Sage of Innocence Saga -or- Two Links and a Bunch of Authors
by Galaxy Girl

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: THE SOTAY PHENOMENON -or- THE ROAD TO VICTORY!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or any of the characters or places herein with the exception of Galaxy Girl and Doseki. I also made up the extra temples, so ask nicely before you use them. All authors herein don't belong to me, and I'm not trying to insult anyone with their cameos. So PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE don't get mad at me! It's all for the sake of comedy anyway!

Another Disclaimer: I did not make up the concept of the "sotay" (so-TIE). This idea is from the anime show Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040. All Bubblegum Crisis stuff belongs to ADV Anime Productions, and its rightful owners.



It's me again, LL. OK, last chapter was kinda short, but important anyway. We found out that the bad guy was indeed Ganondorf, and that he had kidnapped all six Author Sages and was forcing them to endure horrible annoyances, like headgear, Britney Spears, and Missy Elliot music! AAAGGGGH! Now Link and I have 2 1/2 hours to reach the Temple of Time before Ganondorf kills the Sages... and only 3 hours until 7 PM, when Ganondorf will unleash the Reality Virus and screw up time as we know it! It's getting exciting now!



In a mere 45 minutes, we had reached the gates to the great city of Hyrule, the capital of Hyrule and the place where Link and I would duke it out for everyone.
Link leaped off Epona and patted her nose, then filled up his packs and holsters and things with all of his mighty weapons... the Ocarina of Time... the Longshot... the Megaton Hammer... the Fairy Bow... Ice, Fire, and Light arrows... The Lens of Truth... and a wide selection of spells. Not to mention the mighty Master Sword and Mirror Shield...
I kinda tripped off of Epona, and once I dusted myself off, I packed up my weird assortment of items. The Spiral Bracelet... the Energy Pen... the DDR wand... the Magical Fax Machine O' Randomness... the Black Dagger of Emotion... and the Fire/Ice/Light Pen. Not to mention the Little Giant and the Bushwhacker. Oh, and the Author Sage medallions, my drum, and the Innocence Medallion.
And Yumi grabbed herself a couple of aspirin and a tiny thimble full of Chateau Romani.
"Ready?" asked Link.
"As I'll ever be..." I groaned.
"We arrived about... 5:00." Yumi said. "We're making good time! Now we've got a full two hours."
"That was easy," I said.
"I think we'd better go talk to Zelda," said Link.
"WHAT?" gasped Yumi and I.
"LIIINK! This isn't the time for one of your stupid flirt sessions!" Yumi groaned.
"NOOO! Why do you always think that? I think we'd better let her in on what's going on. Besides, we have time."
"But Link!" I wailed. "At 6:30, he's going to get rid of GG and the others! Why don't we just go beat him now?"
"Because! We need to be prepared," said Link. "And besides, I'd like to know how Ganondorf escaped from the Sacred Realm in the first place."

We raced over the drawbridge and into the familiar marketplace I had seen a million times before. People were racing frantically all over. Oh, except for a couple authors. They stood stupidly in the square, eyeing the cloud over Death Mountain and uttering things like "Oh, will ya look at that thing?" and "I wonder if it's gonna blow..."
Link pulled me right through the crowd past the gates to the Temple of Time, and towards the castle in the north.
"But Link-"
"The gates are locked, Doseki," said Yumi. "We might as well talk to Zelda anyway."
Two guards stood on either side of the path to the castle, and when Link walked up to them, they bowed and let him through.
I was another story.
I was about to pass in between them, but they both crossed their spears in my path.
"Huh? What are you doing?" I asked.
"Sorry, son. There's trouble going on right now in town. Only royal family members and their allies are allowed in."
"I am an ally!" I said.
The guards eyed each other strangely and shook their heads. "I think you mean you're a citizen," said the other guard. "We're only letting Royal Family members and people like, say, Big Brother Darunia or Princess Ruto through. Only royalty allowed."
"I am royalty!" I protested. "I'm Little Brother Link of the Gorons!"
Both guards raised their eyebrows and stared at me. Then they burst out laughing. "Oh, that's a good one, kid... heh heh heh... but we're serious," said the first guard.
"So am I!" I said. "I'm Little Brother Link of the Gorons! Darunia's son!"
They didn't laugh that time. "Look kid, enough with the jokes. You're not a Goron! And we all know very well that Link of the Gorons is a Goron."
Oh... I forgot about that...
"Gentlemen, gentlemen," said Link diplomatically, pushing back in between the guards. "He's with me."
"With all due respect, Master Link, we're not letting ANYONE who is not a Royal Family member or an ally through here!"
"He's telling the truth!" cried Yumi.
"Link!" I whispered to him. "Should I show them?"
"No, better not..." he said. "Look guys, we really need to get through here, and fast! PLEASE just let us through!"
"We have distinct orders, Master Link," said the first guard. "We apologize, but the boy is not a Royal Family member, so we can't let him through. Now, if the Princess were to say he could come in, then he could."
"I'm telling you, I'm Link of the Gorons!" I yelled. "Really! I have proof! I could tell you things about Darunia no one knows!"
"Give it up, Doseki," Yumi said. "Just turn into yourself and..."
"Like his favorite kind of rock is granite!" I shouted. "And his middle name is Flint!"
"Get this kid out of here!" yelled one of the guards gruffly.
"And he's not afraid of anything!" I cried. "And he has a special tattoo because he's the Big Brother! It looks like mine!" I pulled up my sleeve to prove it.
Both guards snapped their heads when they heard me say that. One of them pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and held it up. He glanced back and forth from my arm to the paper, and then whispered to the other guard. "Look! It looks just like the one that Big Brother Darunia has!"
"Unmistakably..." murmured the other guard.
"But we were told that only Goron royalty have that one..." pondered the other guard.
"Mysterious!" murmured the other guard.
"Terribly mysterious!" murmured the first. "All right... I suppose you can go on through. But for Heaven's sake kid, if the Big Brother of the Gorons finds out you have that, he's gonna be ticked!"
"Oh, you have NO idea..." I mumbled as I shuffled through the two guards.

"You could have saved us a lot of time if you had just turned back and showed them!" Yumi whined.
"But then everyone in the market would have run over and started asking questions," Link pointed out.
We ran up to the gates of the castle, and the guard immediately let Link and me through. We raced up the path, and at the main gates, the guards once again motioned for us to go through. The drawbridge was lowered, and Link stepped onto it.
"All right, now it's only a little further to Zelda's... WHOA!" he screamed, as a white horse sped past both of us on its way out of the castle.
We spun around and saw two women on the horse.
"Hey, wait!" cried Link. "Impa, it's me!"
The horse immediately stopped, and the woman in the back hopped off of the horse. She had long silky blonde hair and wore a delicate gold tiara, and a white and pink dress. That, of course, was Zelda.
"Link!" she cried, racing towards us. "Impa, it's all right! It's just Link. And some other guy,"
"It's me, Zelda!" I said. "Link of the Gorons. Only... OK, it's not me."
"I already know, Impa told me," Zelda said in a rush. "Link... something terrible is about to happen!"
"Gee, ya think?" he said.
Impa led the horse back over to us, and Link got pretty mad. "All right Zelly... I want some answers."
"ZELLY! How dare you address me in such a manner!" she squealed.
"Oh, get over it, Zelda." Impa said, rolling her eyes.
"Listen, Zelda. Ganondorf has escaped from the Sacred Realm and dragged thousands of innocent humans into Hyrule... and six of them are going to be killed in..." he checked his watch. "A half an hour! How did that guy get out? Isn't it your job to make sure that doesn't happen?"
I was surprised to see Link so mad at Zelda. I mean gee, through the whole trip, it hadn't seemed like he was that upset about the authors. But since that video with Ganondorf...
"What? Ganondorf escaped!" gasped Zelda. "But that's impossible! There's just no way! I would have known the second it happened..."
"You mean you didn't know?" Link said in disbelief. "You didn't feel like anything went wrong?"
"No, I mean... about a week ago, I noticed that something was wrong... like you said, hundreds of authors all brainwashed. But I didn't feel anything with Ganondorf!"
"How about you, Impa?" asked Link. "You're a Sage."
Impa shook her head. "No! I didn't feel anything! Aye, when the explosion happened and the authors all appeared, I knew that that was a bad thing... but I couldn't sense anything before the explosion. Not Ganondorf escaping, no weird virus, nothing!"
"That's what my dad said!" I interrupted. "He said that he didn't feel anything going on at the mountain just before it happened."
Link scratched his head. "Huh... that's weird... you guys are supposed to feel it if and when Ganondorf escapes... but none of you did! Do you think he did something so you wouldn't know it?"
"Even he's not that powerful," protested Zelda.
"Every Sage we've talked to had no idea what was going on... Nabooru said that the authors just appeared, and that she had no clue what could be wrong... Ruto was just as surprised. And Saria too... she didn't know anything was wrong until the authors came." I pondered out loud.
Yumi shook her head. "It doesn't make any sense..."

Suddenly, the ground was rocked by a huge tremor, and the cloud over Death Mountain started to glow green.
"HOLY CRAP!" gasped Yumi, staring at her watch. "How did 30 minutes pass so fast?"
"WHAT?" screamed the other four of us.
"It's 6:00 right now?" cried Link. "But how?"
"It's him again!" Zelda said angrily. "He must have caused that tremor to throw off the flow of time..."
"We only have 30 minutes until Ganondorf kills the Author Sages!" I gasped. "GG!"
"We've gotta go, guys," yelled Link. "Wish us luck!"
"Good luck!" cried Zelda.
Link grabbed me by the arm and dragged me back out the gates and straight down the hillside next to the castle.
As we ran, I could hear Zelda and Impa talking.
"There he goes again," said Impa.
Zelda sighed dejectedly. "Oh, I think I love him..."
Link rolled his eyes.

Back in the castle town, Link ran up to the guards at the gates to the Temple of Time. "Let us through, NOW!" he demanded.
"Of course, Master Link..." said the first guard. "But your friend will have to wait here."
"Only Royal Family members and allies are... ACK!" said the other guard. Link pushed him aside and pulled me by.
There it was! The majestic Temple of Time!
"All right, we don't know what kind of stuff he has in there, so we'd better be careful." Link said as we climbed the steps to the Temple.
"Ready?" asked Yumi.
"Ready as I'll ever be..." I gulped.
Link threw open the door of the temple and pointed inside with the blade of his sword.
"DOO DOO LA DOOT DOO DOOOOOO!" Yumi buzzed.
"CHAAAAAAAAAARGE!"

We raced inside the Temple, and stared around at the main room.
"Huh?" I asked.
All six Author Sages were in their own dentist-office chairs, all laid out around the room. They looked like they were asleep.
"I don't get it..." Yumi murmured. "Didn't he say he was going to..."
"Er..." Link muttered.
"I don't care!" I said triumphantly. "Let's get them out of here."
I ran over to the chair that held my girlfriend. There was a huge metal orthodontic appliance sticking out of her mouth. Poor thing...
"GG!" I said. "GG, wake up!"
Her eyes opened, and she mumbled something. "DOADFSEEUAIGUIA!"
"Hold still," I said. I held the Little Giant right over the big main wire on the headgear, and sent it slamming down.
CHINK!
The wire split in half and fell apart. GG spit out the remaining part of the headgear and coughed. "Doseki! You came back!"
"Of course!" I said. "We couldn't leave you here. Now, hold your arms still and I'll cut your ropes,"
She did so, and in a few seconds she was free. GG stood up, and dusted herself off. "Oh, you're too kind..." she said. "But it took you long enough!" she growled.
I was hurt. "Um, sorry... we came as fast as we could."
She scowled at me.
Huh? It wasn't like her to do that...
I saw Link on the other side of the room, sawing away at Wintyr's ropes.
Suddenly, something occurred to me.
Did Ganondorf leave the Author Sages out here because he WANTED us to let them go?
Then I had a flashback.
The Galaxy Temple... Link races over to GG to see if she's all right. She grabs his arms, almost breaks it, and slams him into a wall... We then discover that she's evil...
Uh oh...
Second after I heard the laugh, I felt myself go flying through the air and into the wall of the Temple of Time.
SPLAT!
"OWWW!" I screamed. "Link, don't let them out! They're evil again!"
Yumi sped over to me. "Are you all right?"
"Did Link let Wintyr out yet?" I asked.
His scream was my answer.
I saw a shadow come over me, and I looked up to see GG standing over me. She didn't look like herself at all. I was surprised that I let such a bad replica of her fool me. Her hair was too dark... it was black, not brown like GG's... and her eyes were bright purple.
She held her finger out and shook it. "Ah, ah, ah! We musn't disturb Master Dragmire..."
Then she lifted me by the collar with her little finger and got right in my face. "My, my... you're a naughty boy, aren't you?" Her voice was monotonous and weird.
We were slowing lifting into the air. She was going to drop me!
"YUMI! WHAT IS IT?" I cried.
"I... I can't get a reading!" she said. "Just try and kill it!"
"What if it really is GG?" I screamed.
"Do you have a better idea?"
I looked down and saw Wintyr throwing Link around again. Funny, only two days ago, she was making out with him in the Chamber of Sages...
GG lifted me higher and higher, and finally, we had almost reached the ceiling.
"Now I'll teach you a lesson for being naughty!" she screamed.
I decided to use another battle move that GG had taught me. With my left hand, I put my fingers into the "Peace" symbol, and aimed them straight at GG's eyes, Three-Stooges style.
She put her free hand up to her nose to block it. "HAHAHAHHA! Don't be stupid!" she laughed.
Then I quickly turned my hand over and poked her in the left eye.
"OW!" she shrieked, covering her left eye.
I poked her in the right eye.
"OWWW!" she screamed, covering both eyes.
Then I kicked her in the gut. She yelled in surprise and dropped me.
"WHOAAA!" I was falling!
I hit the ground with barely a bruise, and saw the other four Sages struggling to escape their bindings.
"We've got trouble!" I screamed to Link.
Wintyr was holding him against the wall, trying to strangle him. "GEE, YA THINK?" he gagged.
He kicked her in the gut, and she let go long enough for him to take a few slices out of her with his sword.
Yumi turned yellow and flew down in my face. "I got it!" she screamed. "They're..."
I heard screaming behind me, and I saw GG come flying at me from behind. I quickly put the Little Giant behind me and...
"ULP!" screamed GG. She looked down and saw me running her through.
Then she made a face, gasped, and collapsed to the ground.
"OH MY LORD!" I screamed when I saw the blood. "I KILLED HER! I KILLED HER! I KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND! OH GG, I'M SORRY!"
"Get over it, Doseki! It's not really GG! It's a monster called a Sotay!"
"A WHAT?"
"A Sotay! Ganondorf created them from the Bubblegum Crisis 2040 series. They're like half humans, half-robots. They're really robots, but they bleed like humans and look exactly like them! They grow, too... Think of them as super-humans. Some of them have superpowers... but these ones are just made to look like the Author Sages."
I stared at the bad copy of GG. So it wasn't her... phew!
I turned around at Link, who was in the heart of battle with Wintyr. "LINK! It's not really her! It's a Sotay!"
Sotay Wintyr stared at Link coldly and said, "Why do you avoid your destiny? We are to kill you... you cannot stop us..."
"Yeah, right, sister!" Link cried, stabbing Sotay Wintyr. She too, collapsed to the ground.
"Two down, four to go..." I murmured. Sotay Chica and Sotay Zel snapped through their bindings, and both of them ran after us. Zel was fixated on me, and Chica was after Link.
"So Yumi, what happened to the REAL Author Sages?" I asked her, as I swung at Sotay Zel.
"Who ever said that Ganondorf ever captured them?" she replied. "Maybe he just wanted to lure us here so the Author Sotay could get us..."
I had Zel on the ground, and I was about to get rid of her, when I heard footsteps behind me. Then a pair of arms grabbed me around the neck.
I recognized the freckle on the pinky of the left hand... Sotay GG was up and running again!
"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?" I screamed at her. Now both superheroine Sotay were racing after me, biting and clawing and generally trying to cause pain.
"Link!" I cried. "HEEEELP!"
He couldn't. Sotay Chica was holding him, and Sotay Wintyr was repeatedly kicking him in the groin area. "I GIVE! I GIVE! PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!" he shrieked.
I had an idea... but I had to get the Sotay away from me first!
"Yumi, help!" I cried. "Distract GG!"
Yumi nodded and bopped Sotay GG in the face. "Hey stupid! Come and get me!"
Sotay GG growled and raced after her.
I threw Sotay Zel to the ground and stabbed her. But I knew she'd be up and around again soon.
Sotay Cerena and Sotay Jigglypuff had just escaped from their bindings. All right. Enough was enough. As GG would say, "It's arse-kicking time!"
I pulled out my drum and quickly played the Ritornello of Author-Ism.
"Author Sages! Get your butts down here, we need help!" I cried.
Six beams of light came down to the ground, and six seconds later, six Author Sages all appeared.
"What's... WHOA! It's me!" Cerena gasped.
"HEY! Why am I beating up Link?" cried Wintyr.
"Hey, who's that good looking stud over there?" asked Jigglypuff. "He's a little too familiar!"
"ANOTHER ME?" squeaked Zel.
"This is like X-Files crap!" Chica cried.
"What are those?" asked GG.
I was so relieved to see that the real Authors had been safe the whole time... "Those are Sotay! They're advanced humans, and they look just like you guys! But we only have an hour until the virus goes off, and we can't fight all of them!" I explained quickly.
"There ain't enough room in the world for TWO Jigglypuffs!" Jigglypuff cried triumphantly. "Let's get 'em, girls!"
Zel made a noise like Xena, the warrior princess, and the six Author Sages leaped into battle with their bad selves.
"HEY UGLY!" screamed Chica to her dark self, the one holding Link. Then she made a "Come hither" gesture.
Sotay Chica immediately dropped her victim and raced over to battle herself.
Jigglypuff (who was in human form) flipped himself into the air and shrieked, "J-J-J-JIIIGGLYPUUUUUFFF!" There was a puff of smoke, and the author transformed himself into his smaller, pinker, puffier self.
Sotay Jigglypuff frowned angrily, and flipped himself into the air. "J-J-J-JIIIGGLYPUUUUUFFF!" POOF! Now both Jigglypuffs had taken their Pokemon form to duke it out.
Wintyr leaped onto her Sotay self's shoulder and started yanking her hair and bashing her head. "HOW DARE YOU PICK ON MY BELOVED BISHIE? YOU JERK!"
Sotay Wintyr was hissing and clawing to try and get her off. It didn't seem to be working.
Zel pulled out the Rod of Randomness. Sotay Zel pulled out one just like it.
"Oh really? You have one too? So then I won't feel bad about doing THIS!" Zel shrieked, as she blasted the Sotay with a Ray of Randomness.
Sotay Cerena and Cerena stood face to face, neither one moving. Suddenly, Sotay Cerena reached up and slapped Cerena smartly across the face. Cerena scowled, and then slapped Sotay Cerena. Sotay Cerena slapped regular Cerena. Finally, Cerena leaped at her Sotay self and threw her to the ground, and the two proceeded to wrestle.
Sotay GG and GG also stood face to face. "So... a Sotay, huh?" GG said.
"Correct," said Sotay GG.
"You don't have any demonic powers like that Galatea freak on BGC2040, do you?" asked GG.
"Only your powers, my friend..." replied Sotay GG.
"Oh good. Because I hate Sotay with demonic powers," said GG.
"You're such a weakling. I DARE you to attack me," replied Sotay GG.
"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but you're just a big joke..." GG retorted calmly. Then GG pulled out her Galaxy Wand and screamed, "YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN, FA-REAAAAAAK!"
Both superheroine and superheroine Sotay started punching and slapping and blasting each other.

Link stood up, his face bright red. "Owwww..."
He ran over to me, and we watched the madness as the Author Sages and the Author Sotay took on each other.
"Ouch... Sotay Jigglypuff just socked Jigglypuff in the jaw..." Link winced.
"But Jigglypuff just smacked Sotay Jigglypuff upside the head with his little microphone doodad," I replied.
It was a sight to behold.
The Zels were executing WWF wrestling moves on each other, without the acting... WHAM! Sotay Zel went right into the altar at the far end of the temple! BAM! Zel herself was whacked against a wall by her evil self. But it was pretty obvious that real Zel had the advantage. Let's face it, it's got to be real to be real random.
Up in the air, GG and her Sotay counterpart were slamming each other around into walls, ceilings, other Sotay, the other Author Sages, whatever! Not to mention the almost constant shower of fire, light, thunder and water coming from both sides of the fight. A few times, a red caped girl would come slamming into the ground near Link and me, stand up, shake herself off, and then zip back up for some more pounding. I'm pretty sure that it was the Sotay.
The Chicas probably had the most... vocal argument. Strings of curses and insults flew back and forth as the two Energy Sages whacked the stuffing out of each other. Eventually, they both grabbed their Energy Staffs and proceeded to break quite a few walls.
Wintyr and Sotay Wintyr were pretty violent, too. Wintyr would explode a huge spell of ice at her evil self, who would send one right back. The spells didn't seem to work, so they started grabbing hair and clawing. Soon Wintyr had her Sotay by the shoulders, and was whacking her into the wall.
Cerena and Sotay Cerena were down and dirty fighters, whacking heads, arms, shoulders, anything into the floor. Both girls decided that their Fire/Ice/Light Rods were the way to go, so there was even more magic flying around.
Overall, I bet the most interesting fight was between the Jigglypuffs. Because both of them could turn from Pokemon to human and back, there was constant switching forms to try and gain an advantage. Finally though, two human Jigglypuffs were throwing each other around and punching.
"We have to do something!" I said to Link.
"Why? Isn't this interesting?" asked Link.
"YOU GUYS! WE HAVE HALF AN HOUR LEFT!" Yumi shrieked.
"HALF AN HOUR???? ALREADY?" Link and I both screamed.
"The door in the back won't let us through until all the Sotay are dead! You have to help the Author Sages!" Yumi said.
"What are their weaknesses? Every time we kill them they come back!" Link cried.
"I've got it now! At the center of every Sotay there is-" Yumi began.
"A chocolatey Tootsie Roll?" I guessed.
Yumi smacked me. "NO! A core! The central power center! You guys have been aiming too high on them! If you can find some way to isolate it and destroy it, the Sotay will be deader than doornails!"
"Got it!" we said.
The nearest pair to us was Wintyr and Sotay Wintyr. Link raced over to their battle, where Sotay Wintyr was trying to strangle Wintyr against the wall. He screamed, and stabbed Sotay Wintyr with the Master Sword right through her middle. There was an electrical crackle, and Sotay Wintyr dropped to the ground and vanished.
Wintyr panted and stood up. "Oh THANK YOU, MY BELOVED BISHIE!"
I noticed Cerena in trouble, not far from Wintyr. Her Sotay was bashing her head into the ground. Ooh, that doesn't feel good...
"Leave her alone!" I screamed to the Sotay as I got rid of it once and for all.
Cerena shoved the broken machine off of her, and stood up. "Thanks a ton, D'sek!"
Link shoved the broken Sotay Jigglypuff away from him, and the real Jigglypuff rubbed his head. "Ow... jerk..."
Then Jigglypuff pointed out to Link Sotay Chica, ready to run her real self through with the evil Energy Staff.
Both guys flipped over. Jigglypuff shoved Chica out of the way, and Link broke the Sotay like a plate.
I body-checked Sotay Zel against the wall, and real Zel got rid of her with another blast of the Randomness Rod aimed straight at her center.
Then something went flying through the air, slamming into both Zel and me. It was GG!
"Owie WOWIE!" she groaned. "Oh, sorry guys!"
She leaped off of us, and I pushed her aside. "I'll get her for you..."
That nasty Sotay GG took a dive-bomb at her other self, and as she went in for the kill, I went in for the kill on her.
Sotay GG hit the ground with a CLANK and vanished, and the real GG took a deep breath.
"Good grief! That was NUTS!" wailed Zel.
"How noble, Doseki..." GG smiled. "Thank you."
"I AM THE MAAAAAAN!" Jigglypuff screamed.
"Go us! Go us!" said Cerena, dancing.
"MY BISHIE AND GG'S BISHIE SAVED US ALL!" cried Wintyr.
"Whoa! That means... you guys..." Chica stuttered.
We all turned our attention up to a voice echoing out of the rafters. It was the same evil voice on the video.
"Well, well, well... Aren't you all so proud of yourselves? PUH! And my little Author Sotay ruse almost worked, too! But you forget, you have only defeated my Sotay! Now get your shiny hineys through the Door of Time... and meet ME!"
All six Author Sages started to glow their appropriate colors.
"Oh... we have to go..." said Wintyr.
"You guys have to do this on your own!" shrugged Cerena.
Chica nodded. "But... remember! All you have to do is weaken him so that we can write him out of the story."
"But no one said that would be easy..." Jigglypuff said.
Zel scowled at him and nudged his arm. "You'll be fine! Destiny knew what she was doing when she picked you guys,"
GG and the other slowly faded away, back to the Chamber of Sages where they would wait for Link and me to finish off Ganondorf.
"Good luck," said GG, and then all the Author Sages were gone.

The big door in the back of the temple behind the altar slowly slid open, and my eyes got huge.
"I don't wanna go!" I wailed.
I felt Yumi land on my shoulder. "It's all right, Doseki... Link and I are beside you all the way!"
"That's what I'm afraid of!" I wailed again.
Link looked sternly at the now open door and marched towards it, without looking at anything else.
"Link? What are you doing?" I asked. "Wait for us!"
"Saving the world!" he snarled. "Come on! Hurry it up! Only 20 minutes until... that."

That sunny Saturday morning one week ago when all this started, I never in a million years would have dreamed that I, Little Link of the Gorons, would have EVER teamed up with my lifelong role model and traveled around the world to save the world!
I never in a million years would have even considered the fact that I might be a Sage... never mind one that could change into a human!
I never in a million years would have thought one week ago, that today the destiny of all Hyrule and a thousand or more humans would rest in my hands!
Naturally, I did not feel very good right at that moment...

I gulped, and slowly walked behind Link. My legs felt like Jello. I was going to fall over, I was going to fall over...
"I'M SCARED!" I shrieked.
"Don't be," said Link sternly.
Every step we took led us closer to the door... behind which stood the evilest guy in the world.
"No, I don't mean like... water scared, or heights scared... I am TERRIFIED!" I said. "I can't do it... I'm not a hero! I can't handle this!"
"You are a hero and you CAN handle this!" Link snapped. "Don't you DARE wimp out on me! The last week has more than likely been the weirdest and wildest of your life! You have seen things most people would only think about! And now, wouldn't you love to turn back time so that none of this would ever have happened?"
"Uh..." I stuttered. "Well... I... No."
Link stopped. "WHAT?" He spun around. "You would do this whole week over again?"
"Well... sure!" I said, with sudden confidence. "I mean, you're the coolest Link! It's always been my lifelong dream to be able to watch you in action, beating monsters and stuff! I never thought that I'D be right here with you, doing the same thing."
Link was shocked. "You really think I'm that cool?"
"Well I did," I said sheepishly. "Until... well, until I really got to talk with you."
"Could we save this for another time, boys?" asked Yumi impatiently.
"No, hold on," said Link. "What do you mean?"
"Well..." I stuttered. "I mean, all those stories about you were kind of too good to be true... you know, you're nice, and handsome, and heroic, and brave and all that stuff. But then back in Gerudo Valley, when you yelled at me... I realized that you weren't really any different from anyone else. You're not superhuman. You're not perfect. You're just... a normal guy with a cool job."
Link looked stunned. "I had no idea you looked up to me THAT much."
"Well I did," I said. "But not so much anymore."
"I suppose you're right," said Link. "It must have been a big disappointment for you to find out that I'm not that great of a guy..."
"No, you're even cooler than I thought!" I grinned.
"WHAT?" Link was shocked. "Now you're really confusing me."
"I never knew how hard it was to be a hero! So, I found out that you weren't all super, but then I kinda thought that you were, ya know? I mean, because it's harder than it looks. And no wonder you're so cranky sometimes, with the stuff you have to do with your job!" I explained. "Like scary monsters. And not getting enough sleep."
"And Princess Ruto," added Link, laughing.
"And her." I shrugged. "But anyway, I guess the point of this is... I think you're even cooler than I did before. And now I want to turn everything back to normal!"
"Good," said Link. "Now come on."
"But I'm scared!" I shrieked.
Link smacked his forehead. "Oy vey..."

After some convincing, Link finally got me to go the rest of the way to the door.
"I AM a good hero... I AM a good hero..." I murmured.
"That's right. Now we've got some Gerudo butt to kick!" Yumi said.
We finally reached the end of the hallway connecting the two rooms of the Temple of Time. We were in a wide open roundish room with lots of windows up top. At the center of the room was a pedestal, and around the pedestal were the seals of all six Hyrule Sages. I saw my dad's, and couldn't help but feel proud.
Then we saw it, a chair at the far end of the room. The one that Ganondorf had been sitting in on the video.
We heard a low wicked laugh, and then Link tightened his grip on the Master Sword.
"ALL RIGHT YOU BRAINLESS SAP-SUCKING JACK@$$'s EXCUSE FOR A COWARD! SHOW YOUR MISERABLE FACE, GANONDORF!" cried Link at the top of his lungs.
"Yeah!" I yelled after him. "We're going to kick your butt!"
The wicked laughing stopped suddenly. Then the same deep voice said, "WHAT? What did you call me, Link?"
Link raised an eyebrow. "A brainless sap-sucking jack@$$'s excuse for a coward?"
"NO! After that!"
Now Link was even more confused.
"Uh... I called you... Ganondorf?" he said.
We heard a growl from the chair, and then a rip.
A black object went flying through the air, and it landed next to my foot, shattering.
I picked it up. It looked sort of like a pager, and on the side was written VOICE CHANGE-O-MATIC 2000.
Then we heard a new voice. It was a man's voice, but high pitched, and lisping.
"UGH! Why can't anyone get it RIGHT?"
"HUH?" all three of us gasped.
We saw a shadow on the other side of the chair stand up and kick the chair so it spun. Then the shadow stomped to the other side of the chair.
Standing before us was a very... un-sinister looking man.
He looked almost exactly like Ganondorf as I remembered him, but different. His hair was bright pink instead of red, and his skin on his face was a pale blue. His armor was not black, but gray.
"IT'S NOT GANONDORF!" shrieked the man. "IT'S DINGLEDORF! DINGLE! DORF!"
"DINGLEDORF?" Link, Yumi and I repeated.
"DINGLEDORF MILTONIA MELVIN FARNSWORTH DRAGMIRE THE THIRD!" shrieked Dingledorf. "And now you're going to pay for all the trouble you've caused me!"



Dingledorf? DINGLEDORF? DINGLEDORF!? What the... All right, I want some answers here! Who is this Dingledorf geek, and why is he dressed up like Ganondorf? Is he some sort of crazy wannabe? Is he a mild-mannered actor who went crazy when he lost the part of the bad guy in OoT to Ganondorf? Is this dweeb really the evil genius who's caused all of the trouble for Link and LL/Doseki? And what the HECK is up with his name?

Find out the answers to all your questions in the next extremely exciting chapter:

HOW I DID IT: BY DINGLEDORF M.M.F. DRAGMIRE III

-or

THE TRUTH COMES OUT!