Slash Learns How to Do First Aid... or Does He?
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.
Author's Note: I'm back! This chapter is supposed to be PG for one
small sentence. We get more evidence of Slash's ever growing ability
to mess things up.
" What are you reading, Slash?"
Slash Kamei looked up from the book he had been absorbed in. His best
number one sister, Jeanette, was standing there, eating a bag of chips.
" A book on first-aid, why?"
" Why would you need to know first-aid?" asked Jeanette.
Slash grinned evilly at his sister. " Say for example that by some
freak accident, you were seriously injured..."
" Okay, okay, I get the picture," Jeanette said, walking away. " No
need to demostrate."
' Demostrate!' The idea suddenly came to Slash. ' I can't truly learn,
unless I can practice!'
" That's it!" he exclaimed, standing up. " I'll ask for help!"
But who would ask help from? Not Linda or Tifa, they wouldn't know
anything. Brittany was probably out shopping, more likely she had
dragged one of the other guys out with her... He'd call Nancy! She'd
help him out! Slash picked the phone and dialed her number. Nancy
picked up the phone.
" Neil residence, Nancy speaking."
" Hi, Nancy, it's Slash. I need your help. Could you do me a favor?"
" Sure, Slash. What is it?"
" I'm learning first-aid and I need you to help me with my mouth to
mouth." Slash listened to the shocked silence. Then he heard the dial
tone. " Nancy? You there? Hello... darn it!" ' You've blown it again,
Kamei! I don't get it. How come when one of the other guys uses these
lines on girls it works like a charm, but fails when I use it?'
Sighing, Slash hung up the phone. Well, he could just forget about
Nancy helping him...or speaking to him for that matter. ' I'll call
Wendy. That girl knows everything!' Slash picked up the phone again
and dialed the Lane's.
" Hello?"
" Wendy! Hi, girl! I need your help-"
" No, Slash, no! That's what you said last time! And my laptop's in
the shope because of it!"
" But it's really important!"
" No, Slash! Ask Crystal or Jeanette. Goodbye." Wendy hung up.
" Great, I'm 0 for 2," Slash sighed exasperatedly. " Well, I guess I'll
try Jeanette. There's no reason for her to be mad at me." Slash dialed
Jeanette's cell phone. " Jeanette, I need your help."
" With?" asked Jeanette.
" I need to practice my first-aid. Could you give me a few pointers?"
" Yeah, I suppose. I'll be over at our house tomorrow afternoon at
two. I'll bring a assistant to practice on."
" Will she be beautiful?"
" Well, that all depends," replied Jeanette. " I'll have to see if
Linda's available."
Slash was revolted. " Ew! No way! Not her! No!"
" Fine," Jeanette sighed. " I'll see if Nancy will come..."
" Okay, thanks, Jeanette!"
***
At two o'clock the next day, the doorbell rang. Slash opened the door
to greet Jeanette and...
" Crystal?!" Slash was surprised and disappointed. " You're the so
called 'beautiful' assistant? Where's Nancy?"
" Didn't want to come for some reason," replied Jeanette. " So you're
stuck with Crystal."
" Deal with it, Slash," Crystal said, sitting down on the sofa. " So
what am I supposed to do?"
" Lesson one," Jeanette said, closing the door. " Pulse check."
" I already know Crystal has a pulse," said Slash. " If she didn't,
she'd be dead."
" Do you want to learn first-aid or not?" asked Jeanette. Slash nodded.
" Then just do what I tell you! Now there are two ways to check a
pulse. You can use either her wrist or her neck."
" I've seen this stuff on TV!" Slash exclaimed. " This is easy!" Slash
grabbed Crystal tightly around the neck. " Uh, Jeanette? I'm not
detecting a pulse here."
" Slash...you're...choking me!" gasped out Crystal. Her face was
beginning to turn blue.
" Sorry, Crystal," apologized Slash, relaxing his grasp. Crystal fell
to the floor, coughing and gagging. " Oops."
" I think we should move on," Jeanette said. " Lesson two, the Heimlich
manuver. To prevent a person from choking, place you arms around their
stomach and apply forceful pressure."
Slash did as Jeanette instructed. Unfortunately, Slash used a little
too much pressure. Crystal gasped and fell forwards, moaning in pain
and clutching his stomach.
" Slash, you're going to kill me one of these days," she moaned. " Can
we take a break?"
" Already?" Slash ingored Crystal's moans of pain. " I'm just getting
warmed up! What's next, Jeanette?"
" Uhh... we'll move right on to cardio pulminary resusitation."
Slash blinked a couple of times. " Card what now?"
" Cardio pulminary resusitation," repeated Jeanette.
" She means CPR, Slash," Crystal sighed.
" How would you know?" asked Slash.
Crystal shrugged. " I have my connections."
" Whatever," dismissed Slash. " So what do I have to do?"
" Okay," Jeanette began. " Crystal, lie on the floor and take off your
shirt."
" No way, man!" protested Crystal. " My shirt stays on!"
" Fine, have it your way," sighed Jeanette. " Keep your shirt on.
Now, Slash, you have to position yourself over Crystal's abdominal
area. Position your hands over her chest, but don't push! You could
injure her."
" But aren't you supposed to push?" asked Slash, from his position
on Crystal.
" Only if she's not breathing and her pulse is low," Jeanette said.
" Onto the next lesson."
" Can Slash get off me now?" asked Crystal. " I REALLY don't like this
position."
" Soon, Crystal, soon," Jeanette assured. " Right after we practice
the mouth to mouth."
Crystal was horrified. " What?! No way! I won't let him do it! His lips
are going nowhere near mine!"
" But Crystal, I have to-" Slash began.
" I don't care!" Crystal interrupted. " Five bucks is NOT worth this!
I'm going home!"
" I'll jack up the price to twenty dollars if you stay," coaxed
Jeanette.
" Really?"
Jeanette sighed. " Really."
" Okay!" Crystal lay back down on the floor. " Let's get this over
with, Slash."
" Alright," Slash nodded. " So what do I do, Jeanette?"
" Plug the victim's nose and blow into their airways. Crystal, you're
going to have to be extremely still."
Leaning forwards, " Slash pinched Crystal's nose shut. Slash's face
inched closer and closer to Crystal's until... WHACK!
" Ow! Crystal!" Slash fell back, massaging his temple. " What was that
for?"
" What do you think it was for?" said Crystal. " There is no way I'm
going to go through this!"
" I'll hold her down, Slash," Jeanette instructed. " You give her the
mouth to mouth!"
Jeanette held Crystal down and pinned her arms to the floor. Slash took
his stratting position over Crystal and leaned forwards, towards her.
Crystal struggled, but with Slash's weight over her mid section and
Jeanette holding her down, she couldn't move.
" RAPE!!!" Crystal screamed as loud as she could. " HELP!!!"
" Shut up, Jeanette!" pleaded Jeanette. " You're going to attract the
neighbors!"
" Crystal, it'll all be over with in a couple of seconds," Slash
coaxed. " Just hold still!"
" Noooooooooooo..." moaned Crystal, as Slash's lips locked onto hers.
Crystal's cries for help ceased and she began to thrash. Slash lost
his balance and fell forwards on top of Crystal. It was at that moment,
the front door of the house opened and Jam walked in.
" I'm here!" he called. He paused, staring at Slash lying on top of
Crystal, their mouths still locked together. He could hear gagging
sounds coming from Crystal. " What are you guys doing?! Slash!"
Slash sat up immediately and got off of Crystal. Crystal lay on the
floor dazed and groggy. Jeanette looked up from Crystal to Slash and
Jam.
" We were practicing first-aid," Slash answered, red with embrassment.
" By what? Frenching my twin sister?" Jam began to snicker. " Wait
until everyone at school finds out! Slash Kamei made out with Crystal
Kuehnemund and almost choked her with his tongue! Ha ha ha!" Crystal
coughed in response.
" This is the last time I help you, Slash," Crystal groaned, standing
up. " Wendy's right, you ARE dangerous. I'm going home." She glared
at Jam on the way out. " If you EVER breathe a word of this to ANYONE,
I will hunt you down like a dog." She slammed the door behind her.
Jeanette picked up Slash's book, " First-Aid for Kids" and handed it
to him. " Stick to this from now on."
Stay tuned for Chapter 4!
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1.
Author's Note: I'm back! This chapter is supposed to be PG for one
small sentence. We get more evidence of Slash's ever growing ability
to mess things up.
" What are you reading, Slash?"
Slash Kamei looked up from the book he had been absorbed in. His best
number one sister, Jeanette, was standing there, eating a bag of chips.
" A book on first-aid, why?"
" Why would you need to know first-aid?" asked Jeanette.
Slash grinned evilly at his sister. " Say for example that by some
freak accident, you were seriously injured..."
" Okay, okay, I get the picture," Jeanette said, walking away. " No
need to demostrate."
' Demostrate!' The idea suddenly came to Slash. ' I can't truly learn,
unless I can practice!'
" That's it!" he exclaimed, standing up. " I'll ask for help!"
But who would ask help from? Not Linda or Tifa, they wouldn't know
anything. Brittany was probably out shopping, more likely she had
dragged one of the other guys out with her... He'd call Nancy! She'd
help him out! Slash picked the phone and dialed her number. Nancy
picked up the phone.
" Neil residence, Nancy speaking."
" Hi, Nancy, it's Slash. I need your help. Could you do me a favor?"
" Sure, Slash. What is it?"
" I'm learning first-aid and I need you to help me with my mouth to
mouth." Slash listened to the shocked silence. Then he heard the dial
tone. " Nancy? You there? Hello... darn it!" ' You've blown it again,
Kamei! I don't get it. How come when one of the other guys uses these
lines on girls it works like a charm, but fails when I use it?'
Sighing, Slash hung up the phone. Well, he could just forget about
Nancy helping him...or speaking to him for that matter. ' I'll call
Wendy. That girl knows everything!' Slash picked up the phone again
and dialed the Lane's.
" Hello?"
" Wendy! Hi, girl! I need your help-"
" No, Slash, no! That's what you said last time! And my laptop's in
the shope because of it!"
" But it's really important!"
" No, Slash! Ask Crystal or Jeanette. Goodbye." Wendy hung up.
" Great, I'm 0 for 2," Slash sighed exasperatedly. " Well, I guess I'll
try Jeanette. There's no reason for her to be mad at me." Slash dialed
Jeanette's cell phone. " Jeanette, I need your help."
" With?" asked Jeanette.
" I need to practice my first-aid. Could you give me a few pointers?"
" Yeah, I suppose. I'll be over at our house tomorrow afternoon at
two. I'll bring a assistant to practice on."
" Will she be beautiful?"
" Well, that all depends," replied Jeanette. " I'll have to see if
Linda's available."
Slash was revolted. " Ew! No way! Not her! No!"
" Fine," Jeanette sighed. " I'll see if Nancy will come..."
" Okay, thanks, Jeanette!"
***
At two o'clock the next day, the doorbell rang. Slash opened the door
to greet Jeanette and...
" Crystal?!" Slash was surprised and disappointed. " You're the so
called 'beautiful' assistant? Where's Nancy?"
" Didn't want to come for some reason," replied Jeanette. " So you're
stuck with Crystal."
" Deal with it, Slash," Crystal said, sitting down on the sofa. " So
what am I supposed to do?"
" Lesson one," Jeanette said, closing the door. " Pulse check."
" I already know Crystal has a pulse," said Slash. " If she didn't,
she'd be dead."
" Do you want to learn first-aid or not?" asked Jeanette. Slash nodded.
" Then just do what I tell you! Now there are two ways to check a
pulse. You can use either her wrist or her neck."
" I've seen this stuff on TV!" Slash exclaimed. " This is easy!" Slash
grabbed Crystal tightly around the neck. " Uh, Jeanette? I'm not
detecting a pulse here."
" Slash...you're...choking me!" gasped out Crystal. Her face was
beginning to turn blue.
" Sorry, Crystal," apologized Slash, relaxing his grasp. Crystal fell
to the floor, coughing and gagging. " Oops."
" I think we should move on," Jeanette said. " Lesson two, the Heimlich
manuver. To prevent a person from choking, place you arms around their
stomach and apply forceful pressure."
Slash did as Jeanette instructed. Unfortunately, Slash used a little
too much pressure. Crystal gasped and fell forwards, moaning in pain
and clutching his stomach.
" Slash, you're going to kill me one of these days," she moaned. " Can
we take a break?"
" Already?" Slash ingored Crystal's moans of pain. " I'm just getting
warmed up! What's next, Jeanette?"
" Uhh... we'll move right on to cardio pulminary resusitation."
Slash blinked a couple of times. " Card what now?"
" Cardio pulminary resusitation," repeated Jeanette.
" She means CPR, Slash," Crystal sighed.
" How would you know?" asked Slash.
Crystal shrugged. " I have my connections."
" Whatever," dismissed Slash. " So what do I have to do?"
" Okay," Jeanette began. " Crystal, lie on the floor and take off your
shirt."
" No way, man!" protested Crystal. " My shirt stays on!"
" Fine, have it your way," sighed Jeanette. " Keep your shirt on.
Now, Slash, you have to position yourself over Crystal's abdominal
area. Position your hands over her chest, but don't push! You could
injure her."
" But aren't you supposed to push?" asked Slash, from his position
on Crystal.
" Only if she's not breathing and her pulse is low," Jeanette said.
" Onto the next lesson."
" Can Slash get off me now?" asked Crystal. " I REALLY don't like this
position."
" Soon, Crystal, soon," Jeanette assured. " Right after we practice
the mouth to mouth."
Crystal was horrified. " What?! No way! I won't let him do it! His lips
are going nowhere near mine!"
" But Crystal, I have to-" Slash began.
" I don't care!" Crystal interrupted. " Five bucks is NOT worth this!
I'm going home!"
" I'll jack up the price to twenty dollars if you stay," coaxed
Jeanette.
" Really?"
Jeanette sighed. " Really."
" Okay!" Crystal lay back down on the floor. " Let's get this over
with, Slash."
" Alright," Slash nodded. " So what do I do, Jeanette?"
" Plug the victim's nose and blow into their airways. Crystal, you're
going to have to be extremely still."
Leaning forwards, " Slash pinched Crystal's nose shut. Slash's face
inched closer and closer to Crystal's until... WHACK!
" Ow! Crystal!" Slash fell back, massaging his temple. " What was that
for?"
" What do you think it was for?" said Crystal. " There is no way I'm
going to go through this!"
" I'll hold her down, Slash," Jeanette instructed. " You give her the
mouth to mouth!"
Jeanette held Crystal down and pinned her arms to the floor. Slash took
his stratting position over Crystal and leaned forwards, towards her.
Crystal struggled, but with Slash's weight over her mid section and
Jeanette holding her down, she couldn't move.
" RAPE!!!" Crystal screamed as loud as she could. " HELP!!!"
" Shut up, Jeanette!" pleaded Jeanette. " You're going to attract the
neighbors!"
" Crystal, it'll all be over with in a couple of seconds," Slash
coaxed. " Just hold still!"
" Noooooooooooo..." moaned Crystal, as Slash's lips locked onto hers.
Crystal's cries for help ceased and she began to thrash. Slash lost
his balance and fell forwards on top of Crystal. It was at that moment,
the front door of the house opened and Jam walked in.
" I'm here!" he called. He paused, staring at Slash lying on top of
Crystal, their mouths still locked together. He could hear gagging
sounds coming from Crystal. " What are you guys doing?! Slash!"
Slash sat up immediately and got off of Crystal. Crystal lay on the
floor dazed and groggy. Jeanette looked up from Crystal to Slash and
Jam.
" We were practicing first-aid," Slash answered, red with embrassment.
" By what? Frenching my twin sister?" Jam began to snicker. " Wait
until everyone at school finds out! Slash Kamei made out with Crystal
Kuehnemund and almost choked her with his tongue! Ha ha ha!" Crystal
coughed in response.
" This is the last time I help you, Slash," Crystal groaned, standing
up. " Wendy's right, you ARE dangerous. I'm going home." She glared
at Jam on the way out. " If you EVER breathe a word of this to ANYONE,
I will hunt you down like a dog." She slammed the door behind her.
Jeanette picked up Slash's book, " First-Aid for Kids" and handed it
to him. " Stick to this from now on."
Stay tuned for Chapter 4!
