Chapter IV

                I awoke to the heavy silence, and the first thing I saw was my own reflection staring back at me from across the room.  I knew it must be mine, for the eyes that looked so haunted and cloudy could not possibly belong to anyone else.  The pillow felt cool beneath my cheek, and the covers unnaturally heavy as I closed my eyes again with the silent yearning to return to dreamless sleep…

                Without any warning, memories flashed across my mind, jolting me completely awake with a small gasp.  In the moments that followed, I began to realize that I was no longer at Raoul's estate, rather in a room that used to be even more familiar.  The bed with silken sheets and the lavender comforter…The closet door, ajar, allowing me to see outlines of many dresses…Ones that used to be mine.  I remembered coming down here with the invitation.  Then…Erik was there, and we spoke…Everything after that was a blur.  Why was I still here?  What had happened?  What time was it…?

                With shaky movements, I eased out of the bed, not able to help a small growing fear.  Raoul's words continued to haunt me even now, and I couldn't help but wonder if Erik would let me leave once he saw I was awake.  How could I have fallen asleep?  I only distinctly remembered being tired after the long walk to the Opera.  In anxiety, I clasped my hands together and noticed at once that something was missing.  Slowly, I looked down at my fingers and saw at once that my engagement ring was not there.  Could it have slipped from my finger on the way down?  I had not noticed…And yet, the time Erik's ring had disappeared from my hand, I did not notice its absence at first either.  What if Raoul's ring had fallen into the water?  Or somewhere in the streets?  It would be hopeless to find it!  How could I explain such a loss to him?  What would he think when I returned from Erik's house without a ring or an explanation?  If he was not already angry, he would be furious!

                Almost in desperation, I continued to twist my fingers, willing the ring to return or to wake up and discover this was a dream.  I should never have come here!  I could have found another way to send the invitation to Erik without breaking my promise or worrying Raoul so.  I dreaded facing him, especially after all of this.  I almost did not want to face Erik either…I have already deceived him in a form much worse.  Will none of us ever be happy?  Inside, I knew there was nothing I could do but go back to Raoul, and at least favor him with the truth.  I lost the ring…And somehow, as I thought this, it was not at all surprising.  Here the engagement did not exist, and if the cellars willed it, the ring would disappear…How frightening it was when put in such proportions!

                With these thoughts coursing through my mind, I moved towards the door, and now I remained just in front of it.  It was almost like the first time I opened the door to Erik's house.  I did not know what to expect, and I wanted to leave as soon as possible.  Cautiously, I rested my hand lightly against the doorknob before turning it open, and with the same hesitance, peered into the room beyond.

~~~~~~~~~******~~~~~~~~~******~~~~~~~~~

                He was not very far away from me, standing, facing the door almost as if he had expected me to emerge in that moment.  His eyes held the same watchful gaze they had before, and I carefully shut the door behind me, keeping my back firmly against it.  He was so infinitely still, but his eyes somehow managed to burn away my resolution to leave here and with it, all of my uneasiness.  We simply stared at each other, so much in the manner as before I had fallen asleep, and those moments of silence could have been years, only broken by his words:

"Good morning, Christine."

"Good morning…" The meaning of those words did not occur to me until after I said them, and even then I felt a bit dazed.  How could it be morning?  I had arrived even early in the afternoon!

"Morning?"

"Yes. You were exhausted, my dear…You drifted off as I was playing and slept through the night."  His voice was matter-of-fact, spoken with a slight, obvious tone that made me believe I should not be at all surprised.

                With both concern and shock, my eyes lifted to the clock above the mantle only to find that it had unfortunately stopped.  Trying to not appear alarmed, I quickly took the small chain watch from my pocket and looked down at it.  It had stopped as well…So it must be morning!  Poor Raoul!  What would he think?  I had been gone all night!  He must believe I never intended to return!  I had to tell him that I only fell asleep, that I did not intend to stay out all night to spite or anger him.  What he must be thinking!

"I have to go!" I said, with a sudden dismay as I started to move around where Erik stood.  "Raoul will be very worried about me…"

                He did not even seem to move and yet blocked my path. I froze, and my eyes wandered up to meet his, timorous and praying he did not intend to stop me…

"I have already taken the liberty of checking up on him, my dear," he said with a strange foreboding note of solemnity in his voice.

                I drew in my breath quickly, the comment striking me as something grim. Checked up on him? There couldn't be a chance that he had done anything…Was there?  "You…You have?"

                His eyes did not leave mine.  "Yes. While you were asleep…Last night, I went out to seek him. Oh! Please, my dear, do not look so anxious. After what you told me of his coercion to you yesterday, I was concerned for your…situation."

                I looked away, feeling my cheeks grow hot at the comment.  I did not fail to forget anything that happened…It was impossible!  Raoul's words haunted me even in that deep sleep.  "What happened…?"

                He spoke smoothly as if he was trying to lighten what he was about to say.  "I did not come across him myself, but by that time it was less than a simple task to discover that he did fully intended to carry out those threats when he spoke them."

                My heart felt as though it was stopping.  I could hardly raise my gaze, afraid to meet his eyes, but even more afraid of what I heard… "Erik, I—I don't understand…"

"I mean, Christine, that he has made good on the promises he vowed you yesterday…"

                Tears came into my eyes, slowly, with pained disbelief.  Even as I knew what his words must mean, it was not something I wanted to believe.  Raoul wouldn't…He would never…Not after everything!

"How…?"

"He has publicly announced the cancellation of your engagement…It is known throughout the city and…This morning…It was printed in the press."

                I lifted my hand shakily, and pressed it against my face.  Then, as the tears began to trail down my cheeks, and my hand moved to cover my eyes.  The engagement was canceled.  Raoul's threat was not empty at all!  He had full intentions to carry out what he said, everything was true…It was true from the start…My heart felt so heavy in my chest, and yet I was too numb for the crying to reach my throat.

                Erik's voice changed when he spoke again.  It was lower, stiff, and trimmed with cold resentment.  "Yes, Christine, I did not even think he would do this…And sell his story to reporters, tarnishing his family's name?  No…He would never…But he did, and his reputation is still clean."

                I could say nothing, afraid my voice would betray me, but looked up at him, questioningly.

                His eyes softened when they met mine, and this time he sounded nearly…upset.  "He invented an excuse for the annulment that left him guiltless."

                As much as I dreaded the answer, I softly whispered: "…What…?"

"He stated that he had recently discovered certain…minutiae about your past. Information that…that soiled your character as a lady of respected virtue."

                I took a step back, startled, and felt my other hand press against the opposite side of my face.  Raoul couldn't possibly believe that…Was it because of last night?  When I didn't…return…Or was it that he knew…And yet still…To save his reputation…  "What…what do you mean?"

                Erik did not answer right away.  His eyes were piteous, and at that, I felt overwhelmed…If Erik had such difficulty telling me, then it must be nothing less than abominable. "If…I recall the words the columnist used…" There was true disdain in his voice; he spoke the name almost as if it were a blasphemy: " 'Msr. le Vicomte de Chagny is shocked and appalled to learn that the woman to whom he had been engaged is…" He paused for a moment, with difficulty, and the words were clipped, edged with his own fury, " 'Is nothing more than a common Opera harlot.' "

                I recoiled, painfully, my breath drawing in a gasp.  No…It wasn't possible!  Raoul would never say such things…But as I looked into Erik's sympathetic gaze, I felt, with deep anguish, that what he told me was the truth.  I left Raoul last night, and did not return.  The reporters printed his story quickly…The story that must be all over Paris by now.  I couldn't ever return to the Opera, or face anyone again…Especially Raoul.  Yet it was not as though I could blame Raoul for presuming what he did!  I never came back…But even when I had only fallen asleep, he believed I never even intended to return.  But even so, how could he do such a thing?  He loved me…And I truly believed him when he had said he did.

                I heard my sobs from far away, distant and yet even more heart wrenching.  I spoke in-between them, words that nearly ran into each other.  "It's my fault!  I fell asleep…He trusted me to return and then I didn't…He wouldn't have done this if I had come back!"

                Erik spoke gently, with a soothing quality to his voice, and I could hear his pity for me in those words. "No, Christine…For him to attain such fast publicity, he must have acted the moment after you left…"

                My sobs barely quieted, and I bowed my head but kept my hands over my face.  Everything was crumbling beneath me, and once again I felt utterly lost. Erik's words made more sense to me then, but at the same moment the pain bore down on me with the force of a thousand knives.  Raoul…Dear, sweet Raoul.  The little boy I used to know, the one I thought I knew…In whom I trusted, confided, loved…What love kept him from such lies?  None at all.  That was what I learned. It was not because I stayed the night, but because I returned in the first place.  Erik could not be wrong.  Raoul must have acted that same night, perhaps even the hour I left with the letter…And now…He was spreading lies throughout Paris by press or rumor—destroying everything between us, the little things I had…But it was more…My entire life!  I could not bear…Could not dare to show my face again, to meet the eyes of hateful citizens and the relatives of my fiancé…Though I was no longer his fiancée…To meet Raoul's accusing gaze and know that everything he said was wrong.  I had nothing…I had no one.

"I don't know what to do…"

                The empathy remained, but Erik's eyes met mine and held them with lingering gentleness. "Do, Christine? You will live."

                I tried to turn my eyes from his, embarrassed by how the tears made them so red…But I could not. I heard the tremor in my voice and struggled not to choke on my own words.  "Everything is…destroyed…I don't…I have nothing anymore.  Raoul…He was…He meant…So much…"

"Have you forgotten, Christine? I long ago promised never to leave you…"

                At first his words didn't quite make sense.  I breathed in slowly, thinking of what he said, confusion immediately taking place of my grief.  "You…You would want…?"

                He seemed to understand my confusion, and his words were pensive and so deliberately sincere… "If you stay here, with me, I will care for you, Christine…It hurts me far too much to see such tragedy disfigure your heart."

                I could hardly answer him.  Why would he wish for me to stay?  I had betrayed him…That anger in the deep hollows of his eyes I still remembered…Very well…And I even had left with the belief that he never wished to see me again.  After causing him so much hurt and pain, I did not deserve to stay with him…Then it must be because I had no one…He must realize that…He knows it as well as I do.  And out of pity he offers…But I was still taken by surprise, and unsure.  "…Are you certain, Erik?  You would want me to…to stay…?"

                I barely noticed as he moved slightly closer…Only heard the continuous gentleness in his voice. "Yes…I will always guard you as long as you need my protection…"

                I felt ready to sob from both gratitude and relief.  I believed his words; there was no flicker or hint of a question when it came to Erik… "Th—thank you…"

                He was looking down at me, and it was then that I realized he was closer than before, but he spoke again…So tenderly…Shaking his head at my words of thanks as if they were unnecessary.

"It is a blessing to care for you…I will never stop loving you, Christine, and will never cease to bestow to you all I can…"

                Again I felt tears in my eyes, feeling nothing less than shame at how I had taken his devotion for granted.  Erik would never betray me or dishonor me…There was no doubt in his protection, no mistrust or suspicion.  His love was never-ending…What I had believed Raoul's would be…Believed before his betrayal was revealed and I discovered just how mistaken I had been. Erik was still here for me as he always would be.  And truly, I was not alone…I never would have to be again.

"Thank you, Erik."