WHAT YOU WISH FOR
Chapter SIX!
The Beginning of an End


Jesse tucked Janus' notebook under her arm and headed back to her room. She flopped on her own bed, sighing. Things were going to be different without Janus around. But things had been different before; for months before Janus left, he had been tired, dragging his feet, stopping to rest frequently when before he had always been awake and alert.


It was after they'd visited Jesse's mother when she found out what he'd been doing.

Janus had seemed more distant of late, he would kiss her, but not with the same passion as before. It was as if he was only doing it to please her, not because he really wanted to. She'd also noticed that his clothes smelled different, yet familiar somehow. The smell wasn't unpleasant-- Jesse couldn't imagine anything about Janus being unpleasant-- but it filled her with dread.

When asked what was wrong, Janus would just shake his head and mutter that the light hurt his eyes, or he hadn't gotten enough sleep, or sometimes refuse to reply at all.

Jesse was lying in her bed, trying to figure out what could be wrong with Janus, when she heard a soft sound coming from Janus' bedroom. It was late, and the house was silent save for this soft murmur, almost a whimper. Worried, Jesse slid out of bed and padded down the hall.

Janus' door was open only a crack, and gave itself away by spilling a shaft of golden light out into the darkened hallway. Standing outside his door, Jesse heard Janus sigh, then someone whispered his name. Jesse recognized that voice right away-- that woman Estrelania!

Jesse moved slowly to get a better look inside, and caught a glimpse of Janus' bare skin before rage blurred her vision. She was about to kick open the door and tear the two lovers apart when a thought struck her.

"Avoid confrontation if you're outnumbered," Janus had told her once. "Use your head. Be patient and wait until the time is right to make your move."

Jesse took a deep breath and backed away from the door slowly, trying to control her anger. She went back to her own cold, lonely room and lay down in her bed. Jealousy and rage kept her awake as she plotted her confrontation for the next morning. No wonder he'd been so tired... He still loved Estre, no matter what he said to anyone, even himself. "How could he do this to me?" Jesse whispered, tears stinging her eyes and trailing hotly down her cheeks. "If he knew-- he *knew* that she would come for him!"

She slept and dreamt that Janus was holding her in his arms, kissing her. "I'm sorry," He was saying, "But you're just a little girl..."

In the morning, she went to wake Janus and half-expected Estre to still be there in his bed. She was gone, and Jesse wondered if she had only imagined what she saw until she noticed that Janus' jet black hair was tousled and he wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing under the sheets. Gritting her teeth, Jesse leaned over and shook him. He opened one dark blue eye and looked at her sleepily. "Mmm?"

"It's time to get up," Jesse said simply, and left the room. Janus sat up and blinked at her, confused.

Jesse had been planning to confront Janus first thing in the morning, but she couldn't get the courage to do it. What would he say to her? Could be possibly break her heart any more than it already was? She spent the day chewing on her nails and casting angry glances at him. If he noticed her anxiety, he didn't say anything.

It was Saturday, and the Quests went out to see a movie, Race and Jesse included. As usual, Janus didn't get very invovled in it, between keeping an eye out for danger and ignoring Race's barbed comments, he was busy enough as it was. Jesse didn't even remember what the movie was about, because sitting so close to Janus made her angrier by the second.

Finally, that night, as they were re-entering the house, Janus caught hold of Jesse's arm and pulled her close to him, letting the rest of the family go in unaware. When they were alone on the front porch, Janus lifted Jesse's chin gently. "You've been acting strange all day," He said softly. "What's wrong?"

"I know what you've been doing with Estre," Jesse hissed accusingly, angry tears filling her eyes. "I saw you last night. How could you do this?" She pushed him away from her.

There was a long pause as Janus stared at her, shocked. "Jesse--" He began, then stopped and lowered his voice. "I'm sorry, Jesse, I didn't want you to know, and I don't know how to explain it to you."

"Then you admit to it?"

"Yes." Janus was as calm as he'd ever been.

"I hate you! Why did you do this, I thought you loved me!"

Janus started. "When did I-- why do you--" He sighed. "I did tell you that Estrelania might be back. "

Jesse wiped away her tears angrily. "That's not an excuse!"

Janus shook his head. "You're right. It's not. I can tell you the truth, if you'd like, but I'm warning you now that it may... Turn out badly in the end."

Jesse swallowed, her anger subsiding, her throat closing. "W... What do you mean?"

Janus took a step forward and enveloped Jesse in his arms. "I do love you, Jesse. I love you more than I've loved anyone else in my whole life..." He held her close and brushed his lips against her cheek, and Jesse realized he was shaking. "It isn't... F-fair that I couldn't meet you until now... It isn't fair that this is happening to me! Do you know what they'll do to me if I did what I wanted to? If I could really kiss you and love you the way that I've always dreamed? They'd never let me go, I'd never be able to rest, they'd make me walk this earth as a damned spectre for all eternity! They'd force me to watch you grow old and die without me..." A tear dripped onto Jesse's cheek. He was crying. "So I go with Estrelania and just close my eyes, pretend that I'm still alive and that I have blood running through me, that one day I'll die. I pretend that it isn't her at all, that it's--"
He was cut off as Jesse forced her lips against his, pressing herself against him. He slid his hands over her waist, and anything he'd been using to hold himself back crumbled away.

Janus' hands were strong in her hair, his breath on her skin hot, burning, fueled by the furnace inside of them both that boiled away anything that would make them want to stop. It was everything Jesse had imagined, had dreamed it would be, and better than that. It was like he was a different person now-- free, loving, quivering all over. Jesse could hear her voice, speaking without words, but she hardly realized it was she that made those sounds. It lasted forever and ever, for an eternity until Janus was laying next to her and kissing her gently, and she couldn't stay awake any longer...

She woke in her own bed, wrapped in a sheet that smelled of him, yet she knew that what she remembered wasn't a dream-- it had been real. But something bothered her, something else that she couldn't quite remember--

And when she went to wake him, as she always did, he was gone.

END of Chapter six

((GASP! I'm getting all teary-eyed... Sniffle.... One more chapter to go, are you ready?? Ja ne!
--Samalander))