Chapter Six
ONIONS GROW HAIRS
The sun flowers stood happily in the sun, basking in it's warm rays. But the happiness was soon halted from being bent over to make room for a smelly ogre and a talking donkey.
Shrek 'n Donkey had recently left Duloc, with their new mission in their minds. And Shrek had just picked up a few snacks in the farm they were walking through, an onion and some corn cobs.
"So lemme get this straight. Your gonna go and save a princess in a castle so Farquaard can give you back your swamp which you already have but you don't want since it's full of freaks?" Donkey asked in a long sentence. Shrek looked back at him.
"You know, maybe there's a good reason why Donkey's shouldn't talk." He claimed, then kept walking.
"I don't get you Shrek, I mean why don't you just get rid of em yourself? You know, lay a seize on his fortress, grind his bones fer your bread, you know the whole ogre thing." Donkey hurried up so he was walking besides Shrek.
"Oh I know, I could have decapitated an entire village 'n stick their heads on a pike, cut open their insides and drink their fluids. Does that sound like a plan to you?" Shrek stopped and looked down at Donkey for a moment.
"...no not really." Donkey felt sicked by the whole idea.
"You know there's a lot more to Ogres then people think." Shrek added as he began walking.
"Example?" Donkey asked.
"Example? Ogres are..." Shrek glanced down at the food he was holding, and produced the onion to Donkey, "Ogres are like onions!" he declared. Donkey gave the onion a sniff.
"They stink?" Donkey asked after wriggling his nose.
"Yes-no!" Shrek caught on, yes they did stink but he didn't mean that example.
"They make you cry?" Donkey asked,
"No!" Shrek never heard of an ogre making someone cry,
"Ohhh you leave em out in the sun they turn brown and start sprouting little white hairs?" Donkey asked, since he'd seen it happen. Shrek lost his cool.
"NO! Onions have layers," Shrek ripped the onion in half, showing it's layers.
"Ogres, have layers, Onions have layers.. we both have layers! There." He tossed the onion to the ground and marched off. Donkey stood there.
"Ohhh you both have layers!" he gave the onion a second sniff, still stunk. "You know not everybody likes Onions." He thought of anything else that had layers, and it came to him. "Cake!" he galloped after Shrek, "Everybody loves cake, cake has layers!"
"I don't CARE what everyone likes!" Shrek turned to Donkey, "Ogres are not like cakes!" really, ogres like cakes... he started walking again.
"How about piaffe? Piaffe has layers and everybody likes piaffes. You'll never meet a person and say 'Hey wanna get some piaffe' and the person goes 'Hell no I don't like no piaffe' Piaffes are delicious!" Donkey declared as he trotted after Shrek again.
"NO! You idiotic beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye bye! See ya later." Shrek, now finished with his outburst, stormed off through some corn. Donkey stood there for a moment.
"Piaffe is probably the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet." Donkey continued as he trotted after Shrek through the corn.
"You know, I think I liked you humming." Shrek said in an annoyed tone.
"You got a tissue? Cause even the word piaffe makes me drool..."
The two kept walking all the way through the day, pausing for Donkey to do his business behind a tree, and other reasons. They stopped when it got too dark, and slept by a fire place. Course in the morning Shrek tried putting it out with his shoe, which got really hot and Donkey put it out the old fashioned way - and got a disgusted look from Shrek.
Soon they came to a tall volcano-like mountain, and began going up. Soon they were near the top, Donkey behind Shrek like he had always been, but suddenly a foul smell filled his nostrils and he reared back suddenly.
"Whooo!! Shrek did you do that? Man you oughta warn people before you go off blastin' like that, my mouth was open 'n everything!" Donkey complained as he went to the side of Shrek to avoid the smell. Shrek grinned and turned to Donkey.
"Believe me Donkey if it was me, you'd be dead." Shrek paused, and sniffed the air. "It's brimstone. We should be getting close." Shrek continued to walk, and Donkey continued to complain.
"Yeah brimstone... I know what I smelt and it was no brimstone, and it come off no stone neither." Donkey muttered to himself. Soon the two climbed over the very top of the volcanic-like structure, and stopped dead. Ahead of them was a wasteland, then an old bridge that stretched across the lake of lava and in the middle of the lake was the castle.
"...sure it's big enough, but look at the location!" Shrek declared. He laughed heartily to himself, and climbed over and began walking towards the bridge.
"Hey um... Shrek? Remember what you were saying about Ogres being like onions?" Donkey asked as he slowly followed up the rear.
"Oh aye?" Shrek asked.
"Well.. um.. Donkey's don't have layers." Donkey stopped to look at a skeleton that was long since dead. "We wear our fear right out on our sleeves." He added as he came to where Shrek was, stood next to the bridge.
"Now wait a moment, donkey's done have sleeves!" Shrek said in a light-hearted way.
"You know what I mean." Donkey said.
"Oh you can't tell me you're afraid of heights." Shrek claimed, that was the last thing he needed.
"No.. I'm just a bit uncomfortable about walking over a rickety bridge of a boiling lake of lava!" Donkey declared, looking at the lava.
"Now come on Donkey, I'll be right here. For emotional support, we'll just tackle this one little baby step at a time." With this Shrek somewhat patted-shoved Donkey first.
"Really?" Donkey asked nervously.
"Really really." Shrek said.
"Okay... that makes me seem a whole lot better." Donkey said, and began walking.
"Just don't look down." Shrek added calmly. The two began walking across the bridge, Donkey muttering to himself about not looking down. All of a sudden his hoof broke an old piece of wood, and it fell to the lava and Donkey ended up looking down.
"Ah! SHREK! I'm looking down! AHH!" Donkey screamed and turned around suddenly, "Turn around I wanna go back!" he cried.
"Oh come on, we're already half way there!" Shrek pointed to show, but Donkey wouldn't look.
"Yeah sure but I know that half is safe!" Donkey cried again.
"Look I don't have time for this, you go back 'n I'll keep going." Shrek continued walking forward, while Donkey tried to push past the big ogre, to no avail.
"Shrek no I wanna go back I wanna go-AHH!! DON'T DO THAT!"
Shrek had suddenly moved violently to the side, making the bridge sway roughly, making Donkey freeze on the spot.
"Oh I'm sorry, do what?" Shrek asked, a small evil grin crossing his face. "Oh this?" Shrek then lurched to the side, making the bridge sway again.
"Yes that!" cried Donkey, paralysed with fear with the idea of falling from the bridge to an untimely end.
"Yes? Do it... okay!" Shrek then lurched from side to side as he walked, swinging the bridge, causing Donkey to scream and cry out as he backed away since Shrek was coming, and there was no way around him.
"Noo! Shrek! No no no! Oh I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die!" Donkey stopped his screaming when he noticed, due to Shrek's swinging he had backed up all the way to the other side of the lava lake. Shrek smirked and walked up, and patted him on the cheek.
"That'll do Donkey, that'll do." He said, then walked past. Donkey remained stood there, and looked at the bridge then at his green compadre.
"Cool!" he declared, then trotted after him. "So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck anyway?"
"Inside, waiting for us to rescue her." Shrek relied as he walked across the almost demolished real bridge.
"I was talkin' about the dragon Shrek." Donkey said quickly.
ONIONS GROW HAIRS
The sun flowers stood happily in the sun, basking in it's warm rays. But the happiness was soon halted from being bent over to make room for a smelly ogre and a talking donkey.
Shrek 'n Donkey had recently left Duloc, with their new mission in their minds. And Shrek had just picked up a few snacks in the farm they were walking through, an onion and some corn cobs.
"So lemme get this straight. Your gonna go and save a princess in a castle so Farquaard can give you back your swamp which you already have but you don't want since it's full of freaks?" Donkey asked in a long sentence. Shrek looked back at him.
"You know, maybe there's a good reason why Donkey's shouldn't talk." He claimed, then kept walking.
"I don't get you Shrek, I mean why don't you just get rid of em yourself? You know, lay a seize on his fortress, grind his bones fer your bread, you know the whole ogre thing." Donkey hurried up so he was walking besides Shrek.
"Oh I know, I could have decapitated an entire village 'n stick their heads on a pike, cut open their insides and drink their fluids. Does that sound like a plan to you?" Shrek stopped and looked down at Donkey for a moment.
"...no not really." Donkey felt sicked by the whole idea.
"You know there's a lot more to Ogres then people think." Shrek added as he began walking.
"Example?" Donkey asked.
"Example? Ogres are..." Shrek glanced down at the food he was holding, and produced the onion to Donkey, "Ogres are like onions!" he declared. Donkey gave the onion a sniff.
"They stink?" Donkey asked after wriggling his nose.
"Yes-no!" Shrek caught on, yes they did stink but he didn't mean that example.
"They make you cry?" Donkey asked,
"No!" Shrek never heard of an ogre making someone cry,
"Ohhh you leave em out in the sun they turn brown and start sprouting little white hairs?" Donkey asked, since he'd seen it happen. Shrek lost his cool.
"NO! Onions have layers," Shrek ripped the onion in half, showing it's layers.
"Ogres, have layers, Onions have layers.. we both have layers! There." He tossed the onion to the ground and marched off. Donkey stood there.
"Ohhh you both have layers!" he gave the onion a second sniff, still stunk. "You know not everybody likes Onions." He thought of anything else that had layers, and it came to him. "Cake!" he galloped after Shrek, "Everybody loves cake, cake has layers!"
"I don't CARE what everyone likes!" Shrek turned to Donkey, "Ogres are not like cakes!" really, ogres like cakes... he started walking again.
"How about piaffe? Piaffe has layers and everybody likes piaffes. You'll never meet a person and say 'Hey wanna get some piaffe' and the person goes 'Hell no I don't like no piaffe' Piaffes are delicious!" Donkey declared as he trotted after Shrek again.
"NO! You idiotic beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye bye! See ya later." Shrek, now finished with his outburst, stormed off through some corn. Donkey stood there for a moment.
"Piaffe is probably the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet." Donkey continued as he trotted after Shrek through the corn.
"You know, I think I liked you humming." Shrek said in an annoyed tone.
"You got a tissue? Cause even the word piaffe makes me drool..."
The two kept walking all the way through the day, pausing for Donkey to do his business behind a tree, and other reasons. They stopped when it got too dark, and slept by a fire place. Course in the morning Shrek tried putting it out with his shoe, which got really hot and Donkey put it out the old fashioned way - and got a disgusted look from Shrek.
Soon they came to a tall volcano-like mountain, and began going up. Soon they were near the top, Donkey behind Shrek like he had always been, but suddenly a foul smell filled his nostrils and he reared back suddenly.
"Whooo!! Shrek did you do that? Man you oughta warn people before you go off blastin' like that, my mouth was open 'n everything!" Donkey complained as he went to the side of Shrek to avoid the smell. Shrek grinned and turned to Donkey.
"Believe me Donkey if it was me, you'd be dead." Shrek paused, and sniffed the air. "It's brimstone. We should be getting close." Shrek continued to walk, and Donkey continued to complain.
"Yeah brimstone... I know what I smelt and it was no brimstone, and it come off no stone neither." Donkey muttered to himself. Soon the two climbed over the very top of the volcanic-like structure, and stopped dead. Ahead of them was a wasteland, then an old bridge that stretched across the lake of lava and in the middle of the lake was the castle.
"...sure it's big enough, but look at the location!" Shrek declared. He laughed heartily to himself, and climbed over and began walking towards the bridge.
"Hey um... Shrek? Remember what you were saying about Ogres being like onions?" Donkey asked as he slowly followed up the rear.
"Oh aye?" Shrek asked.
"Well.. um.. Donkey's don't have layers." Donkey stopped to look at a skeleton that was long since dead. "We wear our fear right out on our sleeves." He added as he came to where Shrek was, stood next to the bridge.
"Now wait a moment, donkey's done have sleeves!" Shrek said in a light-hearted way.
"You know what I mean." Donkey said.
"Oh you can't tell me you're afraid of heights." Shrek claimed, that was the last thing he needed.
"No.. I'm just a bit uncomfortable about walking over a rickety bridge of a boiling lake of lava!" Donkey declared, looking at the lava.
"Now come on Donkey, I'll be right here. For emotional support, we'll just tackle this one little baby step at a time." With this Shrek somewhat patted-shoved Donkey first.
"Really?" Donkey asked nervously.
"Really really." Shrek said.
"Okay... that makes me seem a whole lot better." Donkey said, and began walking.
"Just don't look down." Shrek added calmly. The two began walking across the bridge, Donkey muttering to himself about not looking down. All of a sudden his hoof broke an old piece of wood, and it fell to the lava and Donkey ended up looking down.
"Ah! SHREK! I'm looking down! AHH!" Donkey screamed and turned around suddenly, "Turn around I wanna go back!" he cried.
"Oh come on, we're already half way there!" Shrek pointed to show, but Donkey wouldn't look.
"Yeah sure but I know that half is safe!" Donkey cried again.
"Look I don't have time for this, you go back 'n I'll keep going." Shrek continued walking forward, while Donkey tried to push past the big ogre, to no avail.
"Shrek no I wanna go back I wanna go-AHH!! DON'T DO THAT!"
Shrek had suddenly moved violently to the side, making the bridge sway roughly, making Donkey freeze on the spot.
"Oh I'm sorry, do what?" Shrek asked, a small evil grin crossing his face. "Oh this?" Shrek then lurched to the side, making the bridge sway again.
"Yes that!" cried Donkey, paralysed with fear with the idea of falling from the bridge to an untimely end.
"Yes? Do it... okay!" Shrek then lurched from side to side as he walked, swinging the bridge, causing Donkey to scream and cry out as he backed away since Shrek was coming, and there was no way around him.
"Noo! Shrek! No no no! Oh I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die!" Donkey stopped his screaming when he noticed, due to Shrek's swinging he had backed up all the way to the other side of the lava lake. Shrek smirked and walked up, and patted him on the cheek.
"That'll do Donkey, that'll do." He said, then walked past. Donkey remained stood there, and looked at the bridge then at his green compadre.
"Cool!" he declared, then trotted after him. "So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck anyway?"
"Inside, waiting for us to rescue her." Shrek relied as he walked across the almost demolished real bridge.
"I was talkin' about the dragon Shrek." Donkey said quickly.
