Chapter 3: Trying to reconnect the bonds
"Hey everybody, they're coming! Hurry up!" the young ninja said, jumping up and down in front of the window.
"Shut the heck up, Yuffie", Cid replied in his usual rough manner. "You know she still does not remember anything, so we gotta be careful. Cloud said we should not put her under any pressure. You can guess what would happen if you did. Cloud would not be pleased…"
Yuffie immediately closed her mouth, her face showing a slightly frightened expression.
"Ummm… ok…" she said, slowly retreating to the living room, thus giving Red XIII, who was sitting near the fireplace, some company.
Barret, the soft, even though sometimes rough, giant impatiently paced around the room. He had known Tifa since she had moved to Midgar, where she had opened the Seventh Heaven and finally joined AVALANCHE. She had not only been one of his closest and most loyal friends, she had as well always cared for his little daughter Marlene who had lost her mother a long time ago. And even though Barret was sure that Tifa had not lost any of her caring, motherly and gentle character traits, he was afraid. Afraid that she would never again remember those quiet moments they'd had. Afraid that she would never remember their friends who had died in Midgar.
But probably it was even better that way, probably it was better for her to forget about everything that had happened before she had run away and…
No, he would not think of that. She would recover, all her friends would help her.
Waking him from his thoughts just in time, the door creaked open, followed by the soft sounds of wheels gliding over the wooden tiled floor.
Hesitantly, Barret walked over to the door, greeting the two of his best friends that had just arrived.
As his gaze fell on the young woman who had been a sister to him for years, he gasped inside.
Sitting in a wheel chair, her skin even paler than usual, she looked so fragile, so much unlike the strong, cheering woman he had known.
Yet the look in her eyes had not changed the slightest bit: they literally shone with warmth and gentleness, even though more eager to learn than before.
Yet somewhat insecure, beyond question due to the loss of her memory.
Hiding his worries, Barret walked up to Tifa, smiling.
Turning her gaze away from Cloud, who pushed her wheelchair, she leaned her head to the side and smiled at the dark man before her.
"I suppose you are Barret, right?" Tifa said in a natural cheering tone. "Cloud told me that you are a close friend of mine, and that I have known you for quite some time now." With a smirk she added: "With his description, it is not very hard to recognize you."
Barret walked up to his friend and carefully hugged her, considering not to crush the fragile form with his muscular arms.
"Yeah, that's right." He replied, while looking over at Cloud, who seemed to be a lot more relaxed than ever since Tifa had run away.
Cloud walked around the wheel chair and slightly bent down to look Tifa in the eyes.
"You wanna get to know the others?"
Tifa nodded, slightly hesitant, not knowing whether she would be able to cope with that much information, yet yearning to learn more about her past life.
Though she seemed to be overwhelmed by that much news, Tifa still wanted to know more, wanted to be shown around the house, yet doing as much by herself as possible.
***
Later that night, when everybody had either gone to bed or was still visiting some newly found friends, Tifa was still awake, lying in the improvised bed in the living room, as she was not able to walk up the stairs to her own room.
Hypnotized, she stared into the flames, watching the licking sparkles form and dissolve, creating a wonderful warmth that made her face glow.
Yet with a sigh, she turned her head and leaned back, closing her eyes.
Softly, footsteps were approaching, trying to make no noise. Walking by the door-opening, realizing that she was still awake, Cloud stopped, frowning.
Softly, he knocked on the door frame, trying to get Tifa's attention.
Slowly, she turned her head around, and, recognizing her dearest friend, smiled at him.
"Hey", she simply said.
Cloud smiled back at her and slowly walked over to her bed. After receiving a hostile smile at his questioning look, he sat down next to her, following her gaze at the flames.
"Can't sleep, huh?" he asked, not meeting her gaze yet.
Tifa nodded.
"Ya… It's just that… there's so many thoughts in my head, so much new information… and though people do their best and tell me what my past was like, it all seems like the story of another woman…"
She sighed deeply, hanging her head low.
"No matter how hard I try, it just won't come back… I just can't remember… Even this house… our home… it feels so strange, so unknown…"
She grabbed her head with her left hand, a pained expression growing on her face. Finally, her strength seemed to leave her, her confidence crumbled, and slowly, a single tear made its way down a pale cheek.
"Tifa…" was all that escaped Cloud's mouth before he turned around and pulled his friend into a close hug, giving her the support and strength she desperately needed.
The single tear was immediately ensued by soft sobs, which grew louder and more frequent, until she finally gave up all resistance and broke down in the arms of the one she had unknowingly dedicated her whole life to.
***
Huh, what's this?
Tifa slowly opened one eye, feeling the warmth of the morning sun which fell upon her pale face.
Too soon, she sighed and, shielding her eyes from the sun with one hand, she pushed herself up with the other.
All of a sudden, she stopped in her process of getting up; her legs refused to move.
What?
In an overwhelming wave, realization hit her. For the duration of the night, she had totally forgotten about her paralysis, yet when she remembered, it was even a bigger shock then the first time she had learned of it.
Even though she tried hard not to give in to her emotions, salty tears of sadness overwhelmed her and streamed down her cheeks. She sank back into the comforting warmth of her bed and quietly cried into the pillow.
Steps, someone is coming down the stairs…
Rapidly, she wiped away the tears, hoping her eyes were not too red from crying. She sat up slowly and looked at the doorframe.
Quietly, the tall blonde man walked in, not wanting to wake Tifa if she were still asleep.
"Hey", he greeted her, as their gazes met and they smiled at each other. "Seems like we're the first ones up." With a smirk, the young man added: "I actually wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed…"
Tifa softly laughed, amused by Cloud's comment.
Yet Cloud simply savoured the moment, as hearing Tifa laugh was something that happened rarely since she had been found after her failed attempt to commit suicide. Even before that she had hardly been happy at all.
Carefully, Cloud cleared his throat, still standing in the door-frame.
"I think I should leave you alone now. Guess you wanna get changed and stuff…" he stated, looking away slightly embarrassed.
Tifa giggled softly and nodded her head.
"Ya, I guess…"
Still she could not take her eyes off Cloud. Since the day she had first seen him in hospital, he had cared for her, always being by her side, never giving in to his own weakness, but being strong just for her. It was an incredible thought that someone sacrificed so much just for her, that he did care about her that much. And ever since that first day, a certain feeling was building up inside of her.
A feeling of affection and longing.
A feeling she feared deep in her heart, no matter how pleasing it was, and how dearly she wanted to give in to it.
But she could not do so as long as she did not remember her past.
Who knew what had happened between them?
Probably there was already somebody he had dedicated his life to.
Probably there was somebody in her life as well, somebody that was not with her, yet that she loved and would betray if she gave in to her feelings for Cloud.
Inside, she sighed. Life could be complicated sometimes. And even though she only had memory of some days yet, she could tell that already, had experienced enough of its complicatedness.
"Ummm… do you want me to call Yuffie to help you with… you know… that… stuff?"
Cloud broke the silence, trying to introduce the delicate matter as casually as possible.
He knew Tifa did not want to be treated like a handicapped person, like a "small, helpless child" as she used to call it.
Yet Tifa knew she was not strong or exercised enough yet to do it all alone, so she hesitantly gave in and, nodding approvingly, she accepted her friend's help.
"Ok, I'll go get her then", then he turned around once more, facing his friend again "Oh, and, don't worry about breakfast: I'll prepare it… well… at least I'll try, so don't expect anything spectacular." He added with a smirk.
Tifa waved her friend goodbye and once again cursed her amnesia.
If she at least knew what had been going on between them…
If she were only able to tell him how she felt…
***
"So, that's it! Can I comb your hair now? Can I? Can I?" Yuffie asked, hyperactive like always.
Tifa giggled at the energy of her young friend and handed her the comb she obviously used for her incredibly long, thick raven hair.
The young girl cheered and, grinning, ran the wooden comb through the long hair, carefully touching it with her small hands.
Meanwhile, Tifa stared down at her long legs which lay motionless in the wheelchair. The soft blue summer dress she was wearing barely covered her upper legs as she sat, not being able to stand up by herself. Carefully at first, yet stronger then, she touched her numb legs, trying to feel anything.
She sighed once more and finally rested her hands on her upper legs, closing her eyes, concentrating on the soft massage her young friend gave her hair.
Slowly, the aromatic smell of hot coffee wavered over from the direction of the kitchen and tickled her nose. Just a few seconds later, she heard the sound of dishes being put onto the wooden surface of the table.
Yuffie finally ended the massage and put the comb down, handing it to her friend. Smiling, she took a few steps back and inspected Tifa's looks.
"Beautiful", she stated, smiling. "I guess we're done now."
Tifa nodded thankfully and sighed, moving the wheelchair over to the kitchen, denying her friend's help, wanting to be as independent as possible.
In the kitchen, the table was completely set. Cloud turned around at the sound of the approaching wheelchair and smiled at Tifa.
Astonishing, he thought, she looks so incredible, almost like nothing has ever happened.
"Well, breakfast is ready, I guess."
While Cloud and Tifa took their places next to each other at the table, the others were slowly trotting in, having been called by Yuffie, who entered still shouting at Cid, who definitely was not a morning person. Yet he already had a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, running his hand through his unruly hair.
When they had finally settled down and everybody was taking in the early meal, Barret cleared his throat to arouse attention.
"Umm… I… well, actually we decided", he started hesitantly, directing his gaze at Cloud and Tifa, who looked up from the plates in a somewhat surprised way "well… we decided that we should leave ya two alone for a while. Cuz we thought that it wouldn't help when the whole bunch is runnin' around all the time. Plus none of us, except for ya, Cloud, is really a help for Teef."
Tifa shot Cloud a confused gaze, just to see that he wasn't feeling any different than she herself did.
"But…" he started, trying to find some arguments to make them stay. Even though he definitely had strong feelings for her, and maybe actually because of that, he felt anxious to alone with Tifa. Felt anxious that he could make any mistakes that would worsen her situation.
But Barret decidedly shook his head.
"Nope, buddy, we're sure about that. It's the best way. All of us are gonna go visit some friends we haven't seen for quite some time, so we're gonna leave right after breakfast."
Tifa and Cloud exchanged questioning looks, yet they knew Barret was not a person that could be quickly persuaded to change the plans he had made himself, so they just agreed.
Maybe Barret and the others were right after all.
Maybe it would help Tifa.
***
With a last clap, the door fell shut and the noises slowly quieted, followed by a deep silence.
Cloud and Tifa stood in the entrance hall where they had said goodbye to their friends before, and looked at the door, feeling odd because of the sudden lack of any sound.
"Ummmm…" Cloud started, feeling most uncomfortable, not at all knowing what to say.
Tifa gave a small, slightly uneasy smile and sighed.
"Well, it's kinda quiet in here, now…" she stated simply.
Cloud returned a sheepish grin directed at her.
"Heh, yeah. I guess you're right."
And another uncomfortable silence fell over the room as the last tunes had been spoken.
"So… what should we do now?" Tifa asked, eager to learn more about her own life. "I don't wanna waste a single minute."
Cloud smiled at her.
As enthusiastic as ever, it almost seems like nothing has happened.
Simply seeing her act that strong, that decided, made him feel more comfortable, most sure that what he did was right and had a reason.
Pondering for a minute, he had an idea.
"Maybe…" he started, thinking, slowly walking towards the living room, waiting for Tifa to follow him.
The living room had become Tifa's favorite. It was always warm, not just because of the fireplace that always supported visitors with physical warmth, but mostly because the room just a friendly, loving atmosphere. Even though she had never been able to make out what especially it was that gave her that feeling, she still took it as a great gift, not wanting it to end.
Tifa slowly took her place at the low table, watching, while Cloud was rummaging through the cupboard at the opposite wall.
Finally, he had seemingly found what he was looking for and returned to the table, sitting down next to Tifa, and put a small box unto the table.
Tifa gazed at him curiously, waiting for him to tell her what she was supposed to do with the object.
Cloud gestured her to act.
"Open it." He simply demanded.
Curiously, Tifa eyed the small box. It was made out of thin, light wood, showing no decorations or carvings, just being what it had been made for some time ago.
Tifa carefully placed her fine hands on the box and lifted the lid.
Inside, she was greeted by a couple of colorful pictures, most obviously photographs that had been taken of the bunch of friends that inhabited this home.
Tifa pulled back her hands and watched Clouds peaceful smile as he took one of the pictures and held it out in front of him.
The photograph showed the front of the house they were just sitting in, yet it looked somewhat newer, like it had just been put together. In front of it, was the whole bunch of Tifa's friends, their clothes spotted with dirt and paint.
Tifa giggled softly, almost like the little, carefree girl she had once been herself.
"It looks funny", she said, smiling brightly. "What happened at that day?"
Cloud smiled to himself as he looked at the picture and remembered that day.
"Heh, ya, it was funny indeed." He started, still smiling. "We took that picture the day we finished building the house. You know, we had quite some problems finding the right place to live, cuz at the beginning, we just couldn't agree about the location. And when we had, and had finally bought all the stuff it needed, mountains of problems occurred, all at once, and nothing seemed to work at all. Just imagine how Cid and Barret cursed about the whole idea, and that we should've separated, but you", he glanced at her, giving her a cute smile, "you at once started to yell at them if they did at all know what they were talking about and suddenly, everybody burst into laughter and just couldn't stop. It was a great moment. From that day on, everything worked fine, ok, except for some minor misunderstandings. And finally, one day, we had finished, and everything was done. We were just happy we had made it and joked around all the time. It was one of the happiest days we ever had since we saved the planet."
When he had finished, he looked over at Tifa, who showed a content smile.
"Sounds like fun", she replied, yet still not remembering anything. "Please, tell me more."
She grabbed another picture and held it up. It showed a young woman with long, blond hair and beautiful green eyes, kneeling in a flower field, soft, lavender petals in her hands.
"Wow", Tifa gasped, "She's beautiful… Who is that?"
"Ummm…", Cloud started, not sure what he should tell her, and how much she could bear. "That's Aeris. She's a very gentle and tender person, friendly and sympathetic with everyone. Before we met her, she grew flowers in Midgar and sold them in the streets. Later, she was captured by Hojo, and after we got her out, she accompanied us on our journey. That picture was taken in one of the flower fields around Kalm, a few miles from here, just after we escaped from Midgar."
Cloud smiled at the photograph, yet there was something else in his eyes Tifa could not identify.
"Well, if she's a friend of ours, a good friend, then why isn't she here? What happened to her?" Tifa tried, curious.
As soon as she had spoken those words, she knew she would not get an answer yet. Cloud's eyes told her so. They showed an expression of deep sadness and hurt.
"I… I'm gonna tell ya that later. I don't think this is the right time." He stated simply, obviously not ready to talk about what was still hurting in him so bad.
Tifa reached out for some more of the photographs and looked at them, having Cloud tell her when they had been taken, which was most of the time related with a funny story that made both of them laugh, and Tifa regret even more deeply that she had lost her memory.
One day, she told herself, one day, soon, I will remember. I will remember all of this. All the happy as well as all the sad moments.
One day, soon, I will regain my life.
***
A pitch black darkness had settled down and taken place of the warm reign of the sun, giving the glimmering stars a chance to show all their serene beauty which had already seen thousands of lives passing by in what seemed to be just a glimpse, a single thread in the grand design.
Tifa's gaze rested on those guardians of time, being attracted by their mere presence. Even though she could not define the feeling, she knew she had always had a close connection to the stars, admiring them from time to time in sole silence.
Simply by looking at them, she felt secure, being taken the uneasiness and worries she often felt at daytime.
Consumed in her thoughts, she did not hear Cloud approaching behind her, following her gaze through the window.
"Beautiful, aren't they?", he stated, looking over at Tifa, who nodded at him. "You've always loved the stars."
Tifa smiled and nodded approvingly.
"Ya, I know. Somehow, I felt it."
Cloud looked at her questioningly, he took her statement as an improvement of her state.
"Yet you don't remember a thing, do you?"
Sadly, Tifa shook her head in denial, placing her hands in her lap.
Cloud gently placed a hand on her shoulder, comforting his best friend.
"That's just what I expected. Well, tomorrow, if you don't mind, we could go on a small tour, you know, visit some places that are of importance for us, for you. That might actually help you."
Now it was Tifa's turn to shoot him a questioningly glance, while pointing at her wheelchair.
"But, you know, how are we gonna go? You know, I can't walk by myself." She reminded him, yet Cloud had obviously not forgotten about her disability.
"We're gonna take Boco, you know, the golden chocobo, and ride on him. And, well, the rest of the time I could just carry you around." He replied casually, as if it were just nothing special he was talking about.
Tifa blinked, looking unbelieving, making sure if she had heard it right.
"So, you okay with that?"
"Umm… yeah, I guess. It sounds like a really good idea, and, besides, like fun", she added with a smirk.
Cloud grinned back at her.
She was, without any doubts, the Tifa he had always known. His Tifa.
The one he had admired since he was just a little boy.
The one that had helped him through everything, and that he would help now, to finally return that great prove of unique and deep friendship.
And maybe even more…
