Cowboy
Cowboy
By NightsDawne


Chapter 13: Dream a Little Dream

Ellone looked up at the tap on her door and got up from her chair, putting her book down and crossing the room to open the door. She'd been evacuated to the White Seed ship by her stepfather, President Loire, as soon as the first elite troops had invaded Esthar. She felt a bit silly being treated like a child when she was twenty-two years old, but she had gone along to keep him from worrying about her.

Cid gave her a hint of a worried smile. "Good evening, Ellone. I was wondering if I could ask you a favor."

"Cid?" Ellone returned the smile warmly, stepping aside to let him in. "What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be on the Garden."

Cid shrugged a little as he entered the room, fiddling with the lapel of his tweed jacket. "I'm in charge of education, not military engagements. I would only have gotten in Squall's way."

Ellone resumed her seat, offering the other chair to Cid with a gentle sweep of her hand. "Well, I'm glad to have some company. The ship seems so empty with only the students and my bodyguards on board. What is it I can do for you?"

Cid sat and took off his glasses, wiping them with a handkerchief dilligently as if it would help him compose his thoughts. "I need your gift. I need to find out what happened in someone's past."

Ellone leaned back. Her gift. It only worked with those she knew, those who held a place in her heart. Her unique talent was the ability to take one person she cared about into a dream state where they would time travel to the body of another friend and could vicariously experience that person's life for a brief time. "You aren't able to ask them?"

Cid shook his head, sliding his glasses back on. "He would never tell me. At this point, I doubt he would ever speak to me. Please, Ellone, the only way I can think of to repair the damage is to understand what he went through."

Ellone studied Cid's features, noting the lines of worry and the dark circles under his eyes. "Alright, Cid. I can tell this is something that's plaguing you. I'll need to know who."

Cid laid his head against the back of the chair, staring at the opposite wall. "Irvine."

"Irvine?" Ellone was a touch surprised.

"Yes, I suppose I should start with, oh, around ten years ago?"

Ellone nodded. "Okay, relax. It won't feel any different than going to sleep."

Cid nodded slightly, closing his eyes.


Cid found his eyes open. He was, or rather his host was, sprawled on his stomach on a bunk, struggling to read a math book. He forced himself to relax, not to let his mind wander into his own thoughts, not to struggle against the confines of being a seven year old. Through Irvine's eyes he watched lines and squiggles dance across the page in an oh, so familiar way.

"Four.. fourteen. Minus. Eleven." Irvine tapped the book with his pencil eraser, furrowing his brow to make sure he had it right before he carefully transcribed the problem onto his homework paper. Three. Irvine blinked. He usually didn't get them that quickly. He smiled and wrote down the answer. The other way. He furrowed his brow and erased the backwards three, carefully rewriting it facing the other direction. He looked at the next set of problems and his heart sank. Word problems. This was going to take him all night. Relax, we'll do them together. Jack has eight oranges and Tom has fifteen oranges. How many oranges do they have together? I know you can do this. "I can?" Irvine looked at the page again. "I can. I can do it. Eight plus fifteen." He wrote it on his paper. Eight plus five is? Irvine wrote down a three, studying it to see that it matched the other one. You got it right. Irvine wrote a small one above the tens column and quickly added to put a two in front of the three. "Is that right?" Perfect. I knew you were a smart kid. Irvine sighed and let his pencil wander to the margin of his paper, making a squiggle. "No, I ain't. M'stupid." You're not stupid. Oh, God, you're not stupid.

Irvine sat up as another boy entered the room, taller, maybe a year older than Irvine, with curly red hair. "Hi, Blake."

Blake crossed to the closet, reaching up to get his dress jacket down off its hanger. "Still doing your homework, Kinneas? You're missing the dinner."

Irvine pulled his knees to his chest. "Don't matter. S'a parent night. S'not mandatory if ya don't got none."

"Suit yourself." Blake slid his jacket on. "Bet you a wendago card you don't get your homework finished even if you skip dinner."

Irvine swallowed. "You're jus' tryna get my cards." Take him up on it. Irvine furrowed his brow. Go on. You can do it. "Okay, you're on."

Blake smirked as he walked out. "Sucker."

We'll see who's the sucker. Okay, Irvine, let's get to work. Irvine bent over his books once more, gripping his pencil confidently. The problems came easy, his mind unworking the tangles on the page. Problem after problem fell as they had never done before. For the first time, he'd finish an entire assignment and avoid the aching arms of punitive pushups.


Cid opened his eyes again, stretching a bit, feeling his own body.

"So he's dyslexic." Ellone tilted her head, looking to Cid. "Sorry, feeling alright again?"

Cid nodded. "Yes, getting there, thank you. I never knew. Martine never mentioned it in his progress reports."

"Maybe Martine didn't know, either."

"It's possible. I wasn't diagnosed until I joined the army. It would explain why he never tested for SeeD, though." Cid took off his glasses to clean them again, more out of nervous habit than necessity. "It also explains why he's such a crack shot. Ability to focus on something when it's spacial and real." Cid cast Ellone a smile. "If I'd been there for him, I'd have known when he was little. I'd have been able to get him a tutor."

Ellone sighed. "Cid, if there's one thing I know, it's that it's no good to try and second guess what might have happened. We can only look into the past, we can't change it."

Cid nodded, looking down to slide his glasses back on. "Yes, yes, you're right, of course. This is supposed to be an exercise in figuring out what I can do now."

"You're really worried about him, aren't you." Ellone smiled fondly. "He always was your favorite. Not that the rest of us took it badly. There was just something special between you two."

"He's.. he's my son." Cid didn't look at Ellone, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks as he blurted out the confession.

"What?"

"I had a brief affair with a woman when I was in the army. It was stupid, completely frivolous. I didn't stay in touch with her, I never even found out there was a child born of our time together until she died. I was a soldier, single, travelling with my unit and fighting a war. I couldn't take over raising a child. I had him sent to an orphanage, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. I had a son. So I found out where he was and went to see him. I just wanted to see his face, to know what he looked like." Cid looked up at Ellone, the haunted expression in her eyes making him fall silent. Oh, God, you know what he went through. Ellone, Laguna wasn't there for you, either.

Ellone swallowed, looking away. "It's never too late, Cid. Even when childhood has passed, fathers are important."

Cid reached for her hand, giving it a squeeze. "I'm sorry, Ellone. I'm so sorry."

Ellone squeezed his hand in return, smiling softly. "Don't apologize. Just be his father now. Give him someplace to belong."

Cid sighed. "I hope I get the chance."

Ellone looked to him, her brow furrowed. "Why, what's wrong?"

Cid tucked his handkerchief back in his pocket. "He was on the Ragnarok. It went down in the Esthar desert."

Ellone clapped her hand to her mouth, shaking her head. "Oh, no. Oh, I'm sure he's alright. He has to be."

Cid gave her a smile that did little to hide his worry. "I'm sure he will be. They're all good kids, well trained. And he got a lucky streak from his father."