Disclaimer: I don't onw dbz, FF.net, any authors and their stories (stories included
BY PERMISSION), etc.
Notes: Wow. I didn't realize how many people were gonna get into this or want to be in it. Almost everyone and their
dog want to be mentioned. It will dissapoint people, but it's going to be VERY hard to get all of you in by name alone,
let alone fiction. If you want a fic in the story, e-mail: Dieffenb@Prodigy.net (Dieffenbureau's my middle name). Now,
listen closely. This is a humor fic, intended to make people laugh. Sure, you may submit a fic, and it could be really,
really good, or genuinely unique or such. What I need, however, are generic fics (I'll make most of them,)
fluffy romances or bizzare humor fics. Actually, almost any will do, I'll cover basically everything, but the fic is intended
to be made fun of, or to make Gohan confused. It will ridicule the fic slightly, ok, a lot, so be warned. Well, enough
rambling, lets go back to our poor hero....
PS. For anyone worried about the Earthling Saga, I'm going back to do another chapter after this.
Gohan's Journey: Fanfiction.net-Chapter 3: The humor section
Bulma typed frantically at her computer, and slammed her fist down in frustration.
She had been at it for a good hour, and nothing, no sign or trace of Gohan at all. Not one jot. How was she going to explain this to anybody, she thought miserably to herself. 'I'm sorry, chichi, I invited Gohan over to look at literary porn, and he got sucked into a swirling vortex that emited from my computer, and now he's gone. ^_^' The mere thought of the reply made her shudder.
"WOMAN! What're you doing!"
Bulma sighed and turned around to stare at her grumpy husband. This wa the last thing she needed. She noticed a slight smirk playing on his lips. "Ok, what've you been up to Vegeta? What did you do?"
Vegeta's smirk turned into an evil grin. "I found the author....heh heh."
Bulma's face went white, "What did you do to them?!...and who were they?"
"Some person called Neko-han, and another called Frost, who called that pieve of filth a 'lemon'. I showed them I was quite sour (rimshot)." Bulma started choking, "Oh don't be stupid woman, I didn't kill anyone." He grinned again, "I just gave them reason not to write anything like that again. Though I might have broken some 'Frost's' ribs when I threw the computer......"
"You do leave that impression on people, " She said acidly. (a/n, no of course they didn't actually write the crap I put down in chapter 1, but they DID want to be in...so...)
Buruma's monitor flickered, and FF.net opened suddenly. The author's list was scrolling down. "Not again," She muttered. "What's going on with that?....wait a second."
SHe had barely paid attention at first, but it seemed as though something from inside was controlling everything. "VEgeta, go away for a second, I need to look at something."
B
"Well boy, what'll it be."
Gohan stared at the screen for a moment, looking at the different categories. He wasn't entirely sure what he'd get, whichever one he picked, but he knew he didn't have a whole lot of choice. At the very least, he'd try to get a laugh out of it. "I'll try humor."
The bizzare floating dot wordlessly flew to the left, and Gohan followed behind, slowly. It's humor, it can't be THAT bad. Suddenly, a bright light shone from a large door in front of them. Gohan was half-blinded, but grimly moved onward.
A giant room opened up from the door, revealing many desks and workers. The dot explained, "We can keep track of the authors by 'clipping' them when they sign on. We can see everything they do, as long as they remain online...heh heh heh." The odd pair continued to walk silently, and Gohan slumped down, trying hard not to be noticed.
"YES!!! IT'S FINISHED!!!!" Gohan nearly bowled over. "I, Acyla, am a sheer GENIUS. Hey Nickon, the 'master', look at this!"
Nickon, dressed in a suit and red cape, walked apprehensively foward, "uh....how to annoy the characters? What is it?"
Acyla laughed half-insanely, "It's incredible. Hey, you know how to annoy Goku? (a screen opens up. Goku is running from someone dressed up as a needle.) GYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA!!!!"
Gohan spoke nervously to the dot, "These people are beginning to scare me."
(A picture of Vegeta with his hair green, dressed with christmas lights flickers on. More insane laughter. Nickon flees) "Welcome to my world," Dot said blandly. They moved on.
(a/m Hey, you did want to be mentioned! *grins* Basically, you asked for it. *Acyla starts stalking Paladone with a saw-edged knife*, oh crap. *runs*)
Bulma looked at the latest file that had popped up from nowhere. "How to annoy the characters?......"
Vegeta looks at one line in incredulity, "Point at vegeta and say, 'Look, a real live troll doll!'"
Bulma winced, preparing for the explosions. But Vegeta just stood there, an insane grin forming on his face. "Oh, this one insulted my hair, now. What should I do about this. HEHE, oh yes, I think I'll roast this one over a fire, or perhaps rip out their intestines and shove them down his (or her) throat. AHAHAHAHAHAH!" Laughing insanely, Vegeta plunged through the roof, and sped off in search of the author.
Bulma put her face in her hands and groaned.
"Well, I'll try to make this easy for you. Humor fics are generally quickly done, so they have less real 'quality' to them then some of the others. Now let's see....Vegeta's Christmas...Gohan's Journey: FF.net....AH here we go. 'Things DBZ characters will never say, #435'."
"What's that?"
"It's a strange and bizzare list of sexual and idiotic jokes."
"Um.....ok."
*ding* A metallic voice blurted out. "Things DBZ characters will never say, #435. Written by ******, rating pg-13, summary: wOW guyz, chec out mie latest offeringz. this is funnyz!"
The screen flashed, and changed. A sort of stage formed, and gohan gasped as he saw everyone he had ever known form on it. Except they were all...different."
Goku walked up first. "I'm....smart. Yes I am."
The dot beside him cackled in glee, but Gohan was confused, and slightly angry. "What's funny about that?"
He spoke again. "Chichi, I did it, I finished 'The train that could'!"
Gohan's eyes narrowed, and a growl began to form in his throat. No one DARED insult Otousan like THIS before....
"Hey, Gohan, I've hidden the fact from you that I'm smart!"
It was all Gohan could do to not turn ssj and blow the whole damn place up. "It's the same joke every time! They're making fun of my dad's intelligence!! It's not funny!!! (eyes flicker green) (goku says a similar statement) Doesn't the same insulting joke get boring after a while!?"
The dot backed off nervously, since Gohan's hair was flickering gold and his eyes turning green again. "L-lets scroll down a bit."
Gohan took deep breaths and sat down again, as GOku stepped back and Vegeta ran up. Vegeta, instead of looking his usual gurmpy self, looked......
"APRIL SHOWERS ATTACK!!!!"
The whole screen flew with daisies and roses that pulsed from Vegeta's happy palm. Smile faces formed all around him."
Gohan stared blankly. "Um....ok...ha...ha..."
"I love you goku!" ,BR>
Damn right he wouldn't say THAT
"Goku. I want you. I've dreamed about you, in fact, whenever I think about you, I ********* ***** ****"
Gohan's face went red. "That's disgusting! What kind of sicko writes stuff like that?"
"Harder goku! HARDER! YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"
Gohan screamed out, "FOR GOD'S SAKE ENOUGH!"
Still scared, the dot scrolled down. Vegeta stepped back, and Furiza went forward.
"Goku. I want you. I've dreamed-"
Gohan could hardly believe this. FRIEZA? "What is this, anyway? Are these people obsessed with....what do you call it."
The dot was laughing nervously, "Yaoi."
Cell was up by now. "I always get that strange, tingly feeling, when I suck people up my ass."
Gohan snarled at the sight of his former enemy, and didn't even bother commenting about the joke.
"Gohan...I AM your father."
Gohan stood up, and smashed his fist into the screen wordlessly. It disintegrated. So did the wall behind it. He spun around and bounded on the poor dot. "What kind of garbage is this!"
The dot had turned blue, and was shivering in fear. "Y-y-y-y-you did ask for the humor section....."
Gohan sat back down, feeling much better for some reason. Some drones appeared with a new computer. "No more of that. Let's move on. Are there any humor fictions with a real plot to them?"
"Er.....no not really. It involves too much effort to make a funny plot, so they satisfy their urge with these short little lists. Well...wait, no, here's something! 'Family Feud'. Let's try this!"
The metallic voice droned on "Family feud: By Gohan Hugger. (Gohan shivered) Rating: R Summary: (lots of cussing) The Sons and Briefs are in for boot camp....also known as sgt suckyoubutt." (a/n: YES, that is the actual summary. ^_^)
The boy choked on that a little. "Family feud? That has nothing to do with boot camp? And who's SGT SUCKYOUBUTT??!?!?!"
"Uh....just watch."
The two families, the sons and the briefs gathered. A strange man with a shimmery tied walked on. "Welcome to Family Fued!" The families step out. "Lets get started."
Gohan sighed and relaxed. Maybe this one would be more sane. He should've known better.
"Is that your final answer?"
Vegeta suddenly went insane. "DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Blasts the host away to Home for Infinite Losers.
The saiyajin fell out of his chair, while the dot started laughing again. "Huh? What? Where? Why did he-?"
Ox-King appeared from nowhere. "The show is now Family stir Fry Brewed?"
Silence. Mirai Trunks spoke out. "I want to call it an orgy!"
Gohan stood up, "But that made no-?"
He heard an older version of himself speak out, "You all shutup, I'm in a battle with the Cerulian Gym Leader!"
GOhan couldn't take any more of this. "But what's the point of this? Why are they here? No one acts like this! It's completely random!"
Chich screamed out to Buruma. "Bring it on, Blue-Haired Bitch!"
Gohan snapped. "AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" His hair turned golden and grew longer, and his eyes blazed bright green. "MASENKO----HA!" A blazing yellow ball of energy erupted from his hands. It destroyed not only the computer, but a good half of the humor section. With shimmering light still shining around, the dot fled back to the maze of the DBZ section.
Gohan calmed himself down, and looked around at the mass destruction, slightly ashamed of himself. Slightly. "Well.... I'd better go find dot. I'll need him if I ever want to get out of this place."
To be continued......
Will Gohan find dot? What other stories and horrors will he face? Will his sanity survive, or will he destroy everything first? Stay tuned!
