Hermione

A filk by The Hermione Granger Fan Club to the song 'Sandradee' from the motion picture, Grease

Lavender and Parvati are doing their nails late at night while Hermione is trying to sleep.

PARVATI AND LAVENDER: "Auuuugh!"

HERMIONE (sits up): "What? What?"

LAVENDER: "I broke a nail!"

PARVATI: "She broke a nail!"

HERMIONE (really ticked off): "Grrrrrr..."

LAVENDER: "Can't you fix it Hermione, pretty please? You must know some sort of charm for this dire situation!"

HERMIONE (irritably): "NO! Remember, Lavender, no magic without a teacher present *Author's Note: That's not a Hogwarts rule but work with me here, people!*. Besides, I might botch it. Heaven knows I usually look up charms to help with more important matters than my nails!"

Lavender and Parvati look mutinous. Hermione sighs and gets up.

HERMIONE: "I'll never get back to sleep now. I think I'll study. I left that Transfiguration text in the common room, didn't I?"

She exits. Lavender scowls, then pouts.

LAVENDER: "I'm getting really sick of her..."

Giggling, Parvati hands her a pile of books. Lavender jumps up, messes up her hair with one hand and bares her front teeth to exaggerate them *OK, I KNOW that Hermione had her teeth shrunk, but this is just dumb ole' Lavender's idea of letting the world know who she's imitating*.

LAVENDER (in loud, nasal voice): "Loook at me, I'm Hermione! I am really uppity! Won't practice med 'til it's all in my head, I can't, I'm Hermione!"

PARVATI: "I won't drink, I won't drive!"

LAVENDER (stares at her): "Well, even WE don't know how!"

PARVATI (not singing): "Oh, yeah!"

Lavender is really getting into it. She drops the books, smooths down her hair and ondoes it so that it falls down her back like Parvati's. Parvati suddenly stops smiling.

LAVENDER: "Loooook at may, I'm Parva-TAY! Sure, I was brought up that way! Won't lend my lippy *Author's Note: Lav'n'Parv speak for lipstick or lip gloss* I'm such a hippie! I am, I'm Parva-TAY!"

Hermione walks in. Turns out she's been listening outside the door for the whole song.

HERMIONE (tauntingly): "You making fun of me, Lavender?"

Hermione snickers suddenly, pulls up her hair behind her head in a high ponytail like Lavender's and jumps onto a bed.

HERMIONE (pointing at Lavender): "Look at her, she's Lavender! Hair fit only for a wig vendor!"

Parvati doubles up laughing in spite of herself. Lavender looks rather hurt. She picks up a strand of hair and examines it doubtfully.

HERMIONE: "She's crude and she's dumb, can't add up a sum, oh no, she's Lavender!"

Disclaimer: *sigh* I love making fun of the Ditsy Chicks (my name for Lav'n'Parv. 'Hermione' is my favourite of all The Grease Filks. OK, 'Sandradee' (which is hilarious) belongs to whoever wrote it and Hermione (my role model), Parvati, Lavender, their dorm and anything you recall from The Best Books On Earth belong to Joanne Rowling.