulled a huge knife out of his pocket. "I'll teach you to insult me!" he yelled. He held the knife right down to my arm. "We'll start by taking these stupid Goron tattoos off!"
"PUT the knife down!" Link snapped from behind us. I heard his sword swish through the air, and saw the glint of the blade next to Ernest's neck.
"What business is it of yours?" Gordo growled, and stepped forward to confront him.
"He didn't mean any harm by bumping into your friend there," Link said smoothly. "Let him go."
"What about the tattoos?" another guy screamed.
"So he wants tattoos. So what?"
"And what about him insulting me?" Ernest grunted.
"You deserved it," Link smiled.
Gordo grunted, and took a swing at Link. His fist grazed off of Link's face, and he fell over.
I kicked backwards, and hit a few guys in the leg. Ernest released me, and I quickly pulled my Little Giant sword.
"All right, let him up now!" I screamed to the guys who were down on the floor beating Link to a pulp.
The three of them scowled and slowly stood up. Link got up, with bruises all over.
"Now," I said. "Can we PLEASE leave here in peace, without getting our arms carved off or being beaten up?"
The guys growled and tried to move in and attack. I quickly changed their minds with a sword spin.
They all stepped back, Link grabbed his stuff, and the two of us raced out of the bar.

I gazed at the tattoos on my arm as we left the light of the bar. Link rubbed his face in pain.
"Link..." I said quietly. "Thank you. For standing up for me,"
Link half smiled and rubbed a bruise on his stomach. "It's no problem, Doseki. I can't just stand there and watch you be carved up and insulted."
I sighed, and opened the pocket of my tunic to check on Yumi, sound asleep.
"Link... do you believe what they said about Gorons?"
"No," he said. "I know that you guys aren't really stupid or smelly. I think you Gorons are pretty awesome."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Why did they say that, though?" I asked him.
"Well LL, some people are just blunt about those kind of things. Maybe they've never really met a Goron, and they don't know. Or maybe they're afraid of Gorons because they're different from them."
"That's a pretty stupid reason to be afraid of something." I sighed.
"I know, but you can't stop people from thinking what they want."
"That's like me being afraid of you because you have pointy ears," I said. "Or you being afraid of Nabooru and the other Gerudos because they live in the desert and don't have pointy ears."
"Or the Gerudos being afraid of GG and Chica because they live in the US and do things differently," Link added.
I shrugged. "Maybe things will get better in the world if people didn't care if other people are different."
"Maybe, Doseki." Link smiled.
I shuddered. "I hope I never meet anyone like that again!"
"I hope you don't either," Link said.
"They were jerks. And they smelled."
"See now, LL? It's saying things like that that gets you in trouble with big strong ugly gangster-type guys."

Outside Clock Town, Link called Epona, and helped me get on.
"Remember, no freaking out this time," he said.
"It's OK, I won't!" I assured him.
He spurred the horse, and we started galloping towards the Hyrule border again.
"I remember those woods," he said. "Something really bad happened to me there 10 years ago..."
"What?" I asked.
Link smiled. Er, I think he did, I was behind him on the horse. "A Skull Kid turned me into a Deku Scrub."
"Uh... what's a Deku Scrub?" I asked.
"Oh, you'll find out soon enough."
Suddenly, we heard a weird noise from my pocket. It was Yumi.
"If my lips had left my mouth, packed my bags and headed south, that'd be too bad, I'd be so sad! If my lips found a new host, said "We don't like you, we think you're gross", I might get mad, I'd call my dad! That'd be too bad, I'd be so sad, I might get mad, I'd call my dad, that'd be too bad!"
I shook my head. "What's in that Romani stuff anyway?"
Link shrugged. "I don't even think the guys at Romani Ranch know the answer to that."

Finally, we found ourselves in a big area of woods, not far from the border. It was dark, and pretty creepy.
I had never seen so many... um, what were they called again? Oh yeah, TREES in my entire life!
It was too quiet. Way too quiet. I longed for conversation, but Link was kind of muttering to himself about "Well, if I see that Skull Kid this," and "Why, if I see that Skull Kid that,".
Yumi was still belting out show tunes.
"Yumi, get a hold of yourself!" I snapped at her. "If I hear 'I Love My Lips' one more time..."
"Well excuse me, Doseki. Just thought a little music might cheer up the situation."
"We have five days until the end of time and existence as we know it, Yumi. I think we have a reason to be upset," Link griped.
I sighed. It was really too quiet now.
I jumped when I heard a weird sound break the silence.
"One day I lost my front tooth, I had to kiss my Great Aunt Ruth! She had a beard, and it felt weird!"
It was Yumi again.
"Yumi, hush!" I yelled. "It's way too dark around here!"
Suddenly, I heard another voice. "It's way too dark around here, here!"
I gasped. "Link, what was that?"
He stopped Epona and looked around. "Who said that?" he called.
"Who said that, that?" the voice repeated.
Link was not amused. "No, seriously! Who's there?"
"Who's there, there?"
Link frowned. "Come on, stop!"
"Come on, stop, stop!"
Link pulled his sword out. "I have a sword! Who are you?"
"I have a sword, sword! Who are you, you?"
Suddenly, a short little dude appeared near us up in a tree. It was a short guy who kind of looked like a child, wearing a skull mask and dressed in torn up clothes.
"Link, what's that?" I gasped.
"Link, what's that, that!" he repeated. Then he burst out laughing.
"Oh great," Link said, rolling his eyes. "It's a Skull Kid. They live in the woods around here. Luckily, this one isn't wearing an evil ancient relic mask."
"Oh great, great!" he repeated.
"Link, what's he doing?" I asked.
"What's he doing, doing?"
"He thinks it's funny to mimic us. Ignore him."
"Ignore him, him!"
"Do you think she's seen the guy asking people to dance?" I said as quietly as I could.
"Voodoo pink cheese Queen has cried masking steeple to France, France?" the Skull Kid repeated as much as he had heard.
"Let's ask him," Link whispered back.
"Mets bask Jim, Jim!" the Skull Kid said.
"Hey, uh, Skull Kid guy, can you talk to us?" I called.
"I can, can. Why, why?"
"Because we're looking for someone!" Link continued.
"Pay me, pay me!"
Link sighed in disgust. "Oh, he speaks perfect English when he wants money."
Link tossed him a blue Rupee, and then the Skull Kid pointed over to the right. "Dude's over there, there!"
"Thank you!" I called.
"Thank you, you!"
Link sighed and turned right. As we rode away, he whispered to me, "Good grief, what a moron!"
"Food chief, butt's a Goron!" the Skull Kid giggled.

After riding for a while, we came to a small clearing, where Link stopped Epona and looked around. "Right there," he said, "That's where the Skull Kid stole my horse and Ocarina."
"Aw, poor Epona," I said, patting her on the neck.
"It really, really sucked," Link said. "Although blowing bubbles through your nose is pretty cool..."
Suddenly, we heard a rustling in the trees, and who else but Sheik jumped down out of nowhere. (Um, actually, it was Sheik.)
"Greetings Link, Doseki," he said. "I see you managed to find the Energy Temple, at last."
"Finally, it's over," I groaned.
Sheik nodded. "Well, you've got only four more to go, and you've found the first one of those four. This one is going to be a doozy..."
Sheik pulled his harp/lyre/guitar/banjo thingy out and took a deep breath. "When you're really hyper and have had a lot of sugar, there's nothing better to do than get rid of your extra energy. No better way to do that than play a certain game."
"Twister?" I guessed.
Sheik eyed me strangely. "No. Dance Dance Revolution."
"OH JEEZ!" I yelled. "This temple's Sage is even more predictable than both times before! I already know the Sage is..."
"SHHHHH!" Sheik cried. "Maybe we can keep a few people reading."
Link shrugged. "Well, is that all?"
"Nope," Sheik said. "This is the Ritardando of Dance Dance Revolution."
"What's a ritardando?" I asked.
"Is it someone who can't guess the Sage of this temple?" Link joked.
Sheik shook his head. "A ritardando is a part of the song where something slows down. Which is kind of weird, considering that this is such a hyperactive game thing."
He put his harp/lyre/guitar/banjo thingy in position and played the song.

_______________^^^_________________^^^___
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_____________________VVV____________VVV__
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Link's eyes popped out. "How in the heck is THAT considered a ritardando? That's almost too fast to play!"
Sheik shrugged. "I know the songs, I didn't name them."
Link attempted to play the song as best he could. I repeated after him, but neither of us could play it full speed.
"Stupid Dance Dance Revolution..." Link muttered.
Sheik laughed. "I wouldn't say that if I were you, there's a little dude over there who will kick your pretty hero heinies."
Link sighed. "Yeah, yeah, thanks for the song, Sheik."
"No problem," Sheik grinned. "I'll be waiting for you at the next temple."
"Which is where?" I asked smugly.
"It's over by... hey, I can't tell that!" And he threw a little marble thing and disappeared.
"Let's go look for- The Sage guy," I said. "What's even the point if we know who he or she is?"
"We still have to save them if they get in any trouble, and there's bound to be some kind of evil thing in the temple," Link said.

We walked a little further into the clearing, and then we saw him. A tall guy, wearing Kokiri-style clothes, hopping around on some sort of metal pad attached to a machine.
"WOOO! WOOO BOY!" the guy screamed.
I nodded. "That's Jigglypuff if I ever saw him,"
Link raised an eyebrow. "Is he always like that?"
"No," I said. "He's just a little... hyperactive right now. He doesn't know who he is, remember?"
"And now, for Synchronized Love Red Monster Hyper Mix by Joe Rinoie!" Jigglypuff yelled.
Jigglypuff, the author, was spinning around and hopping and jumping and belting out lyrics not 25 feet in front of us.
Link approached him slowly and set his hand on the machine. "Hello there, little guy. Who might you be?"
"Name's Clement, and I LOVE THIS GAME!" Jigglypuff cried happily. "WOOO! YEAH!"
"What is that?" I asked.
"Well, it's a long story, but... I don't know! I just kind of passed out one day, and when I woke up here I was next to this machine. The machine was broke, so I fixed it. And now I can't get enough of it! WOOO! HOT! YEAAAH! AWESOME!" Clement/Jigglypuff screamed, still hopping.
I raised an eyebrow. This guy had lost his bananas. That guy had gone marbles. Or... was it the other way around?
Stupid virus, causing normally sane people to lose it.
"Hey, you two look like you'd be pretty good at it! Wanna try?"
I looked around at who he was talking about. "Uh, who, me?"
"Yeah!" Clement/Jigglypuff yelled. "I'm almost at the ultra secret bonus level! WOOO! Yeah, so come on! Who wants to take me on?"
"Er, no thanks. Weak ankles," I murmured.
Link nodded. "That looks pretty cool. I'll take you on."

Link stepped onto the metal platform and Clement/Jigglypuff punched in a few commands on the front. Then, a countdown began, and fast music started to play.
"Step on the arrows when they light up onscreen," Clement explained.
Link waited a few seconds, then started stepping on the arrows. He was amazingly bad at it.
"Hey, I got that one!" he whined.
Clement/Jigglypuff laughed and kept hopping around. "Woo hoo, no beating me, buddy!"
The music sped up, but no matter how fast Link went, Clement/Jigglypuff was always better.
Finally, the song ended, and the scores showed up, an amazing 500 to nothing in Clement/Jigglypuff's favor.
"Heh heh, I told you!" Jigglypuff laughed. "Hey, wanna try again?"
"No thanks," Link said. "We're kinda busy, and..."
"Aw, please?" Jigglypuff begged. "I haven't got anyone to play for ages!"
"Oh, fine. One more round."
Link and Jigglypuff duked it out for one more round, and Jigglypuff won again. "Again?"
"No," Link said.
"I will!" I said.
"I thought you had weak ankles!" Clement whined.
"Uh, I changed my mind!" I said.
I stepped up to the podium and Clement pushed a few buttons. "How about 'So Many Men'?"
"Er, works for me!" I said.
Suddenly, the music started. "SO MA-NY MEN! SO LITTLE TIME!" the high pitched singer lady screamed.
It was harder than it looked. I had a hard time stepping on the arrows at the right time.
"Heh heh heh, you're having a bit of trouble, I see." Clement said.
"No, I'm fine!" I said, as I stepped on the wrong arrow.

The round and the song was over, and Clement had won again.
"Hey, you're not bad!" Clement said. "How about another round?"
"Naah," I said.
"I'll play you!" Yumi screamed, hopping out of my pocket.
Clement stared at Yumi for a second and raised an eyebrow. "Um, OK. Can you reach all the buttons?"
"I can do it! I just drank a million bajillion cups of Chateau Romani, and I'm really, really hyper!"
Yumi got into position (Even though the pad was a bit big for her) and the music started.
Clement stepped quickly, but you should have seen Yumi go! She buzzed back and forth from arrow to arrow, stomping on them as she flew.
"WOOHOOO! WOOOHOOO! WOOOOHOOOOOOHOOOOHOOHOHOHOHOHOOOO!" she whooped.
Clement burst out laughing, and stepped as he watched her jumping around. When the music stopped and the scores were counted up, we were surprised to see that Clement and Yumi were tied!
"Hey, that's pretty cool!" Clement laughed. "Anyone up for another one?"
Link looked upset, and shrugged. "Doseki and I have to get going now. But could you tell me if you'd ever heard this song?"
Link pulled out his Ocarina and played the Not-So Ritardando of Dance-Dance Revolution.
Jigglypuff listened carefully, and shook his head. "Never heard it in my life,"
Suddenly, the machine began to short circuit. Sparks flew in all directions and light bulbs began to break one at a time.
"What the..." I stuttered.
Suddenly, a smashing noise was heard, and long square hollow sank down into the ground behind the machine.
Then another...
Then another...
And finally, a long staircase led down to an unknown place.
"WOW!" Clement/Jigglypuff screamed. "Wow, this must be the ultra super bonus area!"
"The DDR Temple..." I gasped.
Clement smiled from ear to ear and raced down the stairs. "ALLL RIIIIGHT! THE BONUS! AT LAST, I WILL BE THE CHAMPION OF DDR!"
"No, Jig- er, Clement, WAIT!" Link screamed. "There's a lot of danger in there! You have to..."
But Clement/Jigglypuff was already down deep inside the DDR Temple.

I peered down into the darkness, and gave a long whistle. "Link... do you think Jigglypuff will be OK?"
"Definitely not!" Link cried. "He's in a lot of trouble, we have GOT to go after him!"
Suddenly, we heard a scream from down inside the temple.
"Clement!" Yumi cried. "Oh no, this isn't good!"
"Link, Jigglypuff is the next Author Sage!" I gasped.
"And he's even going to be ALIVE for long if we don't hurry up and move it!" he called back as he raced down the steps and into the DDR Temple.

All right, so things aren't going so good for Link and LL/Doseki. Clement/Jigglypuff is in danger, and Yumi is hyper on sugar... but can the hunky Hero of Time and the gorgeous Goron/human hero rescue Jigglypuff AND keep their eyes on Yumi? And there's only five days left until time as we know it ceases to exist! It'll be tough, but can they do it?

Stay tuned for the next episode of SOIS:

DUB-I-TROUBLE

-or-

DANCE-DANCE DOOM!