Sage of Innocence Saga -or- Two Links and a Bunch of Authors
By Galaxy Girl

CHAPTER NINE: DUB-I-TROUBLE -or- DANCE DANCE DOOM!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda. Nintendo and Shigeru Miyamoto do. I don't own the authors who make cameos in this fic. They own themselves. I do own myself and the seven extra temples. All rights reserved. Come out on Sunday for hotdogs and balloons for mom.

Another Note: The authors who appear as Sages in this fic actually were a big help in planning the temples and enemies. I couldn't write this without them, so thank you Author Sages! (You know who you are.)

Yet Another Note: The authors who appear in cameo parts in this fic graciously put aside their dignity and allowed me to place them in weird predicaments. Thanks to you guys too!

GG PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS...

A Brief Message From Galaxy Girl!

Hello everyone. At the request of the author Jigglypuff, I have written this explanatory article on Dance Dance Revolution, which many of you may not be familiar with.

Dance Dance Revolution is a video/arcade game for the (gasp) PLAYSTATION that also appears in arcades. (All of the DDR machines mentioned in this chapter are for the arcade)The idea of the game is to follow the dancers onscreen as close as you can, by stepping on arrows at a specific time.
The board consists of a tic tac toe board with an up arrow, a down arrow, a right arrow, and a left arrow. You stand in the center square, and use your feet and sometimes your hands to press the arrows. Different combinations of arrows allow you to do different moves, and the closer you match the guys onscreen, the higher your score.
You pick your own music at the beginning, and then go on to perform the dance.
All of the enemies in this chapter are based on characters in the DDR game (AKA the dancers onscreen)
BIG thanks to Jigglypuff for supplying the names of the characters and a layout for the DDR Temple.
Thank you, and I hope this has been informative. Now, on with the story!


All right, in case you missed last chapter, let me let you in on a little info. Link, Princess- er, Yumi and I made our way to Termina to find the third temple. We searched and searched until we found Jigglypuff, who thought he was a guy named Clement. After we played him a few rounds of Dance Dance Revolution, Link played the Not-So-Ritardando of Dance Dance Revolution and POOF! The DDR Temple appeared right behind Clement's DDR machine!
Clement raced inside, and later, we heard a scream. That can't be good...


"Uh, Link? Are you sure it's a good idea to just RUN in there?" I gulped.
"Of course not. What are you waiting for, let's go!"
I sighed and stepped down the stairs.

The hallway was pitch black, and I could only see Link's earrings flashing in the light from up above ground.
"There's a wall here," he said. "I wonder how Jig- er, Clement got past?"
"What do we do?" I asked.
"I'm out of bombs, Doseki... I don't know,"
Yumi flashed. "Why don't you take it down, LL?"
"I can't take it down like this, Yumi." I whined.
"I said 'Why don't you take it down, LL!'" Yumi sighed.
"Oh, I get it."

~*~*~*~*~*POOF*~*~*~*~*~

Returning to my Goron form, I stepped back a bit.
"OK, you might want to move, Link," I said.
I rolled up into a ball, and threw myself at the wall...
Only to bounce off pathetically and hit the stairs.
"OWWW!" I whined. "Hey, what happened? I used to be able to take down walls like this easy!"
Link shrugged. Er, I think he did. "Maybe you need to get used to being a Goron again."
"Now what?" I sighed.
Yumi flew right in my face. "LL, where is Chica's Energy Pen?"
"Uh gee, I don't know. I think it's on my other body!" I said.
"So turn back and use it on the door!"
"No way!" I said.
"LL!" Link cried. "What do you mean?"
"Link, think about it! I'm becoming less and less Goron the more I stay as Doseki!" I explained. "What if I totally lose my Goron abilities?"
"That's not going to happen," Link said. "Destiny wouldn't turn you into a human unless you wanted to."
"I never thought about it before, but now I feel kind of weird as a Goron! I'm worried that I'll get too used to being a human!"
"Don't be ridiculous," Link said, shaking his head. "It's just easier if you're a human. And you'll have to be Doseki again eventually."
"Well then, give me a break. I've been Doseki ever since we left Clock Town three hours ago!"
Link sighed. "All right then, fine. Stay LL right now if you want. We'll have to find another way."
After a moment of silence, I got an idea.
"What kind of wall is it?" I asked.
"It's solid stone." Link sighed again.
"What kind of stone?" I asked again.
"Solid Granite," he replied.
"Well then there's our way!" I said. I ran up to the wall, and took a big bite out of it.
Link made a face. "UGH!"
"What?" I asked. "It's just like a wall of meat to you!"
"Or a wall of chocolate to me!" Yumi laughed.
After a couple more bites, I was getting kind of full, and Link was getting kind of impatient. "You are like a moving jackhammer," Link chuckled. "If I need a wall down, BANG!"
"Almost through!" I said, taking another big bite.
Finally, I had eaten a hole through the wall, and it was crumbly enough for me to smack into.
BANG!
I sat up dizzily. "Wall down!" I grunted.

Just past the wall was a wide open room with a large machine in the center. It wasn't a DDR machine, though.
"What is that?" I asked.
Whatever it was, it was playing a very loud but familiar techno song.
"So MAN-Y MEN! So little time!" sand the high pitched singer on the tape.

{A/N: If you're wondering why that song has been mentioned so much in the past two chapters, that's my favorite DDR song. Um, but not because of the lyrics, in case you're wondering. It's got a nice beat.}

"Must be the temple jukebox," Yumi commented.
On either side of the gray marble stone room was a door with a tic tac toe pattern on it. Arrows were drawn in four of the squares.
"Which door?" I asked. "They're both unlocked,"
Link pointed back and forth, then nodded at the door on the left. "That one," he said.

We opened the door and walked inside. There, at the far end of the room (which looked exactly the same as the first) near a large door, was a trio of dolls. Actually, they were pretty big dolls, about my (Goron) height.
"Dolls?" Link groaned. "I don't get it!"
Yumi then turned yellow. "MOVE IT!" she yelled.
Suddenly, the dolls turned around, and they appeared to be... little girls in a frog masks?
"Kaeru Zukins!" Yumi cried. "Watch it, they'll bite you!"
"HOW did you know THAT?" Link asked, annoyed.
"I'm a guardian fairy, DOI!"
Sure enough, the three little girl dolls started walking towards us, mumbling strange words.
Link pulled out his sword. "Don't come any closer!" he yelled. "LL, your sword!" he whispered to me.
"The Little Giant is part of Doseki's body!" I hissed back.
"Oh GREAT!" Link whined. "Come on LL, you have to be Doseki!"
"Do not," I said. "I've been Doseki this whole trip, and now I'm taking a break! I want to be a Goron for a while!"
"LL, PLEASE!" Link begged. "I need help, and you don't have any weapons! Can't you take your break some other time?"
Just as he said that, the Kaeru Zukin dolls leaped forward and starting trying to latch onto either Link or me to chew off something.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Link cried, swinging the sword, which didn't seem to scare them. "Yumi, help!"
"Just hit them!" Yumi yelled. "LL, give him a hand!"
"With what?" I asked.
"I don't know, roll into them!"
I curled up and tilted, and sped off in their general direction.
Link smacked one a few times with his sword, and then it fell over dead. I bowled over the other two, who didn't seem to be getting up.
Then I sat up. "See? I'm fine, Link!"
Link rolled his eyes. "LL, it'll just be a lot easier if you..."
"Link, buddy," I explained. "I am a Goron. Not a human. I want to BE a Goron. NOT a human."
"But I'm worried, if you get caught alone with no weapons..."
"Ah, when will that happen?" I asked.
Suddenly, the two Kaeru Zukins got up and raced towards us, their sharp teeth bared.
"AAAAAGH!" went I.
"WHAACK!" went the sword.
"SPLAT!" went the dolls.
Panting from fear, I reached for my medallion. "On second thought," I said, "Maybe a sword isn't such a bad idea..."

~*~*~*~*POOF*~*~*~*~

We stepped up to the door slowly. "I wonder what's in here?" I said.
"Let's see," Link said, reaching for the door.
It didn't budge.
"Well gee, how are you supposed to open it?" Yumi asked.
Suddenly, a spotlight above the door shined down on the three of us, and an eerie voice boomed through the room. (Hey, that rhymes!)

ONLY THE ONE WHO ON FF.N WRITES
MAY ENTER THE CHAMBER OF DELIGHTS

Then the room began to shake, and a small hole opened up in the center of the door.
A bright flashing light came through the hole, and Yumi was entranced by it.
"WOW! Just my size!" she cooed, and she sped through the hole.
"Yumi, get back here!" Link yelled.
We couldn't see anything in the room, just Yumi looking around at a bunch of flashing lights with awe and squealing.
"WOW! LOOK AT THAT! That's so cool! I can't wait to... hey, wait a minute! I don't write on FF.N, whatever that is! Or..."
Suddenly, the hole slammed shut.

"Yumi!" I called, banging on the door. "Yumi, open up!"
"Doseki, I got it!" Link cried. "Yumi, uh, Princess of the Pixies is an author! So only authors can enter that room!"
"That stinks!" I yelled. "Those lights looked really cool!"
Then the voice spoke up again.

WHEN THE ONE WHO DANCES BECOMES AWAKE
THEN THE ROOM AND THE TREASURE YOU SHALL TAKE

"One who dances? That's Jigglypuff!" I cried out.
"But what about Yumi?" Link asked. "Er, Princess?"
We banged on the door, but all we could hear from inside was Yumi/Princess of the Pixies screaming and cheering.
"We can't get her out until we awaken the Sage!" Link moaned. "That means she's stuck in there!"
"Oh no! But... but we need Yumi!" I whined.
Link shrugged and re-sheathed his sword. "Come on Doseki. We have to leave her here until we're done with the temple. We're just going to have to make do by ourselves."
"But Link..."
"Come on, let's go."

We made our way back to the first room with the jukebox, and opened up the door immediately across from the one we had exited through.
Inside we found another large square marble room, and inside were ten dolls, all different shapes and sizes, and all facing away from us, slowly dancing to the music.
"Maybe they won't hear us..." I whispered.
All ten turned around.
"Oops." I shrugged.
The ten dolls started walking towards us, glaring evilly.
"What do we do, Link? WHAT DO WE DO?" I screamed.
"Hold on, hold on," Link shouted, digging through his pack.
The dolls got closer and closer, and we stepped back as far as we could against the door, while Link dug through his bag some more.
Finally, he dug out a thick volume with a red cover.
"Strange Monsters and How to Kill Them" it said on the cover.
"Where did you get that?" I asked.
"I picked it up from the library a long time ago and forgot to return it!" he said. "Let's see..."
I pulled the Little Giant sword and got into an attack position. "Link, hurry up!"
"'Dodongos... Taliparisans... AHA! Dolls. See Dance Dance Revolution...'" he read.
"LIIINK!" I screamed. "SOMETIME TONIGHT?"
"AHA! 'When faced with a DDR Doll, pull your sword and attack fiercely. They only know karate, jujitsu, aikido, tae kwan do, kendo, and judo...'"
A scary looking doll with a sharp red vest and spiky hair ran forward and struck a ninja pose. "HOOOYAH!" he screamed.
I shrugged and did the same. "HOOOYAH!" I cried.
He tried to kick me, but I deflected the hit with my sword, and then knocked him down with the butt end of the handle, where Link finished him off.
We heard a loud shrill cry, and a girl wearing what looked like a shower cap with a big grin flipped forwards and attacked Link.
"AAAYYY! Hey Doseki, please get Little Miss Shower Cap off of me!"
I decided that now was a good time to try out my new crossbow. Loading an arrow, I took aim and FIRED! The arrow hit the flipping girl in her leg, and Link knocked her down with his sword.
A couple with afros in disco suits pushed forward, striking disco poses while attacking. I took the guy, and Link took the girl.
Following the afro people was another couple. You remember back in the 1950's when people had big hair and looked like Elvis? These two had the look down perfectly.
I faced off with the girl, and Link went for the guy.
She smirked at me and flipped backwards, kicking me in the face.
"OWIE!" I yelled as I flew to my butt on the ground.
Link knocked over the guy, killing him, and then with a graceful sword spin, sent the girl who had kicked me reeling and crashing to the floor.
And then... the scary ones came out.
Two big robot-looking people with red discs for bodies and "male" symbols for heads hopped out, followed by two big robot-looking people with blue discs for bodies and "female" symbols for heads.
"WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?" Link cried.
"Evil!" I said, as one red one and one blue one knocked me against the wall.
"Well DOI!" he cried back, taking on the other two evil thingies.
The red one fought with hard punches, and the blue one moved faster with light quick ones. I don't know which one punched me that time, but it sent me into the wall and dazed.
Then, before I could even think, I was being held straight and smacked into the wall again and again while the other one threw my sword and crossbow across the room.
"OW! MY! HEAD! LINK! GET! OVER! HERE! PLEASE!" I grunted.
"I'm a little busy!" he yelled from the other side of the room, where he was being body slammed.
"SOMEONE HELP!" I yelled. "Link! WHAT! DO! WE! DO? OW!"
The two discs pushed me against the wall and started going through my pockets. Then, the blue one pulled out a lime green medallion.
"Chica, HELP!" I cried.
The blue disc threw the Energy Medallion across the room just as green light shot out of it and Chica appeared in it, in a pair of shorts and a shirt, and mowing the lawn.
"Yes, what is it?" she asked, turning off the mower. Then, I take it she saw Link and me being thrown against the wall again and again.
"ACK! EVIL THINGS!" she cried. "All righty, what do you want me to do?"
"KILL! THEM! OUCH! OOCH! EECH!" Link grunted.
"All right, hold on!" she said. Chica closed her eyes (well, from what I saw anyway) and the medallion began to glow green.
Suddenly, a whirl of energy in the form of a cyclone whooshed out of the medallion and around the room, created a huge vortex.
Disc by disc, they were tugged apart and sucked down into the vortex, where a green flash appeared, and minutes later, they were gone!
I sat up, trying to stop my bloody nose, and grinned at Chica. "Thank you, it was very much fun!" I groaned.
Link sat up too, and faced the medallion. "Thank you Chica."
"No problem," she said. "Is your nose OK, Doseki?"
"It's fine," I said.
"Well, so that's how this thing works!" she nodded.
Suddenly, we heard another voice pierce the room.
"HEY! STOP TALKING ON THE PHONE AND KEEP MOWING THE LAWN, PLEASE!"
"Yes, mother!" Chica yelled. Then she rolled her eyes. "Thanks for calling guys, I have to go. Talk to you later!"
"Bye Chica," I said.
"See ya," Link said.
Chica nodded, started up the mower, and the glow faded as the medallion returned to normal.

Link stood up and shook himself off. "Woo, what a wild fight!"
I wiped off my face with my sleeve. "Yeah, your nose isn't bleeding!"
Link shrugged and looked around the room. "So... uh, where do we go now?"
"How about that door to the right?" I suggested, pointing to a door to the right.
Inside that door was a large square room. No bad guys, though.
"OK, now what?" Link said to no one in particular.
Suddenly, the room began to shake, and seven treasure chests popped out of the floor in a large circle.
Link looked around, sighed in disgust, and said "Oh GREAT! It's the Innocence Temple all over again!"
"We might as well try one," I said.
Link slowly walked up to the chest right in front of him, which had a large red letter A on the top.
"Here goes nothing..." he said.
He threw the chest open, and we heard a small cry.
We looked inside, and five tiny Kaeru Zukin dolls hopped out and started biting our ankles.
Link rolled his eyes and whacked them all with one sword swing.
"YOU'LL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT!" he screamed into the sky.
He stepped over to the one immediately to the right (chest B), and opened it.
Two small versions of the blue discs popped out, and stared meanly at us. (Uh, for discs, anyway)
Link laughed. "Oh boy! How scary!"
Suddenly, one of the blue discs walked up to him, grabbed him by the ankle, and flipped him over and onto his butt.
"GAH!" he shrieked.
I quickly grabbed my crossbow and aimed at the one attacking Link. "All right! Stay where you are, or I'll fire!"
The blue disc looked confused, then started banging Link into the wall.
"ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'LL QUIT SAVING THE WORLD! JUST PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP!" he begged.
I fired, and the disc fell over dead.
The other disc tried to grab me, but I took care of him/her/it before he/she/it could.
Link sat up. "Ow... you know what, I hate those things."
We looked around at the remaining five chests carefully.
"One of them is right," I said.
"And four of them are wrong," Link added.
"What should we pick?" I asked.
Link looked all around, and then stepped up to chest D. "Well, your dad's name is Darunia, so let's try the letter D."
Link opened the chest, and five Shower Cap Girls came out. Mini, of course.
Link grabbed his hooky thing and aimed at one. BANG!
I took the crossbow at aimed at another. BOOM!
Link used his hooky thing on a third and a fourth. POW! ZAP!
And I finished off the last one with my sword. WHAM!
"So much for that," I said. "All right... let's try... chest F!"
"Why chest F?" Link asked.
"My dad's middle name is Flint." I replied.
"Darunia Flint Goron... nice name!" Link chuckled.
I opened chest F, and no DDR dolls popped out. Instead, it was a large gray door-mat looking thing.

LINK AND DOSEKI FOUND A DDR PAD! BUT WHY USE IT HERE? IT'S FOR THE PLAYSTATION AS WELL AS THE ARCADE, SO LINK, YOU'D BETTER USE YOUR ANTI-PLAYSTATION TONGS AND PICK IT UP AND PUT IT IN A NICE, SAFE, PLAYSTATION-PROOF BAG FOR SAFEKEEPING. YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'LL NEED IT!

Link took out a large pair of tongs and took out a plastic bag, and he placed the DDR pad in the bag.
"No chances taken!" he said.
Then, the floor began to shake, and a large square hole appeared in the floor.
"Should we go down?" I asked.
"No where else to go," he said. "So what the heck?"
"Uh, should we... lower ourselves?" I asked. "You never know."
"Last time we did that, you landed on top of me weighing in at 600 pounds."
"Well now I weigh only 150 pounds, get over it!"
"Nah, just jump," he said.
"OK."
We stood at the side of the hole and looked down.
"You first." I said.
"No, you first."
"Come on, I'm afraid of heights."
"Yeah, we found that out in Gerudo Valley."
"Hey, I resent that remark!"
"It's true."
"So what? Be nice,"
"fine, fine. I'll go first. If something happens to me, run."
"... something's gonna happen to you?"
"Not necessarily, I'm saying, 'IF'."
Then, he jumped down into the hole.

I waited a few seconds, and then I heard a loud shriek from below.
"GYAAAAAH! GET YER HANDS OFF ME!"
Link! He was in trouble!
He told me to just run away...
But... no! He saved me from Teletubbies and Dark GG in the Galaxy Temple... He saved me from falling to my death in Gerudo Valley... he saved me from an evil crayon and a giant lunch bag in the Energy Temple... he saved me from bullies and getting my arm carved off in Clock Town...
No way was I going to let my buddy down now!
"LINK! I'M COMING!" I screamed. Then, I jumped!

When I landed, I saw Link being held to the wall by a red disc, and another two red discs beating him up.
"OW! OOCH! OOOUCH!" he shrieked.
I grabbed my sword, sliced the disc that was holding Link until it was dead, and then I killed the other ones.
Link sighed, and grabbed his stomach. "Ow... my spleen..."
"Are you all right?" I asked concernedly.
"I'm fine," he said. "Thank you, Doseki."
We took our first good look around the room. It was a huge wide room with four doors, one in each compass direction. The door to the south was stuck shut by a huge steel wall.
"All right... now, where to?" asked Link.
I noticed a small treasure chest near the north door, and we ran over to it.

LINK AND DOSEKI FOUND THE DUNGEON MAP! OF COURSE, IT'S A LITTLE LATE NOW, BECAUSE THE DUNGEON IS LIKE, HALF OVER. PUH, STUPID TEMPLE BUILDERS.

"Well, while we're here, let's stop in this door," Link suggested.
We opened the door, and in the center of the room (which had bright neon lights and the DDR pad design all over the walls), we saw a really, really tall version of the Shower Cap Girl.
"WELCOME TO MY ROOM OF PAIN! STEP UP TO THE PODIUM AND SPEAK YOUR NAME!" she hissed.
"Uh, Link." Link said.
"Doseki Musha AKA Little Link of the Gorons," I said.
"EMI IS MY GIVEN NAME, AND YOU MUST PLAY MY DANCING GAME! PLUG YOUR PAD AND OPEN YOUR EYES, IF YOU WIN YOU'LL GET A MYSTERY PRIZE!" Emi said evilly.
Link took the DDR pad in the bag out of the bag, and plugged the plug into the podium on which Emi stood.
"WATCH MY FEET, DO WHAT I DO, OR ELSE I'LL WIN AND I'LL KILL YOU!" Emi laughed. "WHO IS MOST THE WINNINGEST? HE MUST PLAY ME, AND I'M THE BEST!"
Emi pointed at Link. "YOU ARE THE BEST DANCER OF ALL! STEP RIGHT UP, AND TAKE YOUR FINAL FALL!"
Link's eyes popped open, and he put his sword on his back, and stepped onto the center of the pad.
Emi laughed, and turned around. Then, the music started, and she started to dance.
Link tried to follow her, but he didn't seem to be doing a good job.
"Come on Link! You can do it!" I screamed.
He frowned, and then he began to go actually in step with Emi. She tried several times to throw him off, but he stayed sharp, and the song ended.
"ARRGGGHHH!" Emi shrieked. She grabbed her hair in anger, and then disappeared in a puff of smoke.
In her place stood... uh, her.
Except not-so-evil looking.
She laughed, and said "Thank you for freeing me! The curse of the DDR Demon was holding me in this room, and now I can return to the game where I belong!"
Link shrugged, and picked up the pad. "It was nothing,"
Emi giggled, and smiled at us. "As a reward for freeing me, I will give you this magic spell. This is a spell called the 'Meteo Spell'. If you use it, it will drain all of your magic power, and it will cause rocks to rain down from the sky and onto your enemies!"
"COOOOOOOL!" Link said in awe.
Emi held up her hands, and a black ball of fire appeared. A clear crystal enclosed it, and Link took it from her and tucked it in his pocket.
"Good luck dispelling the DDR Demon!" Emi said. "Hey wait a sec... that's a bit TOO alliterated! HMMPH! Goodbye!" she said, and then she disappeared, this time for real.

LINK AND DOSEKI GOT THE METEO SPELL! THIS SPELL, "BORROWED" FROM FINAL FANTASY, GIVES LINK (SORRY DOSEKI!) THE POWER TO CAUSE ROCKS TO FALL FROM THE SKY. YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR ALL THE DAMAGE THE ROCKS DO, AND IT USES ALL OF YOUR MAGIC POWER, SO USE IT WISELY!

"Cool, I get a spell!" Link said smugly.
"Fine then! I get the next treasure!" I said.
A treasure chest appeared where Emi had disappeared, and Link opened it.

LINK AND DOSEKI FINALLY GOT THE COMPASS! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS DOES, DO I REALLY NEED TO TELL YOU EVERY DUNGEON? SHEESH, YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE!

Back in the main hallway, Link peered at the east and west doors.
"Well," he said. "Where do you suppose we go now?"
"Let's go east," I said.

Upon entering the east door, we found it a lot like the other one, except this time we found ourselves faced with a big version of the Elvis guy.
"JOHNNY IS HERE! TO CAUSE YOU FEAR! THE LITTLE ONE! THIS TIME HAS FUN!
Link plugged the DDR pad into Johnny's podium, and motioned to it for me. "Good luck, Doseki," he said.
I stepped up to the pad, sweating like a pig.
Johnny turned around, and the music started.
It was hard! This guy went so fast, and he was so hard! I had trouble keeping up!
"Come on Doseki! You gotta do it for... uh... your dad!"
DAD!
I stepped, and stepped, and stepped, and AHA!
I BEAT HIM!
Johnny was just as mad as Emi had been, and when he disappeared, the real nice Johnny was in his place.
"THANK YOU VERY MUCH!" he said, Elvis-style. "Yo little dude... take this as a token of your bravery."
He handed me a small silver wand with a DDR pad design on the end, and then vanished as quickly as he had come.

LINK AND DOSEKI GOT THE DDR WAND! THIS WAND HAS A DDR SYMBOL ON THE END, AND IT SURROUNDS LINK AND DOSEKI IN A SOUNDPROOF BARRIER OF DDR PADS. VERY USEFUL IN A BAD SITUATION! IT MIGHT ALSO WORK ON SOME VILLAINS, IF YOU FEEL LIKE BARRIERING THEM. GIVE IT A WHIRL!

"Wow! I wanna try!" I cried.
"On who?" asked Link.
I smiled smugly, and pointed it at Link.
"Oooooh no, no way! Doseki, I am not going to..."
BANG!
Link was surrounded by lots and lots of kinda transparent DDR pads. He banged on them and tried screaming, but I couldn't hear anything but the spinning pads.
Finally, the spell wore off and he came out, very angry.
"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!" he screamed.

We trudged on out to the West room, and I stopped Link from opening the door.
"Link, I don't feel good about this room..." I said quietly.
"Don't be silly, it's fine!" he said.
He opened the door, and at least 20 red and blue discs stared right back at us.
"Don't you say a word," he said.
They all screamed and ran to attack.
Suddenly, I thought fast.
"EAT THIS, YOU CHEESE MONKEYS!" I screamed, borrowing a line from Yumi.
I pulled out the Energy Pen in one hand and the DDR Wand in another, and started firing.
The Energy Pen killed the guys, and the DDR wand trapped them in a barrier so Link could take care of them.
In what seemed like no time at all, I wiped out all of them with Link's help.
"Wow! Great thinking, Doseki!" he said. "I never would have guessed!"
"I'm not that stupid, Link." I complained.
"Sorry, I just... you know!"
I shrugged. "Oh well. TO THE SOUTH DOOR!"

Standing in front of the south door, Link and I were somewhat perplexed at what to do. (Thanks for the word, GG!)
"Hey wait, I got an idea!" Link said. "Stand back, Doseki. This just might hurt..."
He pulled out the small crystal that Emi had given us, and started to read the directions on it.
"Let's see... 'place arms above head, twirl around once, make grunty noises, and put arms down on ground.' Well, sounds easy enough!"
He placed his arms above his head, twirled around once, made a couple of grunty noises, and put his arms down on the ground.
A whirl of black smoke surrounded him, and went up into the ceiling, and the room started to rumble.
Rocks began tumbling out of nowhere, and crashed into the steel wall, denting it all over the place.
I got on the ground and covered my head, and so did Link. In a few minutes, everything went silent and we looked up.
The wall had been completely taken down by the tumbling rocks, revealing a door behind it!
"Come on, let's go!" I said. "Clement... er, Jigglypuff, has got to be in one of these rooms!"

Inside the next room was a gigantic podium like the ones Johnny and Emi had used. The walls were covered in neon DDR wallpaper, and in the center of the podium stood Jigglypuff!
He was back to his normal, round, pink self. Except, well... he kind of didn't look the same.
"MWEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA!" he laughed.
"That's Dark Jigglypuff all right," I said.
Jigglypuff stepped up to a microphone at the front of the podium, stepped up to it, and jumped up. He pulled the extendable pole down until it reached his size, and he spoke.
"LET THE ONE WHO IS CALLED DOSEKI MUSHA STEP FORWARD!" he said in a deep eerie voice.
I did so.
"PLUG YOUR DDR PAD INTO THE PODIUM," he said.
I did so.
"NOW, KNOW THIS: I AM THE MASTER OF DDR! MY MASTER, THE MYSTERIOUS DDR DEMON, HAS BLESSED ME WITH THE POWERS OF DANCE! I AM UNDEFEATABLE! AND YOU WILL NOT BE THE FIRST TO BEAT ME!"
"Yes we will!" I screamed. "Link and I will kick your butt!"
Dark Jigglypuff laughed wickedly, and snapped his fingers. A large cage decorated with neon lights fell from the ceiling and around Link.
"HEY!" he yelled. "Let me go!"
Dark JP laughed, and spoke into the microphone again. "DOSEKI MUSHA, I HAVE HEARD THAT YOU ARE QUICK ON YOUR FEET!"
"Let Link go!" I yelled. "Oh, and thank you."
"I WILL NOT LET HIM GO! AND LET'S JUST SEE HOW FAST YOUR FEET MOVE IF I DO THIS!"
Dark JP raised up his arms and a black spiral of... magic stuff surrounded me.
I felt myself getting shorter, and shorter, and I felt a sudden lightness on my neck.
The spirals faded.
I look down. I was a Goron again!
AND THE INNOCENCE MEDALLION WAS GONE!
"Hey!" I yelled in my non-Canadian voice. "What did you do to me?"
"I SIMPLY TOOK AWAY YOUR HUMAN ABILITIES! NOW, WE SHALL SEE HOW GOOD YOU REALLY ARE!"
Dark Jigglypuff laughed, and snapped his fingers again. A long pull cord with a banner on it that said "DUB-I-DUB AKA DEEEAAAAAATHHHHHHHHHHHHH- MUSIC" dropped down from the ceiling.
Dark JP pulled the cord, and music started up.
"LET'S SEE WHO REALLY IS BETTER!" Dark JP laughed, and he began to step.
Now let me tell you something right here: Being a Goron and playing Dance Dance Revolution is NOT the easiest thing in the world. It's actually pretty hard.
My foot just wouldn't get there fast enough! And Dark JP just kept laughing.
I saw a left arrow rise up on the wall. I quickly pressed it, and suddenly, I felt an electric buzz run through me.
"OW!" I yelled.
"THE MORE YOU MISS, THE MORE IT HURTS!" he giggled maniacally. "BETTER HURRY UP AND GET IT GOING!"
I hurried up, but there was no going to get.
"LL!" Link screamed from in the cage. "You can do it! Just keep trying!"
"UGH!" I said, as I missed again. "I'm trying, I'm trying!"
BZZZLLLLLT!
"OWIE!" I yelled. "You are a poopy butt, Mr. Evil Jigglypuff!"
I stepped forward, and BANG! I scored a perfect on accuracy!
So, THAT was his secret. Eh heh heh... he would watch the arrows and memorize them, THEN step. He had plenty of time to spare, and almost always got a perfect.
BANG! Another perfect!
BANG! ANOTHER perfect!
Dark JP realized that his plan had failed. He said a few curses, and then the podium vanished, the DDR pad reappeared in the bag, and he began to float in the air.
"ALL RIGHT! IT'S TIME TO FIGHT THIS JUGGLYPUFF-STYLE!" he said angrily. He made a huge fist, and flew through the air at me.
"YIKES!" I yelled, and I leaped out of the way the best I could.
He turned around and stepped out his left foot. A big left arrow appeared and started to chase me around the room.
"AYYY!" I yelled. "WHERE'S MY SWORD WHEN I NEED IT?"
"LL!" Link screamed. "The walls! I think they're reflective!"
The left arrow vanished suddenly, and I knew what I had to do!
Jigglypuff shot a backwards arrow, and just before it hit me, I rolled out of the way and it bounced off the wall.
RIGHT INTO HIM!
"OUCH!" he screamed. Then he growled. "DIIEEEEEE! NOW I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL!"
Jigglypuff pulled a microphone out of his pocket and cleared his throat.
"JIIIII-GGLY PUFF, JIG-A-LYYYYYYYYY-PUFF," he sang sweetly.
It was so soothing... and so quiet...
NO! Must... stay... awake!
"JIIIII-GGLY PUFF, JIG-A-LYYYYYYYYY-PUFF,"
NOOOOO! MUST SAVE LINK AND JIGGLYPUFF!
That's when I remember something. Back at Death Mountain... right after the Galaxy Temple... I stuck a few of those rocks in my pocket for later...
I pulled one out and chucked it at Jigglypuff, which knocked the microphone away, and sent him reeling into the wall.
"OW! PUNY HUMAN!" Dark Jigglypuff growled.
He stood up, and snapped his fingers, and another microphone appeared.
"ENOUGH SINGING!" I yelled, and I pitched another rock at him, which knocked him down.
Suddenly, something flew out of his pocket.
MY MEDALLION!
I rolled quickly towards it.
He sat up, and started running for it.
I rolled, he ran.
And I got it first!
"INNOCENCE MEDALLION, POWER!" I yelled, and the orange/yellow light shot out, holding Jigglypuff in his place.
"THE POWER OF THE DDR DEMON WILL PREVAIL! NOOOOOOOOO!" he wailed. Then, the light faded, and Jigglypuff fell over, passed out.
One flash of light later, Jigglypuff was in his human form again. I noticed the same black chain around his wrist. It faded, and hit the ground, and disintegrated.
The cage Link was imprisoned in vanished too, and he raced over to join me.
I slipped the Innocence Medallion back around my neck, and we stepped over the Jigglypuff's drooling, unconscious form.
"Is he OK?" I asked.
"All the others have been, he'll be fine," Link said.
Then, there was a flash of smoke, yadda, yadda, yadda... and Jigglypuff was gone.
A treasure chest rose up in his place, and Link opened it up.

LINK AND LITTLE LINK/DOSEKI/WHOEVER GOT THE DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION KEY! THIS IS A BRONZE KEY WITH A DDR PAD SYMBOL ON THE END. IT UNLOCKS THE DOOR TO THE BOSS ROOM. IN FACT, THAT'S IT, RIGHT OVER THERE, TO THE SOUTH OF YOU. NO, A LITTLE TO THE LEFT... YEAH, THAT'S IT.

"Here goes nothing..." Link said, as he stepped up to the door and opened it.

In the center of the room, which was identical to the first, was a big... giant... glowing... BALL OF... uh, stuff!
Electric-looking flashes emanated (again, thanks for the word, GG!) from all over it, and it made a horrible screaming noise when it saw us. Er, I think it saw us, it had no eyes.

NMR: THE MYSTERIOUS DDR MUSICIAN THING WHO NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN WHOSE SONGS ARE BORING AND EVIL

NMR laughed evilly and formed a big glowing lit-up hand from its body. The hand reached out, and prepared the slap us into goo.
"RUN!" Link screamed.
"Oh, brilliant strategy! Thanks, Napoleon!" I whined, borrowing a phrase from GG.
I curled up into a ball and rolled away. I was still a Goron, remember?
Link ran as fast as he could.
"How do we kill it?" he yelled.
"I'll distract it, you figure it out!" I replied.
Turning around quickly, I rolled the other direction. I could vaguely see a big hand following me.
One wrong move and I was finger-jam!
I passed Link by and stopped.
"Hand me a bomb!" I said.
He quickly threw one to me, and I curled up around it. I rolled as fast as I could over to the NMR, and held still until...
BOOM!
The monster howled in pain, and I sat up, dizzy as a dead Dodongo.
Suddenly, the monster flashed red, and just as I rolled away, it turned into a very, very large version of the guy with the vest and spiky hair.
The guy scowled at us, and created a big ball of glowy stuff, like what the NMR was made of. Then, he hurled it.
"WHAT DO WE DOOOO? WHAT DO WE DOOOOOO?" I wailed.
"Try using the DDR Wand!" Link yelled.
I shrugged and pulled out the DDR Wand, lined up the shot, and BANG!
We were surrounded by a barrier of DDR pads, and the shots just bounced off of us.
"HAHA!" I laughed. "Take that, you big, mean old thingy!"
Suddenly, I stopped laughing. The guy got down on the ground, and spun like a break dancer. He was shooting those big electric ball thingys like crazy as he spun around.
The barrier faded as three electric balls smacked into it.
"WHOA!" Link yelled. "LL, move it!"
He didn't have to tell me twice! I curled up, stuck the DDR Wand in my pocket, and sped off away from the balls, barely missing a few.
The guy stopped moving, and stood up. Then, he started to glow green, and a few seconds later, he turned into the disco lady.
She laughed and started shooting those electric balls like crazy.
Link and I dodged and ducked like nuts, until...
BONK!
"OW!" I yelled.
"OUCH!" Link yelped.
We crashed into each other, and fell over on our butts.
The disco lady laughed, and created one big electric ball. She wound up, and got ready to throw!
"No where to go!" Link yelled.
"OH NO! WE'RE DOOMED!" I shrieked.
The ball pitched through the air, and we got ready to be injured, when a tiny voice cried out:
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

There was a flash of purple, and a small purple bubble appeared in front of the two of us. "FAIRY BARRIER!" it yelled.
Hey, wait a sec! Bubbles didn't yell! And the bubble was YUMI!
The electric ball bounced harmlessly off of Yumi's bubble, and back right at the disco lady, hitting her and making her angry.
"YUMI! YOU'RE BACK!" I cried joyfully.
"Yeah, yeah... the DDR machines were too big!" she whined, and turned yellow.
"OK Yumi, now that you're here... HELP!" Link screamed.
Yumi turned yellow. "That's NMR, the DDR Demon. But right now, he's turned into his 'Janet' form! The only way to defeat him is to stun him to turn him back into the blob, then hit the big glowy thingy inside him!"
"And how do we stun him?" I asked.
"Well jeez, I don't know! Try using that Meteo Spell!"
"Can't," Link said, "All my magic power is gone!"
"OK then... try using a bomb or something!"
"I know!" I said. I stole another bomb from Link, and curled up around it after lighting the fuse.
I rolled right into "Janet", and the bomb exploded right on cue!
She screamed in pain and turned back into a blob.
"OK LINK! IT'S UP TO YOU!" I said.
Link pulled out his bow, and fired three arrows at the big glowy thing. They hit it, and the blob began to shake angrily.
Another big blobby hand reached out.
"RUN!" Link cried again.
I grabbed yet another bomb and rolled right into the blob just before the hand squished Link and Yumi.
KABOOM!
The blob shuddered and Link fired a few more arrows.
Finally, it seemed NMR was losing his touch. The electric thingys got less and less accurate, and finally, it was easy just rolling bomb into him.
KABOOM!
The blob screamed in rage, and exploded, spraying everyone in the room with disgusting green guts.

"EWWWW! ALL OVER MY NEW SWEATER!" Yumi whined.
"Gross!" Link moaned.
"Sick!" I shuddered.
We kind of scrubbed the guts off of us, and a warp portal appeared in the corner.
"All right, another temple boss behind us, finally!" I grinned.
"And you did it without turning into Doseki!" Yumi smiled.
Link, Yumi and I stepped into the portal and rose out of there and into nowhere. Well, sort of.

Destiny seemed ecstatic as we appeared in the Chamber of Sages.

**WOW, I REALLY UNDERESTIMATED YOU GUYS. YOU TOTALLY WENT ABOVE AND BEYOND MY EXPECTATIONS IN THAT TEMPLE!**

"So you think we're incompetent?" Link asked kind of crossly.

**AH, NO. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, QUIT TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY!**

"So Destiny... how are things?" I asked.

**CONSIDERING AN UNIDENTIFIED MADMAN IS ABOUT TO SCREW UP TIME, PRETTY GOOD.**

There were two consecutive flashes, and Galaxy Girl and Chica appeared on the silver blue and lime green circles. They were both sipping something from a cup labeled "Frappeccino".
"Mmm... there are good iced mochas!" Chica commented between sips.
"Definitely," GG replied. "Oh, hi LL, hi Link! Hi Yumi!"
"Hi guys, what's up?" Chica asked.

**LINK AND LITTLE LINK HAVE JUST AWAKENED THE THIRD AUTHOR SAGE, AND YOU TWO ARE THE WELCOMING COMMITTEE!**

"Oh." Chica said. "Well, bring him or her on in!"
A dark green flash of light later, Jigglypuff, back to his old human self, stood on the dark green DDR seal next to Chica.
"Whoa... talk about a weird morning!" Jigglypuff laughed.
"Nice to see you back to normal, JP!" Link chuckled.
"Nice to BE back to normal, Link!" Jigglypuff replied.
He shrugged. "Well guys, what can I say but... thank you, for un-evilifying me."
"That's our job!" I said happily.
"Even though ONE OF US wasn't as committed as the rest of us!" Link said, eyeing Yumi.
"Oh, that reminds me!" Jigglypuff said. "Destiny wants to thank you for your hard work awakening half of us by giving you guys a new mask!"
"REALLY?" I said in awe.

**YES, REALLY.**

"Cool. What does it do? Where is it?" Link asked.

**CALM DOWN THERE, BIG BOY. THE MASK IS IN A TREASURE CHEST IN THE MUSIC GAME ARCADE ROOM OF THE DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION TEMPLE. YOU KNOW, WHERE YUMI WENT.**

"Oh." I said. "How do we get it?"
"I'll send you back there after we talk for a bit," Jigglypuff said. "But since you guys are on a strict time limit, it's too bad you can't play with some of the arcade games in there."
"Hey, can we come, Jigglypuff?" GG asked eagerly.
"Sure. You can come in my temple anytime!" he said. "In fact, let's take care of business and we'll go play some DDR!"
"ALL RIGHT!" Chica grinned.
I frowned.
"Don't worry, LL, you can come in after you save the world!" GG said.
"YAY!" I cheered.
"All right, since you destroyed the DDR Demon and got rid of the evil thingy or whatever that came over me, I guess I owe you at least this." Jigglypuff said, holding up his hands.
A deep green medallion tumbled down from the ceiling, and Link reached to catch it.
"Look Link, it's Zelda!" I said quickly.
"WHERE?" he cried, looking around.
I stole the medallion right in mid air while he was distracted.

LITTLE LINK/DOSEKI GOT THE DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION MEDALLION! JIGGLYPUFF AWAKENS AS AN AUTHOR SAGE AND LETS YOU BORROW HIS MEDALLION. IF YOU USE IT, YOU CAN CALL UP JIGGLYPUFF WHENEVER YOU NEED HELP, AND HE'LL COME TO THE RESCUE. THE FIRST 20 MINUTES ARE FREE, AND IT'S ONLY 7 RUPEES A MINUTE AFTER THAT, SO... WAIT. NO, NEVERMIND.

Link scowled at me. I grinned back.

**OK BOYS, BEFORE YOU GO TO GET THE NEW MASK, LET ME TELL YOU THE CLUE TO THE NEXT TEMPLE.

SIX AGE-OLD ZORA PILLARS
ANCIENT SECRETS THEY DO KEEP
HERE UPON THIS HOLY GROUND
LIES THE HIDDEN GATE YOU SEEK**

"Thank you, Jigglypuff and Destiny!" I said happily.
"Hey, let's go play DDR now!" Jigglypuff suggested. "And I'll take you three to get your mask, too."
"Be right there!" Chica said, and she disappeared.
"Me too! See you in five seconds, LL!" GG added, and she vanished too.

**ALL RIGHT YOU TWO. GOOD LUCK WITH THE NEXT TEMPLE, AND REMEMBER TO LOOK FOR SHEIK. TILL NEXT TIME, THIS IS DESTINY! SIGNING OFF!**

We were surrounded by the same warp portal light, and the two of us floated off to our destination with Yumi close behind.

Seconds later, we landed in the second room of the DDR Temple, where we had seen the Kaeru Zukin dolls and Yumi had disappeared. This time, the huge door was unlocked, and we heard music inside.
We opened up the door, and found more DDR and arcade games than I had ever seen! They had everything in there, and lots of game token machines that took Rupees and dollars.
At a DDR machine in the corner, Jigglypuff and Chica were facing off, with GG looking on.
And at the far end of the room, there was a treasure chest.
Link raced up to it. "All right, what do we do?"
Suddenly, the chest opened up, and a small fairy (normal-looking, not like Yumi) appeared from inside it.
"Welcome to Midi the Fairy's Mask Choose-O-Rama! Please choose which mask you want.
The Thought Mask...
The Morph Mask...
The Item Mask...
The Voice Mask...
The Sing-Song Mask...
The Power Mask...
Or the Bulging Muscles Mask?"
"Um, about that Bulging Muscles Mask..." Link said slowly.
"NO!" I yelled. "Do the Thought mask!"
"Is that your FINAL Answer?" Midi asked.
"Uh, yes!" I said, before Link said something dumb.
A mask shaped like a big blank face appeared in the air near Midi.
"The Thought Mask allows you to hear other's thoughts. You must be able to see them or hear them to use the mask, and it costs 5 MP a shot!" Midi said.
"WHAT? How cheap!" Link whined.
"Take it or leave it!" Midi said, annoyed.
"All right, we'll take it!" Link said.
Midi handed him the mask and then she nodded. "Good luck you two, and see ya!"
Then she vanished.

Link slipped on the mask, and to tell you the truth, I couldn't tell he had it on.
"Let's try this out!" Link said. "Think something."
I thought hard about something.
"You wish you had a big, juicy rock sirloin!" Link said proudly.
"That's no contest!" I said. "I always wish I had a big juicy rock sirloin!"
"So, uh... all right, you put it on and read my thoughts."
I took the mask from him and put it on. Link gazed around the room randomly.
Sure enough, I could hear what he was thinking.
^"Wow, that Chica has a nice @$$..."^ I heard, even though Link's mouth didn't move. ^"And that GG... woo, check out that butt on her!"^
I didn't hesitate to smack him good.
"OW! What was that for?" he whined.
"Don't look at my girlfriend like that!" I yelled.
"Hey, it does work!" he said.
The three Author Sages turned to us and waved. "See you guys!" GG yelled. "Good luck!"
"See ya," Jigglypuff said.
"Ciao!" Chica grinned.
We walked out of the Music Game Arcade, and the door slammed shut.

"So..." Link said. "Let's head back to Hyrule, and think about them six age-old pillars."
"Sounds good to me, I've had a hard day!" I groaned.
We climbed up the stairs and into the pale moonlight of the wee hours of the morning.
"OK, turn into Doseki, time to call Epona," Link said.
"Aw man, do I have to be Doseki AGAIN?" I whined. "I can do fine like this!"
"Remember last time you rode the horse as LL?"
"So?"
"OK, fine. Stay LL if you want."
Epona rode up to us, and Link got on.
As I approached Epona to hop on, she recognized my big heavy butt and let out a horrible whinny.
"WAAAAAAAAACK!" I screamed in fear, and leaped at least five feet in the air, landing on my butt as I came down.
"On second thought," I said, "A few hours as Doseki would probably be good for me..."


Another Temple, another Sage... and it appears that this unknown time terrorist is getting more and more sinister as time goes on! Will Link and LL be able to awaken the last three Sages in a mere four days? Or are they and the rest of Hyrule DOOMED to a future of repetitiveness? Find out as the Sage of Innocence Saga continues in Chapter Ten:

AQUAPHOBIA

-or-

LAKE HYLIA LUNACY!