Standard Disclaimers Apply

A Glimpse of ICE

I can't sleep again and I smiled bitterly at that. It's ironic really how a guy who could sleep anywhere could not sleep at night. If they only knew. I gaze around the room and I could feel the cavernous room mocking me, suffocating me in its austere appearance. I closed my eyes trying to escape it, striving to erase the gloom and attempting uselessly to stifle the overwhelming loneliness that I felt but it just wouldn't let go and I feel it taking over, echoing in the beating of my heart, enfolding me in its cold embrace.

God, won't it ever stop. I'm so sick and tired of this, of trying to live in a world that has distanced itself to me, in a world that laughed as it left me all alone. But I can never let go for I hear her childlike voice reprimanding me, reminding me of the promise that I had made. A promise to fight in order to fulfill her dream, a dream that I had made my own when she left me. And I let myself remember her.

"Onii-chan, did I do okay?" she asked expectantly, smiling at me. Looking at me with those eyes that reminded me so much of our parents.

"Promise me onii-chan, that when I go that you'll play basketball again, the way you used to when mom and dad were here." she said as I gazed at her pale face, trying so much to fight for the same disease that had claimed our parents. A disease that I craved for.

"Don't worry, I won't ever leave you alone, Kaede-kun." she said as she tried to hide the pain thats gnawing in her little body. And I almost cried at the valiant effort she gave, knowing that she won't ever go unless I let her go. Trying so much to be strong for the both of us as I selfishly clung to her, trying desperately to convince myself that she was okay. But she wasn't, as the disease claimed her and the only reason that she wouldn't let go, despite of the horrible pain she was disguising, was for me. Her brother, who was selfishly torturing her, begging her to live and at that moment I realize that I could no longer bear to see her in pain and I let her go as I embraced loneliness that was starting to claim me.

I closed my eyes at the memory and hugged myself, trying to infuse warmth in this cold room. Attempting desperately to forget the oppressive emptiness, crawling towards me as I struggle to escape it and I hear her again. Scolding me.

"You're so baka onii-chan. That wasn't your promise. You promise me that you'd be happy."

Happy, yes to be happy, that was what I promised her so she would finally let go. I smiled at that as I watch her photograph, smiling at me, reminding me of the promise that I had made. A promise that I couldn't fulfill as I let myself grow numb, not wanting to feel, letting ice encased my whole body, freezing my veins until I could feel no more.

I glanced at the clock willing it to be morning where I could once again feel the bittersweet taunt of the sun and the soothing voices of the people reminding me that I'm alive. I smiled ironically at that for they never knew that the reason I sleep during the day was the noise all around, lulling me to sleep as I once again feel that someone is there and that I am no longer alone.

But the night still stretches, fighting off the morning and still I am left aching at the sadness that pervades in my bones. And I feel my heart thudding, reminding me once again that there's no one else.

Notes: How was that for a theory on why Rukawa sleeps during the day? ^_^ Anyway, this is a tribute to the concept of family. For I sincerely believe that the family is the only solid thing in this world. Again, R & R's greatly appreciated! Btw, gomen if Rukawa is OOC, it's just a fanfic (and I get to do as I please ^_^)

Glossary:

Onii-chan: brother
baka: stupid