Three Cheers for Fanservice
Part Two: Can you survive? No, you can't. Haha!
"Have you figured it out yet, Ami-chan?" Usagi whined.
"NO! STOP ASKING ME THAT!" Ami yelled.
* * * * *
"You must attack the Senshi and give them this note." Norbert commanded Emmett Smith. He handed the football player a letter. "Do you understand?"
"Yes. Drink PowerAde." responded Emmett Smith.
"Norbert! This is the last time!" his mother screeched.
* * * * *
"For some reason, we are all together in the middle of an empty street, henshined." remarked Setsuna.
"Can anyone predict where this is going?" Michiru asked.
"I can predict where you and I are going afterwards," Haruka said, inspecting her nails.
"Ohh, Haru-sama, I don't know if I can wait." Michiru replied.
"There's an oddly convenient room booked in my name over there." Haruka said, pointing at a tacky motel.
"Too far. That empty Dumpster looks good." Michiru decided and dragged Haruka away.
"There seems to be a blatant lack of foreplay with that couple." Artemis commented.
"You're one to talk!" exclaimed Luna in a huff.
"The evil guy is going to appear soon. Maybe we should henshin?" Artemis said, ignoring Luna. Somehow the Senshi were back in de-henshined clothes.
"Moon Magic Moondust Power!" yelled Usagi, using some crazy dubbed henshin phrase that nobody has ever heard before, because I just made it up.
"Mars Magic Fire Power!" Rei yelled.
"Jupiter Electricity Magic Power!" Makoto cried.
"Mercury Magic Water Power!" Ami shouted.
"Venus Magical Love Power!" Minako screamed.
"Saturn Magical Killing Power!" Hotaru yelled.
"Pluto Magic Time Power!" Setsuna shouted.
"Mmmph… Neptune…" Haruka mumbled.
"Your-anus… Hrrmmphh…" Michiru muttered.
"Tuxedo Second Looks Formal Wear Power!" proclaimed Mamoru.
"Chibi-Moon Magical Pinkness Kawaii Overdose Power!" Chibi-Usa cried in a horribly cute voice.
"Starlight, Starbright! Star Maker, Make Me a Magical Match Power!" Yelled Sailor Star Maker, I don't know their names.
"Starlight, Starshine! Star Breaker - I mean, Star Healer, Magical Healing Power!" yelled Star Healer.
"Starlight, Starsuck! Star Fighter, Magical Fighting Power!" yelled Star Fighter.
Nobody came.
It seems Norbert's mother made him eat dinner after all.
"Well, this is useless." remarked Makoto.
"Can you tell me how to get back to Hogwarts?" a boy with black hair, green eyes, and glasses asked.
"What is Harry Potter doing in this fanfic?" Ami wondered.
"He looks like my senpai!" exclaimed Makoto.
"What does 'senpai' mean?" Harry Potter wondered. Suddenly, a red-haired boy appeared beside Harry.
"Are these Muggles?" asked Ron Weasly.
"I am not a mugger!" exclaimed Usagi. Numerous sweatdrops appeared on Harry and Ron's heads.
"Did the author just say sweatdrops appeared on our heads?" Ron asked.
"What is a sweatdrop?" Harry wondered.
Emmett Smith appeared in the street.
"It's about time." Hotaru said.
"Are we going to fight?" asked Sailor Star Healer. "Because I have a manicure appointment."
"The only way to defeat me is to drink PowerAde." rumbled Emmett Smith.
"What the hell is PowerAde?" Ron Weasly said.
"I must deliver this letter." Emmett Smith said, and handed a badly written not to Setsuna. She peered at it.
"It looks vaguely Egyptian," she said, squinting her eyes. "But it has a slight Arabian accent on the S's…" she trailed off.
"Okay, can somebody just tell us to how to get back to Hogwarts?" Harry asked.
"Not now," Makoto told him. "We have to fight Emmett Smith."
"Fight him? Why would you want to fight him?" Ron asked, confused.
"Because we're Sailor Suited Super Heroines!" Usagi cried.
"Did somebody say heroin?" Hotaru asked, interested.
"Drink PowerAde!" bellowed Emmett Smith.
"Chibi PowerAde!" Chibi-Chibi chirped
"Minna, attack!" cried Chibi-Usa. Nobody listened to her.
"Shut up!" Rei screamed, and leaped at Chibi-Chibi, intent on killing it.
"Chibi shit!" it shrieked and ran away, Rei following close behind.
The Starlights left.
Harry and Ron left as quickly as possible.
Emmett Smith did likewise.
Usagi spotted an ice cream shop and ran toward it, yelling, "Ice Cream Sundae!"
Haruka and Michiru emerged from the Dumpster, looking quite satisfied with themselves.
Ami, Makoto, Setsuna, Minako, and Hotaru all decided to go shopping.
"You must work as a team!" Luna yelled in a shrill voice.
"What a dysfunctional group," Artemis muttered.
Diana looked cute.
Tuxedo Mask smelled his roses.
The author got extremely pissed off and fast-forwarded to the next scene.
* * * * *
Emmett Smith entered Norbert's secret laboratory.
"Did you complete your mission?" Norbert asked.
"PowerAde." Emmett Smith said sadly.
"I'll take that as a no. Now leave my presence! I must attack the Senshi again." Norbert cried.
* * * * *
An old librarian suddenly dropped dead in the middle of a lecture to the class using the Internet lab. Several students cheered.
* * * * *
"Can you please tell us how to get back to Hogwarts?" Ron pleaded with the Senshi at Hikawa jinja.
"NO!" screamed Makoto.
"I'll go back in time and make it so you never came here." Setsuna said.
"That sounds good." Ami said.
Nobody said anything for a while.
"It appears the author has writer's block." Mamoru remarked.
*INDEED I DO. AND I KNOW JUST HOW TO FIX IT!* cried the author. *ONE OF YOU WILL DIE! MWAHAHAHA!*
Everyone in the temple shivered.
"Who could it be?" they whispered to each other.
*SCENE CHANGE!* bellowed the author.
* * * * *
*This is a tale of eleven courageous people, placed on a remote temple on an Island off the coast of Japan called Hikawa jinja, left to survive with nothing but their wits and an annoying show host. Each day will bring new challenges and hardships for surviving. Can they survive? This is… SURVIVAL!*
Corny fake jungle music began to play.
Let's check in one Day One:
"Eeeeewww! There's sand in my booooots!" Usagi wailed.
"Oh, shut up, you crybaby." Haruka said, looking mean.
"Oh, be quiet, Haruka-sama. We can amuse ourselves in other ways." Michiru said. Haruka immediately looked interested.
"It seems that a couple has originated under the immense pressure of survival!" Jeff Probst said in his annoying know-it-all host voice and laughed knowingly.
"I say we kill him and eat him." Hotaru remarked. Probst suddenly looked nervous.
"I agree." Rei added.
"Heh, heh." Jeff Probst began to sweat. "The contestants have developed an unusual sense of humor to cope with the hardships of survival…"
"Kill the annoying show host!" Ami shrieked.
"He doesn't look like my old senpai! Kill him!" Makoto added.
"We'll roast him alive!" Setsuna chimed in cheerfully, while taking a swig of beer.
"Gyaaahhh! I must survive!" Jeff Probst ran for his life as the Senshi made a mad dash toward him.
"Kill him!" Minako screamed from the pack of wild Senshi chasing Probst.
*Wasn't someone supposed to die?* interjected the author.
"Yes, we're killing Jeff Probst." Mamoru explained.
*I mean a Senshi.* the author said exasperatedly.
Suddenly, Chibi-Usa tripped on a rock and fell on the ground, splitting her head open.
*Much better!* said the author.
"Nooooo!" screamed thousands of possessed Chibi-Usa fanatics.
*Bwahahahaha!* laughed the author.
The pink flamingo on the ground twitched convulsively, and the author laughed some more.
Mamoru slammed directly into a brick wall that hadn't been there a second ago and died.
"Nooooo!" screamed Usagi.
*Nooooo!* screamed the author. *Wait - yeah, Nooooo! Mamo-chan was cute!*
Mamo-chan suddenly became alive again.
*Yaaay!*
"Yaaay!"
*I feel this is a fitting end to part two.*
~*~end part two~*~
So, what the hell is going on? Beats me! It's got no plot! That was bad grammar. Enjoy the next ep! Here are some magical hints!
Major Applewhite is an even stupider name than Novacek.
Line dances suck!
Simeultaneousicity isn't a work, or so my computer says.
