Quidditch Lovin'

A filk by The Hermione Granger Fan Club to the song 'Summer Lovin'' from the motion picture, Grease

Setting: The History of Magic classroom has a guest speaker- Oliver Wood, there to give a speech on Quidditch throughout history. Harry and his class, however, are more interested in what it's like to play on a professional Quidditch team.

OLIVER: "...and so, that's everything I, er, have to say on the modern Quaffle. Any questions?"

HARRY: "What's it like to work for a real team?"

RON: "Yeah, what do you get paid?"

NEVILLE: "When was your first game?"

OLIVER (lightens up): "Well, I-"

PARVATI (bats her eyelashes): "Yes, someone who loves Quidditch as much as you do should share his expertise with the world!"

OLIVER (determinedly): "All right, I'll tell you all about my first paid game-"

This weird, doo-boppy music starts coming out of nowhere.

OLIVER: "I'm Quidditch loving, it happened so fa-ast! Quidditch loving, I been having a blast! I got this broom, I went Keeping-crazy!"

No one has the slightest idea what the hell he's talking about but they listen politely.

OLIVER: "You see, this broom... WAS COOL AS CAN BE! Training days just drifted away but, oh, those championship nights!"

The students are getting into it and begin to ask questions...

STUDENTS: "Well, well, well... tell us more, tell us more!"

RON (interestedly): "Will you be a star?"

STUDENTS: "Tell us more, tell us more!"

LAVENDER: "Do you get a free car?"

Everyone gives each other exasperated looks at Lavvie's dumbness.

GIRLS: "Uh huh!"

BOYS: "Dee doo!"

GIRLS: "Uh huh!"

BOYS: "Dee doo!"

GIRLS: "Uh huh!"

BOYS: "Doo doo, doo doo doo!"

OLIVER: A Beater flew by me, crashed into a ramp! I got all nervous, my forehead got damp!

Some people give Oliver these 'we-didn't-really-need-to-hear-that' looks that he doesn't see. But hey, this is certainly a lot more interesting than regular classes!

OLIVER: "Tension so thick, a giant could drown! A Chaser punched me, I punched him about! The Hogwarts days seemed so far away, ooh-ooh whoa, on this championship night!"

STUDENTS: "Well, well, well... tell us more, tell us more!"

DEAN: "Any REALLY gross sights?"

STUDENTS: "Tell us more, tell us more!"

HERMIONE: "Was it much of a fight?"

GIRLS: "Oh, doobie doo, doobie doo *A Note: Corny, ain't it? Well, I didn't write the original, people!* doobie doo doobie doobie doo wa!"

BOYS: "Uh huh, uh huh-huh, uh huh, uh huh-huh huh!"

OLIVER: "This little Scotsman whose na-ame was Jock, his mother called him back before ten o' clock!"

Many snigger appreciatively.

OLIVER: "Little things made up the century's fling, ooh whoa, this Championship night!"

STUDENTS: "Well, well, well... tell us more, tell us more!"

SEAMUS: "Were souveniers in bags?"

STUDENTS: "Tell us more, tell us more!"

HARRY: "If I can't get one, it'll be a drag!"

STUDENTS: "Shoo bop-bop *Ick, I can't believe I'm writing this* shoo bop-bop, shoo bop-bop, shoo bop-bop, shoo bop-bop, shoo bop-bop, shoo bop-bop yeah!"

OLIVER: "Things weren't friendly, foul play at hand. Someone's tooth was knocked out, straight to the sa-and!"

Lavender and Parvati look a bit green.

OLIVER: "Real heat as opposing teams meet, ooh whoa, on Championship night!"

STUDENTS: "Well, well, well... tell us more, tell us more!"

RON (excitedly): "How much time didja spend?"

STUDENTS: "Tell us more, tell us more!"

HERMIONE (sarcastically): "Well, sure as hell they weren't friends!"

OLIVER: "Well, we WON and that's where it ends. We partied all night with our friends. Then I vowed I'd win heaps more. After all, it's personal law. Training days te-end to cease, but... but- THOSE CHAMPIONSHIP NIGH-IGHTS!"

STUDENTS (hopefully): "Tell us more, tell us more?"

OLIVER (not singing): "Well, that's every bit of time I have. Goodbye and remember... SUPPORT PUDDLEMERE!"

He leaves.

RON: "Hell, no. I'm a Cannons man."

Disclaimer: The longest Grease filk yet, is 'Quidditch Loving. 'Summer Lovin'' belongs to whoever and the Gryffindors and anything you recognise from the Harry Potter series belong to a genius named Joanne Rowling. Oh, and I had to remove various lines where I couldn't think of anything to replace them, so that's why it sound a bit weird.