6. liebes maedchen [beloved maiden]

rei lay on her bed, thinking. her chin was above her hands on the pillow, her body
splayed out carelessly in her school fuku. ikari-shidae had let her out early after
extensive dummy plug testing with him and akagi-hakasei. her limbs ached and her mind was
tired, but she refused to admit it.

[who is that pilot?] she wondered, [what is she? she's familiar. not like ikari-kun is familiar. like..
like..i've known her before..deja vu? why is she here? for what purpose? whose purpose? like me?]

rei closed her red eyes.

[like me?]

+++

"stand! bow!" hikari commanded the class. max absently did so, her mind on other things. she packed her things
in her white school bag.

[ayanami rei..] she thought, [now i recognize her!] the realization came like a bolt of lightning...

[the manticore children are five years old, and being taught in the classroom. more slides of recon,
enemy, traitor, deserter...the usual brainwash rigamarole. max, for once, was in the back of the class.
she let her eyes wander briefly as ikari-shidae walked by with lydecker. ikari had been here before, yes, and
recently familiar. he had watched them train calmly, as if it were an everyday activity. but now, there was a little,
pale, blue-haired girl with them.

"you're pleased with her?" she could hear lydecker saying with telescopic hearing. she noticed that
ikari was gripping the child's hand almost obsessively. was she a new soldier? a transgen like them?

"mmm. yes. you used what i think you used? what i requested?"

"yes. beautiful, isn't she?" lydecker gently ran a finger down her feline cheek.

what was going on? max wondered. the girl looked at her, with the same vacant look that many of her siblings had. she
stifled a gasp.

"EYES FRONT!" a tac team leader growled at her, and she was jolted forward. lydecker shot her a disapproving look as he walked by.
before aquisecing to the onslaught of slides' images, she heard lydecker say,

"ikari yui and adam's DNA..a beautiful combination..."]

"max-kun?" hikari chirped to her, breaking her out of her memories, "daijoubu [are you okay]?"

max looked wide-eyed at her, wiping sweat from her brow. she quickly covered with a shy smile.

"hai. it's just so hot here in japan!"

"yes, it is." hikari smiled warmly, "i was wondering, max-kun..since you're so amazingly good at advanced physics, do you think
you could help me for tommorrow's test?"

"i think i can swing that." max smiled.

"good. then you can walk home with me." they walked out to get their shoes, hikari chirping along with
max thinking, half concentrating on her. "i would have asked kensuke-kun, but he's moved away. our family's
about to move, too. you're staying with shinji-kun, right? are you going to move?"

"huh? oh, i'm not sure. it's up to misato-san, i guess."

"how's asuka-chan? do you know?"

max stopped and looked down. "i'm not sure." she said, "i don't know if i can really
talk about it..."

a car roared up behind them, and stopped suddenly along side them. it was blue, the sinking rays of light elegantly gleaming upon it.

"MAX-KUN!" misato roared, "you were supposed to be with shinji twenty minutes ago! let's go! let's go!"

"oh. oops. forgot." max registered a small, goofy smile. "sorry." she dug in her bag and handed all of her not-needed advanced
physics notes to hikari. "here. you can use these. i won't need them."

"oh, i couldn't! you might need them!"

"i won't. take them. you should be able to understand them pretty well."

"MAX-KUN! ISOIDE [NOW]!"

"okay, okay." she clambered into the car. "sorry, inchou. maybe some other time."

they roared away, and hikari smiled. the new girl wasn't so strange after all.

+++

"good to see you're making friends, but that was kinda bad timing." misato said calmly, "sorry i yelled. NERV's applying
the pressure for your training."

"i'm so goddamn sick of training." max said flatly, "i did it most of my childhood, i ran away to get away from it.
don't you think i've been trained enough?"

"yes, you were trained. but not for this sort of combat." misato stopped at a red light, then looked at her.
"max, i really am sorry for what manticore..what we at NERV done to you. but..the world has projected its hopes
onto you since you were born. it's a selfish cause, and i can't really apologize for it. but please, try to understand..."

"understand?! you want me to understand that my siblings, who i love more than my own life, my own freedom..many killed for your damn joint
experiments? you want me to understand THAT?!" max's voice had been rising, and how she was undecourously shouting at misato. she caught and
composed herself.

a silence descended in the car, as they boarded the car train down to NERV headquarters.

"something happened to me as a child, as well." misato said softly, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles, "my
father was the infamous katsuragi-kyouju...i'm sure you were told as a child about the katsuragi expedition to test the first S2 engine?
that was my father's expedition. we woke up adam and everyone but me died." misato spoke haltingly. after all of these years, it was
still hard to talk about...

"dad put me in the escape pod, and gave me his necklace in case he didn't make it. he put me to sleep awhile, but when i woke.." misato's voice trembled, and she
hated herself for it..she'd hated her father. "i woke up the exact moment that adam devoured everyone whole. i was mute for five years straight after."

the train stopped at the station. "you're not the only one who has suffered, max."

silence once more.

"i'm...i don't know what...i..." max looked at her hands. she had heard about the katsuragi research team and the girl..but she'd never thought...misato?
she began again. "i'm sorry." god, how strange that was for max! never apologize, lydecker had always taught them. she was breaking yet another manticore code.

"don't be." misato looked at her, and a strange smile crossed her face. "i'm sorry for your childhood, but...it couldn't be helped. you couldn't help how you were
born...what you are. but you need to be proud of that. you need to take pride in your heritage, who you are--not who you were, or what you were."

max felt a smile start on her own face. a shy one. a strange feeling was blooming inside of her...what was this feeling? this tenderness? friendship?

"arigato." she felt tears in her eyes, "misato-san...ariga.."

"stop that. weakness is bad, remember?" misato laughed, "c'mon, soldier girl. let's go get you in your plug."