Waking Up The Evil Dead
by Random
***
DISCLAIMER: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and all its
characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th
Century Fox and the WB Network. "Evil
Dead," "Evil Dead 2," "Army of Darkness" and all their characters and names are
property of Sam Raimi and Renaissance Pictures. "Splattermania" written by Ginger, published by Warner Chappel
Music Ltd. "Far Beyond Metal" written
by Devin Townsend, Gene Hoglan, Jed Simon, Byron Stroud and John Paul Morgan,
published by Bucket of Nothing Music.
DESCRIPTION: Buffy/Evil Dead crossover. A mysterious book surfaces in Sunnydale and
soon people start getting possessed by an evil force. Now it's up to the gang to get things under control, all with a
little help from a certain S-Mart clerk with a chainsaw for a hand.
RATING: R
FEEDBACK: Yes, please!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was my very first Buffy fanfiction that
I wrote way back in 1999. It takes
place towards the end of season three. Thanks
to Kent for pointing out my glaring omission of the term "boomstick." And thanks to Devin, Ginger and Jason for
all the music.
NOTE: This fic's original title was "There's
Something Evil In The Parking Lot".
* * *
PART III
* * *
"Is this going to help us?" Buffy asked
looking past Giles' bandaged head at the computer screen that they had
scavenged from one of the computer labs.
Giles
was scrolling through the web site that Willow had found before she had been
possessed. "Yes," he muttered,
completely absorbed in his reading.
"This is indeed going to be a big help in translating the text."
"Do
you want some tea," Xander asked Cordelia, offering her a steaming mug.
He
had found her crouched in the corner of the room furthest away from both the
windows and the deadite that was watching them from its cell.
"Thank
you," she said taking the mug from Xander.
She took a sip from it then placed it on the floor beside her and went
back to hugging her knees.
"Do
you mind if I sit down?" Xander asked tentatively.
"Knock
yourself out," the girl responded without looking up at him.
Xander
sat down next to her and found himself with nothing to say. He had never seen Cordelia quite like
this. Even though she didn't have
Buffy's slayer powers he had always admired her for her bravery. She also had a talent for not letting anything
get to her. But ever since they had run
into her at the store she had seemed completely different. He didn't know what she had encountered in
the mall's parking lot and he had not been able to comprehend it from her
descriptions. But whatever it had been
it had had a profound impact on Cordelia.
Ever since then she had been quiet and had kept herself in the
background. If they were going to beat
this evil spirit they were going to need her help.
"Are
you alright?" Xander asked lamely.
"Do
I look alright?" Cordelia shot back sarcastically.
"You
look like hell," Xander answered with a smile and they shared a brief
laugh. "Which by human standards is
still stunningly beautiful."
Again
there was a moment of uneasy silence between them.
"Look,"
Xander stammered, "about Willow and me…-"
He
trailed off waiting for Cordelia to interrupt him, to make fun of him, to yell
at him or tell him she didn't want to hear about it. But all she did was look at him and raise her eyebrows, waiting
for him to continue.
That
caught him off guard. Xander had been
expecting the easy way out, being yelled at and not having to explain
himself. Now he had to find a way to
put his thoughts and feelings into words.
"Well?"
Cordelia asked. "Are you gonna say
something or do you want me to guess?"
"You're
not making this very easy on me," Xander complained.
"Why
should I make it easy on you?"
"Touché,"
Xander conceded. He took another moment
to organize his thoughts. "When that whole
thing with Willow happened, I didn't know what I wanted. I was happy yet scared with you. I have seen how you used to treat your
boyfriends. From one day to the next
you'd break up with them, for no apparent reason, except maybe you got bored
with them. So maybe to a certain extent
I wanted to at least give you a reason to break up with me."
"Well,
congratulations," Cordelia said. "You
succeeded."
"Yes,
and in the process destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me. Look, Cordy, maybe I didn't give you enough
credit, you have changed a lot in the past two years. And so have I, especially lately. I said that I used to be afraid that you would break up with me. The only thing I'm afraid of now is to never
get a chance to set things right with you."
Cordelia
gave him a smile. "But you also have to
see things from my point of view," she said.
"I was really falling for you. I
have never felt about anybody they way that I felt about you. And when I saw you with Willow, it was as if
you ripped my heart out and did your best Fred Astaire impression on it. That was pretty devastating for me."
"I
know," Xander conceded. "And I'm truly
sorry. But the one thing it did show me
is how much I care about you and how much I miss you."
That
evoked another soft smile from Cordelia.
"You're not just saying this because Willow was turned into a walking
corpse?" she asked nodding towards the caged up demon.
Xander
shook his head sheepishly.
"I'll
make you a deal," she said. "If we live
through this, you can take me out to dinner and we'll see where we stand."
"Deal,"
Xander laughed. "Well, now that we've
gotten past our token angsty moment, maybe we should join the others and see if
we can dispel this evil thingy out there."
They
were about to get up when they heard the sinister voice of the caged
deadite. "Oh, I miss you, Cordelia," it
spat mockingly. "I love you,
Cordelia. He wasn't saying any of that
while he was making out with Willow."
"Shut
up," Xander yelled. He was about ready
to storm the cage, but Cordelia held him back and shook her head.
The
deadite just laughed its diabolical laugh.
Xander
and Cordelia walked around behind the check out counter, where Giles and Buffy
were at the computer, working on their translation of the Necronomicon, while
Ash was trying to help out by relaying accounts of his previous experiences
with the book and the deadites.
"How
are we doing?" Cordelia asked.
"We're
well on our way," Giles answered. "We
should be ready in maybe an hour."
As
they breathed a collective sigh of relief they heard something stir in the
stacks.
"Anybody
else hear that?" Ash asked hesitantly as he pulled his shotgun out of its
holster, stood up from his chair at the table and slowly backed a way from the
stacks.
"What
the spooky noise coming from the stacks?" Xander inquired. "Um, no, we didn't hear that," he offered
unconvincingly.
"Do
you think there's something back there?" Cordelia wondered.
"There
can't be," Buffy stated. "We barricaded
the back door right after that whole mess with Oz, and as far as we know that
thing can't get through walls."
"Well,
somebody's gonna have to go look then," Cordelia suggested. Instinctively they all turned to Ash.
"Famous
last words," Xander mumbled to himself.
It
took a moment until it dawned on Ash that they were all looking at him because
they wanted him to go investigate. "No,
no, no, wait a second," he said. "This
is not my problem. I didn't bring that
thing into our world. I've done my
share of fighting. You screw around
with the book, you go dance when it comes asking."
"Wait
a second," Buffy argued. "I thought you
were here to help."
"Help,"
Ash laughed incredulously. "I'm here to
survive. I don't care what you do, but
I'm making sure that I see the sunrise tomorrow."
"Oh,
great," Cordelia yelled, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "First we have to endure your Indiana Jones
on crack routine and now that things get tough you're the first one to run?"
"Listen,
sister," Ash argued pointing his chainsaw-sporting arm at the group assembled
around the computer, "I got mixed up in this by accident. Ok, it might not be the first time, but you
are the ones that claim to be the professionals with this sort of thing. So why don't you send paramilitary boy over
there?"
Xander
swallowed hard. He had little desire to
go anywhere at this point and his gun gave him very little comfort.
Luckily
for him the attention was deflected away from this argument when a book came flapping
out of the stacks, using its covers for wings.
They stared in silence as it flew around the library for a few moments
before diving straight for Ash. Ash
screamed as the book collided with his face and knocked him on his back. He landed on the floor with a heavy thud and
the book firmly affixed to his face in a fashion not unlike the one popularized
by the movie Alien.
"Aaagggghhhhhhh!!!!"
Ash screamed. "Help! Get this thing off me! Aaaaaggghhhhh!!!!"
"Look,"
Buffy pointed out unnecessarily. "The
book has firmly affixed itself to his face in a fashion not unlike the one
popularized by the movie Alien!"
By
now Ash had taken to trashing about with a bit of flailing of the limbs thrown
in for spice.
"We
should probably help him," Cordelia suggested helpfully.
"Yeah,"
Xander agreed. "But what can we about a
book that has firmly affixed itself to his face in a fashion not unlike the one
popularized by the movie Alien?"
"I
don't know," Buffy conceded. "What did
they do in the movie again?"
"Nothing,"
Cordelia answered. "The thing got off
by itself and died. Of course that
brought on some fairly far reaching repercussions for the rest of the crew."
"Excuse
me," Ash called from the floor. "But,
in case you have forgotten, I have a book firmly affixed to my face in a
fashion not unlike the one popularized by the movie Alien. Now before this
turns into some kind of running gag can we try and get it off? I think its trying to slip me the tongue."
With
that Buffy and Xander vaulted over the counter, while Cordelia took the detour
through Giles' office, to rush to Ash's help.
It took the combined effort of all three to pry the rogue book off of
Ash's face. The book put up a valiant
struggle but finally conceded defeat and flew out of everybody's hands. It circled the library a few times and the
disappeared back into the stacks.
Xander
helped Ash off the floor.
"That
was surreal," Buffy commented.
"I'll
see your surreal," Xander responded, "And I'll raise you a bizarre."
The
other three nodded in agreement and turned back to Giles who was still sitting
at the computer terminal engrossed in his task.
Suddenly
the stacks seemed abuzz with noise. All
the books were slowly trembling in their place on the shelves. The noise grew louder with each passing
moment.
"I
don't like this at all," Ash commented starting up his chainsaw.
Only
moments later each and every book flew off its shelf and into the library, some
of them even in formation. They rained
down on their victims below as they started flailing, screaming and even
running in circles trying to get the books off that were gnawing at their
limbs. Since we are working with movie
clichés, the whole scene was very reminiscent of The Birds.
Ash
slashed out randomly with his chainsaw cutting quite a few books into ribbons
but the reinforcements from the stacks seemed to be inexhaustible. Every book was called to active duty, from
worn out paperbacks to dictionaries to huge reference books. The smaller books were relentless in their
attacks drawing the target's attention away from the large books circling
overhead, waiting for their chance to strike.
When such a chance presented itself the heavy books went into a dive
right for their victim's head, and collided with them forcefully.
Giles
had curled up in the fetal position under the library's return counter, but a
few paperbacks had found him and were pestering him. Xander was trying to shield Cordelia from the onslaught with
moderate success, while Buffy was wielding a chair to protect herself.
Nobody really noticed the deadite
that had once been Willow cackling diabolically in its cage. It was throwing itself against the cage in
an attempt to free itself, but all the effort was in vain.
Meanwhile
the battle with the flying books raged on.
The floor was covered in dismembered pages, wounded books flailing on
the floor and books for which all help was too late. There were no cries for medics that were indigenous to
battlefields. There were however a few
calls for a bookbinder.
Xander
had heard about getting immersed in literature before but this was
ridiculous. He had been hit over the
head twice with a book three times the size of the yellow pages, he had four
hardbacks gnawing at his legs and a pocket dictionary in his underwear. He was busy trying to keep a swarm of
paperbacks away from the table that Cordelia was cowering under.
Ash
on the other hand was up to his knees in what amounted to confetti, producing a
small snowstorm as he took his chainsaw to any book that came within a few feet
of him. Giles was happy that he didn't
have to witness the carnage inflicted onto his prized possessions as he sat
under the counter fighting off a small squadron of science books.
And
then, as suddenly as it had started, the onslaught stopped. Every book dropped out of the air and hit
the ground or the hapless person standing in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Ash
looked around the room as he let his chainsaw idle and die off. The books lay motionless all over the
library floor and the stacks behind were virtually empty. Xander helped Cordelia out from under the
table and Giles slowly emerged from under the counter. Even the deadite had stopped thrashing
around in its cage. They stood looking
at each other in the deafening silence.
Finally
Giles spoke up. "Um, where's Buffy?"
* * *
"Okay, are we ready?" Xander asked checking
the safety on his AK-47.
"Yup,"
Ash answered succinctly, with his shotgun in his left hand and the chainsaw at
the ready on his right stump.
"Now,
you guys be careful," Cordelia warned as she stuck a fire axe into Xander's
backpack. "And find Buffy and bring her
back."
They
were standing in front of the library doors, armed to the tees and ready to go
on a slayer hunt. After the attack of
the killer books they had searched the library but they had been unable to
discover Buffy's whereabouts. The
deadite Willow had been laughing at them throughout the whole ordeal,
threatening to swallow all their souls.
They had given it little heed, as they grew more concerned for
Buffy. So Ash and Xander had
volunteered to comb the school while Cordelia and Giles finished up the
translation of the text.
"Alright,
don't go taking any stupid risks," Cordelia mothered them. "If you think something is funky make sure
you get backup before you investigate."
"Yes,
mom," Xander joked, while Ash just scoffed at being given advice by somebody
half his age.
Cordelia
gave Xander a quick kiss on his cheek.
"You look like Rambo without the steroids," she remarked.
"Let's
do this," Ash said. Xander nodded and
they both set off down the hallway in opposite directions.
Cordelia
watched Xander recede down the dimly lit hall before she ducked back into the
library to return to the task at hand.
Xander
slowly walked along the rows of lockers holding on to his gun like a security
blanket. He didn't particularly care
for guns and he was happy that in their day to day routine, fighting vampires,
guns weren't necessary. He knew
everything about all sorts of firearms, the little experience he had had at
Halloween had insured that, but they nonetheless filled him with a sense of
dread. Oh, what he'd give right now to
be facing the Master again, a simple wooden stake being the most effective
weapon. But extraordinary circumstances
called for extraordinary measures and in this case for an AK-47 and a fire axe.
Another
thing that worried Xander was that it was Buffy who was gone. Of all the people it probably would be the
worst to lose her. She was the Slayer
after all; she had the superpower thing going on. Xander forcefully pushed the idea of losing Buffy out of his
mind, he had to stay positive.
His
musings about Buffy brought up another train of thought. He was relieved and happy that it wasn't
Cordelia who was gone. He felt terribly
guilty for feeling that way, but he also couldn't stand the thought of losing
Cordelia. Especially now that they
seemed to have taken the first step towards sorting out their problems.
Thinking
about Cordelia made things even harder.
He had to focus on the situation at hand. So Buffy was missing; maybe she had just gone to the bathroom…
for half an hour. What did she have for
dinner again? That made sense didn't
it? Well not really, Xander had to
concede, but it would have to do for now.
It
always amazed Xander when he thought about how much his world had changed ever
since Buffy had arrived in Sunnydale.
Before he had lived in blissful ignorance, knowing nothing about the
hellmouth, vampires and countless demons.
Now here he was walking down the hallway of his school with a
high-powered assault rifle in his hands and a fire axe in his backpack after
being attacked by a library full of flying books. Now, he had to admit, he really had seen it all.
Xander
was surprised by how sinister the hallway, which he had walked down so many
times before without a second thought, looked.
During the day these halls were filed with students and their inane
chatter as they went about their business worrying about nothing more than pop
quizzes or whether they will get their own car. But now that same hallway, devoid of students and in semi
darkness, seemed to be hiding danger everywhere. Every locker potentially hid unseen horror, every poster could
have a death threat scrawled on it and some unspeakable evil could be lurking
behind the next corner. Under normal
circumstances this could be written off as the overactive imagination of a
teenage mind. But Xander had seen too
much; he knew what was drooling under the bed, he knew what went bump in the
night and the same went for innumerable other clichés that he didn't want to
bother with right then.
Xander
shuddered slightly as he passed by the spot that had recently been given a
fresh coating of undead Oz.
Xander's
train of thought was interrupted when he noticed that the light in the music
room was on. He slowly approached the
door and peeked in through the window.
When Xander was sure that the room was empty he turned the knob and let
the door swing open in front of him. He
entered the room with his gun at the ready, scanning it for potential hiding
places. He checked behind the teacher's
desk and then walked over to the windows.
He stared out into the parking lot for a long moment, not sure what he
was looking for. Whatever evil force
had been tormenting them was still out there.
"Here
you are," a familiar voice said from behind him. "I've been looking for you."
Xander
wheeled around to see Buffy stand in the doorway. With relief he noted that she looked normal, she was not
possessed like Oz had been and Willow still was. But why had she been looking for him?
"Buffy,"
he said. "Where did you go? We couldn't find you after the books
attacked."
"Oh,"
she looked confused for a moment. "I
just needed to get a way for a little while."
"Away?"
Xander asked incredulously. "Giles is
just about done with the translation.
We need you back at the library."
"We'll
go back soon," she said with a dismissive gesture. "But first I want to talk to you."
"To
me?" Xander wondered. "What about?"
"Well,"
she stammered, looking shy and unsure of herself for a moment. "I overheard you talking to Cordelia
earlier. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to
eavesdrop. You said some very nice
things to her."
Xander
shrugged, not sure where Buffy was going with this. "Well, Cordy means a lot to me.
I wanted to set things right between her and me."
"Uh-huh,
sure," Buffy muttered walking into the room and producing a small rectangular
object from one of her pockets.
"Anyway, it made me realize something: I'm not going to lose you to her
again." She pressed a button on the
little device she carried and the room was filled with a soft classical tune
that Xander recognized.
"Lose
me?" he wondered. "Buffy, what are you
talking about? Have you broken into
Principal Snyder's liquor stash again?"
"What
am I talking about?" she retorted playfully, moving closer to Xander. "I'm talking about us, silly. I've wasted enough time admiring you from
afar. It's time for some action."
"This
is a terrible time to feel déjà vu," Xander muttered.
The
last time Buffy had come on so strong to him she had been under the influence
of a rogue love spell. But what was
affecting her this time? Could it be
that she was genuinely attracted to Xander?
Nah, he thought, something's wrong.
As
Buffy came closer to him, Xander slowly moved back in an attempt to keep a safe
distance. Buffy grabbed the gun out of
his hands and placed it on the teacher's desk.
Xander was too perplexed to put up a struggle, he was barely able to
stutter in protest. She gently grabbed
the straps of Xander's backpack and pulled them down his arms. Finally the backpack and the axe within fell
to the floor.
"Buffy…
this is, um… insane," he muttered.
"What are you doing? I'm finally
starting to get things straightened out with Cordy, and I want to make it work
with her. And besides, you don't think
of me that way."
"Well,
I've decided to change my ways," she whispered.
By
now Xander had run out of room and he was backed up against the windows as
Buffy closed in on him.
The
music rose in volume and intensity as Buffy pressed herself up against Xander
as if she had choreographed everything in advance. The strings swelled up into a sonic waterfall that romantically
rained down on Buffy and Xander.
"Buffy, I…-" Xander stammered. He was interrupted
when Buffy pressed her lips onto his.
Xander found himself unable to react as synapses in his brain
misfired. He only fully realized what
was happening when he felt Buffy's tongue in his mouth. He tried his very best to resist but his
resolve was fading fast, he had dreamed of this for too long. Within only a few moments he succumbed and
kissed Buffy back. Around them the
classical music meandered, giving a score to the moment.
Suddenly
Buffy retracted her tongue and brutally bit down on Xander's.
And
then everything went to hell. Quite
literally.
Xander
screamed as he felt Buffy's teeth cut into his tongue. He tried to protest, but found it to be
quite difficult with his tongue in Buffy's mouth. Perfectly on cue the music had also changed, from the romantic
classical piece that had underlined their kiss, to country music. Xander was in agony as he tried to cover his
ears to spare himself from the acoustically induced pain. Even though Buffy's face was too close for
him to focus on he could see her skin changing in color to a ghastly shade of
gray. And he could also see that
Buffy's eyes had turned completely white.
Xander
tried to break free. He stumbled around
the room pulling Buffy along with him by his tongue. He could hear her giggling frantically. Finally he collapsed on the floor with Buffy crashing down on top
of him. He flailed and kicked to no
avail. He writhed in pain as the
country music washed over him. He
wasn't quite sure what was worse, having an undead demon attached to him by his
tongue or having to endure country music without protective earwear. He didn't get any further with his reasoning
as the deadite started savagely punching him in his stomach.
Suddenly
he felt the deadite's body being hit by something. It released Xander's tongue, arched its back and screamed in
pain. As it rolled off Xander, he saw a
fire axe embedded in its back, blood flowing freely from the wound. He then looked up and saw Cordelia standing
over him.
"Kindly
get off my boyfriend, you half decayed tramp," she snarled.
She
helped Xander off the floor while the demon was running in circles trying to
reach the axe in its back, reminding onlookers of a dog trying to catch its own
tail. Xander opened his mouth to
explain the events that had led up to him being in a compromising position with
a deadite but Cordelia cut him off with a wave of her hand.
"I
don't even want to know," she said.
"Yet!"
Xander
quickly picked up the remote that he demon that once had been Buffy had dropped
and switched off the sound system. He
sighed in relief and turned to Cordelia.
"The
country music," he said. "How could you
stand it?"
"Huh?"
Cordelia asked as she pulled a pair of earplugs out of her ears.
The
deadite had finally succeeded in removing the axe from its back and now was
holding it ready to attack.
"This
cannot be good," Xander muttered.
He
ran for his gun, which was still on the teacher's desk, but the demon
anticipated his move and intercepted him in front of the table. It swung the axe and Xander ducked just in
time. He then quickly rolled off to the
side as the axe came swinging down and embedded itself in the floorboards. The demon started pulling on it but the axe
had gotten stuck.
"Cordy,"
Xander yelled, trying to sound as macho as he could muster under the
circumstances. "Get out of here, I'll
take care of this!"
Cordelia
exited the room but remained by the door, peering in from a safe distance.
The
deadite finally gave up on the axe and swung at Xander connecting with his
stomach and making him double over.
Then it grabbed him by his hair and started repeatedly banging his head
against the teacher's desk.
"Ok,
Cordelia? Ouch!" Xander yelped. "A little, ow, help over here. Ow!"
Cordelia
looked up and down the hallway trying to find something she could use as a
weapon but came up empty. Finally she
rushed into the classroom, picked up a chair and rushed to Xander's rescue. The deadite saw her coming and quickly flung
Xander over the desk. It then spun
around, caught the chair that Cordelia was swinging and ripped it out of her
hands.
"Um,
why don't you have a seat?" Cordelia offered unconvincingly.
The
demon snarled at her, threw the chair aside and punched Cordelia in the
face. She toppled over backward trying
to find something to hold on to. What
she did find was the handle of the axe stuck in the floorboards. Her momentum was enough to dislodge the axe
and Cordelia fell to the floor with the weapon in her hands.
Meanwhile
on the other side of the desk Xander was picking himself up off the floor and
found his gun on the desk. He picked it
up but saw the he couldn't shoot the demon because it was standing too close to
Cordelia. So he jumped up on the desk
and struck the demon, which was facing away from him, in the head with the butt
of the rifle. The demon spun around and
screamed at him, obviously not appreciating being attacked simultaneously from
two sides.
Cordelia
saw her chance as the demon was distracted.
She quickly got up off the floor, swung her axe and cleanly cut the
demon's head off.