~ Be Quick or Be Dead ~ Chapter Four

--- From the Diary of Princess Mikayla n'ha Liriel of Ruwenda ---

Part II - The Crone and The Queen

DISCLAIMER: Okay, the names Fiolon, Mikayla, Ruwenda, Var and Labornok are in Marion Zimmer Bradley's book - "Lady of the Trillium" (very good, by the way) and the last name n'ha Liriel belongs to MZB too but it's in the Darkover books (probably all of them I guess). Only the names are the same but not the charas, okay? Anyway, all the rest belongs to me (I think Fiolon and Mikayla are free names, right?) except for what belongs to MZB, as I said above. Mika's poems belong to whoever did it. Some of them are parts of songs lyrics so they belong to their respective authors.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: M'kay, m'kay I know I'm writing too much but oh my. Anyway, I hope you like this. I had this idea during a thunderstorm (they RULE!) and it stuck into my head so I'm writing it (duh). Pleezy pleezy REVIEW! Otherwise I'll use the Cruciatus Curse at you ::evil grin:: and I'll never finish this story! Oh yeah! Don't flame me for typing or grammar errors 'cuz English is NOT my 1st language. I only try (hard) to write in English ::sobs::. But just to let you know, flames will be used at my fondue bussiness which is doing very well by the way ::grin::

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He turned the page.

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::3rd Night of the 3rd Moon - The Face of The Crone Goddess ::

I woke up with a bad feeling. I tried to avoid it but it did come true though. Larissa found out. She was nearly up to a fit. She told me I should never talk to him again because he was from Var, it wasn't an good alliance. I was outraged. I yelled back saying that I love him and if nobody care how I feel, - excuse me - I do. "My dear Mikayla don't you understand? If we have an alliance with Var we will be by far too powerfull. The others will not accept and that will affect our people." Oh yeah, right. She is just saying that because I would get powerful and happy and I would kick her butt out of here. I hate her! How could she do this to me?! She knows that I, even being the rightful heir, need her consentiment to marry until I'm queen. And you know what she did?! She said she would marry me to another prince. I nearly jumped at her. "The marriage will be at the Maiden Moon, assuming that you still are one". I yelled back the only answer - "Of course!". I got up here, in my room, and cried cried cried so much that I think I'm out of tears. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna tell Fio? Gods help me!

"This guy was meant for me

And I was meant for him

This guy has prayed for me

And I have prayed for him

Many miles many roads I have traveled

Fallen down on the way

Many hearts many years have unraveled

Leading up to today"

"Looking at the cloudy sky on a winter day

I feel like dying

in the uncomfortable world

I was thinking all day

I was thinking all day about you"

"So far and way, see the bird as it flies by

Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky

I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings

Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings "

A desperate,

Mika

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Fiolon de Var was in shock. "How could Larissa do something so horrible like that? Almost blowing up our lives. And poor Mika, she was so sad, desperate and depressed. Damn you Larissa, you shall have it back, three times three!"

He turned the diary's page. After this one, just one more.

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::2th Night of the 4th Moon - The Face of The Queen Goddess ::

It's over. For me, for him, for us. I don't wanna say how it was terrible and how I didn't tell Fio the truth. If I did, he would try to find a way out but there's none. And yes, I don't have anymore tears to cry. Only despair eating me by the inside. Life's over.

"I've always been in love with you

I guess you've always known it's true

Do you know what it feels like for a girl?"

"You'll be in my heart

From this day on

Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart

No matter what they say

You'll be here in my heart, always"

"It doesn't pay to be a runaway lover"

"As the pain sweeps through

Makes no sense for you

Every thrill has gone

Wasn't too much fun at all

But wish I could be there with you

As the world falls down"

"Don't want to cause you pain

but I love you just the same

And you'll always be my baby

Something's happened and I can't go back

I fall apart everytime you hand your heart out to me

What happens now

I know I don't deserve you

I wonder how

I'm ever gonna hurt you

Can't bring myself to let you go

I'm not happy, I'm not happy this way"

Sadly,

Mikayla

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"..."

Fiolon could not say a word. Tears were going across his face because he could feel the suffering his beloved had been into. It wasn't easy for him either but it seemed that she was really dying, by the inside.

The last page.

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::7th Night of the 4th Moon - The Face of The Queen Goddess ::

My dear Aunt Larissa announced the wedding to be realized in the 7th night of the Maiden Moon. I think I'm the fiancee of Chronos of Labornok. How apropriate. The perfect alliance as my Aunt would say. I don't care anymore. I'm leaving today. I can feel a storm in the air. And finally I will use that unused door I found some days ago. I have to leave this place. I'm suffocating and I'm feeling weaker and weaker these days. Tonight and then, never again here. Of course I'm gonna leave an polite note to my dear Aunt, thanking everything she has done for me. I don't know why I feel like going crazy... I should be empty by now...

I think I have to leave a note to Fio too, even though he's never gonna read it anyway... probably he hates me. And a note to me. I'm not yet crazt but a little note for me would show more of my thoughts, I don't now. I'm leaving now. Bye damned castle.

Aunt Larissa -

"We wouldn't care if you didn't come, we wouldn't care we didn't see you

Don't disturb us at all, because this is what we have decided.

Don't even say that the past was good

What would you know about that glorious time?

Don't say anymore of all those only unkind things

If the way we have chosen is an error... we aren't there anymore

You have no bravery to know the truth

You're too blind to understand that we have wounds that won't vanish

Though you say the past was good,

You are basing it on what has reflected deep in those eyes of yours

Though you say you have seen everything,

You have seen nothing but the outside, so what would you know?

The truth will be never shared to anyone"

Fio -

"You took a poison arrow

and you aimed it at my heart

It's heavy and it's bitter

and it's tearing me apart

If only I could set you free

You worked your way inside of me

I was so blind I could not see

Your paradise is not for me

Seems like I love you more than yesterday

Love you and no one else

Wish I didn't want you like I do

Want you and no one else

Turn to stone

Lose my faith

I'll be gone

Now"

Me -

"I finished crying in the instant that he left

And I can't remember where or when or how

And I banished every memory

he and I had ever made

I just hurt him even worse

And so much deeper

I thought all the tears turned to dust

And I just hoped my eyes were

Drying up forever

I waste my time with hate and regret

I'm broken when my heart's not open

Years go by and I'm here still waiting

Withering where some snowman was

Tell me,

Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace?

I only can see myself

Skating around the truth who I am

Yes

I'm frozen."

Sincerely,

Mikayla n'ha Liriel of Ruwenda

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GAH! This is TERRIBLE! ::cries:: Aww damnit! REVIEW and make me happier! ^___^ ::grin::

Yours now and always,

Amethyst Luna