A/N: Uh oh I'm baaaaaack! You may not recognize me cuz I changed my pen name again. Anyway.this story is based on my experiences with DVD commentary. It is what I think would be funny if all the PH actors did the commentary with Mr. Bay.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them! Boo hoo.

Imagine that you're watching the movie but it's not as long.

Michael Bay: Hello and welcome to our audio commentary, today we have producer Jerry Bruckheimer, writer Randall Wallace, and actors Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale, and Josh Hartnett.

Ben: Hello

Josh: Hey, hey, hey!

Kate: Yeah I know you all want my autograph but this is a recording and I can't see you.

Ben: Wait your British?

Josh: No she's Australian!

Kate rolls her eyes.

Michael: so in this scene we were trying to capture Rafe and Danny's friendship at an early age.

Ben: Really, I never noticed.

Josh: That's cuz you never watched it cuz you weren't in it.

Ben: So?

* LONG PAUSE*

Ben: Here's the good part!!

Josh: I know there I am!

Ben: Never mind it sucks!

Josh: Fuck you man.

Jerry: This movie is rated PG-13 Josh.

Josh: Oh yeah, sorry!

* LONG PAUSE *

Ben: So this is where I randomly come in with a pointless story about nothing until somebody *under breath* Kevin Smith *normal* interrupts it with some story about Walt Flannagan.

Kate: Whose Walt Flannagan?

Josh: I heard he had a mean dog.

* LONG PAUSE *

Randall: So when I wrote this scene I was trying to let the audience know that Rafe and Evelyn were in love.

Ben: Yeah I remember this scene and I know that Randall actually asked me to write it for him.

Randall: No?

Ben: Damnit it worked on the other guys!

Kate: Can somebody shut him up?

Josh: Is it time to go yet?

* LONG PAUSE *

Ben: I remember that I did a lot of mad libs in this scene and that you told me to stop.but I still see that some of them are still in.

Michael: What are you talking about?

Ben: Well look I just smiled.that wasn't in the script.

Josh: My mom said when I was a baby when I had gas I smiled.

Ben: Anyway.did you see Chasing Amy? The part when I dance was all my choreography!

Josh: I know that dance!

Josh stands up and does it perfectly.

Kate: And people wonder why I don't date Americans?

* LONG PAUSE *

Josh: Hey Ben remember when we shot this scene and we were off camera giving Kate funny faces and she blew up at us and started beating us?

Ben: No.

Kate: That never happened Josh.

Josh: Oh wait that was a different movie that has 3 main characters being two guys and a girl and I end up alone.

Ben: Shall I break in with a random story?

All: NO!

Ben: Well anyway, before we were filming this we had that boot camp thing and man was that a bitch! I mean they had us scrubing toilets and eating shit from a bag and running I mean people said that I was built like a brick house then.look at me now!

Jerry: So?

* LONG PAUSE *

Kate: these special effects were amazing!

Michael: Well you know me and Jerry always having those elaborate special effects.Just look at Armag- bad idea!"

Ben: I remember while making Armageddon I decided to go take off time for the Chasing Amy commentary. That was so much better then this cuz they gave us snacks!

Kate: I'm beginning to understand why.

Josh: I like the part with my close up.

Michael: Yes many girls think you sexy.

Ben: I think you're cheesy.

Josh: I like cheese!

* LONG PAUSE *

Jerry: I remember we were actually nervous about casting Ben because he was rumored of having a potty mouth. Yeah, by um Jim Jacks.

Ben: Hey we're not talking about Jim Jacks cuz he ruined MallRats!

Kate: They didn't need him to do that, I think it was already a lost cause.

Josh: I remember that movie! But that guy from fashionably male was big and mean and scary!

Ben: That was me.

Josh: *laughing hysterically* Yeah.right!

* LONG PAUSE *

Michael: So now that this movie is almost over.final thoughts?

Jerry: Kaboom! Awesome

Randall: Bloody, messy, gore! Excellent

Josh: Purple Bunnies! The greatest movie of all time.

Kate: My performance was excellent, and my accent was amazing! The other actors.well.they could have done better.

Ben: Well you know my name was on the top of all the posters and I got a lot of press and.uh.I .think that.um... ah it was a great experience.mm.and.ah.the movie.well.the movie uh had a serious message.um.compared to.uh.most movies that I've done.and.uh.there weren't any rubber poop monsters.and uh.well.you know.it was cool.

Michael: Um thank you.I think?

REMINDER: THIS IS NOT WHAT THE ACTORS ARE LIKE.BUT BEN IS COMPARED TO HIS COMMENTARY TRACKS OF MALLRATS, CHASING AMY, AND DOGMA BUT THAT STILL ISN'T FULLY HIM.

Aka: don't take this seriously!