Disvlaimer: *insert standard disclaimer and witty joke here*

Notes: Man I'm beginning to love writing this. Believe me, it's at least as much fun writinf this to me as it is reading this to you. Vegeta's Little Girl has made a little altar for me (how sweet), and Monkey of the 21st century won a 50-dollar bet with a real retar---I mean *special* person, and won. Did you ever doubt that I would put such a great name in the fic? Of course, there are drrawbacks. Ash the Wanderer's probably gonna hunt me down with a rusty axe if I don't move my ass to the horror section and put him and his fic in soon (oh, don't worry ashy boy, you'll get your turn. A big one *really evil smirk*.). And poor Acyla, who I tortured and belittled a bit, has officially declared war on me, so it'll be my sad duty to continue bothering her. You'll probably see a fic from her where I'm beat up andd whipped on a rack by every character in the series. ^_^ As I promised, we're on to.....


Gohan's Journey: The Romance Section, Part 1



Steve Savage started cursing. What is going on around this moronic place?

He savagely (rimshot) bit his lip in frustration. The whole humor section of the DBZ hall had been completely obliterated, and somone had bluntly punched holes through the wall till he or she got back to the center. The authors were currently running around screaming, and some contemplated suicide.

One group, however, looked more dissapointed than upset. Wait a minute. Aren't those the retar---*special* people I saw earlier today? He marched over to them. "Alright, you people look calm. Talk, now, or I'll CANCEL all your accounts and BLACKLIST YOU!"

"OH NO!" Gohan Hugger squealed (a/n: I'm DETERMINED to annoy her, she's so stubborn. BE ANNOYED! *Paladone stomps his foot imperiously*) "DON'T CANCEL OUR ACCOUNTS! Our l-lives would end right there!"

Steve grinned savagely (rimshot) "Then talk."

Kuwa----kuqaiji----kawaiikoun----aw forget it, started talking excitedly, "It was GOHAN! CUTE L'IL GOHAN! Oh he looked so strong and cute, and cute, and cute, and...."

"Wait a minute, WHAT? How could a character just march through here? Are you certain it wasn't just a crazed author?"

"Oh no sir, he was real all right. He blew Videl's Evil Twin to the Harry Potter (horror) section! He even punched holes though the indestructable walls!"

Steve sneered like a savage (a/n all right ALL RIGHT, quit booing, I'll stop already!) "So, this 'Gohan' thinks he can get away with this. Well, we'll just see about that!"



Gohan continued following behind dot, telling himself over and over again to try and keep his temper in check next time. As he walked away from the destruction, more order and calm appeared. Maybe this section wouldn't be quite as bad.

"I'll KILL HIM!!!!!"

GOhan groaned. Oh no, not her again! Acyla, a crazed, insane look in her eyes, trudged down the hallway carrying 'torture for dummies' books. "Oh no, death is too good for him! Oh, I'll stretch Paladone along the rack, then carve into him with a dull edged butter knife! That'll whipe that smirk off his face! Or maybe, (looks at her smut books and grins), oh this'll be PERFECT! He'll pay for this highly humorous yet semi-insulting insult! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!" (Acyla's much easier to make fun of. ^_^)

The boy stared after her, and even dot looked a little shaken. "......dot.....this place really scares me....."

"To be honest, I haven't seen many cases like this one."

Gohan looked sad, "But why would anyone want to insult or hurt poor Paladone? As far as I can tell, he's a nice, quiet, non-insulting sort of author. At least he's not a raving lunatic like the others. (*Howls of laughter and cat-calls roar from the audience.* All right shut up! Yes I'm self- inserting, so what? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!)

Suddenly, the whole mass of buildings started shaking uncontrollably, and the wals started flashing again. Suddenly a bleak metallic voice shouted out "WARNING! WARNING! TOO MANY PEOPLE ON THE SERVER! EMINENT CRASH EVIDENT!!!"

Dot swore, "What are they DOING! What the heck do they think the're doing? Gohan, quickly, in here! The entire hall's going to be swept of people, and that'll mean us!" Dot rushed to a 'Crash shelter', draggin Gohan along with him.



Bulma cursed in frustration. "What is WITH the net? I can't go anywhere without having to refresh the thing 20 or 30 times!"

Vegeta swooped back into the room, cursing angrily. A trickle of blood was running down his nose. "WOMAN!!! You told me SSJ4 was a GUY!"

Bulma looked confused, "Yeah, what's your point?"

Vegeta snapped in a fury, "Never mind, she hit me, I don't want to talk about it. What're you doing."

Bulma sighed, "Why don't you come and take a look, your royal highness. Maybe you can help me, if you've had enough fun torturing authors."

The rumbling finally subsided, and a voice blurted out that it was safe to return to the hall. Gohan was quite shaken, he had never experienced a server crash from the inside. But when he tried to move, it was nearly impossible. "Why are my limbs moving so slowly?"

Dot was also floating in slow motion, "After something like this, the server's going to be laggy. There's no logical explanation, I think the server masters just do it to torture us. Here, let's move on, it'll get better."

They slowly (literally) continued down the hall, which was now nearly abandoned. After what seemed like days, they finally came to a bright doorway.

"OK, here we are, this is the romance room." The walls, though still green, were draped with elaborate pink curtains Self-important looking authors drifted across desks, totally emersed in their work. For the most part, it looked very nice. There was one closed off section, however, that looked black and ominous, and nasty squelching sounds came from behind it. "What's over there?"

The dot went bright red, "Oh, that's the.....adult section. I'm afraid we'll have to go through that to get to the horror section."

Why me? Gohan glumly thought as he walked into the movie room. Dot cleared his throat, or it sounded like it, since he didn't really have a throat...or a mouth....."Ok, I'll introduce you to the most common kind of Romance. We only need to watch one, because they're all the same. It's a Bulma and Vegeta romance."

"....don't people get tired of the same story over and over again?" Gohan asked, a little confused.

"Apparently not. Well, let's get started."

A Really Big list of stories came up, and Gohan quailed back, "Dear kami!"

"Here this one'll do."

The familiar electronic voice bleated out, "Bulma's revenge, by ********. Rating, R. Summary: OOOOOOOH! I just LOOOVE writing V/B FICTIONS! This is my 5th. I LOOOOVE Veggie head, and he's PERFECT for Bulma?" (a/m I know the summary, it's an old one. I'm not going to release the real name or the author, or for that matter, the real story, but this summary was one of the first V/B summaries I read.)

Gohan stared, "....but that doesn't say anything whatsoever about the story! What's with these people and Veggie-head?"

"Hush, it's starting."

The scene started at Bulma's house. Bulma and Yamcha were talking heatedly (arguing). Yamcha looked much more evil and sleazy then Gohan ever remembered him. "Bulma, It's over. I'm tired of you, your nothing to me. I don't have any commitment or feelings, and I'm going to abandon you."

Gohan jumped up, outraged. "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!!!"

Bulma started crying. "No, pretty please, don't leave me." Yamcha smirked, "Whine to someone else, b*tch"

Gohan tried to calm himself, but his face was turning red. "What is this? It didn't happen like this! Bulma would never cry, and Yamcha wouldn't..."

Yamcha strode down the street, grabbed a slutty woman that had appeared from nowhere by the arm, and dragged her into an alley, laughing evilly. The woman seductively followed him. Bulma cried out, "YOU MONSTER! WAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!" She wailed and plunged into the house. Scene 1 ended.

Gohan tried to hold in his anger, and was failing miserably. "Wh-what have they done? It didn't happen like that at all! Yamcha and Bulma are still great friends!" He glared at the dot, "Why do you let this happen?"

Dot cowered back, "It's not my idea! People have strange ideas, and they want to make Yamcha evil so they can satisfy their own urge for the 'perfect' relationship between the two, even though the real one was far from perfect."

"But Vegeta's the evil one! Heck, he doesn't respect Bulma at all, and he doesn't spend any time with his family! Yamcha's always been kinda flirtatious, but he was never THIS bad!"

"Uh.....here, part 2's starting."

"I can hardly contain my excitement," Gohan mumbled as he sat down again. The scene had changed to Vegeta's training room, where (gasp) Vegeta was training, quite happily. He had always been fairly muscular, but the author had gone to extremes, and he looked very much like a solid rock of muscle. His eyes were strangely gentle, and he was talking out loud.

"Oh bulma, I just want to tell you how much I love and care about you, but I can't! I'm too shy! I'm too sensitive!"

GOhan nearly burst out laughing. Whenever Vegeta wanted something, he TOOK it. Sensitive was the LAST way to describe Vegeta.

Bulma ran into the room. For some obscure reason, she felt that crying in the training room next to a big, grumpy brute would make her feel better. She slumped down on the floor, and buried her face in her arms. Begeta trained more, trying to ignore her, but his face took on a gentle expression. "What's wrong, bulma?"

Bulma?!?!?! Did he just call her Bulma?

"Oh dear Vegeta, thank you for caring, I'm so sad!"

Gohan frowned "Now isn't that a bit exaggerated and childish?"

Dot replied, "Of course, the author of your story is trying to make a Point, so he's wildly exaggerating the normal V/B fic"

".....what?"

"Never mind, just keep watching."

Bulma turned her face up, "Yamcha, that big, annyoing, mean, evil, terrible, horrible brute broke up with me, and it makes me sad! I shouldn't be sad, if he's as evil as I make him out to be, but I am!"

Vegeta layed a caressing hand on her shoulder, and wierd (porno, or DBZ dub, their the same thing) music started playing. "It's all right bulma, I'm here for you. Just relax." His muscles suddenly gleamed with sweat, and they kissed....for about five minutes.

Gohan turned away, slightly sickened, "That's not right! Don't they have to breathe? Why is she being so stupid, she'd NEVER do this all at once?"

The sound of clothes ripping off and such emitted. "The author here takes great pleasure in this part of the fic, so he or she is describing it in great detail. You'll see enough of this later, so let's move on." The next half-an-hour was devoted to more sex and more of Vegeta opening his suddenly tender, vulnearble, and kind heart to Bulma. Gohan started having quite serious thoughts about mass destruction, or maybe knocking himself out to make the pain end.

Gohan looked with relief as the scenery changed back to the front porch of the house, and noted that the story was reaching it's conclusion. Yamcha, looking muddy and sleazy, rang on the doorbell. Bulma answered, "Why hello Yamcha."

Yamcha smirked, "Honey-baaaaby. I want you back, I've had enough tussling for a while. You know you can't resist me."

Gohan groaned, This is SOOOOO corny.

Bulma smirked back. "I don't want you anymore."

Yamcha's eyes widened, "WHAT! HOW DARE YOU!" He raised his arm to attack, but was grabbed by the scruff of the neck by Vegeta. "Leave her alone, jerk. You're not wanted anymore."

Yamcha was thrown to the street. He jumped up. "I'll get you back, you haven't heard the last of MEEEEEE!!!!!" He ran down the street, cursing savagely (don't start with me). Vegeta smiled, "We won't have to worry about him any more, my love."

The two made a passionate, incredibly long kiss, and the story ended.

Dot turned to Gohan, who was shaking in anger. "W-well, there you go. What'd you think?"

"WHAT DID I THINK!? I TELL YOU!!! This was a lousy, completely out of character story, and heck, you could have switched the names around with bob, dan, and mary, and no one would have noticed! And look what they did to Yamcha!!!"

Gohan was nearly out of control, and his hair was flickering gold again. Dot yelled out, "OK, OK! Let's move on!"

"No more of those. What about some other characters?"

"Well, the second most popular are Trunks/Pan Goten/Bra fics where Marron is always the evil bitch."

Gohan looked very confused, "Huh? Who're they?"

".....never mind."

"But hey, what about Kururin and 18, or my parents?"

The dot burst out laughing, "Your a funny young lad! Why would anyone want to write aobut those nice couples?"

"What?"

The dot thought hard, "There are some crossovers, like 17 and Bulma, 18 and Vegeta, etc."

Gohan shivered, "No thanks, I'm getting to know these people too well to risk those kinds of romances."

"Wait a minute, here we go, here's one!"

Dot clicked on one, and the metallic voice bleated out once again. "The Green Lover. Rating, R. Summary: Piccolo is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sexy. Oh it has to be those tentacles, or maybe his pink and green arms. Anyway, this is a love story about him. "

Gohan stared open-mouthed. "You're joking, right? This can't be about Mr. Piccolo. He doesn't HAVE a gender, or any feeling of tha sort! How could he?..."

The scene changed to a grassland, amd Picollo was busy training for all he was worth. Yeah, I can see Mr. Picollo doing that Gohan thought fondly. Then, a pod crashed from nowhere, and a strange, different, FEMALE namek walked out. "So your the famous Picollo?"

Picollo looked only mildly surprised, "Yup, I assume you want training?"

"Of course, dear!"

This was getting to be too much, "Why would Mr. Picollo agree to train a stranger like a friend so quickly? He's a social introvert, he wouldn't ever willingly train with people. It took me three-quarters of a year to become good friends with him!"

".....uh....."

Picollo started training with the unusual girl, and gradually became fond of her. (We all know that trainign brings out the best in Picollo.) They sat talking warmly by a waterfall, even though they were training in the desert.

"Picollo, I......I love you. Even though you hardly talk at all, aren't male, and have fangs, I love you."

A happy, outrageously dim expression, one Gohan thought looked VERY strange on his face, returned. "I LOVE YOU TOO! Let's boogie!" The started kissing, then the DBZ dub music started playing again...and...

"Does it always end like this?"

Dot shrugged. "Yup, mostly because the people that write this are living out their own fantasies, and are perverts. Of course, I'm only showing R fics, mostly because Pg-13 fics wouldn't get you so upset."

Gohan didn't heart he last remark,"But who would find Mr. Picollo SEXY? He's GREEN!"

"You'd be surprised. There's fanart completely devoted to love between Picollo and....." Dot suddenly coughed nervously and tried to avert his eyes from Gohan. "Um.....lets get out of this section, you've seen plenty. Be warned, though, we have to go through the NC-17 section and watch 3 fictions first?"

Gohan started feeling very sick. "Why?"

"To make the story longer."

"You've said that before."

"Let's go." Gohan stood up, feeling proud for not destryoing anything, and plodded behind dot, towards the onimous dark corner of the room.......

Savage walked savagely into the savage room (RIMSHOT! YOU CAN'T STOP MEEEEEEE!!!!!), just as the door closed. "Where did the brat go? Oh, I'll find the boy yet, then I'll tie him up and place him in the NC-17 Pokemon section." Acyla ran shrieking past him, "I'LL GET YOU NOW, PALAODNE!!! You'll NEVER FINISH THIS STORY!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!"

Steve ignored her and walked past, having the sudden feeling that he would lose to Gohan by being embarassingly outmatched in power and skill. But he was a villain, since EVERY story has a villain, so he had to fight him. I'll get him.....if he doesn't go insane first.

To Be Continued......

This was harder to write then most, mostly because I had to make it all up. This section is particularly touch for some people. Oh, don't worry, I have some NC-17 samplings for you all, but keeping with the tradition of my PG-13, nothing bad will be described. Will Gohan make it through the horror? Will Steve Savage the Savage destroy him first? Will Acyla's madness finish our author before he can finish the story? Stay tuned! R/R