Sage of Innocence Saga -or- Two Links and a Bunch of Authors
by Galaxy Girl

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE HYRULE -or- I SMELL A CLIMAX COMING ON!

A/N: You'll notice that the next few chapters are going to be a lot shorter than the last ones. I'm trying to make it to 20 chapters before I end the story, so that's why. And besides, cliffhangers are a GOOD thing at this point in a story...

Disclaimer: The places and characters in this fic (with the exception of Galaxy Girl and Doseki) do not belong to me, they belong to Nintendo and Shigeru Miyamoto. The authors in this fic appear there by their own request in most cases, and I don't own them either. No insult is intended to the authors who appear herein.



Wow, what an exciting chapter last time! Link, Yumi and I entered the Truth Temple and battled Barney, our own reflections, and even a giant cow to save Cerena, the Sage of Truth. Now all six Author Sages are awakened, and they presented us with the Mighty Laptop of Authorness, the only weapon powerful enough to send Ganondorf (Or whoever) back to where he came from and to turn things back to normal. After learning the Ritornello of Author-Ism, Destiny sent us off to the Temple of Time, where we'll have to fight the bad guy so that the authors can turn everything normal. But it can't be that easy... can it?



"We're gonna get the bad guy now, today! Today!" I sang.
"We're gonna get the bad guy now, hooray! Hooray!" Yumi added.
"WE'RE GONNA GET THE BAD GUY NOW! WE BEAT HIS BOSSES AND EVEN THE COW!" we both belted out at the top of our lungs.
"AND WE WON'T LET HIM keep going with his bad. Stuff he does. And why not? Just because! Boom, boom, boom, BOOM, boom, boom, boom..." I finished. "Come on Link, why aren't you singing?"
"Because I don't feel like it," he said gruffly.
"Oh. Sorry," I apologized.
"No, no, don't be. It's not you. I'm just a little nervous," Link replied.
"For what?"
"FOR WHAT? We're about to fight the big bad guy! The fate of all Hyrule is in our hands! One wrong move, and... KABOOM!" he said dramatically.
I stopped dead in my tracks. "Gulp... ONE wrong move?"
"One wrong move," he said.
Suddenly, I didn't feel like singing so much either.

Link, Yumi and I were trekking across Hyrule Field, heading towards the castle town, and the Temple of Time. Destiny had told us that there, we would find out who was causing all the trouble and get rid of him once and for all. I was a Goron, in case you were wondering.
With all six Sages awakened, we figured that we were done. Wrong. Now Destiny oh-so-calmly tells us that we have to beat the bad guy, too.
The cloud over Death Mountain was getting bigger. And the sky was getting cloudy, like it was going to rain. Every time it rained in Hyrule, that meant something bad was going to happen. Ah, the curse of a video-game life...

Except for the clouds, everything seemed normal. Oh, except for the fact that the field was overrun with authors.
Misty Dawn was back again. "RUNNING GIRL, AWAYYYY!" she shrieked as she raced by us.
Kain was strolling around in a big hat and a large book of poetry. "I think that I shall never see a sight as lovely as a tree..." he said, in a very dignified voice.
Ros51 was another of the poor souls who thought she was a horse. She was "Galloping" across the plains, making neighing noises. She stopped near us and stared at Link stupidly. "NEEEEIGH!" she giggled. Then she galloped off again.
We could hear screaming not long after Ros galloped off, and Gamoid came running up behind her dressed up like the big fat guy from Lon-Lon Ranch... I seem to have forgotten his name. "A-GIT BACK HERES, YA BIG DUM GALOOT!" squealed Gamoid.
"It's about time someone did something about these authors..." Link said, rolling his eyes.
I nodded. "Yeah... And it looks like it's gonna be us..."
Suddenly, there was a flash of lightning and a crash of thunder.
"EEEK!" I gasped. "Oh... oh, it's just the lightning... phew..."
"What time is it?" asked Yumi.
"It's about 4:00 PM," Link said. "We have... about 9 hours left until everything screws up."
"Oh, well it'll only be another hour or so to the castle town! We'll have plenty of time!" Yumi sighed.
"It would seem so... but you never know what the bad guy has waiting for us," Link said, shrugging.
"You can stop calling him the 'bad guy' now, Link. We all know that it's Ganondorf AGAIN!" Yumi said.
"We're not sure," I corrected her.
"PUH!" laughed Yumi. "I'll tell you guys what! I'm so sure that it's Ganondorf, that I will say this: If it's not Ganondorf, may a TV set fall out of the sky and hit me in the head!"
"You'd better be careful, Yumi..." I said. "You never know what might happen..."
"Oh sure, LL. A TV set is going to fall out of the sky and..."

CRASH!

That sound was a TV set falling out of the sky and hitting Yumi in the head.
"YUMIII!" I shrieked. "Link, it squashed her!"
"YUMI!" he yelled. Link pushed as hard as he could against the TV set, but couldn't budge it. "Hold on, Yumi!"
"Move it, bucko!" I cried. I pushed Link out of the way and shoved the TV Set off of my poor fairy so it was set upright.
Yumi was pushed into a hole in the ground in the outline of her. "EASY SQUEASY LEMON PEASY..." she murmured blankly.
"Oh Yumi! Are you all right?" I asked, pulling her out of the hole.
"No, it's not night, Mr. Bigglesworth... Say, what's a joint like you doing in a guy like this?" she mumbled.
"Here," said Link. He pulled a small bottle of Chateau Romani out of his pocket and poured a little of it on Yumi.
"Bleaaaaah..." she stuttered. "What... w-what happened?"
"A TV set fell out of the sky and hit you in the head," I said, shrugging.
"No way!" she gasped. "Are you sure?"
"There it is," I said, pointing to the 36" color Panasonic just lying there on the grass.
"Wow... amazing!" said Yumi. "But... that's impossible! Someone must have dropped it!"
"The... Hey! Look!" cried Link. "There's a VCR built into the TV, and someone duct taped a VHS tape to the TV!"
Sure enough, someone wanted us to do a little movie watching. On the label of the tape was written, "For my dear beloved enemies- Love, Me."
"Hey, how could a TV work out here in the middle of nowhere?" I said angrily.
"There's a solar power panel on the back," said Link, as he slipped the tape into the VCR and turned on the TV.

The screen turned blue for a second, and then we were met with the image of someone sitting in a tall Godfather-movie style chair with their back to us. Er, the back of the chair that is. An arm with black clothing and green skin was resting on the armrest.
"Well, well, well..." said the guy in the chair in a deep voice. "If it isn't my favorite enemies, Stink and Little Stink!"
"IT IS GANONDORF!" gasped Link. "I'd know that green slimy hand and that voice anywhere!"
"That's right, it's me, your old friend Mr. Dragmire... and I suppose you've already figured out that I've been doing a little research on computer programming," laughed Ganondorf, as his arm held up a master's degree from Hyrule State Vocational Technological College. "And I also understand you two have decided that you want to put a stop to my wonderful little creation... I'm afraid I can't allow that..."
"Yeah, we're gonna stop it all right!" I screamed to no one in particular.
"Oh sure, you might think you're going to pull another one like you did in the Ocarina of Time, Link..." said Ganondorf. "But I've taken specific measures so that that can't happen..."
"So he says," said Link bitterly.
"You both already know that the Six Sages of Hyrule can't help here... Destiny is powerless outside of the Sacred Realm... The superheroes of Earth can't stop me either. You both know very well that only the Author Sages can stop me now."
"Bet your big green arse!" I snickered.
"Watch your language," said Link.
"Whaaat? I said ARSE!"
Ganondorf laughed. "But can the Author Sages stop me... if I've already stopped them?"
That statement made my blood run cold. "What? What does he mean?"
"Just see for yourselves," giggled Ganondorf maniacally. His arm pointed off camera, and we saw exactly what he meant.

All six Author Sages were trapped in their own unbreakable glass booth, and worse, being subjected to horrible annoyances.
All three of us gasped.
First there was Cerena, the newest Author Sage, tied to a chair with a big-screen TV blasting Britney Spears videos non-stop.
"MAKE IT STOPPPP!" she shrieked.
The announcer on the TV said, "WELCOME BACK TO THE BRITNEY CHANNEL! ALL BRITNEY SPEARS, ALL THE TIME! NEXT UP, WE HAVE A FULL HOUR OF THE 'OOPS! I DID IT AGAIN' VIDEO BACK TO BACK TO BACK!"
Cerena screamed.
The most serene of the Sages, Wintyr, didn't appear serene anymore. Poor thing was on a treadmill. A big treadmill. With Teletubby guards right behind her with big sticks. "NO MORE RUNNING!" she screamed. "PLEASE! NO MORE RUNNING!"
The first of the superheroine pair in the Author Sages, Zel, was immediately next to Wintyr. The Sage of Randomness was in the middle of a 72-hour marathon of every single episode of Sailor Moon that prominently featured Sailor "Chibi" Mini-Moon.
"The horror..." muttered Zel. "The HOOOOOOOORROR!"
We couldn't and definitely didn't want to hear poor Jigglypuff. All we saw was a pair of headphones on him attached to a microphone. A Teletubby was holding the microphone, while another Teletubby was sharpening his fingernails on a chalkboard.
Chica had a TV-screen, like Cerena, but the poor girl was being subjected to a 72-hour marathon of Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliot's "Get Ur Freak On".
I noticed that she had developed a facial tic. Every time she heard that annoying-as-heck sitar beat repeat, her eye would twitch.
And worst of all... GG was stuck in a dentist's chair. She looked back and forth in horror at the two Teletubbies in lab coats who stood, sharpening their instruments.
"She no look good," murmured one of the Teletubbies. "What do, doctor?"
"We scrape teeth," said the other one, holding up a nasty metal scraper. "Then we apply headgear. BIIIIG headgear!"
Both Teletubbies laughed maniacally, and GG screamed bloody murder.

"That D@$# dirty B@$^@#%!" Link yelled. "He'll pay for this..."
"I... I..." I stuttered. "WHY??? Why would he want to do that to them? It's not their fault! They're innocent!"
"You have a lot to learn about people, LL..." said Link angrily.
The camera turned back to the chair, and we could hear that in Link's words: "D@$# dirty B@$^@#%!" laughing maniacally.
"Too bad they won't be able to help you," laughed Ganondorf. "Oh... but before you get TOO worked up, I thought I'd mention..."
The arm reached up and turned over an hourglass. "You have exactly 2 1/2 hours to reach my stronghold in the Temple of Time. If you're not inside and talking to me by then, then I'll be forced to get rid of your little friends..."
"2 1/2 HOURS? But the virus doesn't start until midnight!" cried Yumi.
"Oh, and if you're wondering why I don't wait until midnight, I just can't wait that long... The virus will go off at exactly 7:00 PM. SHARP! That's right boys and girl, at 7:00 PM, every author in Hyrule will become a part of the game... Permanently! And time will reset itself, and the two of you will be trapped in the same storyline over, and over, and over again... but no matter what you do, seven years later, everything will start over and I will rule again! MUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
"That... D@$# dirty B@$^@#%!" screamed Link again. "He's going to pay for this!"
I was so angry... angrier than I had ever been before. Angrier than when Link called me an idiot... angrier than when Dischord kidnapped GG, angrier than when those punks in Termina tried to slice me up. I was freakin' MAD!
"That's it..." I said quietly. "Innocence Medallion, Transform!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*POOF*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I started running towards the castle town. "Come on, Link!" I cried.
"What do you think you're doing?" asked Link.
"I'm going to save- OOOF!" I grunted, as I tripped and hit the ground.
Link raced over to me and helped me up. "I've got a better idea," he said, pulling out his Ocarina and playing Epona's Song.
The rusty-brown horse appeared in no time flat, and the two of us hopped on, with Yumi on my shoulder.
Then Link spurred Epona on and we galloped quickly towards the castle town.
I gazed up at the cloud on Death Mountain.
Don't worry, GG... I thought. Don't worry Sages... Don't worry authors... Don't worry Hyrule... Link won't let you down, and I won't either!



Uh oh! Things aren't looking good for our boys... But there are still FOUR MORE CHAPTERS TO GO! PLENTY OF MORE ACTION FOR YOU! THINGS COULD STILL TURN AROUND! Can Link, Little Link, and even littler Yumi save the world from redundancy? Will all of Hyrule be screwed up? Will all of you reading this right now stay trapped in Hyrule forever? ONLY I COULD TELL YOU! Stay tuned for the next chapter of SOIS...

THE SOTAY PHENOMENON

-or-

THE ROAD TO VICTORY