Author's Notes: Okay, so I was a little grouchy. Sue me. Better yet, sue
Methos. I'm sure he's been a lawyer at some point. Me, I'm a sweet little
16 year old girl. Which is why I don't own Methos. Really.
Late at night, when I'm alone, I think, that maybe, just maybe, it's true. It's a hard realization.
In my deepest heart of hearts, the suspicion has always been there.
Maybe I still am.
It's difficult to consider. No one ever wants to think they're a bad person.
I can rationalize and intellectualize until the world ends, but in the end, there is one truth.
I did it.
I did slaughter her tribe. I did kill her. Again and Again, and again.
Worse, I enjoyed it. I received pleasure from her pain.
Blame in on the time, on the circumstances, my own pain.
I still did it.
I didn't know it wasn't supposed to be that way. How can you understand the difference between good and bad if you've only ever seen the bad?
I read a poem once. It was about a child who was beaten. The child didn't know why. And didn't understand that it wasn't the way it was supposed to be. The child never knew any different. Like me.
I never knew any different.
You were either the slave or the Master. And it hurt less to be the Master.
I killed Cassandra. I hurt her. She casts me as the monster and rightly so. I was the Monster. But once I was also the child cowering in fear of the monster. You can't do what you didn't know. And everything I did to Cassandra had happened to me thousands upon thousands of times before.
To create strength you must first temper the metal. Wasn't that how it was done?
Slavery had always existed, always. Humans always want to possess, to own. So it always had been, and I thought always would.
To have a second chance to make things right, the greatest wish of mortals. Immortals aren't any different, just more regrets. But if I had never joined the Horsemen, what then? If I had governed my grief and anger what then? Would the Horsemen not have existed? Perish the thought. Of course they would have.
Kronos, Caspian, and poor Silas, would still have rode. What of Cassandra then? they would most probably still have caught her. Kronos would have had her first. Then Silas. Then Caspian. Immortal women who laid with Caspian had a dismaying tendency not to get up again. Mortals Caspian was gentler with, though not much.
She would have died. and what the world would have lost. Cassandra is three thousand years old.
The oldest living female immortal.
Her rage kept her alive. Her rage against the monster. The monster that I still feel, creeping around my soul. Deep at night, when I'm alone, and I remember I did it. And so many other things.
Late at night, when I'm alone, I think, that maybe, just maybe, it's true. It's a hard realization.
In my deepest heart of hearts, the suspicion has always been there.
Maybe I still am.
It's difficult to consider. No one ever wants to think they're a bad person.
I can rationalize and intellectualize until the world ends, but in the end, there is one truth.
I did it.
I did slaughter her tribe. I did kill her. Again and Again, and again.
Worse, I enjoyed it. I received pleasure from her pain.
Blame in on the time, on the circumstances, my own pain.
I still did it.
I didn't know it wasn't supposed to be that way. How can you understand the difference between good and bad if you've only ever seen the bad?
I read a poem once. It was about a child who was beaten. The child didn't know why. And didn't understand that it wasn't the way it was supposed to be. The child never knew any different. Like me.
I never knew any different.
You were either the slave or the Master. And it hurt less to be the Master.
I killed Cassandra. I hurt her. She casts me as the monster and rightly so. I was the Monster. But once I was also the child cowering in fear of the monster. You can't do what you didn't know. And everything I did to Cassandra had happened to me thousands upon thousands of times before.
To create strength you must first temper the metal. Wasn't that how it was done?
Slavery had always existed, always. Humans always want to possess, to own. So it always had been, and I thought always would.
To have a second chance to make things right, the greatest wish of mortals. Immortals aren't any different, just more regrets. But if I had never joined the Horsemen, what then? If I had governed my grief and anger what then? Would the Horsemen not have existed? Perish the thought. Of course they would have.
Kronos, Caspian, and poor Silas, would still have rode. What of Cassandra then? they would most probably still have caught her. Kronos would have had her first. Then Silas. Then Caspian. Immortal women who laid with Caspian had a dismaying tendency not to get up again. Mortals Caspian was gentler with, though not much.
She would have died. and what the world would have lost. Cassandra is three thousand years old.
The oldest living female immortal.
Her rage kept her alive. Her rage against the monster. The monster that I still feel, creeping around my soul. Deep at night, when I'm alone, and I remember I did it. And so many other things.
