Blame Author: Silent Bob Regent E-mail: Bobrgnt@netscape.com Rating: Don't know the American rating so equivalent of a 15 certificate in England Summary: AU Season 3 onward Buffy did not go to LA and also found out Xander lied to her this is the story based around what happened to him and his future if it was not centred around Sunnydale Disclaimer: I don't own any of the BTVS Characters, Joss Whedon, The WB and Mutant Enemy own them. The songs belong to the Writers and anything else belongs to their respective belonging to people. The Headhunters belong to me. Distribution: BBTZ, Slayerette and anyone else who wants it Feedback: Hell Yeah Spoilers: All of season 3 onwards

Authors note: if part of this seems a little out of usual or at all tired and depressive it's mainly because I have just been shot down by someone I asked out. And sadly enough she was the first woman I ever asked out.

Good Guys do finish last and I'm 20 years of proof.

Part 15 Two hours later Lowell House

Xander stood next to the mirror and identified himself to the main computer, within seconds he was on his way down the Initiative headquarters. He had hated to leave Dawn and Buffy but he had a job to do- or to take leave he knew that would be chosen by the new base commander.

The doors to the lift opened and he walked into the main laboratories of the Initiative complex. Experiments and captures were being moved around the floor, he could see several of the Hunters in deep discussion in one corner- he headed towards them.

"Hey Boss man how you feelin'" Asked Chip.

"Not good Chip, better than yesterday though."

"How'd your friends take the news Xander." Asked Stacy

"Buffy and her sister took it the way I expected. I didn't get to talk to Willow and Oz, I don't know if they know about it."

They all nodded at that, losing so many people close to him in such a small amount of time must be hard for him. They all knew that even with help from them and his long time friends that it would take a long time for him to come even remotely close to being alright. During this whole mess they had realised many of them that he was likely to leave the Initiative and go back home and none of them would blame them. He had been the only one of them not to be forced into this no matter the problems he had, Robby and Gabby had both been sentenced to death for a mass murder they did not commit. Steven and Jennifer had their problems, each of the group had a choice about what to do but none so much as their commander.

John and both Stevens had made their way across to the group, they informed Xander and the group that a briefing was about to take place about the new demon that was running rampant around Sunnydale. Luckily they had managed to cover up much of the damage, the deaths of three people in Sunnydale in 36 hours all the same way- the same as Cordelia.

"Good afternoon, as many of you know my name is General Walsh. I am the Commander of all Initiative bases in the Combined American Continent. I am the new commander after the death of my former wife Professor Maggie Walsh."

John and Xander looked at each other and back at the General- this was not good, from the time that they had known the general they knew him to be a military 'Hawk' a military man who wants any weapon he can get and not let anything stop him. He was not well liked by his superiors or by his subordinates, he was the creator of the Hunters and had sent then from base to base for Six months until they finally were given set down orders in Sunnydale. He was unaware of the Slayer and her friends- mainly because the reports handed in by the hunters had nothing in them about the Slayerettes.

"The Demon we are hunting is intelligent, resourceful and the most dangerous individual enemy we have ever come up against. He is to be found at all costs and stopped and brought back here immediately. I expect for him to be found in less than 72 hours if he is not then repercussions will be widespread throughout this base is that understood."

John closed his eyes and wished he had never been inducted- not that he had any idea what would happen when he had joined. His own story started a few years before his time with the Initiative, as a sixteen-year-old grammar school student. He had never been a great student, his skills lay in history and his talent of story writing. He had never thought of joining the military or even about the forces that waited in the darkness- this would impact on his life harder than he could ever have realised.

Unlike many of the others he had been innocent of the charge that brought him to this hellhole.

For a long time he had been an outcast and someone to be scorned and ridiculed- he rarely ever got angry at this and had little hostility to anyone. He was seen by some as a buffer to help them in their time of need, others saw him as a silent loner. Few saw him as a friend but those that did were loyal to him, for a long time people saw him as a friend a confidant and a big brother. He was content with his lot and had finally got to the stage that he was comfortable with.

Good things come to those who wait.

Total Bullshit.

John's life would take a plunge that would destroy much of all he knew and would change his life for the worse. One good thing would come out if it- only he didn't realise how much until a fateful day in his future.

September 24th 1997 Location: Kent England Time 22:00 GMT

John was hiding in an alleyway, blood streaming from a cut across his shoulder. He was running from a gang of some kind. They looked like Goths and although he knew a few of their type in this town he knew something was wrong. He peaked around the corner- the group he was running from were slowly and methodically looking for him. He put his hands in his pockets looking for anything that he could use as a weapon- here he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his waist and pulled out a wooden stake. He had forgotten he even had it- it was a prop for his role playing.

It would have to do.

A member of the gang had found him.

He yelled and plunged the wooden implement into the man's back- he exploded into dust. *What the hell* He heard at least two more of the gang running up to his position and so decided to run- very fast. He ran and ran until he made it to a friend's house.

"John what the hell?"

"Stacy let me in quick." She pulled the door fully open and he jumped in. "I'm being chased Stace."

"By what?"

"I dunno- but you wouldn't believe me if I told you. They kinda exploded into dust when I stabbed em with a stake."

"Vampires?"

"Could be."

"John come with me. I have something to show you."

The two of them walked into the huge old house and pulling on a doorframe Stacy opened a concealed corridor into a hidden chamber further on.

"Stacy what the hell is this."

"My father is a member of a group known as the Watchers council. For thousands of years they have watched over this world and defended it against the evils of hell and the demons of beyond."

"Your telling me that demons are real?"

"Yes John, demons, vampires, mummies, werewolves. Everything you can dream of and a lot more evil that anything humanity has to offer.

"Even old one-ball."

"He was a demon, from the seventh level of hell. One of the rarest and most evil of everything down there. Stalin was another- Chris Evans is a lesser one, but as demons are rare in this country it is almost impossible to be attacked by one. The vampires you saw must be a new group. They'll be dead by tomorrow evening. I'll tell my father."

"I already know Stacy."

"Dad?"

"Mr Hawking?"

The large man standing in the doorway walked in, built like the proverbial shithouse. He sat next to the pair.

"It's okay John, I would have told you all this eventually- I know you could have been a capable and useful ally. But you are not right for this and you knew too much too soon."

Behind them three policemen appeared and grabbed the young man. The young man's instincts kicked in and he virtually castrated one of the men with a well thrust stake in the testicles. Stacy made the decision that would affect her life.

She stabbed the other man with a large sacrificial knife buried it into his stomach up to the hilt. She grabbed John's hand and they ran John shoulder charging Hawking and sending him sprawling John pinwheeling after him.

"John!!!!!"

"Get out of here go- get away."

Stacy ran and ran hard, tears running down her face and she ran. Finally getting far enough away she collapsed onto the pavement. Sobbing hard as she realised she had lost everything- her family and her best friend. Tears ran afresh and she curled up next to a tree and looked to the sky. She didn't notice the shadow until it came up next to her.

Back in the basement

"Ok Mr Hawking you got me leave her alone. I'll do whatever is necessary but leave Stacy out of this now she was just trying to help me."

"You love my daughter that much, enough to give up everything. Enough to lose your life." "Your daughter is the only reason I live sir. You do anything to her and I would kill you."

"You'll be useful. So will my daughter when we get her.

"What do you mean."

"A group in the United States needs the Watcher's Council's help. You will be one we send. Now I need you to find Stacy for me. Neither of you will be hurt again. I promise you on my honour as a Watcher."

With that John was free to go, he went searching, taking twists and turns and shortcuts. Jumping fences and hiding in bushes until he lost the last of his tails in the darkness. Then he began searching, looking in their places and the hidden rooms of the town they lived in until he made it near to the coast of the English channel and he found her in the last place he expected to. The place he broke her heart all those years ago.

She was looking for the stars in the cloudy night. So he said once again the first words he had ever spoken to her over thirteen years before:

"Find the Dippers and you find Orion the Hunter."

She spun around and launched herself into his arms holding him tightly, his own arms came around her in a tight embrace. One of friends who had never thought to have seen each other again.

Stacy starts to sob again, "I thought you were dead."

"I know I'm so sorry Stacy, I never meant to scare you like that. I'll never leave you my love, never."

"What did you just say?"

"I'll never leave you."

"No the other part."

John looked down at the ground and sighed, he hadn't meant for it to come out like that. She put her index finger to his chin and made him look into her eyes. She could only say one word.

"When?"

"The day after you told me and the day after I broke your heart all those years ago. I realised I really did love you as much as you did me Stacy. I couldn't tell you because of what I had said before."

Again she made a decision and she kissed him, she kissed him hard and passionately in seconds he was responding the same way. Until Stacy went limp and passed out, John soon afterwards.

Four men with air powered tranquilliser rifles came from the shadows around the buildings. Each dressed in black and moving swiftly, they picked up the bodies of the two and moved away.

"What's the MO boss."

"They'll be sent to the Initiative on multiple Murder charges, have our people in the States kill six or seven people and plant these two near the last one."

"Yes Sir."

John came back to earth with a bump as the General shouted.

"DIS-MISSED."

John walked out and into the corridor and leaned against the wall, she pushed to heels of his hands against his eyes and sighed heavily. He felt a pair of arms surround his neck and a head of soft hair lean against his chest. He lowered his arms around her shoulders and hugged her tight.

"You were thinking of home weren't you." She asked him.

"I hate being here and doing this Stacy I'm afraid we'll end up like Gabby and Rob or like Cordelia. I don't want to lose you in any way Stace, never. If I ever did I'd be the next to get it I couldn't live without you."

"NO. Don't you ever do that- never, I am not worth that. If you get killed just to be with me I will leave you high and dry in whatever afterlife there is. Do you get me?"

He looked deep into her beautiful eyes and nodded. They kissed again and hugged before leaving to get back to the university they had only a few minutes to get to classes.

They didn't see Xander watching them disappear into the corridors or the look on his face as he made a fatal decision one that would affect several lives, His own, his love and his daughters.

Summers Residence 19:00 Zulu Same Day.

Xander Harris walked up to the house and pressed the doorbell, it was opened by Joyce who smiled warmly at the young man. He smiled back as she moved away to let him through the doorway.

"Hello Xander."

"Hello Joyce, Thanks. Is Buffy here?"

"Yes she's asleep at the moment, you are welcome to wait until she wakes up."

"Thanks. I won't though, I'll talk to her later."

"If you are sure Xander."

"I am"

Xander started to open the door and as he did Joyce left to check on something in the kitchen. He knew he couldn't do it, could not do what he wanted to and tell her face to face his decision and so pulling out the letter he had written several hours before.

He left it...

And his dreams behind.

Same place Two hours later

Buffy woke up to the smell of her mother's cooking and smiled, she was having a great day, the man she loved was now with her and she was feeling better than ever. Dawn was mumbling something under her breath as she slept in Buffy's arms, Buffy shifted Dawn's weight off her arms and moved out of bed.

She slipped out the door and down the stairs, stepping into the kitchen she saw Joyce and Giles talking and laughing. Faith sipped at a cup of tea and smiling at whatever she was thinking- probably something to do with Jonathan and numerous piece of revealing underwear.

"Hey Mom, Hey Giles. Hey Faith What's up?"

"You by the looks of it Buffy." Giles smiled at his charge. "Sleep well?"

"Very well."

"Oh Xander dropped by, but left all of a sudden." Replied Joyce

"Strange."

"I think there was a letter by the door when I came in." said Giles, "Maybe he left it for you."

Buffy paled a little and practically ran for the door, the letter was there and her name was emboldened in his familiar script on the front. She ripped it open and pulled out the paper. As she read the writing her eyes started to water and she collapsed onto the floor crying her eyes out.

Buffy

Oh I wish I could tell this to you personally, but I'm afraid.

Heh me fighting every day for my life against the odds, surviving against vampires demons and hell spawn. Everything that the enemy can send at me and I'm afraid to talk to the woman I love.

I have to leave you Buffy, if I keep with you. I'm going to get you and others killed, I got three people killed in one week and I'm damned if I'm ever going to let you go down because of me.

I love you so much it hurts and in falling for you I've had one friend killed, I came back not knowing who you are and not knowing what was going to happen but in finding you I have found myself and my heart again.

But I can't risk you or any of my friends for my own ends and so I am leaving Sunnydale and I am leaving the lives of the people here. Maybe I should stay or maybe I shouldn't. Having to see people every day that you can't save and you can't stay with is the hardest thing I know. I know that you see the same thing as I do and you know why I have to go, I love you Buffy and I will always be with you.

I will always love you remember that please.

Xander.

Buffy had spent all her tears, she had so few left but so much to grieve over, she had lost the one person able to keep her going over all that was to come. These new sightings of a super demon. The sighting of a new super vampire's nest. She would need all she had to get through the next times and she would be damned if she let him go this time. She had lost him so many times in so many ways that one more would make sure she never got over it and she would die before the end of the year.

"Buffy?"

Dawn was standing at the bottom of the stairs looking at her sister with worried eyes, she knelt next to her sister and picked up the note. She had the same reaction as her sister but to the extent that she fainted on the floor and was only stopped from hitting hard by the arms of a certain Englishman who was in the area.

"What's wrong Buffy, What happened."

"It's Xander, he's leaving me again."

Giles picked up the letter and uttered something very un-Gileslike.

"Son of a Bitch."

His anger grew with every line, what the hell did that boy think he was doing. Breaking her heart for the third time. Leaving, running away. He had no right.

He had no right.

He laid Dawn on the sofa and Buffy was helped in by her mother and faith, he was going to find that boy and give him a talking to he would not forget in a hurry.

"I'll be back soon. I have to get something."

Faith understood. "Don't do anything to him Giles. Bring him back. He may not be thinking straight, he's lost a lot more than we have. Give him a chance okay.

Giles nodded and left the house.

End part 15