By NightsDawne
Chapter 19: Mixed Emotions
Irvine leaned back against the shower wall, watching the filthy water circling the drain as it washed away fine red sand and dried blood. If only it could wash away his racing thoughts. He impatiently longed for the moment they'd return to battle, when he could push everything else aside and focus only on the instinct to survive. He dropped his head back under the nozzle and let the water run over his face and hair.
Headmaster Cid, no, his father, was on the ship they were rushing to defend, as was Ellone, the gentle and understanding older sister to all the orphans. Cid had been a soldier, a gunblade expert like Seifer and Squall, but he hadn't fought for eleven years. He'd become a paper-pusher, dealing with financing, contracts, and test scores. He reminded Irvine more of an absent-minded professor than the fighter he'd once been. Ellone's skills had nothing to do with protecting herself. A handful of bodyguards and a bunch of children were the only defenders the two would have. Even if he hated Cid, the thought of him being taken captive or even killed twisted Irvine's stomach into knots. What would the Garden do without him? If the tough by-the-book Xu took his place, it wouldn't be much different than Galbadia Garden had been under Martine. Matron wouldn't be able to survive losing him after finally getting to be with her beloved husband again. His childhood family was finally together again with the return of Seifer, but without Cid they'd never stay together.
He rinsed off and stepped out of the shower, drying himself and wrapping a towel around his waist before going to his closet to get dressed again. He nodded to Seifer, now his new roommate, already finished and stretched out on his bed, getting a desperate bit of rest between battles. Seifer nodded back, then rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling. Irvine pulled on his clothes, feeling much more himself without sand and blood chafing his skin under the fabric, and flopped down on his bed on his stomach, chin on the backs of his hands.
"I can't stand the waiting." Seifer rolled onto his side again, restless, and propped his cheek on one hand. "I want to be in it already."
"Know whatcha mean," mumbled Irvine. "Just go ta sleep."
"Right, like you're gonna, either."
Irvine sighed and sat up, leaning his back against the wall and lighting up a cigarrette, tossing the pack with the last one and the lighter over to Seifer. "Can't stop thinkin'."
"You're worried about him, too." Seifer sat up, digging out the cigarrette and crumpling the pack, throwing it overhand into the trashcan by the desk.
"Why should I care one way or the other?" Irvine closed his eyes, trying to convince himself of his apathy as much as Seifer.
"Because he's your dad, fuckup at the job or not."
Irvine's eyes snapped open. "Don't call him my dad, you got that?"
"Your father, whatever." Seifer leaned forward. "Shit, Irvine, don't you know what any one of us would do to know our real parents? Can't you remember what it feels like being an orphan? At least you've got someone, now, and not just anyone, but Headmaster Cid."
"Fuck off, Seifer! I don't need him, and I do fuckin' remember! He didn't want me!"
Seifer shook his head, undaunted by Irvine's evidence of anger. "There had to be another reason. You were gone all that time, you forgot what Cid was like. He took care of all of us, he put up with more shit than I ever would have. He made me head of the Disciplinary Committee, gave me chances, never told me I couldn't become what I wanted to be, even when Quistis and Xu got in my face."
"Then you be his Goddamn son!" Irvine grabbed his clock, throwing it at Seifer with dead aim. It struck the blond on the side of the cheek. Seifer lunged off the bed with a yell, tossing the cigarrette to the floor as he took a swing at Irvine, his fist connecting with his friend's jaw, sending him sprawling across the bunk. Irvine threw his hands up defensively, regretting inciting Seifer's infamous ire with the impulsive attack. "I'm sorry, Seifer! Ya got me back. Lay off!" Seifer pulled back his arm again, one hand on Irvine's collar. Irvine swallowed and closed his eyes tightly, then opened them slowly as he felt Seifer release his collar, heard him step back.
"What was I doing?" Seifer looked down at Irvine, a hint of guilt in his eyes. "Shit, you're lip's bleeding."
Irvine sat up slowly, wiping his lip with the back of his hand and glancing down to the streak of blood on it. "S'okay. I deserved it. Sorta blew my stack back there."
Seifer picked up Irvine's towel and held it out to him. "I didn't mean to, okay?" Irvine nodded, that being more apology than he expected. He took the towel and held it to his mouth, watching Seifer as he retreived his cigarrette and flopped back on his bed, rubbing his cheekbone. "It's this fucking waiting around."
"Yeah, I know." Irvine pulled the towel away, then tossed it over the foot of the bed and leaned back, closing his eyes. "Can't stop thinkin'."
Squall lifted his head, watching the last two members of what he considered his unit enter the room. They were the best of the best as far as the SeeDs and cadets went, most of them trusted friends as well. Quistis, Selphie, and Zell were sitting on the couch, checking over their GFs and weapons. Fujin and Raijin stood in one corner, seeming to be having an uneasy adjustment to being asked to join the elite team. Rinoa paced the large sliding glass door that led out to the navigation deck where Nida struggled with the controls of the wounded Garden. Seifer closed the office door behind him and Irvine, looking to Squall with reserved resentment. Squall furrowed his brow slightly. Seifer had a black eye, Irvine a swollen, split lip.
"What happened to you two?"
"Walked into a door."
"Fell in the shower." Irvine could read the silence that followed, the one that said don't bullshit me.
Squall walked over, turning his attention from Irvine to Seifer, who met his gaze unflinchingly, almost challengingly. Squall stopped directly in front of the other gunblader, head tilted back a bit to meet the eyes of the tall cadet. "I put you in a room together because I thought maybe, just maybe, Irvine was the one person in this Garden you wouldn't fuck up with, Almasy."
"You wouldn't want me changing my perfect record, would you, Commander?"
Squall's eyes narrowed. "He's the only reason you're here, Almasy, don't forget that. I ever catch you roughing up a fellow cadet again and you're gone."
"Hey." Irvine stepped between the two before Seifer could answer, the blond's hands already clenching into fists. "I started it, Squall. My fault, okay?" Every eye in the room turned to the cowboy. Irvine grinned crookedly at their shocked expressions. "Hell, he ain't gonna rip my girlie magazines no more." Squall shook his head, not buying that Irvine would start a fight over something like that, but let it drop, walking back and sitting on his desk.
"Okay, we've got a job to do. The White SeeD ship is too small to take a full force onto, so I picked us to be her defense unit. The Garden will wait for the Red SeeD vessel to show up and try to intercept. I expect the Red SeeD will send in a few smaller boats to try to board the White SeeD ship, so our job will be to keep them off and defend the kids, Headmaster Cid, and Ellone. We'll split up into teams of three to cover the ship. Rinoa and Raijin will join me on the port side. Selphie, I want you to take Fujin and Zell, you'll cover the stern. Quistis, you've got Irvine and Seifer on the starboard. Everyone understand?"
"What about Headmaster Cid and Ellone?" Seifer crossed his arms, his tone questioning Squall's authority.
"So long as we keep the Red SeeD from boarding, there's no threat to them or the students." Squall fixed his grey-blue eyes on Seifer, the two falling into silence as they stared each other down.
Quistis stood, snapping her whip to her belt. "Seifer, you heard the commander's orders, didn't you?" She awaited an answer, her eyes narrowing as she got no acknowlegement. "Seifer?"
Irvine put his hand on Seifer's shoulder. "Hey, we're gonna make sure nothin' happens to them, Seifer. With you and me on that deck, them Red SeeDs don't stand a chance in hell of gettin' on board anyhow, am I right?" He held his hand out, palm up. Seifer dropped his eyes from Squall's to the hand, then gave it a slap, clasping Irvine's hand with interlocked thumbs for a shake.
"All for one and one for all." Seifer broke into a smile, Irvine grinning back.
Squall relaxed, shaking his head slightly. He had no idea how Irvine did it, but if he could settle the other gunblader down and make him put in a team effort, he had to respect him. "By the way, you cadets can consider this a field exam, but keep in mind the importance of this mission, not just your test scores."
"Field exam, huh?" Zell grinned as he walked past Seifer, smacking him on the back. "Good luck. What is this, fourteen?"
Seifer stiffened, glaring over his shoulder at Zell. "Sixteen, chickenwuss. And the last."
Quistis snorted, walking out of the room to wait for Seifer and Irvine at the offload dock. "You have the talent, but not the attitude, Seifer."
"We'll see, Instructor. You just know how much I love these field exams." Seifer looked down as Selphie straightened the front of his shirt, then looked up at him with her sunshine smile. Selphie went up on tiptoe, sliding her arms around Seifer's neck and kissing him fully on the mouth. The cadet stood there for a moment in confusion before sliding his arms around her, pulling her close to him as he returned it. "What was that for?" he whispered.
"Luck," chirped Selphie, turning her head to give Irvine a kiss on the cheek. "I just know my two favorite men in the world are going to graduate this time." She grinned again, bouncing away from Seifer to catch up with Zell. Rinoa raised her eyebrow slightly as she slid her arm around Squall's waist. Seifer shrugged to her and turned to leave, Irvine on his heels. Irvine couldn't help but wish it had been Quistis who'd kissed him instead of Selphie. Maybe if he made SeeD.
