Three Cheers For Fanservice

Part Seven: In which I explain to you many stupid things.

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Minako was about to be violently sick.

Scratch that, Minako *was* violently sick and will continue to be so.

"I'm gonna huuuuuuurl!" she bellowed and rushed for the bathroom, clutching her stomach. The rest of the Senshi listened attentively as there came a series of noises.

*thonk*

*thud*

"OWWW!"

*hurl*

"EWWW!"

Rei and Makoto leapt up and dashed to the bathroom, coming upon a very odd scene. Minako was crumpled against the far wall, beside Haruka and Michiru, who were still encased in Insta-Mildew and enjoying themselves immensely. The entire bathroom was also covered in fluorescent green radioactive waste.

"Don't tell me that came from her…" Usagi trailed off as she peeked over Makoto's shoulder.

Suddenly, a mound of sugar bubbled up, and out of that rose Chibi-Usa, glowing pink with red demon eyes. Beside her was Chibi-Chibi, floating in a sphere of red light.

"Mwahahaha!" cackled Chibi-Usa. The collective group of Senshi gave a collective gasp of horror.

Several moments passed.

"Why are we gasping in horror?" Ami asked.

"Um," said Chibi-Usa, looking thoughtful. "I can't remember."

"Well, I suppose that's what I get for brainwashing a child." Norbert said disgustedly, throwing in a towel and looking thoroughly perturbed. "Chibi-Usa, attack!"

"Okay." Chibi-Usa shrugged and pulled out a large pink Uzi. "Prepare to die!"

"Oh, where is my Mamo-chan?" wailed Usagi. She immediately burst into tears and fell over.

"Uh, he's right there." Setsuna said, after taking a long drag of her tobacco pipe. She pointed at Mamo-chan, who was standing off to the side and putting on a very dramatic show of being bored.

"Mamo-chan!" shrieked Usagi, causing several nearby windows to shatter. "She then proceeded to G. I. Joe crawl over to Mamoru in an amazingly fast display of military training and glomped onto his ankles.

"HELLO? I'M THE ONE WITH AN UZI HERE!" Chibi-Usa yelled indignantly. Usagi screeched loudly again and cut off the circulation to Mamoru's feet.

"Whoah!" yelled Mamoru as he collapsed on Usagi, breaking her arm.

"Oww!" shrieked Usagi. "You buffoon!"

"Die!" yelled Chibi-Usa, and triggered the Uzi. A volley of bright pink flechettes lodged themselves into the wall. It really doesn't matter that this isn't a flechette gun, does it?

"Whoaaaaaah, not good!" yelled Setsuna, trying to swat at the plying pink monkeys. "Watch out for the buffalo!"

In response to her cry, the entire group immediately flung themselves to the ground, just barely missing the herd of winged buffalo that pounded over head.

"Whew. That was close!" Norbert breathed a sigh of relief. He turned to Chibi-Usa once again. "Attack!"

"Isn't she supposed to be dead?" Rei yelled as everyone made a mad dash for the door. The author paused.

*Oh, bah!* she yelled, and used her authorly powers to resurrect – or re-resurrect – Chibi-Usa.

"That wasn't very helpful, you know!" Ami informed the author as they continued to run away from Chibi-Usa and out of the library, leaving the place in ruins.

*Bah! I could care less!* the author cackled, and whacked Ami upside the head with a giant purple pen.

"But with that statement you infer that you DO care, at least a little bit." Ami said, stopping and donning a pair of glasses.

"How so?" asked Hotaru, suddenly appearing. Rei, Makoto, Minako, Setsuna, and Mamoru sat down in large plush chairs to watch the intellectual debate.

"By saying, 'I could care less', the author must at least care a little bit. You can't care less than nothing." Ami theorized.

"Not true, my dear Watson." Sherlock Holmes said, retrieving his tobacco pipe from Setsuna, who gave him a dirty look. "By saying she could care less, she is giving an insult by referring to the fact that you CAN care less than nothing. And now that I have my pipe back, I believe all is elementary and so forth. Grate not your cinnamon at me, my child." And with a gracious bow, he disappeared.

The fleeing from Chibi-Usa continued for a moment or so more until the author decided to call it quits.

*Bah, enough.* she muttered, because she's feeling particularly fond of the word 'bah' right now. *Bah, humbug!*

~

"Mischief," concluded Usagi.

"Huh?" asked Ami.

"Nothing." decided Minako.

"What?" called Makoto.

"Hm." Muttered Rei.

"Life!" announced Sei.

*Who's Sei?* asked the author.

"This isn't Gundam 06?" asked Sei in confusion.

"Sorry about that!" Alora-chan called, and took Sei away.

Hotaru opened her mouth to say something, but the author gave her an evil look.

*No rhymes,* she threatened.

"Bah," muttered Hotaru, and the Senshi dispersed.

~

The author was sleeping in her U.S. History class, and she really shouldn't have been.

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The author was sleeping in her Chemistry class, and really shouldn't have been.

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The author is going to fall asleep in her next Pre-Calculus class, and really shouldn't.

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The author had a BIG MARCHING COMPETITION last night, where her school received straight ones. She is also completely wiped.

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This chapter is going nowhere.

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I bet you already knew that,

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Anybody have any peanuts?

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No, my belt wouldn't fit you.

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Bah.

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Does it seem like this chapter just suddenly changes tracks in the middle of something for no apparent reason?

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That's probably because I'm writing it – along with the rest of the story – in a dirty yellow spiral that's ripped, torn, about to fall apart, and covered with random Japanese characters and multiple quotes of, "I love Ray."

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This chapter is in several different pens.

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I write when I have free time in class.

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When did this become my autobiography?

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Perhaps we should return to the Senshi.

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And stop using those damn curly things!

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*Sigh.*

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