CONSTANT VIGILANCE! What to do when you lose your pants (and your mind)

Disclaimer: All the characters you recognise belong to the fabulous J. K. Rowling - no matter how out of character they appear to be. Any other characters belong to the little voices in my head.

A/N: This is the result of the many voices in my head arguing a few nights ago. It isn't meant to be good - it makes my friends laugh and that is all that matters. You are welcome to review it, but please remember it comes from the tormented mind that belongs to me, so be kind.

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'O.K. verrry funny guys. Joke's over - where are my pants?'

Harry looked around his room to see that everyone else seemed to be pantless too.

'I'm going to kill whoever did this - I bet it was those Weasley twins! The gits!'

'Steady on Dean, those are my brothers you're talking about.'

'Look, let's just put our robes on - with trousers or something on underneath - and go to breakfast. K?'

Everyone looked at Harry and nodded in agreement.

The scene was the same at breakfast. Everyone at the house tables - even the girls - were talking of their missing pants. Harry eyed the professor's table carefully, wondering if even they had fallen foul of the mysterious pants thief.

'Do you think the children have the same problem Albus?'

'I think so Minerva - can't you tell by the way they are sitting?' He chuckled to himself.

'Well, I *knew* that our pants would go!'

'Yes Sybil, I'm sure you did, but please do tell us why you didn't prepare yourself - buy some trousers perhaps?'

All the other staff laughed at Professor McGonagall's comment.

'Well, I, er, like the freedom.'

'Well yes Sybil, I'm beginning to see what you mean......'

They all shot a nervous glance at the now somewhat distracted headmaster.

The doors of the Great Hall swung open and in stormed a very furious looking Severus Snape.

'Whoever was responsible for this....this......'

'Calm down Severus. It seems the whole school has been forced to er, go commando today. Never fear though, we will soon get to the bottom of this...bottom....HA......do you get it? Bottom!'

Dumbledore sat down still laughing to himself. Snape continued to storm across the room, glaring at all of his students. So much so, in fact, that he didn't see the kipper on the floor in front of him.

CRASH!

Everything went eerily silent for a few moments, but was then followed by the uncontrollable laughter from everyone inside the Great Hall. Normally, no one would dare laugh - or even breathe - if they saw Snape falling, but what they saw WHEN he fell, well, that was a different matter.....

The strict Potions master not only revealed his rear to the whole hall, but more precisely the tattoo that cover half of it. It isn't every day the most feared teacher at your school falls and you see the words, 'Slytherins are sexier!' tattooed across his left buttock.

The laughter continued even after Snape got up and took his place at the Professor's table, where even they were fighting to hold back the tears of laughter streaming down their faces.

'Severus....erm...I knew.....'

'Shut up Sybil' was the cold reply she got from the angered Professor. The look on Snape's face told every student that if they dared to mention this to him or anywhere near him, they would experience the Cruciatus curse every day for the rest of their lives. The laughter finally subsided and everyone went back to eating their breakfast, while Severus Snape sat there looking mortified and continuously mumbling something to himself about drunken teenage years and foolish dares.