Sage of Innocence Saga -or- Two Links and a Bunch of Authors
By Galaxy Girl

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: HEARTS OF ICE -or- EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN

Disclaimer: DON'T YOU GET IT YET? I don't own Zelda. You don't think I own Zelda either. At least, I hope not. I do own the characters of Galaxy Girl and Doseki, and the seven extra temples, as well as the following chapter of the story and all preceding chapters. All author appearances are with the utmost respect, and no insult or mocking is intended. Remember: it's all for the sake of comedy.



Guess who? Ah, you got me. That's right, it's me, LL again. Last time, Link, Yumi and I made our way to Kakariko Village, where we spoke to Impa and discovered that the authors had taken over the whole village! In the graveyard, we met the author Wintyr, who believed she was a Sheikah named Niniel. With Niniel was her hostage- er, BOYFRIEND Kafei. We also ran into two mysterious Poes named Miko and Nika, who are actually the authors Mister Crash and Saridaru-Chan. Wintyr has disappeared, and Crash and Saridaru have asked us to help them by defeating an evil witch named Coeur de Glace, which we may end up doing anyway... Well, I guess we'll find out this chapter!



"I DON'T WANNA BE TORTURED BY A WITCH!" I wailed.
"Get a hold of yourself, Doseki! We have a long way to go before we get to Coeur de Glace anyway..." Link muttered. "We just have to find the entrance now!"
"'Two stones are down, Two stones is right!'" Yumi said, matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I KNOW!" Link barked crankily. "But two stones down and two stones left from where?
"I guess... just some random place..." I groaned. "We have a lot of playing to do..."

Twenty gravestones later, Link and I were no closer to finding the Emotion Temple than we had been an hour ago.
"It's almost dark!" Yumi cried desperately. "AND GHOSTS COME OUT AFTER DARK!"
"We'll find it!" I said triumphantly.
"Doseki, we're running out of gravestones. And my lips are so tired, I don't know if I can play that stupid Monody or whatever it is one more time..." moaned Link.
"It's the Energy Temple all over again!" I whined.
"Shut up, both of you. Let's pick a spot that would be logical to start from, and go two down and two left from there." Yumi suggested.
"Ah, why not?" Link shrugged. "Let's go to the Royal Family's Tomb Marker..."

Standing on a small Triforce symbol made out of dirt, we watched Yumi fly two rows down and two stones to the left.
"RIGHT HERE!" she shrieked.
Link and I stomped over to the stone, and got ready to play the Monopoly... er, Monody of Emotion one more time.
And once we were finished, we watched the stone very, very closely... for any sign of any change whatsoever!
And nothing happened, anything at all.
Link threw his hands up in despair. "AGGH!"
Then he and Yumi turned around and began to search for one more place to go two down and two left from.
I stayed next to the gravestone, and sighed. Sitting down on the stone, I watched Link and Yumi arguing over where to play the song next.
I was feeling really homesick... I wanted nothing more than to go up that mountain immediately North and take a nap in my own room and see my dad again.
And by the way the mission was going, I was starting to doubt that we would be able to save the world at all! As of dusk, we only had 2 1/2 days until the big KABLOOEY! And in that 2 1/2 days, would we actually be able to complete TWO temples?
I wasn't feeling very good, either... I had a tummy ache... I wanted to go home... or at least chew on a nice, tasty Dodongo's Cavern Grade A Top Sirloin Rock... But the drum wasn't on my real body, so I was stuck here for a while...
Hey, was it just me, or did a draft roll in?
"Brrr!" I shivered. "Woo, it's cold..."
And then I noticed what was happening. The gravestone below my butt had frozen over! A solid sheet of shimmering ice covered the whole gravestone, and uh... froze my tunic and part of my pants to the grave...

"LINK! COME HERE!" I yelled.
Link and Yumi turned around, and raced down to where I was sitting.
"What is it?" he asked. Then he saw the gravestone. "WHOA! Hey, we did it! The Emotion Temple is right under that gravestone!"
"Hurry, stand up, Doseki!" Yumi encouraged.
"I... can't." I said calmly.
"Good grief, why not?"
"Because my clothes are frozen to the gravestone..." I replied.
Link eyed the gravestone and winced. "He's right, there's like an inch of fabric caught under the ice..."
"Cut it off," Yumi suggested.
"NO! MY UNDERWEAR WILL SHOW!" I cried.
"Gorons don't wear underwear, silly!" she laughed.
"No, but humans do!" I said.
"Then turn into yourself and stand up!" Yumi suggested.
"I can't... you see, I put my Innocence Medallion in my bag, and that was on my belt, and... Well, it's stuck too."
Yumi groaned, and Link slapped his forehead.
"Then how do we get you out?" Yumi asked angrily.
"Wait for it to melt!" Link suggested.
Yumi sighed. "This is magical ice... it won't melt on its own..."
"Will it break?" Link and I both gasped.
"Yep." Yumi said. "But I wouldn't do that, because..."
"If it breaks then our problem is solved!" he said, pulling the... no way! Was that REALLY the Legendary Hammer of the Gorons, the Megaton Hammer? IT WAS! Anyway, he pulled it out of his pack and raised it high overhead, and...
BOOM!
There was ice and stone flying everywhere. Yumi ducked behind the next stone to the left, and I covered my face.
And I WAS FREE!
Well, sorta.

Link stared at the place where the gravestone had been in disbelief. "Oh man!"
I turned around. There was a gigantic piece of ice and stone hanging off of my butt. And even worse, right over the bag with the Innocence Medallion in it.
"ARRRGGGH!" I screamed. "Get it off!"
"I'll whack you if I try," Link said.
"So melt it!" I cried.
"It doesn't melt naturally."
"So melt it UN-naturally! I don't wanna be seen with this hanging off my rear!"
Link thought for a minute. "Oh, of course!"
He pulled his flame-thrower from the Energy Temple out of his pack. We had refilled the fuel in Clock Town, by the way.
"Hold still!" he said.
Yumi gasped, and flew into Link's hat. "I can't watch!"
I turned around. "I can't watch my butt get burned off either..."
And then there was a WHOOOOSH and a rush of heat.
"AAGGGH! MY BUTT IS ON FIRE! MY BUTT IS ON FIRE!" I screamed.
"No, it's not. Done!" Link said calmly.
He turned off the flame-thrower and put it away.
I turned around, and saw the chunk of stone on the ground in a puddle of water. My tunic and bag were all in one piece, and not burnt either.
"PHEW!" I sighed. "Hey Link, if you tell anyone about this adventure of ours, leave this part out, OK?"
"Don't worry. It wasn't any more fun for me," he groaned.
Suddenly, the puddle of water began to form ripples in it.
"Get out of the way!" Yumi yelled, smacking into my head.
I stepped away from it, and seconds later, the water re-froze, all on its own!
"Wow... scary..." I whistled.
"That's never a good sign..." Link muttered.
"Well, at least we've found the entrance to the Emotion Temple." Yumi said, pointing at the seemingly bottom-less hole that had appeared underneath the gravestone.
"Who's going first?" I asked.
"You will." Link said.
"Hey, you jerk! You're the hero here! Why don't you go down first, and then help Doseki down?" Yumi shouted.
"Because the last time I tried that, I had 600 pounds of Goron land on top of me from 50 feet in the air!" he snapped.
"Hey, that was a Goron. Now he weighs 430 pounds less." Yumi pointed out.
"But he's still heavy!" Link retorted.
"Fine! I'll go first!" I screamed. "But if anything eats me, it's going to be your butt, Link."

I stood at the edge of the hole, feeling very, very uneasy...
"Well, are you going to jump sometime today?" Link asked impatiently.
"I can't see the bottom!" I wailed.
"Oh, you'll be fine. Just jump. If it's really high, then lean forward while you fall and you'll somersault at the bottom to keep from getting hurt," he reassured me. Again, in that UN-reassuring way of his.
"I changed my mind. You go first!" I said.
"Oh come on, Doseki, it's not that bad! I thought you got over your fear of heights!"
"That doesn't mean I want to jump down a hole that is so deep I can't see the bottom or even know what's down there!"
"Oh puh-lease, I've done it thousands of times."
"You're a lot older than me! I don't wanna die so young!"
"I'm only 17 years older than you. In human years, that is."
"You're 72 Goron years older than me..."
"Really? I'm... 93 in Goron years?"
"That's pretty young, actually. The Great Darmani was 461 in Goron years when he died.
"Wow... you Gorons live a long time..."
"Actually, 461 in Goron years is only 90 in human years. So, we live about the same length, just with different measurements."
"How long is a Goron year anyway?"
"Each season, ya know, winter, spring, summer, fall, is a Goron year. Give or take a few days, the formula is 1 human year equals 4.6666666666 Goron years."
"How do you tell the years apart?"
"Well, winter is the Ice Year, spring is the Flower Year, summer is the Fire Year, and fall is the Wind Year. My birthday's on the first 17th of each year. And then we just get to counting the-"
Yumi was furious. "HOW DID WE GET TO TALKING ABOUT GORON AND HUMAN YEARS CONVERSIONS? ONE OF YOU JUST JUMP!"
"I'm not going first. If he lands on me one more time it might be the last time. My spleen has had enough!"
"I'm not going first. He's the hero, and besides, I'm not that heavy!"
Yumi sighed dejectedly. "Good grief, then I'LL go first!"
Both of us freaked. "Yumi, you don't have any weapons!" Link gasped. "You'll be murdered!"
"IF there are any monsters in the first room, I'll take care of them!"
"But Yumi..."
"If you two are going to argue about it, I'm just going to go first! Then you guys can fight over who will go next. See you down there!" And with that, Yumi gave us a noble look, straightened out her skirt, and zipped down into the hole.
We watched her purple glow go lower and lower and lower, until finally, we couldn't see it at all.
"YUMI!" I yelled down the hole. "ARE YOU OK?"
"OK? I'M FINE! THERE'S NOTHING DOWN HERE! JUST A ROOM AND A DOOR!"
"OK!" Link screamed. "I'm coming down!"
"You are?" I asked.
"Yeah, I should go first."
"OK, Link. I'll make sure... BWA!"
That noise was me tripping on the chunk of ice on the ground and tumbling into the hole.
Oh boy, just my luck, huh?

"AAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEE!" I screamed as I tumbled down, Down, DOWN, DOOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNN what had to be the longest hole in existence.
Everything was black, so I didn't bother shutting my eyes.
"AHHHHHHH! PLEASE GOD, SAVE MY LITTLE BROKEN BODY!" I wailed.
BANG!
I smacked into what appeared to be a curve in the hole.
"OW!" I yelled.
I could hear Link screaming from the top of the hole.
"DOSEKI! HOLD ON, I'M COMING!"
"AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHH-SPLAT!"

I hit the ground face-first. It was not fun.
As soon as I had regained my senses, I became aware of laughter. It wasn't good laughter, like a good laugh at a good joke... it was a wicked laugh, like you just did something bad and are proud of it.
I sat up slowly. My nose was bleeding again...
It's not easy to be a hero...
I looked around for Yumi. Hey, where'd she go?
The room I was in was big and square, with dark blue tile on the walls and floors. Big, icky spiderwebs hung all over, and the laughing kept going, echoing through the room.
"Yumi?" I called.
"OH DOSEKI! HELP ME!" laughed a voice.
"EEEEK!" I shrieked.
I sat up, and as I did, I became aware of a bunch of dark shadows descending from the ceiling.
I gasped and backed against the wall, as at least 25 GIANT EVIL spiders lowered themselves into the room.
One of the spiders was right near me. "OH DOSEKI! HELP ME! PLEASE!" it said, in a perfect likeness of Yumi's voice. It must have spoken as Yumi to fool us into thinking it was safe.
"Well, well... looks like we have some more supper for tonight!" laughed one of the spiders.
"He will be delicious," another said.
"Who are you? What did you do with my fairy?" I yelled at them, standing up.
"Oh, he thinks he's tough!" one spider giggled.
"We will do to him what we will do to his stupid fairy!" another added.
Then I heard a muffled high-pitched scream.
I turned towards the left side of the room, and I became aware of a group of spiders surrounding something.
The spiders moved away, and I almost screamed when I saw poor Yumi, all wrapped up in webbing, stuck to the wall like a pushpin.
"RUN DOSEKI!" Yumi screamed. "THEY'RE GONNA EAT US!"
"Be quiet, breakfast!" one of the spiders said.
I heard something behind me and jumped, just before a big huge spider bit me.
"HOLD STILL!" it yelled.
I pulled out my crossbow. "You let Yumi go, or I'll pulverize you!"
"Try us!" the spiders all said.
I loaded up an arrow, took aim at one of them hanging near Yumi, and BANG!
The spider flew like, 10 feet backwards and dropped to the ground, dead. It vanished into a burst of fire.
"AGGGGHHH!" the spiders all screamed.
I fired arrow after arrow and spider after spider dropped to the ground and vanished.
Hey, where was Link, anyway?
Finally, there was only one spider left. He was hanging near poor Yumi, who was struggling to escape.
"Now... let's talk about this, my boy..." the spider begged.
"I'm not your boy!" I said. "Now you let my fairy go!"
"Oh, which fairy? This one?" the spider said, un-sticking Yumi from the wall.
"Yes, that one. Let her go!" I demanded.
"OK, whatever you say," the spider said calmly.
"Oh YEAH! Great job, Doseki! You really saved my-"
Suddenly, the spider stuffed Yumi in his big ugly mouth.
"YUMIIIIII!" I shrieked. I took aim and fired!
"AGGGGGHHHH!" screamed the spider. Then he hit the ground and vanished, leaving a small, purple object on the floor.

I ran over to my poor, dazed fairy.
"Oh Yumi! I'm sorry! Are you all right?"
"Easy squeezy lemon peasy..." she murmured. Then she regained her senses. "Ugh... I hate spiders! Wow Doseki, you saved my glowing purple butt! Thanks!"
"No problem!" I said. "I wouldn't let them get you."
We heard a grunt, and turned to the spot where the hole let out.
And into the room stepped Link, holding his hooky-thing in one hand.
"And just what took YOU so long?" Yumi snapped.
"I heard Doseki scream on the way down, so I figured I would go down slowly."
"Well you just missed a big fight with a bunch of spiders, and poor Yumi here almost getting eaten!"
"Oh jeez, I'm sorry, Yumi!" he said. "Next time I'll try and hurry."
"You're just lucky Doseki got here when he did! Otherwise, I would be spider chow!" she snapped.
"Oh wow, I feel really bad... Hey, Doseki... you killed all those spiders all by yourself?"
"I sure did." I said proudly.
"Wow... great! Yumi, do you feel any better now?"
"About as good as you can feel when you've just been eaten by a spider and then spit out again. Let's go, there's a door back there." Yumi said, pointing to a door.

Behind the door, we could hear a whooshing wind coming in from the ceiling.
"BRRRR! It's f-f-f-f-freezing in here!" Yumi whined. "And the spider spit doesn't help either!"
"No kidding," said Link, who then sneezed.
"I don't know. It's a rather comfortable temperature in here for me!"
"You're used to it, Doseki!" Link snapped.
We were in a long hallway with the same darkish blue stone walls as the first room. Icicles hung from the ceiling, and the floor was slippery and slick.
"It's hard to walk. Watch your step!" Yumi said. "You wouldn't want to go careening off a cliff!"
Around the corner, we saw something that made Link and Yumi groan, and made me shriek in joy.
"OH GREAT! A BIG ICE-COVERED SLIDE RAMP!"
"Oh great. A big ice-covered slide ramp."
The floor seemed to end save for a long icy path that led downhill through a cavernous room, to a door at the other end.
"How in the heck are we going to..." Link whined.
"I KNOW!" I cheered. "WATCH ME!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*POOOOOF*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Here I go!" I said. "Oh boy oh boy! This is going to be better than rolling down Death Mountain in the winter!"
"Hey LL, I don't think that's such a hot idea," Link said. "For one thing, what about Yumi and me?"
"I can fly," Yumi stated matter-of-factly.
"UGH! Fine then, what about me? And second, there's a great big jump right in the center of the room. Can you make it?"
"Well sure!" I said. "Every Goron who is any Goron is a good cliff-roller-downer."
Link leaned against the end of the wall and stared at the other wall, as if in deep thought.
"What are you thinking about, Link? A way to get across?"
"None of your beeswax," he said. "But yeah..."
I wanted to make sure he wasn't lying, so I pulled out the Thought Mask.
^"Hmm... Wow, I wish Zelda were here... she would know what to do! And she always had such a nice..."^
"LIIINK!" I cried.
He snapped out of it, and noticed the mask. "HEY! You were eavesdropping in my head!"
"HMMPH! Looks like we'll have to keep an eye on you for a while." Yumi snickered.
"Ah... phooey. But I did think of a way to cross!"
"How is that?" I asked.
Link reached deep into his pack and pulled out a mask that looked... hey, it looked like me! A Goron!
"I haven't had to do this in years... and I'm not looking forward to it now, but... here goes nothing..."
He put on the mask, and suddenly, blinding blue light filled up the whole room. I shielded my eyes from the glare, and when I opened them...
THE GREAT DARMANI WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE!

I screamed. "AAGGGH! GREAT DARMANI! Aren't you dead? But... OH! IT'S THE GREAT DARMANI!"
"AAIEIEEEEE! WHERE'S LINK?" gasped Yumi.
"Stop it, LL," the Great Darmani said.
I ignored him and bowed. "OH GREAT GORON HERO OF THE PAST! I TOO AM A GREAT GORON HERO! I AM LINK OF THE GORONS, SON OF DARUNIA FLINT GORON, THE GREAT GORON HERO AND SAGE OF FIRE!"
"I told you to cut it out."
"I ENTREAT YE, GREAT DARMANI! TELL ME THE ANCIENT SECRETS OF THE GORON HERO!"
"LITTLE LINK! GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF! SHUT UP!" screamed the Great Darmani.
I shutted up. When an ancient dead Goron Hero tells you to shut up, you better do it.
"CALM DOWN! It is not the Great Darmani, it's me, Link!"
"But you're a Goron!" Yumi said.
"DUUUUH! I know that I'm a Goron! I used the powers of the mask, WHICH by the way contains the GHOST of the Great Darmani to transform into a Goron! But I am NOT Darmani, I am still Link. So stop with all the formalities and introductions!"
"Oh, OK." I said. "Good. I mean, gee Link, it would have been great if you really were Darmani, but now that I know you're Link I won't be all freaked out at seeing a ghost, ya know?"
"Just hush up and roll."
"Rolling, sir!"
I curled up into a ball and sped off down the slide.
"WHEEEEEEEE!" I cheered. "THIS IS GREAT!"
I could hear Link rolling behind and Yumi up in front of me.
Suddenly, I hit the jump! WOOOHOOO!
I remembered what Daddy had taught me when I was just a baby Goron about flying through the air when you're rolling. "Just keep your head and arms tucked in, and don't worry about what part of you you'll land on. If you're a ball, it won't make much difference."
Sure enough, I landed on my arm and started rolling that way before I could straighten myself out. And pretty soon, BANG! I bashed into the doorway on the other side of the long icy path.
I sat up, and shook off the dizziness. Seconds later, BANG! Link came up behind me, and crashed into the doorframe. He stood up, and took off the mask. And soon he was my good old buddy Link again.
The mask fluttered to the ground.
Link shook his head, straightened his hat, and said, "I am never doing that again... I feel like I've been on a carnival ride that never ended..."
A treasure chest rose out of the ground, and Link and I opened it.

LINK AND LL/DOSEKI FOUND THE DUNGEON MAP! NOW THEY CAN SEE ALL THE ROOMS IN THE DUNGEON. I MEAN, THEY COULD SEE IT BEFORE, BUT NOW THEY CAN SEE IT WITHOUT BEING IN THE ROOM! DON'T YOU GET IT YET????

Link pocketed the map and Yumi joined in a matter of seconds. "OK, let's keep going."
But I stopped the party. I was curious about something. "Link, you say that Darmani's ghost is in this mask?"
"Yep," he said.
I picked up the mask and studied it carefully. Then, I dropped to my knees and set the mask in the snow, bowing down to it.
"OH GREAT GORON HERO OF THE PAST! I TOO AM A GORON HERO! I AM LINK OF THE GORONS, SON OF DARUNIA FLINT GORON, THE GREAT GORON HERO AND SAGE OF FI-"
"LL!"
"What? You can't be too careful!"
"I DON'T think the mask can hear you."
"Oh. OK. Let's keep going then."

Link pushed the door open and we found ourselves in a room that was shrouded with spider webs. The walls were the same, and the same freezing chill was in the air.
"I don't like it in here! It's creepy!" I shuddered.
"I don't like it either, LL... don't worry..." Link replied.
Suddenly, we heard laughter almost as scary as that of any of the Dark authors ring out across the room.
"Sweet, innocent victims... Surrender to me or I will make you wish you'd never been born!" it laughed. The voice was definitely a woman's.
"EEEEEEK!" I shrieked.
"Coeur de Glace!" Yumi yelped. "AGGH! LL, get ready!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~POOF~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I unsheathed the Little Giant and Link and I surveyed the room warily.
"Poor little heroes... they don't know where I am! Maybe I will help them!"
"Leave us alone!" I yelled.
"Leave my mistress's temple before I annihilate you!" the voice sneered. Suddenly, we heard scratching noises behind us. Link spun around to attack, but it was too late. Three long strands of spider's web had snuck up behind us and wrapped us up like blankets and lifting us up off the floor!
"ACK! I can't move!" Link grunted.
"Me either!" I cried.
"MMPGPHPMPPHPPHMHMGMGPPHHH!" we heard from above me. Yumi had been wrapped almost completely up in web.
The laugh continued to pierce the room, and finally, we saw a dark shape down on the floor.
She looked up at us, and laughed again. She was a young woman, dressed completely in black with spider webs all over her dress and raven hair. Her lips and eyes were black too.
"Didn't I warn you?" she laughed.
Then she began to quickly rise up until she was eye-level with me. She got right in my face and planted a smooch on my nose.
"ACCK!" I shrieked, kicking to get her away from me.
The woman laughed wickedly and crossed her legs in the air.
"Shiniinoru!" we heard Yumi mumble.
"Who is she, Yumi?" Link hissed.
Yumi wriggled around for a moment until the web loosened from around her mouth. "It's Shiniinoru! The Dark Dream Weaver! She's a powerful evil sorceress who can control your mind if she knows your name!"
Suddenly, I gasped. "Um... didn't you just say her name?" I said to Link.
Link's eyes almost popped out.
Shiniinoru laughed evilly again and stared at poor Yumi. "Oh, poor dear... it's too late for you, isn't it?"
"To kill her all you gotta do is guess what her name means!" Yumi said quickly. "I don't think I'll be able to tell you much more because she-"
We heard Shiniinoru chanting some kind of charm and waving her hands. Black energy was gathering around her hands, and she chanted, "Yumi the Fairy... Heart turning black... surrender your spirit... never to go back!"
The black stuff began to glow brighter, and so did Yumi. "AGGGH!" she screamed. "You'll never take me alive, Shinnii no-brain!"
"STOP IT! Leave her alone!" Link screamed.
"Yumi the Fairy... Heart turning black... surrender your spirit... never to go back!"
"STOP!" I yelled.
A purple bubble appeared around Yumi, as it had in the DDR Temple. "You'll have to try harder than that, you dumbnik!"
Black waves surrounded the bubble, and tried to break their way in to take over Yumi's brain.
"We have to kill her to stop her!" I said to Link.
"What the heck does her name mean, though?" Link snapped.
"I will force my darkness to Yumi's poor brain! Before you ever guess my name!" Shiniinoru laughed.
"PRAY FOR-" Yumi tried to yell, but she couldn't stop projecting her bubble for long.
"Pray? I think we'd better!" I wailed.
"No! Yumi was trying to tell us what her name was!" Link yelled to me.
"Her name means 'Pray For...' WHAT?" I asked.
We decided to try guessing random things.
"Happiness!" I yelled.
"Sadness!" Link cried.
"Patience!"
"Monotony!"
"Uh... STUFF!"
"DEATH!" Link shouted finally.
Shiniinoru immediately stopped trying to take over Yumi. Her black hair began to turn silver and her dress began to fade. "NOOOO!" she screamed. "YOU... CANNOT... DEFEAT... ME!"
"We just did!" I laughed.
Shiniinoru dropped to the ground and disappeared in a whoosh of web and spiders.
"Ewwww..." Yumi groaned.
"Yumi! Are you OK?" Link asked.
"Hey, why do I keep getting in trouble in this temple?" she demanded.
"That was certainly easy..." I murmured.
"Puh. If it hadn't been for me, all three of us would be evil zombies by now!"
Another treasure chest rose up out of the floor.
"Hey, another chest!" I grinned.
"Sorry Doseki, but I think we have a little teeny problem to solve before we can grab the chest..." Link said.
"What's that?" asked Yumi.
"HOW IN THE HECK ARE WE GOING TO GET DOWN?"
Yumi raised her eyebrows. "Gee, I never thought of that..."
Link struggled against the spiderweb's binds. "I can't reach any of my weapons!"
"Um... I have an idea!" I said.
"WHAT?" Link and Yumi gasped out.
"I could... um... if I could reach my medallion, I could turn into myself and the web would break because I'm so heavy."
"Great idea! Try to grab your medallion." Yumi suggested.
I struggled to try and reach the medallion hanging around my neck. "I... can't... reach it... AHA!"
I grabbed it!
"Innocence Medallion, retu-"
Just before I finished, my fingers slipped and the Innocence Medallion tumbled to the ground far below.
"Crap!" I yelled. "I dropped it!"
"NOW WHAT?" Link whined.
"I know! Call one of the authors!" Yumi said.
I could barely fit my hand inside the bag holding the Author Sage medallions. I could only grab one of them, and there was no way I could see whose it was.
"OK... Author Sage, whoever you are, please HELP!" I shouted.
I could feel the medallion warming up in my hands, and I slowly tugged it until it came out of the bag.
And then I dropped it too.
A lavender-blue flash of light streaked down to the floor, and when the Randomness Medallion landed, the light extended all the way up to the ceiling and Sailor Zel appeared in the light.
The Sage of Randomness was drawing a picture when she noticed us. "Hey guys, what's... ewwwww... SPIDERS!"
"Could you give us a hand?" Link asked. "Is there any way you could burn these webs off of us?"
"Well... I could try," she said hopefully.
"Hurry! I don't want to be eaten by spiders again!" Yumi wailed.
"OK, hold on!" Zel set down her paper and pencil and faced the webs. "Randomness Beam, Burn!" she yelled.
Zaps of light shot out of her hands and filled up the whole room. The next thing we knew, we were suspended in midair by... nothing.
"WAAACCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!" the three of us shrieked as we tumbled to the ground.
SPLAT!
The grunt of pain below me told me that I had landed on Link again.
"Oops. Sorry, Link." I said sheepishly, moving away.
I think he was crying. "NO MORE! NO MORE, PLEASE! WAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Zel stared at Link and laughed. "Oh, poor baby."
"Shut uuuuuuup..." he snapped.
Yumi was laughing too. "Cheer up, Link. You don't really NEED your spleen anyway."
He stood up veeeery sloooowly. "Thanks, Zel... Ow..."
"Don't mention it," she replied. "I'm just honored that you guys called ME! The new girl! WOOO!"
I decided not to tell her the truth about all the medallions in the bag. Besides, she had been very helpful.
"Well, I guess I'll talk to you guys later," she smiled. "Bye now. Good luck!"
"Thankies, Zel!" I grinned.
"Bye," Yumi added.
The light faded on Zel as she jumped into the air and landed on her knees Mary-Katherine-Gallagher style, screaming, "AUTHOR SAGE!"
Link stumbled over to the chest and threw it open.

LINK AND LL/DOSEKI FOUND THE BLACK DAGGER OF EMOTION! THIS DAGGER HAS MAGIC POWERS. IT SLICES, IT DICES, IT CHOPS THINGS UP, AND IT CAN SHOOT BEAMS OF LIGHT THAT INSTEAD OF BLASTING LIKE THE ENERGY STAFF, SLOWLY WARM UP AND DESTROY EVIL TARGETS WITH ITS EMOTION-Y POWERS. SURE, IT DOESN'T SOUND USEFUL, BUT IT'S A VERY FAST AND EASY WAY TO GET RID OF MANY OF THE MONSTERS IN THIS TEMPLE, INCLUDING THOSE ANNOYING SHINIINORU CHARACTERS...

"Handy," Link commented, tucking it into his bag. "Where to, Yumi?"
Yumi pulled out the map and studied it carefully. "Ah, there's another door back there."
As we approached the door, we noticed a lot of weird writing on the door. "No more Hokey Pokey, I hope..." Link murmured.
Yumi read the writing out loud.

"'WARNING: DON'T, I REPEAT... DO NOT watch your step.'"

"What? What the heck does that mean?" I asked.
"Eh, come on," Link said. "If it were really important, they would have made it easier to understand."
"No, no, on the contrary: If it were really important, like a life-or-death thing, they would only want the smartest people to understand it, because they are the heroes and everyone else is stupid!" I replied.
"Ah, maybe you're right. But I don't see what it could mean."
"Maybe it means that in the next room, we are not I repeat NOT allowed to watch our steps?" Yumi said. "Well, at least YOU two watching your steps. I have no steps."
"Yeah, yeah, we know," Link snapped. "OK, then... you heard the sign. Do NOT watch your steps. Don't even glance at your feet."
I shrugged. "Sounds easy enough."
Link opened the door, and we walked inside.

As the door slammed shut and steel bars covered it, another noise echoed through the room.
It was Yumi.
"HOLY PURPLE DISHWASHERS!" she yelled. "Where'd the floor go?"
She was right. There was NO FLOOR in the room! It was wide and rectangular and looked quite a bit like the other few rooms, with spider webs and all, but there was NO FLOOR! Only blackness.
"Gulp. OK... once we start walking, DON'T look down!" Link said, throwing a Look at me. "It's in rooms like this where you usually get in trouble, Doseki. DO NOT LOOK AT THE FLOOR!"
"I can do it, I can do it!" I said. "No fear!"
"Here goes nothing..." Link muttered. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and took one giant step into the floor-less room.
I shut my eyes too. But when I didn't hear a scream or a KERSPLAT! - I looked to see Link, out in the middle of the room. It looked like he was standing on a white disc of light!
"Come on, Doseki!" he cried. "It's OK! Just keep looking at the wall and you'll be fine!"
I took one big step off the solid ledge. Sure enough, I was fine! I didn't fall or anything!
I stared at the wall and confidently ran over to Link's side. "OK, we can go now."
The two of us reached the door on the other side with Yumi close behind, when Link gasped. "Oh no! Look! The door is locked!"
"Uh oh! We're stuck!" I cried.
Under normal circumstances, I would have looked down in disappointment.
"Now what?" asked Yumi.

All of a sudden, we heard two familiar laughs. We spun around, careful to avoid the floor, and we saw Crash and Saridaru, floating in mid air near the other door!
"Sssssstuck?" asked Sssssss- Er, I mean Saridaru.
"We can help," Crash added.
"But... you guys! Why did you follow us? You went in here once before and look what happened to you!" Link snapped, thoroughly annoyed.
"Well where elsssssse would we be?" Saridaru stated matter-of-factly.
"We're jussssst making sure our heroesssssss don't ssssscrew it up!" Crash replied.
"H-EEEEEY! Of course we're not screwing up!" Link said indignantly.
"Link, leave them alone. Thanks for coming!" I said to the Poes. "How do we get out of this room?"
"Oh, I don't know... let'sssss ssssssee..." Saridaru pondered.
"Aha! I know!" Crash smiled, looking at his "sister".
"Oh yessss... ACK!" Saridaru shrieked suddenly. "Dosssssseki, what issssss that on your boot?"
"What?" I gasped.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I totally forgot the watching your step rule...
I swung my head down and gazed at my shoe.

Gol, I was gullible.
It was like a trap door slid open right underneath me.
I WAS FALLING!
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I yelled.
"DOSSSSSS- I mean, DOSEKI!" Yumi screamed.
I had my wits about me enough to watch as Link, Yumi, Saridaru and Crash got smaller and smaller as I tumbled down what I was sure was the NEW longest hole in existence.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLP!" I screamed. "LIIIIIINK! HEEEEEEEELLLLLLP!"
I was joking myself. There was no way Link, or anyone for that matter could help me now.
I silently prayed this wasn't a bottomless pit. That was an awful way to go. Not going at all!
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLP!" I screamed again out of sheer terror. Even though I knew Link probably couldn't hear me anymore.
I tried to keep calm. I had to keep calm. People went crazy when they panicked. And if I DID ever land and survive, I would need to not be crazy.
Falling, falling, falling, just FALLING! I began to wonder if I would EVER stop! Then I decided that landing would NOT be the best case scenario right now. If I did land, I wouldn't get up at all.
I just slammed my eyes shut and waited for it to be over.
When suddenly...





























BANG!!!!!!!!

I was so stunned from the pain when I landed, I wasn't sure if I had really landed or not for a few minutes.
I WAS ALIVE! SWEET LORD, I WAS ALIVE!
I opened my eyes. I had landed, all right. The room I was in had the same blue patterned walls as the other ones, only this one looked like it had been kept clean for the last few thousand years.
Stupid Saridaru... Oh, wait! There was a door at the other end of the room!
She and Crash had only been trying to show us the way! Now I wasn't so angry.
But could they have done it in a less painful way?
I tried to sit up, but a numbing pain shot through my right wrist. "OWWWW!" I wailed. Did I break it? Whatever I did, I didn't want to risk moving it...
Using my left arm, I stood up slowly. Cradling my injured wrist, I gazed up at the ceiling. It was pitch black, like the floor of the other room had been.
A treasure chest was standing near the wall opposite the door. But I neither cared nor wanted to go look and see what was inside of it. I was in too much pain.
I wondered where Link and Yumi were. Hopefully on their way down to rescue me... hopefully by a different, less-painful route.
There was nowhere else to go but through the door.
On the door was another sign. I was still kind of dizzy from the fall, but I could make it out anyway.

THE ROOMS OF EMOTION
A nightmare they'll trap you in
False fantasies
Do not say their name
Or you're theirs as they please

"Weird," I muttered.
On top of that sign was another sign.

FEAR ROOM

What could the signs mean?

I pushed open the door the best as I could.
The next room was exactly the same as the last. Except there was a ceiling: dark blue, just like the walls.
I have to say I was pretty disappointed.
"Hmmph. Some 'Fear Room'." I chuckled, attempting to keep myself company.
But then things got pretty scary.

Seconds later, I began to hear a whooshing noise... It sounded strangely familiar... but from where had I heard it before?
Suddenly, I noticed a creaking noise coming from the directions of the two doors in the room, the one I had entered through and the one that led to the next room.
The door moved in, as if under great pressure, and suddenly, they exploded and a gigantic wave of water whooshed into the room!
I shrieked and stepped back as the water filled up the floor with at least six inches of the stuff. More and more kept rushing in.
Soon, the whole room would be filled!!!
I yelped and raced to the door I had yet to go through. I couldn't open it! The other door had the same results. I WAS TRAPPED!
Somehow, the water just kept coming in. Water. OH WHY OH WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE WATER?
I searched frantically for a means of escape, and the water just got higher and higher. Finally, I realized there was nothing else in the room but 5000 gallons of H2O and me.
The water was chest-deep now, and I started to scream.
"LINK! YUMI! SOMEBODY! HELP ME!" I yelled, even though I knew they couldn't help me.
Well, say goodbye to my wits. If I had been able to think, I might have called an Author Sage and gotten out. But I wasn't, I didn't, and I was still inside.
None of my weapons could have helped me. And I may not have been thinking straight, but I knew better than to use the Innocence Medallion. Good thing I was Doseki, or else I would have drowned by now.
But even the height difference wasn't enough to save me. Up to my neck in water, I waved both my arms, even the hurt one, and tried to swim. Nope. There was to be no swimming for me.
I held my head up and tried to keep afloat. I didn't have much time left until the water touched the ceiling and I really did drown.
The water began to increase in its flow, and I knew I really was done for.
Finally, after a few agonizing moment of waiting, the water touched the ceiling and I slipped below the surface.
I was gagging and choking and gasping and coughing frantically. AIR! I NEEDED AIR! My lungs were burning and air was the only way to stop it...
LINK! WHERE ARE YOU?
I began to feel extremely weak, and I knew the end was nigh.
I WAS TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
Suddenly, two rays of light forced their way through the water and into my consciousness. Er, that is, what remained of my consciousness.
"DOSEKI!"
"GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU B&%*#!"
"She's using her power on him! Oh, quick Link! Get rid of her!"
"HOLD ON, BUDDY!"
There was a soft warm glow all around. It was too late. I must have died.
There was a scream of agony, and suddenly, the entire room filled with white light, and a brief flash of yellow.
Seconds later, something strange happened! The water was GONE! All of it had disappeared. My clothes were instantly dry, or at least from what I could tell they were.
I gasped, and cold air filled my lungs. What? What happened?
Then I collapsed to the floor, unconscious or dead. I couldn't tell which. I WAS UNCONSCIOUS OR DEAD, REMEMBER?

"Oh no..."
"Doseki! Doseki! No! Doseki, wake up!"
Someone was shaking me. My guardian angel? Wow... I felt a slap on my face. Ow, that hurt...
Hey wait! If I was dead, how was I feeling pain?
My eyes fluttered open, and I saw Yumi in front of my face and Link shaking me awake.
"He's awake!" Yumi cried jubilantly.
"Oh thank goodness!" Link sighed.
"Are you all right?" asked Yumi frantically.
I kept on coughing. "HACK! HACK! Uhh... wh-what happened?"
"Are you all right?" Yumi and Link repeated together.
"I don't kn-kn-know," I said. "Are you angels?"
"No, I'm a fairy and he's a big ugly Hylian."
"Shut up, I am not!"
Nope, they definitely weren't angels.
"Then I'm alive?"
"Of course you're alive!"
"What happened?" I asked again, sitting up.
"Are you all right?" Yumi nagged.
"AGGH! I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, AM I ALL RIGHT?" I snapped.
"He's all right," Link said. "Confused, as usual, but he's all right, thank heavens..."
"WHAT HAPPENED?" I asked yet again.
"Shiniinoru had you in her power!" Yumi said. "She nearly killed you!"
"Shiniinoru? But we killed her!" I protested.
"Another one. A special kind called the Emotion Shiniinoru. You must have said the name of the room, and then she was able to take over your brain and almost kill you." Yumi explained. Link nodded.
"What about the water?" I asked.
"Water? What water?" asked Link.
"WHAT WATER? The water that was all over the room! I was drowning!" I cried. How could they have missed it?
"There was no water. Fear Shiniinoru made you THINK you were drowning." Yumi said.
"SSHHH! Don't say that!" I said. "She'll come back!"
"I killed her," Link said, holding up the Black Dagger. "The curse in this room is gone."
"Wait, there was no water? Not even a drop?"
"None. When we came in, you were coughing and gagging on the floor, and Fear Shiniinoru was standing over you, chanting." Link replied.
"Fa-reeeeeaky stuff." Yumi whistled.
"Then how come I almost died?" I said, hands on my hips.
"Because, silly. Your brain is the control center for your body. If your brain thinks you're drowning, the rest of your body plays the part." Yumi stated matter-of-factly.
"Oh. I understand," I said. "Well, even if it was all an illusion, it was terrible!"
"It's all right. The next four rooms all have an Emotion Shiniinoru in them. Just be extra careful not to say the name, and we should be fine." Yumi said reassuringly.
"Yeah, and don't listen to any more Poes." Link said, UN-reassuringly.
"They were only trying to show us the way," I protested.
Yumi was already at the door. "The Sadness Room is next! Come on boys!"
I stood up, feeling 95% better, except for my wrist, which still ached, but nothing like it did before. I must have sprained it.
As Link walked and I wobbled to the door, I whispered something at him. "Link!"
"What?"
"Thank you for saving my life again."
He smiled smugly. "It's no problem."
"No, really. I mean it."
"You're very welcome, Doseki. It's my job."
"I don't think so," I replied.
"What?"
"I heard you call me 'Buddy'." I said, even smugger. "I may have been half-dead, but I know what I heard."
He kind of smiled, then ran for the door. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I called you Buddy. Now let's go kick some Shiniinoru and Coeur de @$$!"
Now I felt 100% better. It was nice to know he rescued me because he cared, and not just because he had to.
That Link! What a great best friend!

The next room was identical to the last two.
"Well, here we are. In the Sa- Oops... uh... you know." Yumi said.
"Hey, the other door's locked! How do we leave?" I asked.
"Sa- Er, Shiniinoru must be in here... As long as we don't say the name of the room, she can't hurt us... but we have to bring her out and get rid of her!" Link replied, grabbing the Black Dagger again.
The three of us moved to the center of the room and looked around warily for the evil witch to show herself.
"Maybe we HAVE to say the room's name." I suggested.
"Great idea, Doseki. Go ahead." Link nodded.
"WHAT? Why me?"
"It was your idea!"
"I already got attacked by one of those, I don't want to!" I whined. "Why don't you say the name?"
"Because, you don't know how to work the Black Dagger and I do."
"Nu uh. I could figure it out!"
"Come on, just say the word! I'll keep her from getting you. It's not a big deal."
"NO!"
"Come on!"
"NOOOO!"
"BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP!" Yumi snapped. "JEEEEEEEZZZ! I'LL say it!"
"BUT YUMI!" Link and I protested.
"Once she comes out, I'll be helpless, so it's up to you two to make sure I don't get killed," Yumi said. "Got it?"
"But Yumi!" I whined.
"Yumi, I can't let you-" Link began.
"Shush! Do you want SADNESS to attack you?"
"D'OH!" Link and I both interjected. She had already said it.
Suddenly, I got a brief idea of what I must have looked like when Fear had a hold on me. Yumi's eyes got all big, and her pupils shrunk until they disappeared. "NOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed hysterically. "NOOOOOOOO! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"YIKES!" I exclaimed. "Creepy!"
"Shiniinoru must have got her... but where is she?" asked Link to no one in particular, spinning around to search the room.
Then I saw a flash of blue, and a woman who looked just like the last Shiniinoru, except for all dressed in blue appeared next to Yumi. She was laughing maniacally at poor little Yumi, and chanting strangely.
Meanwhile, Yumi was wailing and crying and screaming like the most horrible thing had just happened.
"SHINUNORI! Er, SHINIINORU!" I shrieked. I swiped the Dagger out of Link's hands and pointed it at her. "Stop it, or I'll get you!"
Sadness stared at me blankly, and then raised one of her hands. A blue orb began to form, and I realized that she was aiming to control ME with the same spell as Yumi!
I heard a grunt behind me and something went flying through the air, smacking Sadness Shiniinoru right in the back of the head! She yelped in pain, and she and the Compass fell to the ground, shattering into a million pieces. Well, the Compass shattered. Not Shiniinoru, unfortunately.
Oh, THAT'S what was in the treasure chest I passed up! Good thing Link and Yumi must have grabbed it on their way to rescue me.
I noticed one of the whitish jewels on the Dagger's handle seemed to be a button. With nothing better to do, I took aim at Shiniinoru and FIRED!
White light shot out of the Dagger and hit Sadness. She shrieked in agony, and her figure was gradually consumed by whiteness, until she herself shattered into pieces.
Yumi remained floating in the air like a zombie for a few seconds, and then she shook her head rapidly and sighed. "PHEW! That was awful!"
"Told you," I said casually.
"Hey, nice one with the Dagger, Dosek." Link grinned.
"Thank you, my good man!" I grinned back.
Yumi shook her head at the broken glass on the ground. "Too bad about the Compass, though."
"As if we ever really needed it!" Link chuckled. "Only two more Emotion Rooms to go!"
"No, three!" Yumi corrected.
"Eh, close enough. Either way, we'd better get going now, shouldn't we?"
Yumi pointed out the door to the Anger Room next. We silently opened the door and walked inside.
"Well, we know the drill. Who wants to play decoy?" asked Yumi cheerfully.
"I already went, and so did you, Yumi." I pointed out.
"Yeah, so that means it's... MY TURN?" Link choked.
"You said it first, Bubba. Get over there and get angry!" Yumi said, slapping Link on the back.
He gulped and handed me the Black Dagger. Then, Link stuck out his chest and strode triumphantly to the center of the room.
"Um... Anger, I guess? YAARRRGGHHHH!" he screamed.
His eyes faded out too, and Link started screaming horrible profanities and banging his head into things.
"There she is, Doseki! Get rid of Anger before she gets rid of Link!" Yumi yelled.
"Take this, you evil red thingy!" I yelled. I took aim at the evil witch and fired!
Anger was hit with the white beam, yet she growled and continued to scream at Link, who in turn was screaming at no one.
"What's wrong, Yumi?" I gasped.
"It'll take a minute on this one!" she replied.
Sure enough, a few seconds later Anger Shiniinoru screamed in pain and shattered into a great pile of glass.
Link's eyebrow twitched, and he fell over.
Yumi and I ran over to him. "Link! Are you all right?"
"$&%* you, you $&%*#@^ $&%*#^!" he snapped to no one in particular.
"Whoa... Yumi, what does-"
"NO! You are NOT to repeat that word!" she yelled.
She flew down to his face, and kicked him.
"OW! OW! Hey, cut it out Yumi! I'm OK!" he whined.
"Oh good. Now you can tell me what-"
"Um... oh, nothing! It means nothing! Now come on, let's keep going." Link said quickly, heading for the door.

The third room was the Jealousy Room. The three of us walked in quietly, and looked around.
"Well, who's it going to be?" asked Link. "We've all gone already!"
"Um... well, I don't know." I shrugged.
"Not me," said Link.
"Not me either," I added.
"Or me," Yumi chimed in.
"So... who's going to say it?" I asked.
"I don't know."
"Going to say what?" Yumi questioned.
"What do you mean, say what?" Link asked indignantly.
"Who is going to say what?" asked Yumi again.
Link raised his eyebrows. "You know very well what whoever is going to say!"
"Yeah Yumi, what's the matter?" I added.
"I'm confused. Who is going to say what?" Yumi said, scratching her head.
"JEALOUSY!" Link screamed. Then he clamped his hand over his mouth. "Oops."
"FOOLED YOU!" Yumi laughed.
Link's eyes got all weird again, and he started screaming at us. "Good grief, Doseki! The girls all think you're so hot, I can't even stand it! And why do you get a girlfriend, anyway? I'm older than you, and first in line! YUMI! How come you can fly and I can't? And why do you always know all the answers to everything? BRAT! I HATE YOU BOTH!"
I saw a woman with a greenish face appear behind Link, and I quickly took aim and fired with the Dagger.
"AGGGHHHH!" screamed Jealousy, who flinched and fell backwards, crash landing on her butt.
But when she hit the floor, I took my hand off the button.
Jealousy sneered cruelly at Yumi and me, and pointed a single green finger at us. "MINDLESS SERVANT! DESTROY THEM!"
Link, like a robot, pulled out his Master Sword and ran at us screaming.
"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Yumi and I shrieked as we ran for our freakin' lives!
"KILL HER!" Yumi yelled at me.
I took aim and fired again. This time, it was too much for Jealousy Shiniinoru. She cried out, and exploded into shards.
Then Yumi and I turned towards Link, who was still charging at us.
"HEY! CUT IT OUT!" Yumi told him.
But Link didn't stop. I guess a little bit of Jealousy was still taking over.
"HEEEYYYAAA!" he screamed, raising the sword to deliver the final blow.
I quickly used a battle move GG had taught me. I stepped back, then shifted forwards and kicked Link right in the groin.
The hypnotized Hero of Time made a face of sheer pain, and dropped his sword, hitting the floor and rolling around crying.
"YIKES! What did I do?" I asked Yumi. "Did I hurt him real bad?"
"Yep," she nodded.
"Is he going to live?"
"Yep,"
"Is he going to be mad at me?"
"Definitely Yep,"
"What did I do?"
"Hit him in the family jewels,"
"Is that supposed to hurt real bad?"
"Yep,"
"Is that why he's making those awful squealing and grunting noises?"
"Yep,"
Finally, after what seemed like forever, Link stood up, still wailing in pain.
"Owww... what did you do THAT for?" he asked angrily.
"You were trying to kill us!" I said in defense of myself.
"Oh. OWWWWWWW!" he wailed again. Then, he got a hold of himself and retrieved his sword. Stepping slowly over to join Yumi and me, he took a deep breath, muttered one last "OW," and said, "Next Shiniinoru... Doseki gets to do it!"

Yumi stared, flummoxed (Wow, great word GG!) at the door that led to the next room.
"Hey, where's the name of the room? How will we know what not to say once we get inside?"
"Are you sure it's another Emotion Room?" I asked.
"Positive! Look, on the map, the room with the Emotion Shiniinoru in them had this little star symbol on them. This next room has one too, but there's no sign telling us the name of the room!"
"Maybe that's the catch," Link suggested.
"I don't know. Let's just go on in and not say anything. We'll figure it out." Yumi shrugged.
Link shrugged and pushed open the door.

The next room looked amazingly different from the last few. Instead of just walls, the whole room looked like a cave made of ice! Great icicles columns and stalactites and stalagmites hung all over the room, and a chilling arctic wind was blowing throughout the room.
"Whoa! What happened in here?" Link gasped.
We suddenly got our answer when we heard a soft voice singing a familiar song.
"Mmmm... you're frozen... when your heart's not open..." sang the voice.
"Madonna?!?!?!" shrieked Yumi.
"Mmmmmmmmm... If I could steal your heart... Mmmmmm... We'll never be apart!"
"Hey, that's not how the song goes!" I cried.
"WAIT, WAIT! Wasn't that the song that she was singing in the graveyard earlier this evening?" Link stuttered.
"WINTYR!" Yumi shrieked.
"Yeah, it is cold in here, but don't interrupt Link, Yumi!" I scolded.
"NOOOO! NOT THAT KIND OF WINTER! IT'S WINTYR!" Link yelled.
I spun around to see a pale shape floating in the air, surrounded by mist and frost.
IT WAS WINTYR!
She looked like her normal self now. Wintyr was wearing a white shirt with long silky sleeves and light blue jeans. Her whitish-blue hair waved around in the blizzard, and her eyes were the same blue, but much wickeder. Around her right wrist was the telltale black chain. And in her left hand was a huge, sharp, very creepy-looking scythe!
"It's Dark Wintyr!" Yumi gasped. "She has the powers of ice, and we're in a lot of trouble if either of you get frozen!"
Dark Wintyr gave a sinister laugh and laid back in a relaxed position. "Intruders in my mistress's temple! I have no choice but to destroy you! I will freeze you to the bone, until even your soul has no warmth! I am darkness! I am the icy night! I am WINTYR!"
Then she stood up in mid air (if you can imagine that) and a pair of wings with feathers made of ice appeared on her back. "ARCTIC WING!" she screamed, and the feathers shot out at us.
"DUCK!" Link yelled, diving out of the way.
I dove the other way, and heard the shatter of the ice feathers as they cracked into pieces.
"What do we DOOO?" I shouted to Link as we dodged another barrage of ice feathers.
"I would say some kind of fire weapon or the Black Dagger!" Link shivered. "But I don't know how long I can last! It's colder than a tin toilet in the Snowhead Temple in here! AAACCHOOOO!"
"Don't worry! It's not too cold for me!" I said triumphantly.
Brandishing the Black Dagger, I gave Link a salute and we narrowly avoided another Arctic Wing attack.
I was hiding behind one of the ice columns searching for Wintyr, when I heard a sinister voice.
"Peek-A-Boo," it laughed.
I shrieked in surprise and leaped out of the way as Dark Wintyr attempted to freeze me again.
"ICE NEEDLES!" she screamed, and I felt a few of them hit the back of my leg.
"OWIE!" I wailed.
"You can run, but you can't hide!" Dark Wintyr smiled. She raised her scythe and a shower of icicles tumbled from the ceiling, almost turning me into a big shish kebab.
I scrambled behind another column, and watched Wintyr surveying the room for victims.
"Come out, come out wherever you are..." she snickered.
"I HATE THAT CLICHÉ!" I screamed, firing a blast from the Black Dagger at Dark Wintyr.
"AGGGH!" she screamed as the beam hit her.
Even after the Dagger stopped to recharge, Wintyr was shuddering and wincing at being hit by the beam. It must really have worked well!
She recovered soon, and then screamed in rage. "I'll get you yet, my little pretty!"
"You'll soon be dead, oh what a pity!" Link laughed out from a corner of the room, finishing Dark Wintyr's sentence in a rhyme.
Then a flash of red lit up the room, and one of Link's fire arrows hit Wintyr. She shouted a few curses, and then pulled the arrow out of her and threw it to the ground.
"YOU WILL DIE!" she screamed.
"I don't think so!" Yumi giggled from over my shoulder.
I blasted her again with the Black Dagger.
"AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!" she shrieked. We were really making her angry!
Dark Wintyr was definitely not happy. "COLD MAIDEN!"
Three swirls of frost appeared on the floor, and three women made out of ice appeared with mini-scythes, racing around the room and trying to kill us.
"WATCH OUT!" Yumi screamed, pushing me as one of the ice women rushed past.
A few minutes later, the ice women, unsuccessful in their attack attempts dropped to the floor and melted.
Dark Wintyr was REALLY ticked. "YOU WILL DIE!" she screamed.
"Wintyr, stop it! Don't you remember us?" I cried.
"YOU WILL DIE!"
"We've had enough of this!" Link added from the other side of the room.
"YOU WILL DIE!"
"You said that already!" I yelled.
"YOU WILL DIE!"
"ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, WE'LL DIE ALREADY! Er, I mean, YOU WILL DIE!" Yumi shrieked.
Dark Wintyr tightened her grip on the scythe, and a misty cloud of white and blue surrounded her.
"YOU WILL DIE!" she shouted again. "FROST CLOUD!"
Then she screamed, and the cloud spread out all over the room like a wave.
Yumi and Link were right behind me, running away from the cloud. Suddenly, I heard Link shout out in frustration, and a half turn of my head told me the cloud had caught up with him.
EVERYTHING BELOW HIS CHEST WAS FROZEN SOLID IN A CHUNK OF ICE!
"GAAAH!" he screamed. "RUN!"
Yumi gasped and pushed against the back of my head. Suddenly, I heard her gasp too, and then a little clunk as my poor half-frozen fairy hit the floor.
The cloud was heading straight for me!
Instinct told me what to do.
"INNOCENCE MEDALLION, RETURN!"

~*~*~*~*~*POOF*~*~*~*~*~

I went sailing through the air and tucked myself into a ball.
BANG!
Heyyyy, where did that wall come from?
I braced for the big chunk o' ice, but nothing happened.
I raised my head and saw the cloud just drifting uselessly over my head. Oh, of course! I was a Goron! Gorons were very used to very cold and very hot weather. HAHA, stupid Dark Wintyr!
Hey, where had Wintyr gone, anyway?
Then I remembered my fallen comrades. I got up and bravely ran the direction I had come from, stopping when I heard Dark Wintyr's voice.
"You thought that you could escape from me? HA! Now you shall pay the ultimate price for trespassing in Mistress's temple!"
BLACK DAGGER TIME!

*~*~*~*~*~POOF~*~*~*~*~*

I took careful aim, and fired the emotion wave just as Dark Wintyr was preparing to kill Link and Yumi with another barrage of icy feathers.
"AGGGGHHHHH!" she screamed in agony. "NOOOOOOO!"
"YEEEEEES!" I laughed back.
Wintyr remained in the air, stunned, and definitely weak-looking. "INNOCENCE MEDALLION POWER!"
The familiar yellow-orange glow I had come to know shot out of the medallion and surrounded Dark Wintyr, who was slowly descending.
"NOOOOO!" she screamed. "NOOOOOOO! I'M MELTING! OH, WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD!"
Coeur de Glace would certainly pay for all those dumb cliches she had forced Wintyr to say.
By the time the glow faded, Wintyr was standing on solid ground. The chain on her wrist faded and then disintegrated into dust. She gave a little cry and collapsed to the floor.
A great amount of steam began to rise up from the floor, and every single piece of ice in the room melted. Yumi and Link stood up, freed from their cold prisons.
"You did it, Doseki! Great!" Yumi laughed.
"Wow, Doseki. You're really getting good at this!" Link added.
The steam was getting thicker, and we could hardly see in front of us.
"Woo, it's like a sauna in here!" Yumi sighed.
When the steam faded, we weren't surprised to find Wintyr gone and a treasure chest on the floor where she had been.

LINK AND LL/DOSEKI FOUND THE EMOTION KEY! THIS CRYSTAL KEY HAS A HEART WITH WINGS ON THE END OF IT, AND SERVES AS THE BOSS KEY FOR THE EMOTION TEMPLE. YOU RECEIVED IT WHEN YOU DEFEATED DARK WINTYR, BUT I'M SURE YOU REMEMBERED THAT ON YOUR OWN WITHOUT ME TELLING YOU...

OH YEAH... AND LINK AND YUMI FOUND THE COMPASS EARLIER. THEY USED IT TO CHUCK AT SADNESS SHINIINORU TO STOP HER FROM USING HER POWER ON DOSEKI. AND YOU THOUGHT THE COMPASS WAS JUST A USELESS NAVIGATION ITEM, HUH? YEAH, SO WHAT IF THEY DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE? MY CONTRACT CLEARLY STATES THAT I READ FIVE, COUNT THEM FIVE OF THESE EXPLANITORY THINGS EVERY TEMPLE! AND I GOTTA READ THEM CAUSE READING GETS ME MY TOLL. AND A TOLL IS A ROLL. AND IF I DON'T READ TO GET NO TOLLS, THEN I DON'T GET TO EAT NO ROLLS.

The steam was gone. The ice was gone too. The room looked identical to the other four Emotion Rooms, except for the huge door that had been revealed in the back.
"Don't worry, Wintyr!" I said triumphantly. "We're coming to save you!"
"AND Crash and Saridaru. Oh, excuse me, Niko and Mika!" Link added.
"Watch out, Coeur de Glace! We're coming to kick your Coeur de @$$!" Yumi laughed.
"Hey Yumi, watch the language!" I scolded.
"Oh. Hee hee, sorry. Just caught up in the moment," she giggled, as the three of us headed for the big, ominous looking door in the back of the room.

A wide, round, cathedral-like room sat behind the door we had just walked through. A large throne made of ice sat in the center of the room, and misty fog was hanging in the air.
"All right, where is she?" Link demanded.
We heard a sinister high-pitched laugh ring out and echo across the room. "Well, well, well... look who's come to save the day!"
Link and I spun around frantically, searching for the Ice Witch. All we could see was the door slamming and locking behind us.
"You have been very courageous to make it all the way through my temple! But I have no regrets in informing you that you'll never leave this room alive!"
"What makes you so sure?" Yumi shouted.
"The last three intruders in my temple had their spirits broken by my Shiniinoru, and now they belong to me! They could not save themselves from my power, and you will not be the first ones to do so!"
"Show yourself, you coward!" Link shouted.
All the fog around the room began to swirl, and it all moved in towards the throne of ice. The fog slowly began to take on the shape of a woman, and someone who could ONLY be Coeur de Glace appeared in the throne.
Her hair was as black as the ice that formed on asphalt in the winter (you know, the kind you always slip on and land on your butt with?), and it flowed all the way down to her waist. She wore a skimpy gown that had colors on it from white to blue to really, really black, and it had icicles and frost patterns all over it. Her eyes were another shade of blue, and if it weren't for the evil look in them, she would have appeared to be a beautiful woman.
"My master will be very pleased when I present your frozen carcasses to him! Prepare to die, you weaklings!"

COEUR DE GLACE: SENTIMENT EMOTION SORCERESS

Coeur de Glace waved her hands, and seconds later, she was hovering in the air. With a snap of her fingers, the throne melted and disappeared, and she held out both hands.
"Recognize THEM?" she hissed.
Three cards, that's right! CARDS! As in playing cards. Only they were made out of ice. Anyway, three cards appeared near her hands. On one card was an image of Saridaru-Chan, in her regular form. On another was Mister Crash. And the third card was an image of Wintyr!
"Servants of Coeur de Glace, destroy these impudent intruders!" she barked.
And then she threw all three cards on the ground. They shattered, and three ghostly figures appeared.
The Saridaru ghost looked straight at me, made a horrible moan, and started to chase me around the room.
"AIEEEEEE!" I squealed.
The Crash ghost quickly searched out Yumi, and the Wintyr ghost went after Link.
"STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!" I shrieked at the Saridaru ghost. "YUMI, WHAT DO WE DOOOO?"
She raced to my side and yelled out commands as we ran. "The ghosts are the spirits of the people Coeur de Glace has cursed! They're not the ones we need to be aiming for, Coeur de Glace is the bad guy here!"
"But if we stop, they'll get us!" I replied, ducking under the Wintyr ghost.
"Doseki! Listen up!" Yumi cried. "Think about it! How did the first Shiniinoru plan on getting rid of us?"
"By scaring us and then taking over our brains!"
"Oy... How did the spiders convince you and Link it was safe to come down
when they got me?"
"Uh... they imitated your voice?"
"D'OH! OK, bad example on my part... AHA! How did Fear Shiniinoru almost kill you?"
"Drowning me in fake water?"
"NOOOO! What's the name of the TEMPLE, Doseki?"
"The Emotion Temple?"
"RIGHT! And what was the name of that Shiniinoru?"
"Fear?"
"Exactly! And what's your biggest fear in the world?"
"Water?"
"Correct! Are you seeing a connection here?"
"Nope."
"UGH! The monsters in this temple have no real physical strengths, so they kill their victims by playing with their EMOTIONS! I wasn't really sad, and Link wasn't jealous or angry! The Shiniinoru made him THINK THAT!"
"Oh! But... what does that have to do with Coeur de Glace?"
"THINK! Coeur de Glace is doing the same thing with the ghosts that Fear did with the water! She's trying to play with our fear of the ghosts, distracting us from herself so that she can kill us! The other three Shiniinoru were using our Emotions like Sadness and Jealousy to distract us from what was going on, so that they could kill us!"
"OH YEAH!" I cried, snapping my fingers.
"The ghosts can't hurt us at all! In fact, I doubt they're even real ghosts. This fight isn't with the ghosts, it's with Coeur de Glace! SO ATTACK!"
"WITH WHAT?"
"Her weaknesses are fire and the Black Dagger!"
"Right!" I nodded.
Drawing the Black Dagger, I pointed it straight at Coeur de Glace and yelled, "WATCH OUT, YOU EVIL THING! I'M GONNA GET YOU!"
Coeur de Glace stared at me with a look as cold as her temple. Then, she held out one hand and fired a blast of ice straight at me.
"RUN!" Yumi screamed.
She didn't have to tell me twice! I leaped out of the way, and the ice hit the ground.
But when it hit, the ice strangely started to glow! "What's up with that ice, Yumi?" I asked.
"It's not normal ice... if you're frozen in that ice, it has the same effect on you as a Shiniinoru. You'll be so caught up with your Emotions, it'll be too late to know what's going on and Coeur de Glace will have already cursed you! Now keep going, I gotta go tell Link what I told you!" she said quickly, speeding off.
Coeur de Glace realized that her ghosts were not going to work on us, so she waved her hands and the three cards reappeared in her hands.
"You wanna do this the hard way then? FINE!" She fired another ice beam right at me, and I dodged it.
"Leave me alone!" I yelled. I tried to fire the Dagger again, but Coeur de Glace was too fast! She was firing beams left and right and all over.
"She's too fast!" I yelled to Link.
"I'll try and stun her, you get ready!" Link cried.
With the Black Dagger on hand, I continued dodging beam after beam and waiting for the right moment.
Coeur de Glace was staring right at me, preparing a great big blast of evil ice, when I saw Link sneak up right behind her with one of his fire arrows all ready to go.
Just before she fired it, Link let the arrow fly and it hit Coeur de Glace right in the back!
"AAAAGGGGGGGGHHH!" she screamed angrily.
"GET'ER, DOSEKI!" Link yelled.
I fired the Black Dagger, and it hit the already hurting Coeur de Glace. She screamed and dropped to one knee.
"You da man, Link!" I grinned.
"It'll take more than that!" Yumi said sternly.
She was absolutely right. Coeur de Glace stood up and started firing beams all over again.
"YIKES!" I whistled, stepping out of the way of another blast of ice.
"Ready?" called Link.
"Aimed!" I called back, pointing at Coeur de Glace.
"FIRE!" Yumi screamed.
Link shot another fire arrow at the Ice Sorceress, and she screamed in pain. Then I blasted her yet again with the Black Dagger.
A few more rounds of that went by, until Coeur de Glace began to glow a creepy shade of blue.
"Blazing ice, the night it burns! Freezing souls many a turn! Seek your prey, O ice of night! Blazing ice, your evil bright!" she screamed.
"OH CRAP!" Yumi shrieked.
"WHAT?" Link and I both gasped at once.
"Quick! You both need to shield yourselves!" she yelled.
The blue glow began to get bigger and bigger.
"WITH WHAT?" we both gasped.
"ANYTHING! WHATEVER! But if that ice hits you, you're history!"
We frantically searched our pockets for some kind of a magic shield, and the glow got bigger and bigger and bigger...
"AHA!" Link grinned, taking the Mirror Shield off of his back. "OK Doseki, get behind me!"
"But Link..." I protested, as he pulled me behind him.
Three small beams of ice began to grow out of the glow and seconds later...
PWOOO! PWOOO! PWOOO!
The three beams fired out of the glow and right at us!
"AGGHHH!" I shrieked, stepping back.
Link smirked and held up his shield. BANG! BANG! BANG!
The ice beams were gone!
Huh?
Then I noticed Link's shield was GLOWING BLUE!
"Watch this," he smiled.
PWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
One great big thing of ice beam fired out at Coeur de Glace.
"WHAT? WHAT IS THIS?"
CHINK!
Coeur de Glace was frozen solid in a dome of her own ice!
We could see her screaming and beating the sides of the wall in frustration.
"She's all yours, Doseki." Link said, stepping out of the way.
I fired the Black Dagger straight at the evil ice witch. The energy from the dagger was slowly absorbed into the ice wall, and Coeur de Glace was shrieking in anger and fear when she saw the whiteness getting closer to her.
Suddenly... BANG!
The whole ice wall exploded into smithereens, and Coeur de Glace was nowhere to be seen!
"Where'd she go? Did we kill her?" I asked.
"She's not dead... she's still here, somewhere..." Yumi said sternly.
"But, we saw her blow up!" Link said, dismayed. "How could she still be alive?"
That's when I saw the icy hand reach out of the wall behind Link.
"MOVE!" I screamed.
He turned around. "NYAAAAAAAAAA!" he gasped.
POW! I zapped the hand with another blast from the Black Dagger.
The hand quickly pulled itself back into the wall, and then something really scary happened.
A great big form of Coeur de Glace's torso reached through the wall. Her head, her arms, and her chest were all reaching out of the wall, attempting to get us.
"Coeur de Glace has made herself part of the wall! AIM FOR THE CHEST!" Yumi cried.
I zapped the figure with the Black Dagger, and apparently, that's all it took.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" it screamed in rage. The figure's chest began to glow, and it slowly moved itself back into the wall where it belonged.
Only one thing remained outside of the wall. It was a heart made out of ice. A black one, at that.
It silently dropped to the floor, and Link crushed it with his foot.
All the evil ice in the room melted into a puddle, and a blue warp portal appeared where the throne had once been.
"WOOHOOOO! We did it!" I cheered.
"Another Temple is over with!" Yumi cried.
"ONLY ONE MORE TO GO BEFORE WE CAN GO HOME!" Link yelled.
"And..." Yumi said, checking the tiny watch on her wrist, "Only two days to do it in!"

**WELCOME BACK, BOYS. MAN, I WAS STARTING TO THINK YOU'D NEVER GET OUT OF THAT TEMPLE!**

"Hey, Destiny. Of course we were going to get out!" I laughed, holding up the medallion. "I've had enough of this body for now."

*~*~*~*~*~POOF~*~*~*~*~*

Link groaned. "I hope I never see another Shiniinoru as long as I live..."

**SEEING AS THEY ALL LIVE IN THE EMOTION TEMPLE, I DON'T THINK YOU WILL!**

"Good!" Yumi said. "It seemed like we were in there for days!"
"Weeks!" Link sighed.
"MONTHS!" I wailed.

**OH, I'M SORRY. WOULD YOU LIKE A LITTLE CHEESE WITH THAT WHINE?**

"If it's not too much trouble," I murmured, as four Author Sage seals began to glow. "I am pretty hungry!"

**I WAS BEING SARCASTIC, LITTLE LINK. I DON'T HAVE ANY CHEESE.*

"Oh," I said.
Four poofs later, GG, Chica, Jigglypuff, and Zel were all standing in their proper places.
"HEYYYY! Great job, you guys!" Zel cheered.
"I couldn't have done better myself," Jigglypuff grinned.
"We know," GG said slyly.
Jigglypuff threw her a Look.
"They've been at it all day," Zel groaned, pointing to GG and Jigglypuff.
"It all started when I creamed her at DDR!" Jigglypuff laughed.
"You're the SAGE of DDR! Of course you creamed me!" GG protested. "Now if we were to compete at, say... moving large chunks of rubble, I would mop the floor with you!"
"No fair using superpowers," Jigglypuff retorted.
"Well jeez boy, you must have superpowers to move your feet that fast!" she said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, you guys did great. Destiny told us about the Shiniinoru and everything, LL. Are you all right?"
"Never better!" I assured her.

**CUT THE CHIT-CHAT, BOYS AND GIRLS. WE NEED TO INTRODUCE THE NEWEST SAGE. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU, I GIVE YOU... WINTYR, THE AUTHOR SAGE OF EMOTION!**

The white circle next to Zel's began to glow, and Wintyr, back to her nice, NORMAL self rose into the area.
"Wow..." she said in awe, dusting off her shirt. "What a trip that was!"
"HI Wintyr!" I grinned.
"HI LL! HI Link!" she replied. "Hey, thanks a million for saving me, you guys. I'm sure Kafei thanks you too. And Crash and Saridaru. Well, er, they would thank you if they knew who you were."
"Puh," Link snorted.
Wintyr shrugged, and had a look around the Chamber. "So, this is what being a Sage is like, huh? Crazy. Woo... All I know is, I'm glad to be out of that stupid ice room and in here where I can help you guys save Hyrule!"
"That's sweet!" Yumi cooed.
Wintyr stared at Yumi a minute. "What...?"
Zel nudged her. "You know."
"Oh yeah, right. Well anyway... Um, thanks again for rescuing me, and I guess this is what I owe you."
Wintyr cleared her throat, took a step off of her circle, and walked up to Link.
"Thank you," she said quietly. Then she did something totally unexpected.
She grabbed Link's head in her hands, and KISSED HIM! RIGHT ON THE LIPS! RUTO-STYLE!
Link was gagging and choking, and his eyes were popping out of his head.
The other Sages were cracking up. Badly. I mean really, GG and Zel were on the floor almost in tears, laughing their butts off.
Finally, Wintyr finished. "MWWWWWWWWAAAAA!"
Link pulled away and screamed. "GOOD GRIEF! WHAT THE HE## WAS THAT FOR? BLEAH! BLEAH! POOIE!"
Wintyr started laughing and stepped back over to her circle. "Ya know, I AM the Bishounen Hunter..."
After he finished gagging and spitting all over, he stood up straight and tried to look dignified. "Um... thank you, Wintyr... Uh, it was... very... nice of you to express your feelings that way and I hope... hope that you'll... maybe... try again???"
Wintyr's eyes popped out this time. "HEY BUDDY! You may be cute, but KAFEI is still my boyfriend!"
"Sorry," he blushed.
Wintyr laughed and turned to me.
"Hey now!" GG warned. "He's taken, girlfriend."
"Hey, hey, calm down. I'm giving them what they REALLY need from me!" she said.
"Another kiss?" asked Link dreamily.
Yumi smacked him.
Wintyr raised her hands and a white medallion marked with the pattern of a heart with a pair of wings tumbled down from the ceiling.

LINK AND LL/DOSEKI GOT THE EMOTION MEDALLION! WINTYR AWAKENS AS AN AUTHOR SAGE AND LETS YOU BORROW HER MEDALLION FOR A WHILE! YOU KNOW THE DRILL WITH THE WHOLE "CALL THE AUTHOR GET SOME HELP" DEAL, RIGHT? GOOD. I AIN'T EXPLANING IT AGAIN.

**ONLY ONE TEMPLE LEFT TO GO, BOYS. I'M REALLY PROUD THAT I PICKED YOU TWO TO DO THIS! HEH HEH, AT LEAST I GOT THIS ONE RIGHT...**

"What do you mean?" asked Wintyr.
"Hey, yeah?" Chica added.
"You mean you've messed up before?" Zel and Jigglypuff gasped.
"You're joking, right?" GG stuttered.

**HEY, A CREEPY TELEPATHIC VOICE IS ENTITLED TO A FEW MISTAKES EVERY NOW AND THEN...**

"WHAT'D YOU DO? WHAT'D YOU DO?" chanted the Sages.

**I'D PREFER NOT TO TALK ABOUT IT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. MAYBE I'LL TELL YOU LATER. OK, ANYWAY, HERE'S THE CLUE TO THE FINAL TEMPLE!

WHEN TIME ITSELF CEASES TO EXIST
THE HIDDEN PATH IS NO LONGER SHROUDED IN MIST
YOU'LL FIND THEM ALONE, IT'S THEIR DESTINY
THE SILENCE OF THE WOODS IS THE HIDDEN KEY**

"Very poetical," Yumi sighed.
"The woods? We're going to Kokiri Forest!" Link laughed. "Hey, I can stop by my house for a shower and a shave!"
"Yeah, you need one!" I joked.
The Sages all burst out laughing, and GG shook her head. "He must get it from me."

**YOU'RE A LITTLE TOO CUTE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, MISTER. HEH HEH HEH, BUT WAY TO INSULT LINK!**

"Aw, hush up, Destiny..." Link muttered.

**WATCH THE TONE, BUB.**

"Sorry," he said quickly.

**NOW I'M RETURNING YOU TWO TO KAKARIKO VILLAGE. IT'S ABOUT... 3 AM. YOU ONLY HAVE TWO DAYS TO FIND AND AWAKEN THE NEXT SAGE, SO KEEP MOVING!**

"Wouldn't it save time if you just dropped them off in Kokiri Forest?" Wintyr asked.

**I CAN'T MAKE IT TOO EASY, CAN I?**

"Hey, is the next Sage going to be a boy? I'm already outnumbered!" Jigglypuff whined.

**MAAAAAAYYYYYBE.**

He sighed and rolled his eyes.

**NOW COME ON, SCOOT YOU TWO! GET MOVING! SCOOT!**

Another warp portal appeared around the three of us, and we watched the Sages and the Chamber gradually fade away.
"See ya round, guys!" Wintyr called.
"Bye-bye," Jigglypuff added.
"Fare thee well!" said Zel.
"Ja ne!" Chica grinned.
"Ciaoza," GG smiled. "Bye, LL."

As we raised out of the Chamber, Link was muttering something to himself.
"Not a Zora... she's not a Zora... that's good... she's pretty cute... heh heh heh... Oh, she wants me..."
"Ew, stop it Link!" I said.
"Hey, give me a break LL! That was my first kiss NOT from Ruto."
Yumi burst out laughing hysterically, and I joined her.
Link frowned. "Yeha, laugh if you want... if it weren't for me, you'd be a drowned rat on the floor, LL..."
"Aw, we just tease you cause we like ya!" Yumi laughed.
We were silent as the crystal began to fade, and then Yumi asked, "Hey Link... was there any tongue?"
"CHANGE OF SUBJECT!" he said quickly.

"Hey Wintyr... you like DDR?" asked Jigglypuff sneakily.
"Me? I don't know."
"Well why don't we..."
"NO, JIGGLYPUFF!"
"Why not?"
"Because we've done nothing but play DDR the last few days!"
"What, GG? Afraid you'll lose again?"
"I AM NOT!"
"And besides, we went to the Randomness Room yesterday!"
"... Where you wished for a DDR machine."
"So? What's the matter with that, Zel?"
"I know. Why don't we head for the Randomness Room?"
"We've been there the last whole day!"
"Yeah, and what would we do there, Wintyr?"
"Well Chica, I've got a craving for Ben & Jerry's, a big screen TV, and the entire collection of both the Legend of Zelda cartoon series, and Mystery Science Theater 3000."
"OOOH! BEN & JERRY'S? COUNT ME IN!" GG cooed.
"Me too!"
"Me three!"
"Me four!"



Yikes, now there's one temple that our heroes have gotta be glad to be finished with! Only one more temple to go, and it looks like it'll be back at Kokiri Forest. After Galaxy, Energy, DDR, Randomness and Emotion, what kind of wacko temple will fill out the Author Sage Temples? Who could possibly be nutty enough to be the Sage? And I'm sure we're all wondering who the heck could be causing this virus...

Stay tuned for the next chapter of SOIS:

LINK'S HOMECOMING

-or-

IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WOOD!