Part Five: Is it really Part Five? Or am I just deceeeeeeiving you?
"Do you know how incredibly bored I am?" Rei moped around. "Why can't we fight another villain or something?"
"Hey you got to beat DBZ-Boy into submission. At least you did something. We're just sitting around doing nothing." Ami told her angrily. "In fact, that book needs a new cover! It'll be another two months before you can check this out!"
The other Senshi stared at her in confusion and sweatdropped profusely.
"Oh, so this is for a report." Ami sneered. "Well, that's just too bad. I suppose you'll have to fail!"
"Uh, Ami-chan?" Minako asked nervously. "You okay?"
"Hmm? I didn't say anything." Ami replied blankly.
"You did too. You were squawking like a librarian over some book." Makoto said. Ami froze.
"Seriously?" she demanded. "Oh, shit, the ghost of a librarian is possessing me!" Ami abruptly disappeared in a puff of smoke and flying spider monkeys with type writers that smelled like mildew.
* * * * *
"Bwahahaha!" roared Norbert in satisfaction. "My plan is working!" he had abandoned using football players to attack the Senshi and resorted to using a wandering librarian ghost to possess one of them.
Ami appeared in front of him waving a large Japanese flag and a sign that said, 'Doo wa mini grana bee wop."
"Ah, Librarian-chan! Welcome to my lair." Norbert gestured grandly at his basement.
Possessed-Ami looked at him suspiciously.
"I am the Lone Librarian," she announced. "I shall defeat all with my twisted, arthritis-deformed hands and my can of Insta-Mildew." The Lone Librarian held up a hairspray can in her creepy mutated hands.
Norbert nodded sagely. "I thought as much. Her is your henchman, ex-Russian President Vladimir Putin," A small, gnarly old man stepped out of the shadows.
"Ty chto mumu yebyosh." He greeted her.
"He's a fake Russian. He only knows one line of Russian." Norbert stage-whispered to Ami/Librarian-chan.
Librarian-chan nodded suspiciously.
"Ty chto mumu yebyosh!" sputtered the Russian ex-president.
Lib-chan nodded suspiciously.
"Well, go out and terrorize small children, or whatever it is old people do these days! Then destroy the Senshi." Norbert said, frowning.
Lib-chan nodded suspiciously and disappeared in a puff of smoke and flying lobsters with tire irons that smelled like white lilies and dog shit.
* * * * *
"Somebody stole Ami!" Usagi wailed. "Waahhhhh!"
"Shut up!" yelled Rei. "Stupid crybaby!"
"Please! Girls!" Luna cried in a shrill voice, breaking nearby glass windows. "Calm down!"
Hikawa jinja was in a state of disarray. All the Senshi had gathered at Rei's temple to discuss the odd disappearance of Ami.
"She's like, gone!" exclaimed Hotaru, clapping her hands delightedly and smoking marijuana. Setsuna stood beside her and downed six cans of Budweiser in less than three seconds.
"Chibi gone!" said Chibi-Chibi.
"Quite!" boomed a nasally voice. "Norbert, the hentai fanboy, scrawny and pale beyond any other fanboy, has come to deliver you a ransom note!"
"Eh?" asked Mamoru blankly. "Ransom?"
"Yes!" bellowed Norbert. "Ransom!"
"Ransom?" gasped Usagi.
"Yes!" bellowed Norbert. "Ransom!"
"What?" Minako cried. "Ransom?"
"Yes!" bellowed Norbert. "Ransom!"
"Ransom?" shrieked Rei.
"Yes!" bellowed Norbert. "Ransom!"
The Senshi gave a collective gasp.
"Ransom?" they asked in unison.
"Yes!" bellowed Norbert, louder and more nasally than before. "Ransom!"
"Hey, that's like one of those words where if you say it enough, it starts to lose all meaning." Hotaru said, stoned. "Ransom," she hiccuped, "Ransom, ransome, ransom, ransom, ransom, raansom, ran some, raaaansoome, ramsum, ransun, ramsun, runsam, runsun, ramsam, hiccup, rancup, rinsup, ratcub, hiccup."
"What-EVER," said Makoto. "You look nothing like my old Senpai."
Norbert grinned an evil, secretive grin and left, leaving behind a ratcub – ransub – ratsom – runsat – dammit, a note that was written on pink rose stationary.
* * * * *
"Well, we're here." Minako announced as the Senshi entered the horrible and evil Public Library.
"I think it's haunted," Setsuna said, swigging from a champagne bottle. Hotaru nodded beside her and popped Ex-lax into her mouth.
"Mwahahaha!" Came an evil cackling noise from the shadows. "Welcome to my torture chamber!" Lib-chan emerged from the shadows and tapped her fingers together like Mr. Burns. "Excellent."
Hotaru started to look queasy and concluded that eating the Ex-lax wasn't a very good idea.
"Uh, I gotta go," she mumbled, and left really quickly.
"We're trapped!" shrieked Minako, even though the Library doors were open behind them.
"Yes," cackled Lib-chan. "Trapped." She produced her can of Insta-Mildew from her pocket and wielded it at the Senshi. The Senshi gave a collective gasp and took one step backwards.
"Noooooo!" screeched Usagi as Lib-chan covered her in mildew. The mildew incased her entire body and restricted all movement, but Usagi wiggled around futilely anyway. "Mamo-chan, help me!"
"Tuxedo Rose Stab!" shouted Mamo-chan, who is now Tuxedo Mask, and flung a rose at Lib-chan. Lib-chan dodged it easily and sprayed Mamo-chan with mildew too.
"Now for the rest of you!" cackled Lib-chan, turning to the rest of the suddenly henshined Senshi.
"Sparkling Wide Pressure!" yelled Makoto, and sent electricity crackling towards Lib-chan. But it didn't affect her!
"You idiots!" cackled Lib-chan. "I'm a possessed Senshi! That makes me resistant to electricity!"
"How?" asked Rei.
"Because!" cackled Lib-chan. The Senshi gave another collective gasp.
"Nobody can refute that answer!" cackled Lib-chan, who has been doing a lot of cackling today.
"Deep Submerge!" yelled Michiru, directing her attack at the nearest library book.
"Acccckkkk!" shrieked Lib-chan as the book crumbled and fell apart. "My energy is draining! I won't let you!" With an inhuman feat of speed she managed to tie the rest of the Senshi up in mildew and cart them along to her private lair, the Children's Corner.
"Noooooo!" wailed Usagi as she wriggled on the floor with the rest of the Senshi. "We're trapped in the Children's Corner of the Public Library by a possessed Ami-chan!"
"Are we really?" Setsuna asked her sarcastically, somehow managing to have a large bong beside her and smoking. "I hadn't noticed."
~*~Fin~*~
Author's Note:
Alora: Look for my email, I have an idea for G:06 I think you'll like. Well, how could you have ever guessed who Hatchet-baka is? And you are evil to even bring up Hope at all. Talk Later!
PallaPalla: Peas are evil, aren't they? I started shrieking with laughter when I wrote this myself. I hope Part Five was just as enjoyable. If any of this starts to make sense, hit me, OK? ^-^"
