Waking Up The Evil Dead

by Random

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DISCLAIMER:  "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and all its characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox and the WB Network.  "Evil Dead," "Evil Dead 2," "Army of Darkness" and all their characters and names are property of Sam Raimi and Renaissance Pictures.  "Splattermania" written by Ginger, published by Warner Chappel Music Ltd.  "Far Beyond Metal" written by Devin Townsend, Gene Hoglan, Jed Simon, Byron Stroud and John Paul Morgan, published by Bucket of Nothing Music.

DESCRIPTION:  Buffy/Evil Dead crossover.  A mysterious book surfaces in Sunnydale and soon people start getting possessed by an evil force.  Now it's up to the gang to get things under control, all with a little help from a certain S-Mart clerk with a chainsaw for a hand.

RATING:  R

FEEDBACK:  Yes, please!

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  This was my very first Buffy fanfiction that I wrote way back in 1999.  It takes place towards the end of season three.  Thanks to Kent for pointing out my glaring omission of the term "boomstick."  And thanks to Devin, Ginger and Jason for all the music.

NOTE:  This fic's original title was "There's Something Evil In The Parking Lot".

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PART III

                      "Anybody else hear that?" Ash asked hesitantly as he pulled his shotgun out of its holster, stood up from his chair at the table and slowly backed a way from the stacks.

                      "What the spooky noise coming from the stacks?" Xander inquired.  "Um, no, we didn't hear that," he offered unconvincingly.

                      "Do you think there's something back there?" Cordelia wondered.

                      "There can't be," Buffy stated.  "We barricaded the back door right after that whole mess with Oz, and as far as we know that thing can't get through walls."

                      "Well, somebody's gonna have to go look then," Cordelia suggested.  Instinctively they all turned to Ash.

                      "Famous last words," Xander mumbled to himself.

                      It took a moment until it dawned on Ash that they were all looking at him because they wanted him to go investigate.  "No, no, no, wait a second," he said.  "This is not my problem.  I didn't bring that thing into our world.  I've done my share of fighting.  You screw around with the book, you go dance when it comes asking."

                      "Wait a second," Buffy argued.  "I thought you were here to help."

                      "Help," Ash laughed incredulously.  "I'm here to survive.  I don't care what you do, but I'm making sure that I see the sunrise tomorrow."

                             "Oh, great," Cordelia yelled, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  "First we have to endure your Indiana Jones on crack routine and now that things get tough you're the first one to run?"

                      "Listen, sister," Ash argued pointing his chainsaw-sporting arm at the group assembled around the computer, "I got mixed up in this by accident.  Ok, it might not be the first time, but you are the ones that claim to be the professionals with this sort of thing.  So why don't you send paramilitary boy over there?"

                      Xander swallowed hard.  He had little desire to go anywhere at this point and his gun gave him very little comfort.

                      Luckily for him the attention was deflected away from this argument when a book came flapping out of the stacks, using its covers for wings.  They stared in silence as it flew around the library for a few moments before diving straight for Ash.  Ash screamed as the book collided with his face and knocked him on his back.  He landed on the floor with a heavy thud and the book firmly affixed to his face in a fashion not unlike the one popularized by the movie Alien.

                      "Aaagggghhhhhhh!!!!" Ash screamed.  "Help!  Get this thing off me!  Aaaaaggghhhhh!!!!"

                      "Look," Buffy pointed out unnecessarily.  "The book has firmly affixed itself to his face in a fashion not unlike the one popularized by the movie Alien!"

                      By now Ash had taken to trashing about with a bit of flailing of the limbs thrown in for spice.

                      "We should probably help him," Cordelia suggested helpfully.

                      "Yeah," Xander agreed.  "But what can we about a book that has firmly affixed itself to his face in a fashion not unlike the one popularized by the movie Alien?"

                      "I don't know," Buffy conceded.  "What did they do in the movie again?"

                      "Nothing," Cordelia answered.  "The thing got off by itself and died.  Of course that brought on some fairly far reaching repercussions for the rest of the crew."

                      "Excuse me," Ash called from the floor.  "But, in case you have forgotten, I have a book firmly affixed to my face in a fashion not unlike the one popularized by the movie Alien.  Now before this turns into some kind of running gag can we try and get it off?  I think its trying to slip me the tongue."

                      With that Buffy and Xander vaulted over the counter, while Cordelia took the detour through Giles' office, to rush to Ash's help.  It took the combined effort of all three to pry the rogue book off of Ash's face.  The book put up a valiant struggle but finally conceded defeat and flew out of everybody's hands.  It circled the library a few times and the disappeared back into the stacks.

                      Xander helped Ash off the floor.

                      "That was surreal," Buffy commented.

                      "I'll see your surreal," Xander responded, "And I'll raise you a bizarre."

                      The other three nodded in agreement and turned back to Giles who was still sitting at the computer terminal engrossed in his task.

                      Suddenly the stacks seemed abuzz with noise.  All the books were slowly trembling in their place on the shelves.  The noise grew louder with each passing moment.

                      "I don't like this at all," Ash commented starting up his chainsaw.

                      Only moments later each and every book flew off its shelf and into the library, some of them even in formation.  They rained down on their victims below as they started flailing, screaming and even running in circles trying to get the books off that were gnawing at their limbs.  Since we are working with movie clichés, the whole scene was very reminiscent of The Birds.

                      Ash slashed out randomly with his chainsaw cutting quite a few books into ribbons but the reinforcements from the stacks seemed to be inexhaustible.  Every book was called to active duty, from worn out paperbacks to dictionaries to huge reference books.  The smaller books were relentless in their attacks drawing the target's attention away from the large books circling overhead, waiting for their chance to strike.  When such a chance presented itself the heavy books went into a dive right for their victim's head, and collided with them forcefully.

                      Giles had curled up in the fetal position under the library's return counter, but a few paperbacks had found him and were pestering him.  Xander was trying to shield Cordelia from the onslaught with moderate success, while Buffy was wielding a chair to protect herself.

Nobody really noticed the deadite that had once been Willow cackling diabolically in its cage.  It was throwing itself against the cage in an attempt to free itself, but all the effort was in vain.

                      Meanwhile the battle with the flying books raged on.  The floor was covered in dismembered pages, wounded books flailing on the floor and books for which all help was too late.  There were no cries for medics that were indigenous to battlefields.  There were however a few calls for a bookbinder.

                      Xander had heard about getting immersed in literature before but this was ridiculous.  He had been hit over the head twice with a book three times the size of the yellow pages, he had four hardbacks gnawing at his legs and a pocket dictionary in his underwear.  He was busy trying to keep a swarm of paperbacks away from the table that Cordelia was cowering under.

                      Ash on the other hand was up to his knees in what amounted to confetti, producing a small snowstorm as he took his chainsaw to any book that came within a few feet of him.  Giles was happy that he didn't have to witness the carnage inflicted onto his prized possessions as he sat under the counter fighting off a small squadron of science books.

                      And then, as suddenly as it had started, the onslaught stopped.  Every book dropped out of the air and hit the ground or the hapless person standing in the wrong place at the wrong time.

                      Ash looked around the room as he let his chainsaw idle and die off.  The books lay motionless all over the library floor and the stacks behind were virtually empty.  Xander helped Cordelia out from under the table and Giles slowly emerged from under the counter.  Even the deadite had stopped thrashing around in its cage.  They stood looking at each other in the deafening silence.

                      Finally Giles spoke up.  "Um, where's Buffy?"

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