Cowboy
Cowboy
By NightsDawne


Chapter 6: Orphan No More

Irvine sat up in the infirmary bed. "What the hell are you talkin' about? My father's alive? And here? Why the hell did you never tell me, Headmaster?" He swung his legs over the side of the bed and got to his feet, grabbing a wall for support as a wave of nausea swept over him. "Well, it's made up my mind. I ain't stayin' here with that bastard."

Cid stood, supporting Irvine by an elbow. "Lay back down. You're not in a condition to go charging out of here. Please, Irvine, hear me out before you hate me. I didn't want to send you away. I didn't want to lie to you. Don't you think I've hated myself all these years for losing my own son?"

Irvine spun, then collapsed on the bed, the color draining from his face as the full meaning of Cid's words hit him. "Y-you?" A dozen images swirled in his confused mind. A Galbadian soldier. Cid giving him piggyback rides at the orphanage. Reading stories to him and Seifer after tucking him into bed. Hugging him tightly, promising he would return. A loving look as he told a lonely little boy that a father would travel a thousand miles for one glimpse of his son's face. He shook his head, a flash of anger in his eyes as he looked back up at the man who had so suddenly forced a lifetime of abandonment to return to haunt him. "A hell of a father you were. You waltzed into my life after leaving me in an orphanage, then shoved me off on Martine like an inconvenience? Now you expect it ta all be perfect? I did fine without you, I don't need you in my life now!"

Cid recoiled as if struck. "You have every right to hate me. But you weren't an inconvenience. A day hasn't gone by that my heart hasn't ached to have had things different, to have been the father I should have been. I made so many mistakes, but I didn't have any choice in the matter. I thought it would be easier on you if you didn't know. Irvine, forgive me."

"So why tell me now?! You finally found a use for me? Tired of livin' with your guilt so you figure you'd screw up my life even more?!" Cid reached for him but Irvine pulled away, shaking his head. "No, don't touch me. You ain't got the right ta call yourself my father, not after what you did."

"I had no choice, Irvine! We needed the Gardens, we needed to train young people to fight the sorceress. I couldn't get funding by telling Norg I had an illegitimate son. Do you know how much I wanted to take you and run away, find someplace safe and raise you myself? There was no safe place to take you, so I did the best thing I could at the time. I gave you to Martine, knowing he would take care of my son. He was the only one I could trust with something so important."

Irvine clapped his hands over his ears. "SHUT UP! YOU LEFT ME WITH THAT BASTARD! YOU TRUSTED SOMEONE WHO HATED ME AND MADE MY LIFE HELL!"

"What do you mean, Irvine?" Cid pulled Irvine's hands down, repeating the question gently but forcefully. "What do you mean he made your life hell?"

Irvine shook his head, hot angry tears spilling down his cheeks. "You never came to see what my life was like, why the hell should you care? You're too late to care, Cid. I had nobody then and it's too late for me to have somebody now. Just leave me alone! Get out! GET OUT!"

Dr. Kawalski pulled aside the curtain. "Cid, what's going on?"

Cid stepped away, his expression blank. "Nothing, Doctor. Please excuse me, I'm leaving now. I'm sorry, Irvine. I'm so sorry."

Irvine didn't watch him go, burying his face in the pillow and crying convulsively, retching. He felt Dr. Kawalski's hand on his back and reached behind him to push it away. "Just leave me alone." He pulled the pillow over his head as he heard her footsteps fade away.

It had been an easy matter to sneak out after Dr. Kawalski thought her patient was asleep. Dizzyness forced him to navigate the halls of the Garden with one hand on a wall, but he couldn't stay. He'd filled his backpack with all of his belongings and stolen a car from the parking lot, not even bothering to tell Squall he was going. Even Squall would have asked questions and he didn't feel like explaining anything right now. He abandoned the car in Balamb City and staggered into the train station.

He dropped ever cent he had on the ticket counter. "Gimme a ticket for wherever that'll take me that's the farthest place from here." He barely glanced at the ticket once it was in his hand, only looking to see the number of his train. He fell asleep on a station bench, waking from time to time as nightmares plagued him.

Once aboard the train he slumped down into a corner and pulled his hat down over his eyes. He'd be hundreds of miles away soon. He could forget Cid, the Garden, everything. He had no idea what he'd do, but any life had to be better than what he was going through now. He pulled his coat up over his chest and rested his head against the wall of the train, letting the rocking motion of the car lull him back to sleep.

"Fisherman's Horizon! Fisherman's Horizon Station!" Irvine sat up, rubbing at the red mark left in his cheek by a rivet from the wall of the car. He dug his ticket stub out of his pocket and squinted at the destination. After a moment of concentration he decided that this was his stop. He pulled himself up to his feet and picked up his backpack. His head seemed to be clearing, at least. The rest had done him some good. the train came to a full stop and he walked down the steps and onto the platform, wishing he'd saved a little of his money for food. He shouldered his pack and wrapped his rifle inside his coat, knowing how the people of this sleepy fishing town hated the thought of violence. Blowing his cheeks out a bit he started the walk into town. Maybe he could barter some work for a place to crash for the night and a cheap meal.

The smell of baked clams lured him to a small dock. He set his backpack down and lit up a cigarrette, finding his deck of triple triad cards in his pocket next to his lighter. A little cheered, he made his way over to the food stand. The owner looked him over with the typical xenophobic wariness of the local residents. "Can I get you something?"

Irvine laid down a bomb card. "I'll take some of them clams."

The owner eyed the card. "That isn't money."

"It's a damn good card, though. It's got ta be worth some clams. C'mon, please? I'm starvin', mister." Irvine didn't have to work at it to look plaintive and pathetic.

The owner picked up the card and studied it, then relented and placed a paper basket on the counter with a pile of fries in it. "I'll give you that for it. No clams."

"It's a deal, mister. Thanks." Irvine seized the fries, shoving some in his mouth hurriedly before carrying the rest of his meager dinner to the edge of the dock to eat. He sat down, his legs dangling over the water, and wolfed down the fries, licking his fingers. Having so easily filled one need, he found his entire outlook had changed, his usual optimism sneaking back. He'd make it. He was much better at being on his own than being part of a team anyhow, and he'd never really belonged with the SeeD members. Even Rinoa fit in with them more easily than he did. Tomorrow was another day and he was ready to put his past behind him.

"WIN!" Irvine was roused out of his musings by a strident female voice echoing across the dock. Leaning back he saw a crop of short white hair and a blue military cut jacket at the very end of the dock, the girl sitting opposite a muscular youth with jet black hair and a dejected expression. He smiled just a bit, recognizing both of them, Fujin and Raijin. They were former students at Balamb Garden, but left when they sided with the wrong person, Ultimecia. He didn't really consider them enemies, more like victims of the sorceress and her manipulations. Still, he wasn't about to head over and introduce himself in case there were any hard feelings left. He folded his elbows over a piling and dropped his chin on his arms, watching.

"Fujin," the young man whined, "You can't do this to me, ya know? You've got all my best cards now."

"GAME!" Fujin for some reason had a penchant for shouting her short verbal communications at the top of her lungs, although Irvine knew she was actually as articulate as anyone. "PLAY!"

"I don't get all these new rules, ya know?" Raijin searched through his deck for a decent hand. Irvine almost felt sorry for him. He was big, but he was no intellectual giant and it was easy to imagine how Fujin could work that to her advantage.

As the pair started a new game of Triple Triad, Irvine let his mind drift to thoughts of the other member of Raijin and Fujin's little clique. Their undisputed champion and leader was Seifer, no longer an energetic child but now a formidable and self-assured fighter. Irvine had seen him during their campaign against the sorceress, had even been forced to fight him three times, but he couldn't hate his childhood friend. He knew that Seifer had been under some sort of control exerted by the sorceress, although in their last meeting he had been hurt and disappointed that Seifer still fought against him after the sorceress had discarded him. Maybe Seifer had changed forever.

What had hurt even more was that Seifer didn't remember him any more than the other former orphans had. He knew it had something to do with the use of Guardian Forces, the otherworldly beings who assisted the SeeDs in their battles, allowing them to use magic. He himself had three GFs he'd been given by Squall, but he hadn't been used them before he joined the team, leaving his childhood memories intact. At this point he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep those memories. Maybe there was a certain freedom the others enjoyed. Maybe knowing what he'd gone through in his life was what kept him from being able to be a part of the group. He looked down at his wrist where he wore a charm bracelet, three small figurines dangling from it, his contacts with Diablos, Ifrit, and Carbuncle. Powerful allies, he also considered them friends. Perhaps in time they would help him in another way, saving him from knowing who he was and where he came from.

"Kinneas?" The voice behind him sounded a touch uncertain. He swung around, having to tip his head back to see from under the brim of his hat. A long grey coat worn over black baggy clothes led up to broad shoulders and a chiselled face, haloed by short cropped blond hair, marred by a long scar running between piercing blue eyes.

Irvine smiled a bit warily. "Yeah, Seifer. Figured you wouldn't be too far away if your posse was over there."

Seifer crossed his arms, his expression not exactly welcoming. "What're you doing here? I thought you went back to Balamb with the rest of Squall's group."

Irvine got up to his feet, dusting off his chaps. "I ain't here ta cause trouble or nothin'. Balamb didn't work out is all. Truce?"

Seifer shrugged. "This isn't the time or the place for a fight anyway." He lifted his chin, tilting his head to the side. "What do you mean it didn't work out? I thought you were Squall's best friend."

"Well, yeah, we're tight an' all. I just ain't cut out for SeeD and there ain't no point in bein' there if I ain't. So what you up to here?"

"Being bored out of my mind. Call it a self-inflicted punishment. Pergatory." Seifer leaned to the side slightly to keep an eye on his friends.

"Aw, Seifer, ain't nobody blames ya for what happened. Ain't like you could help it." Irvine sat on the piling, crossing one boot over the other. "Why, I bet if ya went back and asked nicely you could even get back inta the Garden. You're damn good with that gunblade."

Seifer snorted. "Yeah, right, and take orders from Squall? Not my dream, Kinneas."

"Still wantin' ta be the hero, be seen by the whole world, be called Sir Seifer for real, huh?" Irvine grinned.

Seifer narrowed his eyes at Irvine. "How did you know that?"

Irvine looked down and scuffed his boot against a plank. "That's always been your dream since you were five years old. Lots of things change, but not a dream like that. That's how Ultimecia got ya, wasn't it?"

Seifer frowned slightly, studying Irvine's face for mockery and finding none. "Yeah," he admitted quietly. "Yeah, it was. But I still don't get how you could know about my dream."

"You told me a thousand times, Seifer. You were gonna be a sorceress knight. I was gonna be a soldier. We used ta talk about it every night after light's out."

Seifer raised a brow. "You're mental, Kinneas. We don't even know each other, really. I only met you after you hooked up with Squall."

"Maybe I am. Or maybe you just don't remember. Damn, I wish I had money for a couple train tickets, I'd take ya someplace where it'd all come back to ya." Irvine gazed out over the water to the east.

Seifer ran a hand through his short hair. "Okay, even if you're a nut, you've got my interest. Where would you take me?"

"Esthar. Well, the continent, anyway. A little place on the beach."

Seifer shook his head. "Don't know it."

Irvine smiled and picked up his pack and coat. "Don't worry 'bout it. Look, it's been nice chattin' an' all, but I gotta find someplace that'll give me a bed for some beggin' and a triad card. See ya round, Seifer."

"Wait a minute, you can't just drop shit like that and then walk out, Kinneas." Seifer put his hand to his chin. "You're staying at my place tonight."

Irvine grinned. "Wow, thanks. Roomin' together. Be just like old times."

Seifer furrowed his brow, turning and beckoning for Irvine to follow him. "Man, total nutcase."