Title: There is no Emotion, there is Peace

Author: The Goddess of Mush and Stuff

Summary: Qui/Mace Story Part of the Jedi Code series, ties in to Peace over anger





Qui-gon looked out the transport window, silently wishing to just blend in with the blurs of light that were hyperspace. Leaving Telos behind, leaving behind a lost battle, and leaving behind someone he had thought as his son.

The fight ingrained in his memory forever...the pain forever scarring his heart. He couldn't believe how blind he had been to Xanatos' anger and deceitfulness. Now seemingly so clear because of Xanatos' recent actions.

When Qui-gon was forced to kill Crion he was certain that Xanatos would be upset, but he would understand and they would work through it. He hadn't expected Xanatos to draw his lightsaber on him.

Qui-gon squeezed his eyes shut. He could still smell the burnt flesh as Xanatos pressed the broken hot ring against his cheek. He could still see the hatred in his former Padawan's eyes. He remembered not being able to kill Xanatos when he had the chance...he just couldn't and Xanatos had chided him for that...he left, still laughing at Qui-gon's weakness.

Qui-gon opened his eyes and vowed to never trust anyone like that again. He had been too close to him, had become too attached and logically thought away all the flaws and wrongs he had seen in Xanatos, how could he think he would not do that again and ruin another young Jedi's life.

He hoped he would be home soon...he was so tired and needed the serenity of the Temple to calm his ragging spirit.

************************************************

Mace regarded Qui-gon as he reported his mission on Telos. Mace had personally stopped listening after Qui-gon had said Xanatos had turned.

Though Mace knew that was the most likely outcome for Xanatos, he knew how much he had meant to Qui-gon. The Councilor in Mace knew issues had to be settled with Qui-gon, and a more in-depth look was needed, but the friend in Mace had known Qui-gon needed time to find his center again. To regain his balance...what was left of it.

"Dismissed you are Qui-gon. " he heard Yoda voice, Qui-gon bowed and began to walk out of the council chambers. Mace looked quickly to Yoda, who nodded his consent and the dark Jedi rose to follow his friend.

Mace was certain that Qui-gon wasn't going to head for his quarters, but his friend surprised him by going there. Qui-gon strode in and Mace followed right behind him, it was if Qui-gon was ignoring anyone was there.

Mace grew even more concerned as Qui-gon went to Xanatos' room and began to clean it out promptly of anything that might have been his former apprentice's.

"Qui-gon?"

"Mace, not now." Qui-gon said roughly. "I don't want to talk about it...."

"But you need to." Mace said sternly.

"I don't need to. I see where I went wrong and don't need others telling me that as if I don't know."

"Qui...."

"I said forget it Mace."

"No one is blaming you. It was bound to happen, he was too full of anger..."

"Which I should have seen!" Qui-gon stood quickly, anger flashing in his eyes and both men stared at each other. "As many times as you and Yoda warned me I should have caught on."

Mace let Qui-gon let out his frustrations only nodding some to show he was listening; that he understood.

"I let my pride for him blind me." Qui-gon admitted. "Some Master I am." he said returning to putting Xanatos' personal belongs away forever.

Mace stood in silence for a moment, then decided to try to speak to his friend. "Qui-gon, no one's perfect. Not even a Jedi."

Qui-gon returned to his work, not even replying to Mace's words. But Mace saw him start to slow, and actually see what he was putting away. Memories of his apprentice were draining through his friend, making him face the loose quicker than he was.

"Come on Qui-gon." Mace said stepping in the room.

"Come where?"

"The Gardens. You need to meditate on this."

"I do not Mace, I have to get this."

"It will wait Qui. This will not. Humor me." Mace said giving him a small smile.

He waited as Qui-gon sighed heavily then slowly pull himself to his feet. "Alright. Let's get this

over with."

******************************************************

The Gardens usually calmed Qui-gon down, today however it wasn't helping. Mace tried his hardest to at least meditate some, thinking Qui-gon would soon join him, but the man's anger and hurt was too much for him at the moment. He needed to let his emotions out.

But Qui-gon was a private man, it would have to be dragged out of him, and take most of Mace's patience.

"Mace. Really, why did you bring me here? I am not about to talk about this to you so you can report back to the council."

"I am here as your friend Qui-gon, not as a council member or one of Yoda's spies. Or would you rather him be here?"

He saw Qui-gon stare him down harshly. "I don't need to hear from him now either."

Mace closed his eyes again, leaving Qui-gon on his own. He felt the Force around him and he could feel that Qui-gon was near the breaking point. Sooner or later he would talk.

"How could I have been so blind!" Qui-gon said standing and beginning to pace in front of him. "He would do stuff right in front of me and I would blow it off! He had me pegged and I never saw it!"

Mace didn't saw a word. To do so would provoke the fight further.

"And do you believe we fought each other! He drew his lightsaber on me! And when I finally had him pinned, I couldn't kill him.and he laughed at me for that.said it was my weakness.."

"What have I done Mace???" Qui-gon sank back down near him. "I thought he was ready. I thought he was a Jedi. I thought I could teach him.." Tears formed at the Jedi Master's eyes, no matter how hard he fought them.

"How could I believe that I could be a good Master? How could I think that I could teach anyone??? Looked what happened.." Qui-gon stared into Mace's eyes. "I won't do it again.never.I can't do that to another apprentice."

Mace sighed. Qui-gon was still thinking it was all his fault. He laid a hand on Qui-gon's shoulder and sent a pulse of the Force though him to calm his friend, "Follow me Qui-gon. You really need calm right now before you look over what happened."

Mace led Qui to a quiet part of the gardens that he had not been to before. a small fountain bubbled softly in the corner of the well manicured grounds. Mace knelt into the soft grass and closed his eyes.

After a few minutes he looked back up to see Qui Gon watching him, his countenance dark and agitated. With a sigh Mace stood back to his feet placed his hands on Qui's shoulders and pushed the taller man gently but forcefully down.

"You need to let it go Qui-Gon." He faced his friend, the grass underneath them releasing a sweet smell into the air as it was crushed beneath their weight. "Let me help you"

He saw Qui-gon's resolve break way and let room for common sense come in. The man beside him sighed and let himself go to the Force.

Mace calmed himself and connected with Qui-gon through the Force. He let his mind drift towards the center of his own calm, and soon felt Qui-gon following his example. He also felt the difficulty that Qui-gon was having in releasing his emotions to the Force.

Mace could feel the unstable sheilds that Qui-Gon had hastily thrown togther to block the other from sensing the depth of his distress. Wondering momentarily if it was a good idea or not the dark Jedi broke through the sheilding in his friends mind and allowed the depths of the Jedi Masters emotions to flood over him. He heard Qui-Gon gasp as his shields collapsed ,

"Mace...." He ground the name out like a curse but relaxed as he felt the soothing waves of force flood his weary mind.

"Let it go Qui-Gon"

Mace's voices echoed oddly in the force, near yet far as the tidal pull of healing light lulled him into its depths, soothing the tattered edges of his spent emotions and binding up the broken places in his heart.

"Thank you my friend" he whispered the words into the swirl around him. Had he said them out loud or imagined them he didnt know, but the resounding feelings from the one beside him echoed the peace his heart had long sought.

Now he could begin to heal now he could let it go.

Mace withdrew slowly coming back to himself and allowing Qui-gon to start his way back. He knew there would still be days that Qui-gon wouldn't face the problem, or want to talk about it, but he was on his way to healing.

Weary deep blue eyes stared into darker brown ones before closing again to clear thoughts and regain balance.

Mace stood a bit, waiting for Qui-gon to relax a bit further before pressing him to return to the quarters he used to share with Xanatos. He put his hand on Qui-gon's shoulder and the man once again stared up at him. More than weariness and pain stared back at him, but exhaustion mixed with it, making it that much harder on the Jedi Master.

"When was the last time you slept?" Mace asked gently, trying not to seem like he was imposing himself again.

"Since the night before me and Xanatos fought." Qui-gon answered hoarsely.

"Not even on the ship?"

"No."

Mace sighed and took Qui-gon's elbow and pulled him to his feet. "Do you think you could sleep in your quarters?"

Qui-gon immediately shook his head. He knew he wouldn't be able to and to lie to Mace would invite a more demanding and ordering Mace.

Mace said nothing and started walking for the exit. Qui-gon followed him not certain what the Council member was doing, but figured it would be best to follow him than to be alone again.

He soon realized that they were heading for Mace's quarters. "Mace really I'm fine."

"You just said you couldn't sleep in your quarters, not now anyway." Mace turned to face him as he opened the door and let him in. "So you're going to stay here."

"Mace..."

"Don't make me pull rank on you." Mace said sternly. "I know what kind of hell you put yourself though and you're either going to make an effort to sleep somewhere or your heading straight for the healers..."

"Alright Alright!" Qui-gon smiled a bit. "I know when I'm out numbered."

Mace smiled and showed Qui-gon the extra room. Then left him to see if he could even sleep on his own.

Even though the Master was in turmoil over what had happened, and most likely his dreams would be troubled, exhaustion was too great and Mace soon felt the calm from his friend that only sleep could have brought.

And it stayed that way for hours. And probably would have had a certain Jedi Master not shown himself

*******************************

"Master Yoda, he is fine here."

Qui-gon woke to his friend's muffled reply and something else said from a master Qui-gon had been trying to avoid.

Qui-gon stood and went to the door, just cracked a bit. He saw Mace and Yoda sitting in the living area. And when he thought that the Master had really come for his report on his former Padawan, he was surprised to find that Mace was not telling him.

"I told him I wasn't spying on him for you, and I will keep that word to him. "

"Keep your word to him you will, but concerned I am...my Padawan he was Master Windu..."

"And he was my best friend Master Yoda. I will not betray his trust right now, he doesn't need me to do that. If you wish to speak with him do it later, right now he's too exhausted."

"Fear I do what this has done to my apprentice.." Yoda said his ears dropping slightly. "Trust again will he?"

"Not anytime soon." Mace snorted.

Yoda got down from the seat and once again regarded Mace. "Fine, tell him speak with him I wish when ready he is." Yoda told him leaving a much surprised Qui-gon in his wake.

"How long have you been there?" Mace's voice shocked Qui-gon out of his private thoughts.

"Long enough." Qui-gon smiled lightly.

Mace shook his head. "Want some tea?"

"Please...."Qui-gon said sitting on the couch.

Mace returned with two cups and sat on a chair across from Qui-gon. He said nothing, and allowed his friend the time he wanted before he spoke.

"Thanks Mace...for everything."

"What are friends for?" Mace smirked.

Qui-gon laughed. "Sometimes I wonder about you...you disobeyed Yoda...I'm surprised."

"Yeah well. There is time to be a councilor and that wasn't one of them. Just don't bet on that happening often."

"I know. " Qui-gon said. "Thanks all the same."

Mace didn't reply and just enjoyed the comfortable silence in the room. Serene and calm for the moment, he would wait out Qui-gon's moods for the years to come if he had to, but at least his friend had found some small peace of mind.

There is no Emotion there is peace