Warning: This will be more, as the title suggests, extreme character bashing. All other characters will be bashed and by that I mean a few more of them. Do not flame until you read the whole thing through, don't forget about the first one either, or you will come out sounding idiotic and I will be forced to laugh at you, which I will. Remember only valid flames are accepted and not those meant to be purely cruel or to just be a smart aleck.
Notes: reviewers suggested some of these characters. Thanks everyone!
EXTREME CHARACTER BASHING, 1.2v
Warning: Character bashing ahead, be warned…
Martina:
Where was that man? Martina wondered as she once again checked on her soufflé. It was hard to cook a romantic dinner for someone who had decided to show up late. Her only consolation was that the soufflé hadn't fallen in, it was so hard to keep them risen.
She setting a nice arrangement of flowers on the table when…
"Aaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" she screeched with excruciating loudness as she was bashed in the head. Dazedly she rubbed the bump forming on the back of her head and noticed what appeared to be box tissues lying forgotten on the floor. In the distance maniacal could be heard.
Her soufflé fell and she screamed again, this time in frustration.
Valgaav (for some reason we jump backwards before he was baby-fied, so he's all grown):
Val was standing and generally contemplating how to get revenge for all the many, many, many, many, etc. wrongs done to him. Suffice it to say he was one angry and ready to maim, maul and generally eviscerate kind of guy.
He finally decided which individual responsible for one of the many, many, many, many, etc. wrongs done to him to maim, maul and generally eviscerate when…
"What the hell?" he roared as he was bashed in the head. Fire danced in his eyes as he whirled around to destroy whoever had dared to harm him. Before he could do anything something crashed into his head followed by a scared shriek and the sound of someone running away.
Growling lowly he attempted to pull the object away from his face. Unfortunately whatever it was stuck to his face and no amount of tugging would get the sticky paper-like object away.
Jeffrey (from Book of Spells, the Slayers movie):
Jeffrey raised his rapier sword of death above his head and charged the villainous villains who had dared to stop his quest, yet another one, to become captain of the guards. He let out a horrific cry and promptly tripped over his own feet, landing face first in the dirt. The bandits stared at him, wondering what that emaciated kid was on. They didn't have long to find out because out of the shadows came a hooded figure wielding a rather large mallet and wearing a dress. When Jeffrey regained consciousness the friendly 'tourist' lady went away and he was on his own again.
Standing up and retrieving his rapier sword of death he…
"Owie…" he sobbed as he was bashed on the head.
"Oh ho ho, how dare you assault my wonderful Jeffrey?" demanded a high, almost recognizable voice. There was a high pitched scream and his assailant, dressed in black, ran away. On the ground was large halibut. He wondered how it had gotten there because there weren't any lakes nearby.
Zangulus:
Zangulus knew he was in deep trouble because he was late for the dinner his wife, Martina, has specifically told him not to be late too. He hoped she would understand that a man in his line of profession, great swordsman, couldn't be tied down to precise schedules.
Silently he was praying that she wouldn't start throwing random household objects at him…
"Hey!" he bellowed as he was bashed in the head. Seeing a figure dressed in black running away he withdrew his sword and prepared to give chase. Unfortunately she had already disappeared with an insanity filled cackle.
Laying on the ground he noticed a glass bottle that had the words "Coke" (See movie: The Gods Must Be Crazy) written on the surface.
Kopii Rezo:
Kopii Rezo was dead as well as the original and like the original he had sorta become a demon. Unlike the original he was in a hot place, a very, very hot place. Still grumbling about how he was greater than the original, he endured the horrors of the very, very hot place.
As he dodged another geyser of flame…
"Huh?" he cried as he was bashed in the head with a large blunt object. Glaring with his oddly mismatched eyes, one was yellow and the other was brown, he watched the figure in black fade away. On the ground he noticed a large bowling pin.
"I'm better than the real Rezo," he pouted for no reason whatsoever.
Dark Lord Shabranigdo (yes, all shall fear!):
The summoning was going fine as the energy swirled around the room in a screaming vortex of power. The three sorcerers were summoning the terrifying Dark Lord Shabranigdo from one of the remaining pieces. With a sudden roar the tension snapped and before them, bursting forth from the terrified child, was the darkness incarnate.
"I am free," Shabranigdo roared, raising monstrous arms high over head…
"…owie…" it wailed as it was bashed over the head. As the smoke cleared there stood a chibi-Shabranigdo. The three sorcerers stared at the mini horror in shock.
"Hah, who's the scary one now?" a figure dressed in black demanded, rubber chicken hanging from one hand.
"I want my mommy!" chibi-Shabranigdo cried, and soon the red-eyed demon was balling horribly. The figure smacked itself in the face and handed the crying ruler of the dark side of the world a tissue and a stuffed demon doll.
"I didn't know a rubber chicken would do that," the figure muttered picking up the now happy demon. "I wonder if my mother will mind having a chibi-demon in the house."
The three sorcerers stood there scratching their heads in bewilderment. What had just happened?
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Yes! More random bashing! All shall fear! Nyaha ha ha ha ha ha! Um…that was rather ransom as well…Please review and maybe EXTREME CHARACTER BASHING 1.3v will be posted.
