Chapter V
"I have something for you."
The words took me off guard and seemed to spin my overwhelming collection of thoughts out into space…Though they still hung there, mocking and painful.
He lifted his hand, and between his fingers, was a gold ring. The ring I lost on the roof, and the same ring I had returned to him just before I had left with Raoul. The image had plagued my mind in the worst moments…When Raoul first gave me his engagement ring, the beautiful rubied stones would disappear and leave a plain, golden band. How strange it was to see it now…
"It's yours…Would you like it?"
I hesitated, feeling my heart give an odd thump. My gaze remained on the ring, and yet it could not eliminate my uncertainty.
"...Yes..."
It seemed he could sense the hesitation in my voice, and he asked again, politely, offering me the chance to be certain.
"Do you want it?"
Slowly I raised my eyes, meeting his but this time felt my own words become steady.
"I do."
I watched him take my hand and slip the ring onto my finger and felt that slight, uncontrollable shiver at the coldness of his hands. The ring was on my wedding finger, and I had and unsure feeling of what that meant…Simply that everything was the way it had been before? Or was this different? It seemed so…And he kept my hand afterwards, staring down at the ring in the same manner I was. The gold surface glinted in the soft light and reminded me of Raoul…The way his eyes had glinted with anger as he watched me run down the steps of his estate.
Again, the tears filled my eyes, and without meaning to, I released a small sob…Once more, I was crying, the tears streaking down my cheeks, not yielding to my efforts of holding them inside. My thoughts felt blurry, and my throat tightened and began to ache…Yet Erik still held my hand…I was literally breaking. And I could feel that he knew it. Somehow I managed to choke words, piercing through the soft cries.
"I—I'm sorry…"
My eyes were downcast, so it was not until I felt his hand touch my cheek that I realized he had moved it. His other hand still had not released mine, but somehow this contact, and the one single sound he spoke, broke my concentrated sadness once more.
"Hush."
As his fingers trailed the curve of my face, I exhaled in one long sigh, shaky, but free of the sobs that before made it tremble. I had not forgotten his touch…But now the bare brush of his hand left me breathless and with the need to resist the urge to move closer against it. My eyes did not leave his, and with surprise, I realized my own hand was reacting…Touching the side of his mask, very gently. It felt smooth against my hand, and what I was sure could be my reflection in its dark, lacquered surface was only interrupted by the carved features. I drew my breath again, slowly, and his eyes behind the shaped openings did not shift from mine as he released my hand and covered the one against his mask. Hardly a second lingered before he folded his over mine, lowering it so I wasn't touching his mask anymore…I did not know whether to feel apologetic or embarrassed…But as his hand on my cheek moved to the back of my neck, brushing my shoulders and my hair…All doubts were forgotten.
Spiraling up…
My breath caught in my throat, realizing now how near he was, and I leaned back against his touch, not sure myself if I meant to pull away or move even closer…But I did not move further, distantly feeling him release my other hand, only to mercilessly touch his fingers to my lips. Almost as a reflex, I felt myself reaching to his shoulders and lightly resting on the fabric of his coat. Lightly…And my eyes closed.
A bare echo…His voice…
"…Hush…"
I felt him graze my closed eyelids…But there was a pause as I felt his hand withdraw. My own sighs shook even more in the silence as I kept my eyes closed…And I heard him breathing too…Softly…In unison. Then his lips closed over mine.
Everything in that moment was lost, and my shock was far off, barely disturbing the feeling as he moved one arm around me and I felt myself being drawn closer.
With the stars...
There was one last hesitation, then it too was torn and beaten in this mass of feelings, and I pulled close as well, seeing myself return this kiss like I was in a dream. Now I could feel him there against me, and my own arms around his neck…I was moving as close as possible. Then all thoughts faded, until I was left with nothing, only the feeling of being pulled into an embrace, his arms holding me tightly…
And the sound of a shrill, grating alarm suddenly ripping silence and echoing throughout my mind.
~~~~~~~~~******~~~~~~~~~******~~~~~~~~~
The mask covered my face again, and I was on the far side of the room before Christine had even the chance to open her eyes. The glow of the lights blurred before me and spun in unimaginable shapes…I had done it. Unguarded…It was not only taken, but given! And now…Had I accomplished my goal?…But why did my heart beat so? What had become of the cool, careful calculation? The flawless manipulation…That so delicately deliberated operation…
And there she was! Her eyes, locked on mine from across the room. How had she come to be all the way over there? That look of hesitant confusion in her gaze…Yet so unknowingly trusting…I had done it! And she did not understand! My breath blew back at my skin against the wall of the mask in front of my lips…She had been a perfect subject! So susceptible…What was I doing!? Christine, I have set the ball in motion and it is falling fast! It cannot be stopped now! What was I doing!
My own voice shook and my hands felt the wooden surface of my mask as if I was not sure that it was still there.
"Christine…Forgive me…"
She said nothing. She did not move. Have I done it? The kiss of death! I have inhaled her life and now possess her soul…And those vacant eyes that stare at me…Nothing more than an automaton…But no! She was moving! Shaking her head…And speaking! Answering me with her own celestial voice! Soft and filled with feeling…
"There is nothing…to forgive…"
Nothing! But she did not know just how much there was to forgive!
"I would not…I would never…"
But I had! And I would…I did not even know what my own words meant…It was gone…My entire foundation…The solid ground gave way like the burning sands of the desert…Burned as my mind was burning!
She gasped on her own breath…Was it possible she was as overcome as I? Her words were so extremely soft…
"Erik, it's…It's…"
Unable to finish, she shook her head in a gesture of dismissal. She was not upset. She was purely inundated.
Then I could no longer look at her and found myself turning to the wall, putting a hand against it for support. I needed the support of the wall! And that beguiled me…Only she was capable of this!
"No…It's…I don't know what came over me…"
And, truly, I did not. Though not in the sense that she comprehended. Turned away as I was, I did not even notice she had slowly moved to me until her trembling hands took my arm and her soft voice spoke with more assurance.
"Erik, listen to me…You did not do anything wrong…"
Oh Christine! But I have! I have, and you shall never know! I have done what I brought you here to do and the rest of the world is mine to play with. But look at your little hand on my arm…And the little ring on your finger that means you are mine…And the little stars hiding behind your eyes…
The words fell from within me, knocking against one another in my throat and escaping through the fibers of the dark barrier between us.
"Christine…My…Darling…My angel…My…Love…The alarm!"
The recollection was so sudden that my exclamation startled the both of us. The bell had rung! It was why we had parted!
"There is someone on the lake."
My soaring thoughts plummeted back into my mind and I knew what had to be done. Swiftly moving past her, I went to the door.
"Stay here."
The surprise had not left her face and she took a step forward after me, then stopped, staying where she stood.
"Alright…"
There was something in that word that made me turn around and look at her for one moment more before I bowed my head and disappeared from the room.
