Three Cheers for Fanservice
Part Three: The Quest for Hentai, or at least something revealing.
"Did you give the Senshi my note?" Norbert asked eagerly as Emmett Smith entered the laboratory.
"PowerAde. PowerAde, PowerAde." grunted Emmett.
"She couldn't understand it?" Norbert cried in dismay. "What's not to understand?" He whirled around and began to pace around the room. "What else would a smelly, scrawny, pale fanboy want? MORE FANSERVICE!" He got on a computer and began to type.
Senshi:
I must offer you this compromise. If you don't want to be killed my football playing henchmen, you must shorten your skirts, lower the neck blouses when de-henshined, and remove tops to your outfits all together! Plus, more yuri scenes between Haruka and Michiru.
Norbert, a smelly, scrawny, pale fanboy.
Norbert printed it out and waved it around in the air frantically. "Take this to them!" he cried, pointing at another football player who stood silent in the shadows.
"I am Major Applewhite." the man who looked like an ape said.
"What a dumb name!" Norbert laughed.
"Yes." agreed Applewhite in a monotonous tone.
"That's creepy," Norbert said. "Don't do that." Then he handed his letter to the ape-man and said, "Take this to the Senshi."
"Yes," said Major Applewhite again. He didn't have enough space left in his brain to formulate anything remotely resembling a sentence. He turned around and began to walk away.
CRASH!!!
A Major Applewhite-shaped door was made in Norbert's wall.
"Arggh!" yelled Norbert. "Football players have no brains!" he stomped furiously to his chair and picked up a copy of MILK!, flipping through it.
* * * * *
A huge crashing sound filled Hikawa jinja.
"What was that?" Rei yelled. "If anybody trashes this temple, I'll kill them!"
A menacing, ape-like figure appeared in the newly made doorway.
"Big Foot!" cried Usagi.
"The Abominable Snowman!" shrieked Minako.
"My old boyfriend!" exclaimed Makoto.
"Major Applewhite?" asked Ami.
"Hey! How did you know who it was?" Rei said.
"Who else could have such an ape-like figure?" Ami replied.
"Letter." grunted Major Applewhite. He held out a crumpled letter in his huge ham-like hands.
"Eew." Usagi noted as she picked up the letter, snatching her hands away as quickly as she could. She unfolded it with care, pinching it between her fingernails with her nose scrunched up in disgust. "It says," she read, "We must shorten our skirts, lower our de-henshined blouse necks, and remove our tops from the uniform. And, we have to show more yuri between Haruka and Michiru."
"What?" Haruka yelped. "That's an invasion of our privacy! We'll never ag-OW!" Michiru stomping on her foot promptly cut her off.
"We agree." Michiru replied pleasantly.
"But what about our skirts? And shirts?" Ami asked, her voice trembling. "I don't wanna be a whore!" she began to cry loudly.
"We already ARE." Makoto told her bluntly. "You just try and deny it by acting all modest, wearing boots in costume and non-revealing clothes when we're de-henshined." she peered closely at Ami. "But I can tell you're a closet whore."
"Yeah!" Rei exclaimed. "We're all like that!" Suddenly, Ami leapt to her feet. Major Applewhite abruptly disappeared.
"Line dance!" she shrieked, and she, Usagi, Rei, Minako, Makoto, and the rest of the New York Rockettes grabbed each other around the shoulder and did some high kicks.
"Doot, doot, doo, doo doot, doot, doot, doo, doo doot." Music began to play loudly.
"And kick and two and three and four!" cried and eerily fruity voice. "I'm Peter Simmons, Richard Simmons' half-brother!" Peter Simmons giggled. "And kick and two and three and four-"
"And die!" shrieked Rei and slammed a large wooden bat onto his head. The bat got angry and flew away to its cave on beautiful puce wings.
"Cheep cheep! Cheep cheep!" moaned Peter Simmons. "My head! Cheep cheep!"
*This scene is whacked. Clean-up crew!" bellowed the author. Everyone was swept off the scene by a bunch of chibi Youmas dressed in coveralls with paint splatters. They fetched little paint buckets and paint brushes and began to paint Hikawa jinja. Soon they had painted Rei, Minako, Usagi, Ami, Makoto, Artemis, Luna, Diana, Mamoru, Chibi-Usa, Chibi-Chibi, Setsuna, Michiru, Haruka, Hotaru, the three Starlights, Mistress 9, Pharaoh 90, and Black Lady. With a large whooshing noise the scene suddenly came to life.
"Yay! We're back!" cried Michiru, who quickly grabbed Haruka and left.
"Jeez! Sex-crazed maniacs!" muttered Artemis. Luna smacked him on the head. "I'm glad my Minako isn't like that." Minako smiled innocently and all present sweatdropped.
"Well, I have… stuff to do." Hotaru said, fidgeting. "Bye!" she quickly dashed out of the temple.
"I'm hungry." announced Usagi. At the same time, Ami said, "I need to read!" and Rei said, "I sense an evil presence!" and Makoto said, "I have to find my old boyfriend!" and Minako said, "I need a hunk!" and Chibi-Usa said, "I'm so kawaii!" and Chibi-Chibi said, "Chibi, chibi!" and Mamoru said "I want some bananas!" and the three Starlights said, "Bondage! Yeah!" and Mistress 9 said, "Ooh! Pretty swirly colors!" and Pharaoh 90 said, "Mwahahahaha!" and Black Lady said, "My daddy is sooooooo hot!"
*Whoah! Overload!* yelled the author. *Can we get back to the plot, please? Wait, that doesn't work, we don't have a plot…*
Ami whipped out her computer and began to type.
"Here is what we know," she began. "Norbert, a scrawny, smelly, pale fanboy, sent us a letter. She held up a plastic bag labeled, 'Evidence'. "He wants us to shorten our skirts, lower our de-henshined blouse-necks, remove tops from the outfits all together, and show more yuri between Haruka and Michiru.
"I think we all know the answer!" cried Minako. She began to rip her blouse off. "Yes! Show him more fanservice!"
"No!" cried Ami, throwing a blanket over Minako's almost revealed chest. Hundreds of fanboys sighed in disappointment. "We are not hentai anime girls in a copy of MILK! or Anime Strip Poker! Have some decency!"
"All right." Minako pouted. "But-"
"No!" asserted Ami. "Not ever!"
"Damn!" Rei swore. "And I was looking forward to it all."
"Yeah, I know." agreed the rest of the Senshi in unison. Pharaoh 90 was looking delighted at the prospect of live fanservice.
"Me too," agreed Mamoru, staring at Setsuna and drooling. Usagi kicked him in the crotch and he fell over.
"Too bad!" Ami shrieked, her face turning purple and crossveins appearing in her forehead. "You'll just have to check this book out later!" She stomped off angrily, muttering obscenities.
~*~end part three~*~
That was crazy, wasn't it? Here are some more clues for Part Four – that is, if I remember to use them. .;;
"I'm going to put you in an ironclad lockbox!"
"Warshington Fuzzy Math!"
Plus, the author finds herself killing businessmen. Yay!
