Disclaimer: Read last 7 chapters, and keep the lawyers away.
Notes: Ok, REAL sorry for the delay, I've just been so busy with work lately, it's insane. I still have another week before the heaven
that is Spring Break. Well, Maddog too has declared war on me, so more fun stuff'll happen to him as well. Ok, last time, I'm putting in Majin
Vegeta, Mistress Storm Crow (she used her woman's 'Arsenal' on me), and Veggiechick, becasue of her sad, puppy dog eyes. that's it for actually being IN the story. It's too much now, there're too many people wanting
to be in the fiction, so I can't accept any more offers to be a direct character in the fic. The final list is set. HOWEVER, I STILL accept possibilities
for fictions, so feel free to submit those. But I can't insert any more people, it's just getting too
hard. On to the chapter. This one in particular was a doozy, just because most of the MYstery fics actually aren't too
bad. I had to find lousy and/or strange ones. Oh yes, and I'm NOT going to insert the current Gohan Love Wars
from the message board directly, probably because by the time I actually GET to the discussion board, it'll be
over. Acyla's proabably going to take up THAT challenge, since I'm too lazy. Well, on to the fun....
Gohan's Journey: Mystery and Mayhem
Ash groaned as he tried to sit up. "This sucks more ass than a team of ass-sucking ass suckers! (???)"
THe humourus yet EXTREMELY painful things Gohan had done to him (and maddog, just for the fun of it) were bad enough, but he was gagged and tied up, like an AVERAGE author! ARGH! Worse yet, he was being treated like other authors were by Fido, and couldn't call for help!
Maddog didn't help either. Not only did he constantly complain, the rotten stench that originated from Gohan's stomach made the room stink to high heaven. Finally, he didn't know where his precious Pokeballs were, and he couldn't LIVE without his balls! (rimshot)
Ash snarled. If it was the very last thing he would do in his reign, he would catch up with that nosy Dot and beat it senselessly with Scuba Steve. And EVERYONE is afraid of Scuba steve. (*snicker*) He started to struggle with his bonds, wanting to get free, but couldn't.
Maddog groaned, "Why am I subject to such pain? Why does the author pick on ME so much? It's not.."
Ash kicked out and accidentally hit Maddog on the side of the head, knocking him anime-style to the ground. He fell over with a clatter, and the table fell on top of him. And THERE! A POKEBALL ROLLED RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!!!
Come on, now. Come on! Ash stretched with all of his might to touch the ball, and release Agony, who could free him. with her mad CMRAS (Consuming Madness Riping Apart Skillz) With a yell of triumph, the ball opened up.
And Scuba Steve fell to the ground with nary a sound. Ash bowed his head and started to cry. (Like I said, I warned you. *evil Vegeta-quality smirk*)
Dyani and Jevana crept through the Romance section, hitting the ruined remains of the NC-17. Jevana could simply not stop talking. "Oh I just LOOOOVE Gohan, oh he's just so cute and stuff, *growls* he's MINE. not POLICE AGENT 005's, but MINE! MINE MINE MINE MINE........ "
Dyani resisted the urge to hit her, and kept on moving. Rumors of a war had started between the Gohan lovers, which had been further complicated by a war with Videl Lovers, of which that kick-ass author Paladone was in charge. While thinking, and without warning, two authors ran right into them. One was the girl with a spiky haircut, Vegeta's Little Girl. The other was a muscular looking woman with a pink SSJ4 teeshirt. (hint hint, the author's name is SSJ4) VGL piped up,"Oh, excuse us, have you seen a quiet, handsome, incredibly cool (ok fine BE THAT WAY)...have you seen the author Paladone? He TOLD us that we could help him with his fiction, but he dissapeared somewhere."
Jevana popped up again, "Oh that's ok, we're looking for him too, we're warning him about an mental insane psychopathic person called Acylat, or Atyla the Hun, or something like that, and she wants to roast him over a spit...."
SSJ4 mused for a second, "So SHE'S the one putting up the reward posters. I wondered where those came from. Well, we have to find him, so we'll join your group. K?"
Dyani shrugged, "Ok, sure! But where's the hilarious joke that's supposed to go with this dialogue?"
"Who knows, maybe the author is tired. Let's head out of here-"
All of a sudden, computer screens popped open from everywhere, and a strange fiction started to play.....
Gohan nearly bowled over as a screen opened right in front of him and dot, titled "Gohan's Journey: Acyla's Revenge". "What the?"
Dot shook it's...oh yeah, it doesn't have a head. "Acyla's trying to raise propoganda against Paladone, becasue she can't find him. I'm geussing this fiction won't exactly be complimentary."
Strangely, as the story unfolded, Gohan had a hard time making out the picture, it was very fuzzy. "Is FF.NET acting up again? What's going on with this?"
Dot laughed, "Atyla the Hun (I LIKE that one), in her haste to strike at Paladone, chose a font that's incredibly hard to read. Probably some small, italicized handwriting font. How foolish!"
The good boy decided to ignore all the insulting references about the good author's money, hygene, tempermant, and the fact that he's belittled in almost everyway possible, becasue HE knew it was wrong. However, Gohan gasped as he saw a virtual copy of himself, and dot, trudging near a Pandora's Box that was the discussion board, "Is-is that US? What's going on here? I'm not part of a fiction!"
The computer panels slid back into the wall, "....um...let's keep moving to the mystery section."
Gohan stopped, "NO, I want to leave a review to tell this evil Atyla th...Acyla person to quit picking on the world's nicest....who keeps putting these words in my mouth?"
"Dunno."
"Anyway, I'm leaving a review." Gohan walked over to a keyboard and typed in his review. But when he tried to send it, a mechanical buldog jumped from nowhere.
"WOOF! WOOF! Trying to review a story twice!" The dog jumped on top of the saiyajin and pushed him back into dot. "What the?"
Dot looked at the snarling dog in distaste, "Oh that's Fido, the watchdog. He's supposed to keep people from reviewing a story more than twice. Of course, no one really understands why having a 'watchdog' joke is funny, but hey, these ARE the people that decided to put in a completely pointless word count for stories. "
"But I've never reviewed this story before! I've never reviewed ANYTHING before, for kami's sake!" *Fido is frothing at the mouth, and angrily chasing its own tail*
"Hey, don't look at me, I dunno how the hosts programmed him."
Gohan had the sudden, completely out of character urge to send Fido to the 'next dimension', which of course, this author had no control whatsoever over. "BEGONE!!!!!!" Gohan threw a huge blast of ki at Fido, and the evil cyborg dog disintegrated. A beam of sunlight shown down on the boy, and all was at peace. And Dende (Kami) smiled upon the event and said, "All is well now." And then angel choruses sang from the heavens, and all authors over the net cried "HALELEUJHA!!!"
(a/n Hey, I can dream, can't I? Ok, maybe I went a BIT far.)
Gohan thought for a second, "It seems like people didn't like that dog very much, doesn't it?"
DOt replied, "Yup. New religions will probably be centered around you now. (*cough*Gohan Lovers*cough*)"
"Let's keep moving. Man this place is wierd sometimes."
Steve Savage thought he had been happy when he finally left the bizzare world of Pokemon. But then....the horror. He entered the Harry Potter section. (*Audience scrams and scrambles out, trying to reach the emergency exits.* ALright, stay calm, STAY CALM! Parents, this is a good time to comfort your children and cover their ears, lest they be traumatized forever. *grumbles* All the sacrifices I make for a funny story)
All the characters had been completel chagned, and many were insane. Dumbledore was turned into a frothing, raving lunatic, Hermione into a slut, Harry himself into a huge, impossibly powerful and handsome hero (He's actually a somewhat unatractive, nerdy boy), and Ron, well, I'm not going to go any further with him. Even poor Dobby (Most. Annoying. Character. Ever.) is bashed with complete OOC'ness.
Proffeser Minerva Macnougal ends up having really, really nasty sex with 'Cabbage Boy,' (???) for no reason at all, and even the brute-tempered Snape ends up as a sweet, kind, generous soul who just isn't understood except for (insert mary-sue here), much like our own Vegeta. Harry and Draco Malfoy team up in another section to become druglords of London (wtf?), and, of course have male/male fun. (all sorts of funny names in these books. Of course, one of the characters in DBZ (chichi) is named after breasts so I shouldn't say anything)
What Steve noticed most about the place was an obscene number of Male/male 'Slash' fictions, peculiarly between Harry and Draco, who are hated enemies. In fact, there was way too much 'tussling' in this section anyway. "This makes absolutely no sense! This is an interesting adventure book! (hey, I never said I didn't like the ORIGINAL books) These are children, for gods sake, why is there so much NC-17 stuff?" Fun action-adventures, sports games, or comedy fics were few and hard to find.
An author ran past, laughing insanely, "I think I pair Draco Malfoy and Dobby! Or mayve Dumbledore and Lord Voldemort! Or, YES!, HARRY POTTER and THE OLD GUY THAT DIES AT THE BEGINNING OF BOOK #4!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!"
Steve Savage cried out and ran, as fast as he could, towards the exit.
(a/n You'll note I didn't make fun of the books themselves, because they're actually quite good. The first two are definetly childish, but by te 3rd book, it actually gets serious and, honestly, scary and even gory at times. But that section, dear god, it's disturbing. I'm totally serious about everything I just said above. We need to scale a mass invasion and save the poor kiddies that end up trapped there.)
GOhan noticed when they entered the section that it was TINY. There were at most 10 desks, and hardly more htan 25 or so actual fictions. The room was deserted. "Wow, not a whole lot of stuff here."
Dot laughed, "Well, it's pretty hard to make a real good mystery out of a show where guys on steroids and aliens beat the hell out of eachother (face it, it's the truth. *mob forms outside the window demanding Paladone's head*)"
Gohan was confused, "Huh? What do you mean, "show". Do you think all of the fighting we've gone through is some sort of 'entertainment'?" He was a little angry at this.
Dot stared at the boy uncomprehending, than realized what was going on. "Never mind, wrong word."
Gohan suddenly brightened up, "Am I going to see some cool knock-offs of Detective mysteries? Or exciting and thrilling stories where we try to solve a problem??"
"Er....no. Actually these are mostly fictions placed in the wrong category, or strange and bizzare stories that have only a little 'mystery'."
Gohan was cast down, "aww....are there any good fictions at all on this lousy site?"
"Yeah, but showing them wouldn't be as entertaining."
Gohan wasn't really listening, but instead walked over to the computer and sat down. Currently, another "Vegeta's Little Girl" fiction was playing called "To tell the truth." where he saw duplicates of Kururin telling things about eachother to 'judges' who would determine which one was the real Kururin. Gohan noticed that they were all off by a mile. Marron was Kururin's girlfriend, not his mom, Kururin shaved his head becasue of his religion, and he didn't even KNOW what a "Destructo Disk" was.
Dot pulled Gohan away before he could discover who it really was. "Come on, I have to show you some other fictions in this section, then we can go on to the general."
"Ok."
The voice started bleating again. "Geuss!!!! *Gohan falls out of his chair* by Devil's Mistress"
The story opened up to a bedroom. Gohan saw two shadows together in the room, but neither were identifiable. "What are you doing here?" the man lying in bed said.
"I'm here for you, don't try to resist." The woman bent down and started to unbutton the man's shirt....
Gohan was completely confused. "What? Huh? Wait a minute, what's going on? What are they doing?"
The story paused and the voice bleated out, "Do you verify that you are 17?"
Gohan looked quizically at Dot, "Would it know if I was lying?"
"Nope"
"Then what's the point of a message like that."
"None....oh crap WAIT DON'T!"
Gohan turned and possibly made the best decision of his life. "No, I'm not 17."
The screen went wavy, and he couldn't see or hear anything, to dot's utter relief. However, Gohan noticed strange looking stuff happening to the two blobs, and other wierd things involving certain liquids were somewhat visible.
Finally, the screen changed and Gohan saw....himself....shoot up in bed. "F*** (Gohan cringes hearing himself saying that) this must be the 4th time! Why do I think of her like that?" On screen, he flew off to see Piccolo.
Piccolo muttered, "I don't see why you're so bothered about a stupid dream. Besides, Vegeta would kill you if he heard you were having dreams about Bulma."
Then the story ended.
Gohan was completely and utterly confused. "What? Huh? What was the point of that? I don't get it at all! HOw was that a mystery?"
Dot mumbled, "Uh, you had a dream about Bulma...you were...um...er...having...a PARTY with her. Yeah, that's it. And no one knew who you guys were until the end. Yeah, that's the...um...mystery."
GOhan smiled, "Oh ok, I don't understand that last part, but party dreams are good. I thought for a second it was one of those strange sexual fictions that don't make sense again. THEN, whoo boy, I would've been mad!" He laughed.
Dot looked decidedly sick, "uh..heh heh heh, yeah good thing. Um....I don't think I'll show geuss!!! part 2, between Piccolo and Dende, so let's just go on over to the General section."
"General? Ok." Hey, the faster the better. Gohan followed the dot, suddenly wondering to himself what Bulma was doing. He realized that his mother would by now be in hysterics. I hope Bulma can last until I get out of here.
Bulma looked at the new story in disbelief and slight revulsion. These people are disgusting. AS she reached the bottom, her jaw nearly dropped. "GOHAN??? What the-?"
"BULMA!!!!!!"
Bulma turned around, dead white. Standing there, dragging Vegeta by an ear (who was too embarased and humiliated to realize he was stronger than her), was an enraged Chichi. "WHERE'S MY GOHAN!!!"
"Uh..hehe, it's kind of a long story...."
"LET GO OF ME, DEVIL SPAWN!! I SWEAR I'LL-"
Chichi took out the Evil Cliched Frying Pan of Death (copyright) and smacked Vegeta on the head with it, knocking him senseless. "What is this you're reading? Is this the story my boy saw?"
Bulma went purple, "WAIT, NO, THIS ISN'T-"
But chichi had already finished reading it, and moved back in shock. "GOHAN READ THIS?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!!!! *voice screeches to even higher octaves* you-YOU-YOU!"
"W-wait, that's not-!"
Chichi made a lunge at Bulma with the frying pan, but Bulma ducked, and the pan smacked into Vegeta again, knocking him down a second time. With a frightened squeak, Bulma ran out into the maze that was her mansion, chichi not far behind. Vegeta roared in rage and followed.
Steve Savage finally made his way back into the ruins of the DBZ section, and followed the path of debris all the way to the horror section. Upon the way, he recruited some helpers. Mistress Storm Crow had her useful "Woman's Arsenal," that she could unleash on any trouble at the end. (which for some reason Steve knew they would have) Majin Vegeta had brute strength, and Gohan Hugger could capture the boy with her massive BEAR HUG OF POWER. But perhaps his luckiest find was the recruitment pf Ash the Wanderer and Maddog from the cellar in the horror section. Or so he thought.
Ash dusted himself off, "The indignity! How DARE they do that to me, I'm the lord of this realm!"
Steve tapped his foot, "Yeah, yeah, take your 'servant' and come along. You're no different from the rest of us until you do something useful."
Ash's jaw dropped, "WHAT? But I'm the King, I get privliges."
"Not anymore, so obey me if you ever want to see your precious stories again. I can still ban you." (I could get to like steve. ^_^)
Ash growled, then picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could the other way. Naturally, it hit Maddog, who fell to the ground with a clack.
Majin shook his head, "Idiots."
Steve continued talking. "Now, gather round. We're trying to capture this boy Gohan, so I can ban him off the server. Now-"
Gohan Hugger piped up, "I get to cuddle him right?"
Steve muttered, "Yeah, fine, whatever. Now-"
Mistress Storm Crow wailed, "Can I finish my Judge Vegeta fic first?"
"NO! Now-
"Ow...the pain! Ash, why did you-"
"SHUT UP! *maddog fall silent, surprised that he hasn't been hurt in some way again* Mow, we have a contact in an author called Acyla. She's willing to show us to Gohan if we give her Paladone for some sort of bizzare torture."
Majin Vegeta spoke quietly, "Is it wise to put our trust in her? She seems highly unstable."
"We don't have much choice. Being the host of the realm, I should know where he is, but for some reason, no one has seen him since all this chaos started."
"Do you think he might be responsible for this boy's invasion?"
Steve sneered, "No, of course not, no author has that kind of power." (Oh, how little you konw. MWAHAHAHHA!)
Ash spoke up, "Before Gohan twisted me into an intricate and complicated knot, I overheard that he was planning to go to the mystery section next door. He's probably long gone by now, though."
Steve smiled, "With all the bad fictions he's reading, he'll probably snap again. The instant he does, we can find him. I WILL have revenge. I will be-"
To be continued....
"Now hold on a second, I haven't finished my melodramatic speech!"
TO BE CONTINUED....
Ash stood up "Dammit, HOLD ON! We haven't gotten to do our evil 5-minute-super-villain-group-laugh!"
TO....BE.....CONTINUED!!!!.....
Maddog also stood up, "Hey, this isn't fair! YOu're always mean to us, especially me! Why won't you just let us finish our-"
A ligtning bolt that originated from nowhere struck MAddog, and he fell to the ground, smoking and sizzling. "ANY MORE OBJECTIONS!"
Silence
Ahem....To be continued.....
Will Gohan and Dot make their way through this never-ending trip? WIll Dyani and her new-found companions reach Paladone before it's too late. Will Acyla's new plan work? (hint hint, no) Will Steve Savage and his group reach Gohan without killing themselves. How long can Bulma escape Chichi's wrath? Where IS Paladone anyway? Stay tuned for the GENERAL section!
