Invader Zim Meets Britney Spears
Chapter Five: The Concert of DOOM
Ten shadowy figures huddles down a dark alleyway. They slowly crept against the wall, where up ahead the sign 'ARENA' was visible. They were
slim, agile creatures, cloaked in long, heavy coats, to protect the world from what they wore underneath. Equipped with a fool-proof plan, one
member couldn't help but object...
"I'm not liking this ONE bit..." Bast complained
"Shh." Star hissed. "We all hate these costumes, but we need to get this done right!"
"Yeah," Kat said, grinning, "It's not everyday we get the chance to give Slut-ney Spears what she deserves!"
CryingChild grinned. "That's a good one."
"Reminds me of a joke I heard..." Rose said thoughtfully.
"Ooo! OOO! Tell them, tell them!!" Ztarlight urged.
Rose grinned. "Okay...
"One day, Britney was out hangliding.
A couple of crows flew by and popped her boobs.
Down below, a couple of neighborhood kids were playing basketball.
Then, one kid notices the court is getting wet.
He says to his brother, 'Look, it's raining milk!' "
Sugarbaby fell over laughing. "I crack up every time I hear that."
KidK smiled. "It WAS a pretty good joke..."
The Slayer pointed. "Look! There's the entrance."
The ten girls made it in without too many problems. The guards seemed convinced that they *were* dancers, and not Britney-killers in disguise.
[They're Britney guards. Of course they're dumb.] At the last guard...
"Excuse me!" he halted them.
"Let us through!" Synia shouted. "We're [shudder] Britney dancers!" Scary music started to play after she said that.
"Hang on..." the guard turned to his left. "Hey JOE! This isn't some tragedy playing tonight; it's Britney Spears!!"
"What's the difference?" Kat whispered to KidK.
"Very little," she whispered back.
"Now," the guard said, turning back to them, "What are you doing here?"
Synia glared at the guard. "I told you already; we're... Britney dancers!" she said through gritted teeth.
"I wanna see some I.D."
(Damn,) Spaz thought, (I thought he would be a moron, too!)
Sugarbaby took the lead from Synia. "I got this..." she whispered. Then she put on her cute act [which she's very good at doing!] "Oh, Mr. guard
person..."
"What, kid?"
(How rude!) "We're just a couple of innocent back-up dancers... ya' know, in case one of the others get sick?"
The guard seemed unmoved by Sugarbaby's cute act. "First you gotta show me..."
Ztarlight stuck her arm cannon in the guards face. "You're resistance will be noted!!!" and then she shot his head off.
Everybody chereed. Rose shook her head at the burning corpse. "Perverts... yuck."
Slayer folded her arms. "Well, at least we know we're at the right concert."
"LOOK!" CryingChild screamed, peering through the curtains, "It's... HIM!! Ztar, c'mre."
"What? Who's--- oohhhh..." Ztarlight was soon enveloped with the same dreamy look.
Synia walked over to the curtain to investigate. "Big deal; Zim's in the front row... gawd, do I feel sorry for *him*! I--- AAAHHHH!!! DIB'S HERE,
TOO!!!"
Spaz popped her head up. "Really? WHERE?!?!?!?!?"
"Over there... four rows behind Zim."
"Leeme see, lemme see!!" Rose pushed her way into the group of IZ lovers. "Kewl!! ... AHHHHHH!!! GIR'S HERE, TOO!!"
"Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo! Gir! Gir! Gir! Gir!" Sugarbaby spotted the teeny green puppy next to Zim. She sighed contentedly.
"Gawd," Slayer sighed, "I wish I could talk to them..."
"I know!" Bast chirped. "Let's go down and visit them!!"
Kat slipped aroung the wall. "This way, and we won't be seen."
The other nine followed Kat's lead. There they were... just up ahead... oh, how they yearned to reach out and touch their fav fan charas...
Reaching...
Closing in...
*Almost...*
"AND NOW, WE PROUDLY PRESENT TO YOU, BRITNEY SPEARS!!" A few seconds later, you could *just* make out the sound of the announcer
choking on his own drool.
The crowd erupted into cheers as the Princess of Pop made her way onto the stage. Zim just sat there, looking bored.
All ten of our lovely authoresses ducked for cover behind a few seats and covered their ears, waiting for the first horrible song to end. [A/N: Don't
ask me what it was - I had my ears covered.]
Britney made a signal to some guy in the wings. and the of a tape stopping was heard soon after. "Hey," she said into the audience, "It
looks like someone isn't having a very good time." She looked directly at Zim.
Zim, who was still starring ahead with the same blank stare, only nodded dumbly in reply, unaware that it was *him* that Britney was referring to.
"Well, why don't you come up here and have some fun, little green boy."
(Green boy...? She means... ME?!) Zim looked up in shock. "Ah! What do you want, foolish Eartheniod?"
Britney smiled seductively at Zim. "I want you to come up here with me." She began to gyrate in some ways that I can't describe without raising the
rating higher.
Zim stared ahead, hynotized by Britney's [ahem] movements.He slowly began to rise. "Okay..." he said slowly.
CryingChild gaped in horror. "Ztarlight!!" she whispered loudly. "Zim's under Britney's spell!"
Ztarlight nodded in response and the two began to crawl towards the stage.
Dib jumped out of his chair. "No! You mustn't let him go near you, Britney!! He'll..." Dib started to sway, "...he'll..."
"He'll what?" She inquired of our fav paranormalist.
"He'll... make me wanna... dance with you..." Dib slurred.
Britney smiled. "I thought so." She cackled lightly under her breath as Dib began to follow Zim towards the stage.
Spaz started to freak. "SYNIIIIAAAAAA!!!!" she waved her arms frantically at the other Dib-fan. "She got Dib too!!"
Back to Britney. "Aww... what a sweet green puppy..."
For Rose and Sugarbaby, time suddenly stopped. The whole arena became silent as they emmitted this cry:
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--- [koff, hack, gasp]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"
"We jave to stop her!" Synia bit her lip. "But how?"
Bast stood up, clearly annoyed. "Who the hell really cares?! I just wanna beat the crap out of her and go home!!!"
KidK smiled at Bast. "Right on!"
The ten girls screamed a battle cry and dashed towards the stage. Leaping up, the surrounded Britney. "Hey," she said, "The dancers! It's about
time you showed up!"
Growling, our gang threw off their heavy long coats to reveal...... that they were not dressed like whores, but instead, like their favorite Jhonen
Vasquez characters. "PIN HER!!" The Slayer screamed.
Britney was instantly down. Each of the girls had a pretty firm grip. Britney looked around, confused. "Well, I don't usually do girls, but..."
CryingChild instantly slapped down some Krazy Glue on Britney's lips and placed a slice of duct tape over them. "Silence! We must protect the
world from your non-existant singing ability!!"
"But so we do in the meantime?" Sugarbaby wanted to know.
"Simple." Kat pulled a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE bat from behind her back that read "Da' Britney Basher". "First, we knock her unconcious, like
so!"
Rose stepped up to the plate. "Then we gouge her eyes out... like THIS!!
Bast pulled out a verrrrrrry large machete. "Next, we cut her open."
Synia smiled wickedly. "Then we shave her head."
The Slayer revealed an old, rusty razor. "After that, we shave her liver."
"My turn." KidK had herself a niiiiiice, sharp ax. "Time for my 'Nny impression... DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" She began hacking away mercilessly.
"Cut off her arms!!" "And then use them to slap her silly with!!"
"Then we... BITE OFF HER NOSE!!" Sugarbaby leapt up and bit down as hard as she could. Seconds later, she spit out a Britney nose into the
audience, and her face turned as green as the Gir puppy outfit she had on. "Ugh... I think I'm gonna be sick..."
The audience murmured in agreement.
Spaz came out with a beautiful dagger. "Let's cut off her legs!!!!!" she screamed, laughing maniacally.
And last, but not least, Ztarlight's ominous shadow of doom loomed over Britney's body. Smiling her proud cyborg smile, she held her right arm-
cannon in the slut's face. "Finally, we make sure she never sings again." and with that, fired.
The ten girls, tired but happy, exchanged warm hugs and smiles. Yet... Kat seemed a little off...
"What to do..." Kat wondered. "Hey KidK. Can I borrow a pen?"
"Sure." KidK tossed a thick, black pen over her shoulder to Kat.
"Thanx." Kat scrawled something on her bat. When she finished, it no longer said "Da' Britney Basher" but instead "Da' Butt Matian Basher". She
smiled sweetly at CryingChild. "For your fic later on."
CryingChild groaned. "Must you remind me?"
The Slayer examined Britney's corpse. "What do we do with this?"
"I'll take care of that."
Zim, who was now back to his luvable self [^-^], had walked onto the stage and used a kewl-looking device to gather the singing fake-beauty into
a baggie. "I want to... thank you girls, for helping me break free from that monster's EVIL influence. I shall reward you greatly by being nice to you
when I enslave this filthy rock." He turned on his heel. "Let's go home, Gir."
Gir sighed at the stage. "I miss that lady... she had BALLOONS!"
"What do we do now?" Bast wondered aloud.
Ztarlight sighed sadly. "We have to go home."
Chapter Five: The Concert of DOOM
Ten shadowy figures huddles down a dark alleyway. They slowly crept against the wall, where up ahead the sign 'ARENA' was visible. They were
slim, agile creatures, cloaked in long, heavy coats, to protect the world from what they wore underneath. Equipped with a fool-proof plan, one
member couldn't help but object...
"I'm not liking this ONE bit..." Bast complained
"Shh." Star hissed. "We all hate these costumes, but we need to get this done right!"
"Yeah," Kat said, grinning, "It's not everyday we get the chance to give Slut-ney Spears what she deserves!"
CryingChild grinned. "That's a good one."
"Reminds me of a joke I heard..." Rose said thoughtfully.
"Ooo! OOO! Tell them, tell them!!" Ztarlight urged.
Rose grinned. "Okay...
"One day, Britney was out hangliding.
A couple of crows flew by and popped her boobs.
Down below, a couple of neighborhood kids were playing basketball.
Then, one kid notices the court is getting wet.
He says to his brother, 'Look, it's raining milk!' "
Sugarbaby fell over laughing. "I crack up every time I hear that."
KidK smiled. "It WAS a pretty good joke..."
The Slayer pointed. "Look! There's the entrance."
The ten girls made it in without too many problems. The guards seemed convinced that they *were* dancers, and not Britney-killers in disguise.
[They're Britney guards. Of course they're dumb.] At the last guard...
"Excuse me!" he halted them.
"Let us through!" Synia shouted. "We're [shudder] Britney dancers!" Scary music started to play after she said that.
"Hang on..." the guard turned to his left. "Hey JOE! This isn't some tragedy playing tonight; it's Britney Spears!!"
"What's the difference?" Kat whispered to KidK.
"Very little," she whispered back.
"Now," the guard said, turning back to them, "What are you doing here?"
Synia glared at the guard. "I told you already; we're... Britney dancers!" she said through gritted teeth.
"I wanna see some I.D."
(Damn,) Spaz thought, (I thought he would be a moron, too!)
Sugarbaby took the lead from Synia. "I got this..." she whispered. Then she put on her cute act [which she's very good at doing!] "Oh, Mr. guard
person..."
"What, kid?"
(How rude!) "We're just a couple of innocent back-up dancers... ya' know, in case one of the others get sick?"
The guard seemed unmoved by Sugarbaby's cute act. "First you gotta show me..."
Ztarlight stuck her arm cannon in the guards face. "You're resistance will be noted!!!" and then she shot his head off.
Everybody chereed. Rose shook her head at the burning corpse. "Perverts... yuck."
Slayer folded her arms. "Well, at least we know we're at the right concert."
"LOOK!" CryingChild screamed, peering through the curtains, "It's... HIM!! Ztar, c'mre."
"What? Who's--- oohhhh..." Ztarlight was soon enveloped with the same dreamy look.
Synia walked over to the curtain to investigate. "Big deal; Zim's in the front row... gawd, do I feel sorry for *him*! I--- AAAHHHH!!! DIB'S HERE,
TOO!!!"
Spaz popped her head up. "Really? WHERE?!?!?!?!?"
"Over there... four rows behind Zim."
"Leeme see, lemme see!!" Rose pushed her way into the group of IZ lovers. "Kewl!! ... AHHHHHH!!! GIR'S HERE, TOO!!"
"Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo! Gir! Gir! Gir! Gir!" Sugarbaby spotted the teeny green puppy next to Zim. She sighed contentedly.
"Gawd," Slayer sighed, "I wish I could talk to them..."
"I know!" Bast chirped. "Let's go down and visit them!!"
Kat slipped aroung the wall. "This way, and we won't be seen."
The other nine followed Kat's lead. There they were... just up ahead... oh, how they yearned to reach out and touch their fav fan charas...
Reaching...
Closing in...
*Almost...*
"AND NOW, WE PROUDLY PRESENT TO YOU, BRITNEY SPEARS!!" A few seconds later, you could *just* make out the sound of the announcer
choking on his own drool.
The crowd erupted into cheers as the Princess of Pop made her way onto the stage. Zim just sat there, looking bored.
All ten of our lovely authoresses ducked for cover behind a few seats and covered their ears, waiting for the first horrible song to end. [A/N: Don't
ask me what it was - I had my ears covered.]
Britney made a signal to some guy in the wings. and the of a tape stopping was heard soon after. "Hey," she said into the audience, "It
looks like someone isn't having a very good time." She looked directly at Zim.
Zim, who was still starring ahead with the same blank stare, only nodded dumbly in reply, unaware that it was *him* that Britney was referring to.
"Well, why don't you come up here and have some fun, little green boy."
(Green boy...? She means... ME?!) Zim looked up in shock. "Ah! What do you want, foolish Eartheniod?"
Britney smiled seductively at Zim. "I want you to come up here with me." She began to gyrate in some ways that I can't describe without raising the
rating higher.
Zim stared ahead, hynotized by Britney's [ahem] movements.He slowly began to rise. "Okay..." he said slowly.
CryingChild gaped in horror. "Ztarlight!!" she whispered loudly. "Zim's under Britney's spell!"
Ztarlight nodded in response and the two began to crawl towards the stage.
Dib jumped out of his chair. "No! You mustn't let him go near you, Britney!! He'll..." Dib started to sway, "...he'll..."
"He'll what?" She inquired of our fav paranormalist.
"He'll... make me wanna... dance with you..." Dib slurred.
Britney smiled. "I thought so." She cackled lightly under her breath as Dib began to follow Zim towards the stage.
Spaz started to freak. "SYNIIIIAAAAAA!!!!" she waved her arms frantically at the other Dib-fan. "She got Dib too!!"
Back to Britney. "Aww... what a sweet green puppy..."
For Rose and Sugarbaby, time suddenly stopped. The whole arena became silent as they emmitted this cry:
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--- [koff, hack, gasp]OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"
"We jave to stop her!" Synia bit her lip. "But how?"
Bast stood up, clearly annoyed. "Who the hell really cares?! I just wanna beat the crap out of her and go home!!!"
KidK smiled at Bast. "Right on!"
The ten girls screamed a battle cry and dashed towards the stage. Leaping up, the surrounded Britney. "Hey," she said, "The dancers! It's about
time you showed up!"
Growling, our gang threw off their heavy long coats to reveal...... that they were not dressed like whores, but instead, like their favorite Jhonen
Vasquez characters. "PIN HER!!" The Slayer screamed.
Britney was instantly down. Each of the girls had a pretty firm grip. Britney looked around, confused. "Well, I don't usually do girls, but..."
CryingChild instantly slapped down some Krazy Glue on Britney's lips and placed a slice of duct tape over them. "Silence! We must protect the
world from your non-existant singing ability!!"
"But so we do in the meantime?" Sugarbaby wanted to know.
"Simple." Kat pulled a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE bat from behind her back that read "Da' Britney Basher". "First, we knock her unconcious, like
so!"
Rose stepped up to the plate. "Then we gouge her eyes out... like THIS!!
Bast pulled out a verrrrrrry large machete. "Next, we cut her open."
Synia smiled wickedly. "Then we shave her head."
The Slayer revealed an old, rusty razor. "After that, we shave her liver."
"My turn." KidK had herself a niiiiiice, sharp ax. "Time for my 'Nny impression... DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" She began hacking away mercilessly.
"Cut off her arms!!" "And then use them to slap her silly with!!"
"Then we... BITE OFF HER NOSE!!" Sugarbaby leapt up and bit down as hard as she could. Seconds later, she spit out a Britney nose into the
audience, and her face turned as green as the Gir puppy outfit she had on. "Ugh... I think I'm gonna be sick..."
The audience murmured in agreement.
Spaz came out with a beautiful dagger. "Let's cut off her legs!!!!!" she screamed, laughing maniacally.
And last, but not least, Ztarlight's ominous shadow of doom loomed over Britney's body. Smiling her proud cyborg smile, she held her right arm-
cannon in the slut's face. "Finally, we make sure she never sings again." and with that, fired.
The ten girls, tired but happy, exchanged warm hugs and smiles. Yet... Kat seemed a little off...
"What to do..." Kat wondered. "Hey KidK. Can I borrow a pen?"
"Sure." KidK tossed a thick, black pen over her shoulder to Kat.
"Thanx." Kat scrawled something on her bat. When she finished, it no longer said "Da' Britney Basher" but instead "Da' Butt Matian Basher". She
smiled sweetly at CryingChild. "For your fic later on."
CryingChild groaned. "Must you remind me?"
The Slayer examined Britney's corpse. "What do we do with this?"
"I'll take care of that."
Zim, who was now back to his luvable self [^-^], had walked onto the stage and used a kewl-looking device to gather the singing fake-beauty into
a baggie. "I want to... thank you girls, for helping me break free from that monster's EVIL influence. I shall reward you greatly by being nice to you
when I enslave this filthy rock." He turned on his heel. "Let's go home, Gir."
Gir sighed at the stage. "I miss that lady... she had BALLOONS!"
"What do we do now?" Bast wondered aloud.
Ztarlight sighed sadly. "We have to go home."
