Young Ms. Figg Chapter 17: "I Shot the Sheriff, But I Did Not Shoot The Deputy"

Ella whirled back around to face Severus... who had not moved. He was still staring at Ron and Hermione.

"Am I seeing things?" she said in a low, incredulous voice.

"Only if I am," Snape answered softly, his eyes narrowing as if he were just checking to be sure.

"Alright then," Ella said, turning back again to look at Ron and Hermione. They were a study in contrast. Hermione was tense and alert; looking around very carefully at everything. Ron, too, was looking all around. It was clear, however, that he was doing so for his own amusement. His eyes were wide and his mouth open in a slight grin as his head swivelled all about.

Where's Harry? Ella wondered, I can't imagine Ron and Hermione would have come here without him.

Her attention was taken away from this question by the meaningful look Hermione shot straight at her. Hermione was staring her straight in the eye and raising her eyebrows meaningfully. Clearly, she's not surprised to see us here, Ella thought wryly. Hermione tapped her wristwatch held up both hands to indicate the number ten, and tapped her watch again.

"Ten minutes," Ella said very softly.

"Until what?" Severus whispered back, scowling.

"Good question," Ella answered still looking at Hermione. Then, after glancing around to be sure no constables were watching, Ella mouthed "WHAT?"

Hermione pointed to herself, to Snape and Figg, and then to the door.

"I figured that," Snape hissed, impatiently.

Ella glanced around again and mouthed, "HOW?"

It was Hermione's turn to look around to assure herself no one was watching. Satisfied, she reached into the wrist of one of her sleeves and slid something out a very few inches. She looked meaningfully at Ella, slid it back up her sleeve, and pointed again.

Ella edged over to the bars separating her cell from Severus'.

"Did you catch that?" she hissed, moving her lips as little as possible.

"Granger is going to try to get her wand to you in about six minutes," Severus replied very softly, "Can you stun the whole room?"

"Not a problem... but I'll probably wind up hitting one or both of the kids, too."

"We can revive them," Snape said in an eye-rolling tone.

"I know, I just wanted you to be aware! As soon as I get my hands on that wand I'll unlock our cells and get our wands back."

"Excellent," Severus whispered, looking at the clock, "Four minutes or so."

Less than one minute later a series of loud explosions were heard in the vestibule. Everyone in the room who wasn't in a cell jumped up and began to rush toward the doors. Hermione, however, launched herself from her chair and began to move quickly to the cells. As she did so, she caught an officer's eye and he turned and reached out to grab her, only just missing. He hurried quickly after her.

"Hurry," Ella intoned, thrusting her arm out of the cell as far as it would reach. Hermione reached out with the wand like a relay runner handing off the baton and slapped it in Ella's hand just as the officer made a successful lunge for her arm.

"Stupefy!" Ella yelled, pointing her wand at the officer as Hermione ducked. The spell his him squarely and he fell. Wasting no time, Ella directed the wand at the jumble of officers who were just piling out into the vestibule. "Percipio Stupefy!" She cried and the rest of the officers crumpled in untidy heaps.

Ella directed Hermione's wand at each cell door in turn incanting "Alohomora" each time. They both stepped out quickly and shut the doors behind them with two satisfying clicks.

"Ah, Potter," Snape said.

Ella's eyes followed his and she saw Harry climbing over the unconscious police persons.

She raised the wand swiftly calling, "Accio Wands" with evident satisfaction. A drawer of one of the file cabinets along the wall flew open and sent two wands shooting toward Ella and Severus like missiles. Snape reached past Ella to catch his own as Ella snatched hers from the air.

"Keep a lookout," Snape called to Harry as Ella gave Hermione her wand back.

"Take care of Ron, and I'll get started on this lot," Ella said, pointing her wand at the unconscious officer who had grabbed Hermione. "Mobilicorpus," she commanded, directing the officer in the air with the wand as Snape could be heard reviving Ron, who had been caught by the stunning spell. Ella levitated the officer to his desk chair and moved on to the pile of men and women at the door.

Hermione looked at the unconscious man now seated before his desk appraisingly and moved purposefully to him and began to arrange his hands and arms so that it seemed he was doing his paperwork once more. Ron caught on quickly and moved to help "arrange" the officers as Snape and Ella returned them to their respective desks. (After two days with nothing better to do, Ella and Severus had picked up on where each of them was supposed to sit.)

A small part of Ella's brain noticed that Hermione tended to put her persons back to work whereas Ron tended to put their hands around coffee cups and bakery buns. When all had been returned, Ella checked over the scene. Ron had arranged the officer who had brought him in so that his finger was up his nose. She shook her head but did nothing. With the cell doors shut and locked and the staff at their desks it would seem that they had all disappeared into thin air. That will give them pause, she thought with satisfaction.

She turned a final time to the wall of file cabinets, raised her wand, and cried, "Accio arrest records!" Two different drawers flew open and hurled file folders into Ella's hand. She couldn't resist a quick look at the mug shot attached to the inside of her file jacket. Her face formed a grimace and she snapped it shut.

"Quickly," Severus said, leading the rest to join Harry at the doors to the vestibule.

"There's no one out there," Harry said and Snape led them swiftly out the door. He looked carefully out the front doors then led the group outside, down the steps and into the nearest alleyway.

"You were early!" Hermione complained to Harry as they hurried away from the station.

"No I wasn't!" Harry insisted.

"Now you know why they 'synchronize their watches' in muggle spy movies," Ella said shortly.

"We don't have time to discuss it, just MOVE," Snape snapped.

They emerged from one alleyway, made several turns, and started down another. Finally, when they emerged from the second alley onto a deserted street Ella said, "Stop!" The others stopped moving, turning to see what Ella was up to.

"If we're still on foot, when they awaken, it will increase their chances of finding us," she said, turning her gaze on Harry, Ron and Hermione, "and you can't apparate."

"Floo?" Harry said uncertainly

"Not unless you have some Powder on you," Snape growled, "AND you've got a fireplace on the Floo Network handy."

"Er, no." Harry said.

"That's alright, I've got an idea," Ella said, eyeing two cars parked a short distance away. "We could use one of those to get somewhere safe more quickly."

"Do you know how?" Snape asked sounding surprised.

"I've picked up a few things along the way, Severus," she said, moving toward the car. "You lot, act casual and keep an eye out."

"Well, it shouldn't be too difficult, should it?" Ron said, "Alohomora to unlock it and some other to start it, right?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Ron," she said, "Any car with a battery won't respond well to magic. Magic and electricity don't mix. You'd have to modify the car to make it run off magic. I thought YOU of all people would know that!"

"And," Snape added, "that would be mis-use of a muggle artifact; wouldn't it Mr. Weasley?"

Both Ron and Harry coloured slightly at this and Hermione turned suddenly with her hand over her mouth.

"Ah, yes. Right." Ron said

Meanwhile Ella had walked casually over to the car, snapped off the radio antenna, and bent the end into a "J". She looked around then slipped the antenna between the car window and the weatherstripping on the door. She lowered it carefully, moving it carefully back and forth as she went. After a moment she uttered a small "aha!" and pulled the antenna straight up. Harry recognized the distinctive sound of the car door unlocking.

"Wow," he and Ron both said softly. He couldn't be sure, but it sounded as if Hermione made a "humph."

"Kids," Ella said sweetly, turning toward them with a gleam in her eye, "Get into the back seat while Mum and Dad fix the car trouble, would you?"

Ron snorted. Harry looked toward Snape, mouthed "Dad," and made a face. Hermione, however, moved to the opened door and began to climb in.

Ella transfigured the antenna into a screw driver and strode to the front of the car, Snape following. She slid it under the bonnet, made a jerking motion, and then opened the bonnet, obscuring herself and Severus from the view of the three in the back seat. They could just see through a gap at the bottom of the windshield. Snape had his back to them, probably on the lookout.

Figg seemed to be following some wires across the engine to the rear of it, near the windshield. She detached a red wire and moved back to the battery where it seemed she was attaching it. She then followed a wire to another part of the engine, fiddled around a bit, and the engine roared to life. Ron and Harry looked at one another then back to the front of the car where Figg was already lowering the bonnet.

"I wish Fred and George could've seen that!" Ron said, sounding impressed.

"Oh, Ron, really," Hermione remonstrated, "You do realize this is illegal, don't you?"

Snape, who was climbing into the passenger seat snorted. Ella, who was pulling the driver's door shut simply said, "Desperate times call for desperate measures." She then put the end of the screwdriver in the crack between the steering wheel and the steering column to unlock the wheel, checked her mirror, and pulled away.

"Speaking of illegal, Miss Granger," Snape said, "did you not just facilitate a jail break?"

"Well," Hermione muttered, colouring, "yes."

"In for a penny, in for a pound, as they say." Ella said only taking her eyes from the road to glance frequently in the car mirrors.

"In addition," Snape added sharply, "I very much doubt any of you has permission to be away from school. And you, Potter. I could swear I heard the sound of you breaking the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry back there."

"I did not!" Harry retorted, "I used Filibuster Fireworks. Ron had them in his pockets."

"Ah, indeed," Snape continued sarcastically, "It seems you have at least been very careful not to break the decree. I am so glad to hear that some rules are important to you. Meanwhile you've endangered your own life and the life of your friends by bringing them into a situation where Death Eaters have already likely-"

"But-" Harry said,

"Don't interrupt me, Potter," Snape snapped. "I suppose you thought that you were a match for the Death Eaters who killed a full grown wizard from the ministry and kidnapped your fam- ,er, The Dursleys."

"But-" Hermione said.

"But what?" Ella snapped, "Professor Snape is right. Coming here was foolish and dangerous. I admire your concern for the Dursleys' safety but you've got to learn to think things through before you act!"

"But-" Ron said.

"Mr. Weasley," Snape growled, "You might do better to keep your silence and think how you intend to explain this little exploit to your parents. I daresay they won't be pleased with yet another stunt from you. For that matter, all three of you might want to devote some thought to what you intend to say to your house-mates. I suspect the points you'll lose for this will put Gryffindor into negative figures in the house cup competition."

"Meanwhile," Ella jumped in, "Leave things like this to people who have the skills and experience to handle it... and who have been asked to do so. You three are going straight back to Hogwarts while Professor Snape and I continue our search."

"But- "All three said.

"DON'T even think of arguing with me. What you've done is very serious and I've just spent two nights in jail so my patience is rather thin at the moment."

"Rather like being in the car with your parents, isn't it?" Ron whispered to Hermione as Ella turned the car sharply into a drive. Harry looked up to see they had returned to number four Privet Drive.

"Inside," Snape snapped as he and Ella opened the car doors.

"But professors," Hermione said earnestly, "You might want to know that- "

"Be Quiet, Miss Granger!"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione just looked at one another. Harry then shrugged and started heading toward the front door. He opened it, and entered with Ron and Hermione on his heels and Snape and Figg not far behind.

Just as Ella and Snape crossed the threshold a horrible, angry bellow reached their ears. They both whipped out their wands and sprinted forward. They rounded the corner on the kitchen and saw the Dursleys. Both of them stopped dead.

Vernon, who had been yelling, also froze with his mouth still open. His eyes grew wide and a deep purple colour began to creep up his neck.

"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley," Ella said faintly, "How? Er, good to see you again."

"A witch!" screeched Aunt Petunia, "I should have known! A witch!" She sounded like something out of a Monty Python movie, but her screeches had the effect of snapping Vernon out of his shock.

"BOY!" he bellowed louder than ever, rounding on Harry, "What did I tell you about showing up here again?! What did I say about your freak friends?! It's bad enough Petunia and I are saddled with YOU, you little slug, but we will NOT put up with a parade of your-"

"OH, SHUT IT, DURSLEY!" Snape yelled over Vernon's bellowing.

Vernon stopped speaking and slowly shut his mouth. Ron and Harry were looking at Snape with frank surprise. Hermione, however, was taking advantage of the opening this provided.

"This is what we were trying to tell you in the car," she said, "they're not missing or kidnapped. They never were."

"They were in Majorca," Harry said with a note of disgust.

"Alright, then," Ella said, her voice soft with anger, "Fine. We still need to get you three back to Hogwarts and to go ourselves. Severus, I'll apparate to the ministry and get this fireplace an emergency connection to the Floo Network."

Aunt Petunia paled visibly at these words and put her hand over her heart.

"I'll be back shortly," Ella said glaring at the Dursleys as she raised her wand and disappeared with a faint "pop". Aunt Petunia went slightly green at the sound but had enough sense to say nothing. Vernon was changing to a deeper shade of purple. He too, was silent. Harry suspected this was less from good sense and more from being choked up with his own rage and impotence. Served him right.

"Go. Sit." Snape said shortly, pointing the trio toward the sitting room. Snape looked sourly at Vernon, who was now magenta, and said snidely, "keep on that way and you'll have a stroke." This sent Vernon to sputtering but Snape ignored him. He walked, instead, into the sitting room. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all sitting silently trying to take it all in, but Snape did not join them. He went, instead to the fireplace where he stood looking at the array of photos on and above the mantle. The photos were primarily of the absent Dudley, with an occasional "family portrait" which featured Vernon and Petunia as well.

Harry watched as Snape made a sound of derision and muttered, "How very charming," in a voice dripping with sarcasm. He then turned to Harry and said, in a voice loud enough to be clear to Vernon and Petunia, "Potter, I'd suggest you get anything of yours you need while we're here but it appears that you were already able to pack all your belongings in your school trunk - with room to spare."

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise. What was Snape playing at? Why would he care? Was he just baiting Vernon?

Apparently he was.

Vernon came harumphing into the room. "You, sir, have nothing to say about it. You aren't the one who has had to bear the expense and trouble of the boy all these years."

"Pathetic," Snape said, "Just the kind that gives muggles a bad name."

"AND YOU," Vernon began with the boldness that comes from lack of common sense, "WILL NOT ADDRESS ME WITH YOUR SILLY NAMES!"

"You," said Snape calmly, but with a low and dangerous edge to his voice, "deserve to be called far worse. Consider yourself fortunate I only say 'muggle'."

Vernon either ignored the tone in Snape's voice or likely was too thick to pick up on it. In any case, he forged ahead, just as he had with Moody.

"THIS is MY house," he shouted spit flying, "And I WILL NOT stand for-"

Snape waved his wand, and Vernon was suddenly lying flat on his back upon the floor.

"There," Snape said silkily, "Now you don't have to 'STAND' for it."

Petunia screeched in horror from the hall, while all three students clapped their hands over their mouths to try to keep themselves from laughing. For his part, Vernon just lay there, stunned. Snape stepped over to Vernon and looked down at him. "Don't make me turn you into a Newt." he said.

This sent Petunia's screeches to a new level. Snape ignored her, stepping over to the couch, instead.

"Potter," he said in an ill-tempered voice, "I feel it only decent to inform you that the woman screeching in the hall is nothing like your mother. You deserve to know."

"Ah, um, thank you, sir?" Harry said and Snape turned to the fireplace from which noises were emerging. It had been blocked up and an electric fire placed there instead. Ella was apparently in the fireplace and, just as Mr. Weasley had the year before, was aiming several very hard kicks or spells at the boarded-over opening. With a satisfying "crack" the wood gave way and splintered into the room in every direction, toppling the electric fire and spreading a great deal of soot in every direction. There was a distressed whimper from the hall, then silence.

Ella stepped out, moved to a part of the sitting room that had been shielded from the ash, and began to bat VERY hard at her robes to clear them of ash. She then held up a small drawstring bag. "Let's get a move on. Students first, go to Hogsmeade Station."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione all got up as Snape lit a fire with his wand. They held out their hands and Ella sprinkled some green powder into each of them. One by one, they threw the glittering powder into the flames, and stepped in calling "Hogsmeade Station." Ella sprinkled some powder in Snape's hand and her own. Snape threw his in the flames without a backward glance and stepped in calling "Hogsmeade Station."

Ella paused a moment, looking at the ash covered living room and the two prone Dursleys (Petunia had fainted by this time). Muttering a noise of disgust she turned back to the fireplace and caught sight of the same photos Snape had been viewing. With a glint in her eye she pointed her wand at them muttered something Vernon couldn't quite catch. She then threw her powder into the fireplace and was gone.

Vernon sat up promptly and caught sight of the photos. Each face in them now bore a mustache and beard. He barely had time to digest this when the doorbell rang. He scrambled awkwardly to his feet and looked out the window to see several police officers around a strange car in his drive. He helped a now-conscious Petunia to her feet as he headed to the front door with a feeling of dread.

He opened it to reveal a stern looking officer.

"Mr. Vernon Dursley?" the officer asked, in clipped tones. Vernon nodded. "We were wondering if you'd like to explain why you have a stolen car in your drive."

*****

I don't like to beg, but I will: Phuleese review. Thanks.