Pansy and the Pussycats II
by CuteDiva
A/N: I'm so happy you guys liked chapter 1! I hope this story gets an even better response. I've been taking a short break from "Not So Innocent" to write humor, as I'm going through a bit of writer's block in the romance genre. So, enjoy this, because I'm almost sure this series will be less than 8 chapters long. And this isn't romance OR slash, 'cause, technically, there's no romance between members of the same sex (but try telling Draco that!)
Previously: In an effort to make Malfoy fall in love with her, Pansy mixes up a Love Potion. But she accidentally adds too much toad drool, a key ingredient, and instead of the potion making Malfoy fall in love with Pansy, the potion turns Malfoy gay... and he falls in love with Harry!
Pansy Parkinson lay on her bed in the Slytherin dormitory, Dracoless and with a huge zit on her nose. As she cried like a baby, Harry Potter, in the Great Hall, was about to be faced with something that would bring him nightmares for years and years to come.
"That Harry Potter is sooooooooooooo friggin' hot! Ooh, I want to lick, lick, lick, lick him from his head to his toes, and I wanna-"
"Um... Draco? What the hell are you talking about?" Crabbe grunted, his bushy unibrow raised.
"That Harry! He makes me sweat! Somebody, hose me down, it is getting hot in here!"
With that, Malfoy stood up, ran to the Gryffindor table, sat down right next to Harry, and started running his fingers through Harry's hair.
"Oh, Harry, you fine-ass cutie!" Malfoy squealed, while Harry looked at him like he was speaking Greek backwards.
"Harry, you make me melt! I want to kiss you, and I want to touch you, and I want to spend hours of mad passion through the night with you. I want to see you be all that you can be! Honey, I want you to be mine!"
"Ew, get the bloody HELL away from me, you slutty male Harlequin smut addict!" Harry screamed, pushing Malfoy away from him.
"But, dear, what about our CHILDREN?"
Harry looked horror struck. "What CHILDREN?"
"The ones we're going to have, you silly poopyhead!" Draco said matter-of-factly.
"You... PERVERT!"
"Modern technology has come a long way," Malfoy rambled, putting his arm around a very disgusted Harry and attracting horrified stares. "And as soon as I can convince Daddy to let me have the operation, we'll be able to get to work on Draco Jr.!"
"Draco Jr.?" Harry said, grimacing. What the heck was going on here?
"We can call him Harry Jr. if you like, Snugglebuns!"
Harry stared, his jaw dropping almost to the floor. Without thinking it, Harry slowly edged away, stood up, still staring and began to break into a mad run for the door, screaming, "Help me, please, someone, get that maniac away from me!"
Malfoy looked politely confused and hurt. "Was it something I said?"
***
That night, Harry lay awake, rewinding the day in his mind in total terror. Ew! What had Draco been SMOKING? Harry decided to sleep it off, and turned around, closed his eyes, and began to drift to sleep.
Then he heard a noise.
Harry turned around, thinking it was his imagination, when he heard the sound of breathing that wasn't his own. He opened his eyes.
"Think how wonderful our first night is going to be."
"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Malfoy had come to Harry's dormitory in the middle of the night, determined to convince Harry to, um, fulfill his desires, shall we say. Harry's scream had alerted the rest of the dormitory, and the moment Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville saw Malfoy, they started throwing hexes everywhere, except for Neville, who started crying like a little girl.
"Please, can't we all just get along?" Neville whimpered.
And all this because of stupid Millicent Bulstrode having made Pansy trip.
A/N: Not much to say, all reviews are encourages, flames will be fizzled out. Next chapter coming soon!
