Part 13

Sunnydale Hospital
The next morning
01:00 Zulu

Both Xander and Buffy were still asleep after almost 20 hours, Xander was still
in his position of sleep and Buffy looked rested even though she was still
asleep. A glow had returned to her skin and a smile was on her face- one of
contentment, from outside looking in through a window stood Willow, Giles, Oz,
John and Stacy, Joyce and Dawn had been here earlier but once they had seen
Xander asleep next to Buffy they had been persuaded to go home and get some
rest, they would be called as soon as the others woke up. Chip Masters walked
up to his friends and whispered into John's ear and then Stacy's. They both
nodded and left with him, their places were taken by Faith and Jonathan. Faith
looked concerned and Jonathan was doing his best to make her feel better,
Faith's thoughts were all over the place.

*That could have been me* she thought, *If I hadn't let everyone help me after
I killed the deputy mayor I could have lost everything.*

She looked down at the young man she was sidled up to, he wasn't much but he
was hers. Everyone at SHS had put him down or hurt him even to the point of
Suicide at one point, but the scoobies had helped him and had taken him in as
one of their own.

Two of a Kind, misfits in a hellmouth- ridiculed and pushed away by all that
knew them- except a few teenagers and a middle aged librarian. People who would
become their family and friends and which would lead them to each other as lost
souls. Maybe they saw parts of lost friends I them and were trying to make up
for it in some way. Instead of pushing them away or hurting them, all of the
gang had welcomed them with open arms.

They had both had chances to be more than they had ever believed, their
feelings ad emotions were encouraged. Friendships with others in the gang were
both freely given and eagerly taken but the duo. Buffy had taken Faith under
her wing as the experienced slayer, while Willow and Oz and taken the quiet
Jonathan and new recruit Amy under their wings.

The group had held together during this tenuous time, only through the
friendship of the three newcomers. Those three had become fast friends and
through them the expanded Scooby Gang had persevered, the effect on Faith was
not small in any way.

Then one day she started to cry, she was on patrol thinking about everything
and she had begun to cry. She never saw the vamp until it had already flipped
her and held her down. It bit into her neck and began to feed, she had never
felt a more painful experience in her life. It started to get dark, for the
first time she was afraid to say goodbye her life was going well and she had
friends and loved ones- real not people that wanted anything from her- just to
do what she could. She closed her eyes-then all of a sudden it stopped, the
teeth were gone as was the pain. Slowly painfully she opened her eyes and as
the grey lifted she saw him.

Stake in hand Jonathan stood over her, like her own White Knight, he had jabbed
the stake into the heart of the vamp and dusted it, he offered Faith his hand
and helped her up. Then just like before she burst into tears and almost
collapsed, he held her up and just held her until she stopped crying. By that
time the shoulder of his shirt was soaked but he just held her until she
finished, it was then she realised this was someone she trusted, he had seen
her in a way that she had never let anyone see.

Vulnerable...

Scared...

Alone...

She looked up at him and in his eyes she had seen something that she had never
seen before in anyone- affection for her, companionship, friendship, caring.

Not Lust, Not raw sex- just a young man telling her she has someone she can
talk to, can let herself be free with.

Someone who will never judge her.

He had held onto her and instead of taking her back to her motel, he had taken
her to his house, his parents were away again, just like so many parents in
Sunnydale. He took her up to his own room and set her down onto his bed, within
seconds she was fast asleep and he watched over her like Xander was doing now
to Buffy.

The next morning she had awoken to find him asleep on a chair next to the bed,
sometime during the night their hands and entwined and for the first time in
memory she felt a peace with herself that no one had ever brought her. She just
watched him, he was always cute and maybe he may be the one to change her
mindset.

Want... Have... Take... Dump...

But with this guy maybe it's Want... Take... Keep hold of...

As she watched him he gradually stirred and awoke, he moved his head up shaking
it to clear the cobwebs and looked into a pair of the most revealing eyes of
anyone he had ever met. He could see into the depths of her soul and saw her
pain and her happiness both aimed at him, she smiled a shy smile at him and
broke the gaze.

From that day on they had never been apart, except from when that moron Wesley
arrived to take Faith on as his slayer. He had attempted to break up the
relationship between them, but a small demonstration with a pair of bolt
cutters and a pair of vampires soon put paid to his attempts.

Their companionship and friendship had held them together throughout their
trials and tribulation of the last year. They had made an effort not to exclude
any of the others but sometimes they just had to be alone. Amy had felt it
coming for a while- just waiting for Faith to see Jonathan in the way she
always should have.

The same way they the original Scooby gang should have seen each other,
Jonathan had taken on the role of heart of the group. Never trying to replace
their old friend but being a different type of heart, one that shy and careful-
but always doing the same thing as Xander had done.

Hold the heart of a slayer in his hand.

Finally the day before The Prom they had started talking about how things had
effected them of the last few months. She had come to visit him at home, after
being let in she had made her way to his room there she found him in quite a
state.

Jonathan had been questioning most of his moves over the year including his
suicide attempt that was stopped by Buffy. This horrified Faith that her best
friend could have been so down as to even try it, she took his hand as he
started to tell her everything. All the way from elementary school up through
High School- with only Xander, Jesse, Willow and Amy sticking up for him at any
time.

He started to break down at that point, it was also at this point that Faith
realised that he had been there for all the Scooby Gang members at every point
over the year, but they had never asked or wondered how he was doing. How his
life was, his feelings, his hopes and dreams. She started to get upset at this
thought and the two of them started to cry in each other's arms. He had held
her and she had held him, until the two of them gradually fell asleep arms
wrapped around each other.

Waking up the next morning the two of them had finally made a last connection
that they needed, it felt right and good to be in the arms of someone that
wanted nothing back. In that second she had reached up with her head and kissed
him, pulling back after a second with a horrified look on her face... Had she
gone too far with her best friend, in shock she had pulled away and started to
leave for the door when a hand grabbed her arm. Jonathan had pulled himself up
next to her, gently turning her around he had traced a tear coming from her eye
with his fingers. Wiping it away he pulled her closer and kissed her firmly.

Everything they knew had been changed in those few seconds, the kiss had ended
with the two of them panting for a breath. She had smiled a shy smile and
Jonathan who had pulled her towards him smiled back and hugged her tightly.

That night at the Prom he had taken her, he had appeared at the Summers house
where she was staying in a Black Tuxedo. When he had seen her his mouth almost
audibly hit the floor, Oz and Shawn who had also been there for Willow and Amy
had close reactions. But as usual the only way they knew Oz's reaction was the
raised eyebrows, their dates looked incredible. Willow in a fiery red silk
dress that matched her hair which was tied up with a Ruby encrusted headband- a
gift from Cordelia a few months back. Amy in a Satin Blue low cut floor length
gown a long chained Sapphire necklace adorning her neck and last down the
stairs walking an a manner that almost had Jonathan fainting dead away was
Faith. In a low cut, strappy dark green dress, her long dark hair cascading
down her shoulders and an emerald choker across her throat.

The look on his face made the entire thing worthwhile...


Faith mentally shook herself from her recollections and looked back into the
room, both Xander and Buffy were waking up and she wanted to see it when they
did. Her boyfriend pulled her a little closer and she had no problems with that
at all, she sighed and rested her head on his- knowing that she had someone
that she didn't deserve and that he would always be there for her- she just
hoped that she would never make the mistakes that Buffy had made about her best
friend and loved one.


Inside the Hospital Room...

Buffy Summers came to for the first time in over 24 hours, her dreams had been
horrible for quite a while. She had seen Angelus destroy her family, kill her
friends until Xander had been the last left. Xander staked Angelus and killed
the demon. She had run to him and hugged him tightly not letting him leave her
again, then a sharp pain had hit her. She pulled away and looked down, a stake
was stabbed into her heart right through to the other side, she clasped it and
looking up saw Xander's face shift into Angelus' demonic game face.

Running through her mind foremost was the dream running of her hurting Xander
that day, and the way that he had finally snapped. Her dreams became more and
more disturbing, time and again she hurt him and one day he had not just
snapped the way he did but had killed her and her family. Becoming a vampire in
some and in some just dying and coming to take revenge. Every time it was here
that had killed him or driven him away... the dreams had almost crippled her
mentally after all the time she had had them- first the months after Xander had
Left and then again when he had come back, the dreams were killing her
poisoning her spirit, destroying her soul...

That was until something happened- a cheerful calm came over her and the dreams
had changed. The new ones were of her family and friends before the incident
and before she had driven away the man she had fallen In love with so long ago,
he had held onto her for a night and had said he would never leave her as long
as they lived.

As the world around her came into focus she realised she was in a hospital
room, she brought her hands up to her face when she found a hand still clasped
to her own, she looked to her left and saw the young man of her dreams sleeping
next to her.

"Xander..." she whispered softly, she brought his hand up to her cheek and felt
the fingers as she pressed them to it. Slowly she raised it to her lips and
kissed his hand softly. She knew she may never have this chance again, so she
took it while she could. Smiling she brushed her lips across his forehead and
pressed down. He started to mutter in his sleep- it looked like he was trying
to wake up, he started to say a few words but they were mostly gibberish- until
a half sentence came out.

"...ove you Buffy... Always h... ill..."

She smiled at that- she had missed him for so long, realising the old saying of
Ships Passing in the Night definitely applied to the two of them. As she sat
there she heard a faint song from a radio outside the room. She listened
closely and realised it summer her feelings up completely.




"No I can't forget this evening, or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes, your sorrow shows yes it shows

No I can't forget tomorrow, when I think of all my sorrows

And I had you there but then I let you go

And now it's only fair that I should let you know

What you should know

I can't live, if living is without you, I can't live, I can't give anymore

I can't live, if living is without you, I can't give, I can't give anymore."



"Well I can't forget this evening or your face as you were leaving

But I guess that's just the way the story goes

You always smile but in your eyes, your sorrow shows yes it shows

I can't live, if living is without you, I can't live, I can't give anymore

I can't live, if living is without you, I can't live, I can't give anymore



If living is without you."


"I can't live without you Xander, please remember me as you once did, as
someone who once loved me and as someone with whom I know I love. I can't be
without you again Alexander Lavelle Harris and I'll be damned if I let you go
again." With that she closed her eyes to hold back her tears.

"I'll be damned before I let you go. She sobbed

"You call me by my middle name like that again and you may have to." an amused
voice spoke up Buffy's eyes sprang open as she heard it and shot upright in her
hospital bed shock and surprise painting her features, sitting up next to her
looking at her was Xander. Not the hard man Alex Harris she had seen all this
time but a different kind of Xander Harris a combination of both Xander's she
knew, the fighter and the friend. The Soldier and the Knight of old, with all
that came with both of him.

She looked into his eyes and saw almost all the old love, affection and
feelings- things missing since they had found each other again after so long.

"Xander..." Buffy started.

"Buffy it's Okay, I've kind of sorted it all out. I remember everything now, I
don't know how it's going to go on Buffy but I want you as my friend again. I
hurt you more than you ever did to me and I'll never forgive myself for making
you suffer so much these last few months but I promise you I will never let
that happen again."

Buffy started to cry at this point, but unlike the multitude of tears she had
cried over Xander since that night so long ago these were tears of happiness
and joy. Tears that let out the last of her hurt and let in the pure
unadulterated happiness she had missed in so long since the loss of one of the
most important parts of her life. A pair of muscular gentle arms wrapped
themselves around her and pulled her towards him, Buffy snuggled her head into
his chest and sighed.

She remembered all those times he had done this for her and always was there
for him- never asking for anything and always giving all he could for her. If
she had seen that from the beginning maybe so much of what happened would never
have occurred and people would still be here. Jenny, Teresa, the old Xander-
not the new one, she never thought she would lose him in any way, always
believing that he would be there for her no matter what.


She had been so wrong it was almost funny, so much she thought she knew about
him was so little of what he really was and who he had been. The fight had just
been the last straw he was willing to take from her-she remembered that last
day so well after all this time because up until now it had been the last day
she had felt alive.


The Last Day
July 1998
3 hours after the fight

Buffy Summers was curled up on her bed in a foetus position, she was shaking
with her sobs. She felt like she was being pulled apart in so many directions,
shaking even more as she thought about what she had done in the last two days,
she had sent her love to hell and cut off the person who kept her feeling
human.

*Why do I do these things.*

The answer to the first was simple, she had no choice- if she had not the world
would have ended that night. She loved Angel, loved him almost enough to
forsake her calling and let Angelus run riot- her love for him would put her at
loggerheads with the only other person in the world that could make her see
what was happening. He would drill into her that they were different people:
Angel and Angelus but at the same time confirm her calling in her mind, so why
did she blame him for what he did. He did what he had to, to save the world and
everyone here. It may have been partially jealousy- but Xander Harris had
rarely done anything for his own gain and most of the time he did that he still
saved others no matter what he had to do.

Buffy rolled over tear tracks and red circles covering her eyes and cheeks, her
eyes glazed as if seeing things that weren't there, only Buffy and the fates
knew what was running through the mind of one Elizabeth (Buffy) Anne Summers.
Slowly her eyes closed and for the first night of many would not dream of her
lost Angel but of her lost friend and loved one- Xander Harris.

He loved her unconditionally had done for so long, she had always cared for him
but she was not willing to lose her friends through an ended relationship and
had held her feelings back in a part of her heart that she held locked away
from herself and from the world. Unfortunately he kept doing things that would
build up that part, the bracelet, his saving her life several times over, his
just comforting her during Angelus' reign of terror -until one day it simply
overflowed- that day had been today.

For a long time afterwards Buffy Summers would find that that night was the
night her heart shifted from one extreme to another. From the dark and black to
the light and the White.

Her White Knight...


And it would take a long time for her to admit this to anyone- including
herself, and even longer to admit it to the men she once loved, first one and
then later the other.



Hospital Room

Buffy finished whispering her confession into Xander's ears, and pulled away
from him. The shock and confusion on his face was evident, he had never even
thought that she had been through so much that day. After his attack on her and
his disappearance he had thought that she would be glad to see the back of her
betrayer, of the person who had caused her the greatest pain.

There may even have been a part of him that had lied to her about the spell in
order to make her feel as much pain as she had made him feel for two years. The
spring fling, the dance, all that she had pulled on him in those years wrapped
up into one big parcel, Xander Harris hated the part of himself that ever could
have done something like that to one of his best friends- let alone the woman
he loves.

He doesn't know if that was part of his reasoning, he still remembers almost
nothing of those two days, all he remembers is the pain he gave and the pain he
got. His own fault and her own fault, both of which he is solely to blame for.


"Xander, please say something to me even if you still hate me at least let me
know." Buffy begged him to do something, anything to break this gap between
them.

So He Did...

He reached over and held onto her again, this time letting her know that he was
going nowhere, no matter how this ended up. She was going to know how much he
cared for her and how much he still needed her, she relaxed into the embrace
and he just held her for a while.

Outside the room the assembled looked on, Faith turned to Jonathan and kissed
him, Oz and Willow just held onto each other a goofy grin on both faces (Oz's
included- WOW huh). Lastly Giles and Joyce (who had arrived a few minutes ago)
were locked in a deep kiss that was embarrassing and sickening Dawn who was
standing as far away as possible.

The happy couples looked back into the room to see the two heroes just hugging
each other, both seemed a little hesitant to do anything else. It was sending
Xander nuts and so he broke it but telling her about his little trip.

"I spoke to Angel, Buffy." He said

Buffy slowly pulled away at that, she looked him in the eyes and motioned for
him to go on. He took a breath and looked back into her eyes.

"Dawn told me what Angel said about me, and you. So I decided that he was the
only person who knew what I was going through, both about you and about the
things I did. He helped me and I think we're alright- we talked, mainly about
you and about the dark things we had both done. Kinda like confession for
non-Catholics, we both had a lot on our minds and we just talked and talked."

Buffy lowered her eyes, she couldn't believe it, her ex-beau and her former
best friend had hated each other for a long time. She knew about the time he
forced Angel to take him to the Master's Lair, she also knew about all the face
downs and painful experiences they had put on each other. To hear that the two
of them had sat down and had a meaningful conversation that did not end in
death for one or the oth... Buffy's head shot up and looked at Xander.

Xander grinned and answered her unasked question.

"No I didn't kill him, he's fine and he's still worried about how your doing.
Your spell still works over all us menfolk Buffster."

She giggled at that and returned the look in his eyes back to him, Xander began
to speak, telling her of the conversation he had had with Angel. About how
Angel started to speak to someone for the first time in over a century, Xander
told how he hated what he had done to his friends and the guilt about his
secrets. About how Angel proved he had a sense of humour and a sense of Irony
that equalled his own, the jokes and tales that they had shared.

Angel's face at finding out that Xander had been married and his pity when he
found out about how she had died. Xander listening to Angel telling him about
the love he had found with Buffy and with Darla to an extent.

Xander admitting to the vamp how scared and how determined he was when he
fought Angelus, Angel admitting that Angelus and Angel had been afraid for the
first time in 200 years when they had faced Xander Harris all those times. The
two of them had created a friendship and understanding that would continue for
as long as one or the other was alive. Last of all Angel had given his blessing
to Xander for his relationship with Buffy knowing that Xander would be the only
person that could make her truly happy.

"It has taken me a long time Buffy, but I'm almost back- I will be here for as
long as you need me. I still love you Buffy but give me a little time. You will
not regret anything you have told me."

Buffy nodded and looked at him with a small but heartfelt smile and giggled a
little, Xander was puzzled by this act and it obviously showed.

"Speedos." She said simply.

"Ah I see." he replied, then decided to make an attempt "You just want me for
my manly figure and voracious manliness. Hah I've got you number now slayer
What was it again 555-HOT-SLAYER."

Buffy's face dropped at that, Xander smiled back letting her know that Xander
Harris was coming back and had a year of catching up to do. He got up off the
bed he had sat on and looked to Buffy still holding his hand.

"I'm gonna go Buffster. Get some sleep you need your rest I've given you enough
sleepless nights over me."

"Be careful Xander, I've just got you back I don't want to lose you again." She
pleaded.

"I will Buffy, I will. I've got to talk to a few people but I'll be back." He
looked a little sad and Buffy realised that he would have to tell Cordelia
about what was going on, even though it would be the most difficult thing he
would ever have to do. He loved Cordelia and had done for a long time- she just
hoped that he could do something about it.

"I love you Xander."

"Love you too Buffy. With that Xander opened the door and left, Buffy was
asleep less than a minute later.

End Part 13