Just a Place to Call my Own

by Rei ^death^ Himura

Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me. As if they ever will.

***

Sometimes it just hurts, to see him there, just within my reach, and yet so very far at the same time. I often wonder, how it would feel to have my fingers running through his short sandy blonde hair. To have his clear gray-eyed gaze at mine. To have his burnished lips press upon mine.

To have him, all to myself; in memory, soul and presence.

So here I am, talking to a talking skull. Ironic isn't it? That my life is as hollow and empty as the cursed shell that lays before me; inciting words, thoughts and suggestions that my ears should not have bear to hear. I was tempted, I wanted him for myself. I didn't want his every waking thought to belong to that whom he called 'Sara'. I wanted him to think only of me.

Wishful isn't it?

I've never had anyone want me, love me so much as he did with Sara. I envy her, am jealous of her. For she has everything that I could ever want in this dreary life of mine. She has the love of Setsuna Mudou; the reincarnation of the Great Organic Angel Alexiel. The woman who had once saved my life and still remains my object of idolatry.

I feel alone, even with the presence of my trusted confidante: Arakune. Even though I am surrounded by many who regard me their most sacred leader. But what have I to offer to them? I have failed in my duties as the last standing leader of the Evils. Gehenna is nearly destroyed... and everyone walks around in a mood so desolate that it is no wonder I fled the castle and found him on Assiah.

No one understands... I only wish someone could. Kira could, if only a meager portion of it. But at least he could. He tried. It amazes me that he has so much faith within Setsuna, that he stands by the Messiah through thick and thin. Even sacrificing his life so that Setsuna could still have a chance at finding Sara. Perhaps that is what is meant by the strong ties of brotherhood. For only someone so close, trusted and so dear would ever give his life up for another.

It is true, many of my followers would give their lives up for me. Yet it is only out of duty. Nothing more. For I am the last surviving princess of the Evils; and for their leader, they would accomplish anything.

I'm torn now. If I accepted the offer of Mad Hatter... I will leave behind my beloved Setsuna. I will no longer be able to stand at the side, watching him and cheering him on against the evils of the heavens above. I will not be able to smell him, feel his strong aura of determination and resoluteness. Yet, if I did. I would be able to bring his true form back. He would no longer require the body of the Organic Angel; he would be able to complete his mission.

The skull grants me my wish... I cannot achieve my goal. to seduce Setsuna... like that, is far more despicable and loathsome than driving a stake through his heart. My only parting words to him, a weep 'Bye Bye'. Yet even so, he does not see the sheen of tears that stream down my face. I pray I have done the right thing... and that if I fail in my quest, the Dragons would somehow save me. Or even so...

Farewell Setsuna, Alexiel. Perhaps you know of this already, and if you haven't, best you do not know. Three simple words can form a bond so strong. I only wish I could have what you have with Sara, but I hope this sacrifice will be enough.

Come Mad Hatter, let us go. Present me to your Lord and give Setsuna the elixir of life.

Good luck, I will always l- keep you in my heart...

Ending Notes: This is a small vignette of Kurai's thoughts before she joins Mad Hatter to be presented as Lucifer's 999th bride. Even as the author, I find this piece sad and utterly melancholy. Okay, not so. But think of it, like Zaphikiel, Metaron and Katou, they gave up their lives to help Setsuna. What she did is metamorphically giving up her life in order to revive Setsuna. Alas true devotion, rare to find in this world.